I have question about exposure regarding social anxiety. So I used to work as a hairdresser for several years and in the end I had to quit a few years ago because I couln't take the social anxiety anymore. I had maximum ten customers a day and during every appointment I had anxiety and fear of having panic attack and I also had at least one panic attack a day. So I've been to therapy and I've read a lot about exposure but I don't understand how it's supposed to work, because wasn't what I did exposure at it's finest? I mean I met different people everyday and had to spend about an hour with each of them and I had to face my anxiety and panic attacks with them. It NEVER got easier, instead it tired me to the point I had to quit the job altogether. So how is it supposed to work? What could I have done differently? I knew all the tactics and hald all the coping skills from therapy and books yet they just wouldn't work.

Jackie Jensen, "The Golden Boy", was a superstar athlete in the 1940s who seemed destined for greatness as the heir to Joe DiMaggio... only to be supplanted by a different golden boy, the great Mickey Mantle.
Jensen would eventually live up to the hype, but with the Red Sox -- but his career prematurely because, as baseball expanded to the west coast, his fear of flying made road games unbearable!
The Yankees between 1947 and 1964 were utterly dominant, winning 15 pennants and 10 World Series. And it wasn't just the major league team that was successful. The Yankees of this era were loaded up and down the system, from Rookie ball to their two Triple-A teams!
With such a loaded major league roster, the Yankees had many talented players stuck either on the end of the bench or in the minors who would eventually find an opportunity with other teams, including Bob Cerv, Vic Power, Gus Triandos, Lew Burdette, Jerry Lumpe, Bob Porterfield, and Bob Keegan, who would all be All-Stars with other teams. Clint Courtney would be the 1952 A.L. Rookie of the Year runner-up after the Yankees traded him to the Browns, and Bill Virdon was the 1955 N.L. Rookie of the Year with the Cardinals (and then Yankee manager from 1974 to 1975!).
But the most talented player who just couldn't find the playing time in New York was Jack Eugene Jensen, born March 9, 1927, in San Francisco. His parents divorced when he was 5, and he grew up poor, his mother working six days a week, 12 hours a day. Jensen said the family moved 16 times between kindergarten and eighth grade -- "every time the rent came due."
After serving in the U.S. Navy during World War II, Jensen went to the University of California in 1946 on the G.I. Bill. There he became one of the most famous college players in the country, leading Cal to the Rose Bowl. In 1947, he was the starting fullback as well as the team's top defensive back, and in 1948, he rushed for 1,000 yards and was an All-American.
He also was a tremendous two-way baseball player, pitching and hitting for the Golden Bears in 1947 as the won the very first College World Series, beating a Yale team that had George H.W. Bush playing first base. In 1949, he was an All-American in baseball, too.
His blond hair, good looks, and athletic accomplishments earned him the nickname "The Golden Boy."
Halfway through his junior year, Jensen left Berkeley to turn pro. Jensen would later say he couldn't risk playing a career-ending injury playing for free while teams -- baseball and football -- were trying to sign him to big-money contracts.

"There was a money tree growing in my backyard. Why shouldn't I pluck off the dollars when I wanted to?"

Jensen considered a number of offers, including from the Yankees, before signing a three-year, $75,000 contract with the Oakland Oaks of the Pacific Coast League. Jensen said he thought he'd face better competition in the Pacific Coast League, the top minor league of the era, than he would at the bottom of the Yankee farm system. He was right about it being more of a challenge -- he hit an unimpressive .261/.317/.394 in 510 plate appearances with the Oaks.
At the end of the year, the Oaks sold his contract (and that of Billy Martin, another Northern California kid) to the Yankees.
That same year, Jensen married his high school sweetheart, Zoe Ann Olsen, an Olympic diver. (By age 18, she had won 14 national diving championships and a silver medal in the 1948 Olympics.) "Together they looked like a Nordic god and goddess," Sports Illustrated reported. Nicknamed "the sweethearts of sports," they were the Dansby Swanson and Mallory Pugh of their era. More than 1,000 people attended their wedding.
Jensen would start the 1950 season not in the minors but in the Bronx. He joined the Yankees in a time of flux. They though they'd won the 1949 World Series, the Yankees knew they had to make some changes, with 35-year-old Joe DiMaggio nearing the end of his career. And their heir apparent was not Mickey Mantle -- at the time an 18-year-old shortstop playing in the Class C league, the equivalent of A-ball today -- but the 23-year-old Jensen.
But Jensen disappointed, hitting just .171/.247/.300 in 70 at-bats, and only starting in 13 games. Watching from the bench most of the season, Jensen would later lament the lost year of development, saying he'd have been better off playing every day in the Pacific Coast League.
The Yankees won the pennant for a second straight year, and in the World Series he once again was left on the bench. His only action was as a pinch runner in Game 3 as the Yankees swept the Phillies. That "Moonlight Graham" appearance would be his only taste of the post-season in an 11-year career.
The following year would be DiMaggio's last, and Mantle's first. Jensen began the year as the Yankees' starting left fielder and proved he belonged, hitting .296/.371/.509 through the end of July... and then, shockingly, was demoted to Triple-A and replaced with previously forgotten Yankee Bob Cerv.
I can see why they called up Cerv -- the University of Nebraska stand-out was tearing up Triple-A, leading the American Association in batting average (.349), home runs (26), triples (21), RBIs (101), and total bases (261) -- but why demote Jensen, who had a 140 OPS+ in the majors? Maybe the Yankees felt the brash 23-year-old needed to be taken down a peg. In any event, Cerv hit just .214/.333/.250 in August and was sent back to Triple-A, but Jensen also was left down there. He hit .263/.344/.469 and was recalled after the Triple-A season ended, only getting into three games (he went 3-for-9).
Mantle, too, had started the season with the Yankees, and after hitting .260/.341/.423 through the middle of July, was sent down to Triple-A. But he hit .361/.445/.651 in 166 at-bats, and unlike Jensen was back in the bigs by August 24. He would play pretty much every game the rest of the season, hitting .284/.370/.495 in 95 at-bats.
The torch had clearly been passed -- Jensen was no longer the heir apparent to DiMaggio. In the World Series that year, Mantle was the starting right fielder, and Jensen wasn't even on the post-season roster.
Jensen was so disappointed with how the Yankees had treated him in 1951 that he talked to the San Francisco 49ers about switching to pro football, but ultimately decided to stick with baseball.
Never shy about what he said to reporters, Jensen told The Sporting News on October 24, 1951:

"I felt so badly about the treatment that I received from the Yankees that, although I was in New York at the end of the season, I didn't feel like sticking around to even watch the club play in any of the World's Series games."
"I do not feel the Yankees were justified in sending me to the minor leagues. When I was shipped to Kansas City, I was doing as good a job as any Yankee outfielder and better than some of them. I was hitting .296, which was ten points better than Hank Bauer and 30 points better than Joe DiMaggio, Gene Woodling and Mickey Mantle. Yet Casey Stengel didn't give me the chance I felt I deserved."

Despite blasting his manager in the press, Jensen was still the property of the Yankees. That off-season, teams were circling, hoping to pry away the talented but disgruntled outfielder. There were newspaper reports of offers from the St. Louis Browns, the Detroit Tigers, the Philadelphia Athletics, the Washington Senators, the Cleveland Indians, and the Boston Red Sox -- with one rumor being Ted Williams to the Bronx in exchange for Jensen and several other players. (A Red Sox scout called the rumored deal "a lot of hogwash.")
Sportswriters spent the off-season speculating whether DiMaggio would retire, and if he did, whether Jensen or Mantle would take over as the center fielder, as there were still concerns that Mantle, who had hurt his knee in the 1951 World Series, wouldn't be fully recovered by the start of the season.
On Opening Day, April 16, 1952, it was Jackie Jensen in center and Mickey Mantle in right. Jensen went 0-for-5 with a GIDP; Mantle, 3-for-4 with a double, a walk, and a stolen base! Seven games into the season, Jensen was 2-for-17 (.118) and found himself on the bench. He'd never play for the Yankees again. On May 3, the Golden Boy was traded to the Washington Senators along with Spec Shea, Jerry Snyder, and Archie Wilson in exchange for Irv Noren and Tom Upton.
In two years with the Senators, Jensen hit an impressive .276/.359/.407 (112 OPS+), but the team was terrible, and Jensen wasn't happy. Still just 26 years old, he later said he had almost quit after the 1953 season... particularly after a harrowing flight to Japan for a series of exhibition games with a squad of All-Stars that included Yankees Yogi Berra, Eddie Lopat, and Billy Martin. That experience gave Jensen a lifelong fear of flying, a phobia that became so intense eventually he could only fly with the help of sleeping pills... and a hypnotist!
He might have quit if not for the trade on December 9, 1953, that sent him to the Boston Red Sox for pitcher Mickey McDermott and outfielder Tom Umphlett. He was homesick, he hated flying, and he now had two little kids at home. Red Sox general manager Joe Cronin convinced Jensen to come to the Red Sox, telling him that Fenway Park was tailor made for his swing. Cronin was right: Jensen was a career .279/.369/.460 hitter, but .298/.400/.514 at Fenway.
It was in Boston that Jensen finally lived up to the hype, becoming a two-time All-Star and winning the A.L. MVP Award in 1958 and a Gold Glove in 1959. During his seven seasons in Boston, he hit .282/.374/.478 in 4,519 plate appearances. In his MVP season, Jensen hit .286/.396/.535 (148 OPS+) with 31 doubles, 35 home runs, and a league-leading 122 RBIs. During his peak with the Red Sox, 1954 to 1959, Jensen's average season was .285/.378/.490 (127 OPS+) with 28 doubles, 26 home runs, 111 RBIs, 14 stolen bases, and 3.6 bWAR. During those six seasons, no one in the American League -- not Mickey Mantle, not Ted Williams, not Al Kaline -- had more runs batted in than Jackie Jensen.
Of course, Mantle was the far better player -- even in Jensen's MVP season, Mantle had more runs, hits, home runs, walks, and a 188 OPS+ -- but Jensen's 127 OPS+ between 1954 and 1959 would have been an upgrade over the aging Hank Bauer's 110 OPS+ in right or the left field merry-go-round of Norm Siebern (113 OPS+), Irv Noren (107 OPS+), Enos Slaughter (103 OPS+), and previously forgotten Yankee Hector Lopez (101 OPS+). Casey Stengel would later say the Jensen trade was the worst one the Yankees had made while he was manager.
Despite his success, Jensen was sometimes booed by the Boston fans, just as they sometimes booed Ted Williams. There even was an article in Sport magazine, "What Do They Want From Jackie Jensen?", taking Red Sox fans to task for their unreasonably high demands from the Golden Boy. In 1956, in a game at Fenway Park against the Yankees, the hometown fans were razzing Jensen so much that teammates had to restrain him from going into the stands after a fan. Later that same game, Williams misplayed a wind-blown fly ball from Mantle, and the fans booed lustily. The very next play, Williams made a leaping catch at the scoreboard to rob Yogi Berra of a double. But Williams, still furious, spit into the crowd. He was later fined $5,000.
And Jackie was unhappy to be away from home. He and Zoe Ann had bought a house near Lake Tahoe, where they could both ski and golf year-round, as well as hit the casinos. They also had a home in Oakland, and a restaurant there, and each year Jensen hosted a pro-am golf tournament. But the marriage was struggling. Zoe Ann, once nationally known for her Olympic exploits, was frustrated to be a stay-at-home mom in the shadow of her famous husband, and Jackie became angry if she engaged in her favorite outdoor hobbies, suspecting there were men around.
Jensen's fear of flying also had become even more intense. Sometimes he was so drugged up that he had to be carried on and off the plane, fueling rumors that he was a drunk. Other times he took trains or even drove while his teammates flew.
Once again Jensen was talking about retirement, and in Spring Training 1957, the Red Sox allowed him to train with the San Francisco Seals, Boston's Triple-A team, rather than having to go to Florida. But he was still miserable. That year, he told Sports Illustrated:

“In baseball you get to the point where you don’t think you have a family. It just looks like I’m not built for this life like some ballplayers. You are always away from home and you’re lonesome, and as soon as I can, I intend to get out.”

The 32-year-old Jensen announced his retirement after the 1959 season, and he spent 1960 home with Zoe Ann and their children and running his restaurant. But he returned in 1961. After hitting just .130 in April, Jensen took a train from Detroit home to Reno, determined to quit once again. After a week away, he rejoined the team and had six hits in his next 10 at-bats. By the end of the season he was at .263/.350/.392, and this time he quit for good.
After leaving baseball, Jensen invested in real estate and a golf course, but lost most of his money. He then got a job working for a Lake Tahoe casino, was a national spokesman for Camel cigarettes, Wonder Bread, and Gillette, and even tried selling cars. Ironically, Jackie found himself on the road almost as much as he had been as a ballplayer. In 1963, he and Zoe Ann divorced, remarried, and then divorced again.
In 1967, Jensen became a TV sportscaster, married his producer Katharine Cortesi, and eventually teamed up with Keith Jackson calling college football games for ABC and a college baseball coach, first at the University of Nevada-Reno and then at the University of California, and he managed the Red Sox team in the New York Penn League in 1970. In 1977, Jackie and Katharine moved to Virginia and started a Christmas tree farm while he coached baseball at a military academy. About five years later, on July 14, 1982, he died of a heart attack at age 55.
You Don't Know Jack(ie):

• How good would Jackie Jensen have been as a Yankee? Maybe not great. He was a career .279/.369/.460 hitter, but just .238/.326/.398 at Yankee Stadium, which -- especially in that era -- was famously death on right-handed batters. Fenway Park was much more to his liking!
  
• Born in San Francisco in 1927, it's no surprise Jensen's favorite player as a kid was Joe DiMaggio, who made his debut with the San Francisco Seals when Jensen was a 5 years old. When Jensen made his major league debut, on April 18, 1950, DiMaggio went 3-for-6 with a triple in a 15-10 win over the Red Sox. Two weeks later, on May 3, Jensen made his first start, playing left field and batting second, and DiMaggio was in center and batting fourth.
  
• Jensen wore #36 at Cal. When he came up with the Yankees, he was first issued #40, then switched to #27, and finally to #25. (With the Senators, he wore #8, then #4; in Boston, he first wore #30 but primarily wore #4.) Currently, #40 is worn by Luis Severino. Other famous 40's include Chien-Ming Wang (2005-2009), Andy Hawkins (1989-1991), and Lindy McDaniel (1968-1973). #27 has been worn by Giancarlo Stanton since 2018; prior to him, it was worn by Austin Romine (2016-2017). It also was the number worn by Bob Wickman (1993-1996), Butch Wynegar (1982-1986), and Woodie Held (1954-1957). Gleyber Torres has worn #25 since 2018; it also was worn by Mark Teixeira (2009-2016), Jason Giambi (2002-2008), Joe Girardi (1996-1999), Jim Abbott (1993-1994), Tommy John (1979-1989), and Joe Pepitone (1962-1969).
  
• Jensen is one of six major leaguers to graduate from Oakland High School, but the only Yankee. Cal has sent 83 players to the majors, including twenty Yankees -- most notably, early 1990s pitcher Chuck Cary, 1930s infielder Lyn Lary, and 1990 A.L. ROY runner-up Kevin Maas.
  
• The Yankees during spring training in 1951 tinkered with the idea of using Jensen into a pitcher. Jensen had been a star pitcher at Cal, including pitching in the 1947 College World Series, and had pitched in a winter league that off-season. But he was bombed in a handful of spring training innings -- while crushing as a hitter -- and the Yankees decided to leave him in the outfield.
  
• College teammates said Jensen wasn't afraid of flying at Cal. His second wife Katharine said the phobia came from a near-miss experience on a flight early in his baseball career -- he looked out the window and saw another plane coming straight at him! The two planes managed to avoid each other, but he was never comfortable on a plane again.
  
• Billy Martin, who also had grown up in Northern California and was Jensen's teammate on both the Oakland Oaks and the Yankees, was merciless when it came to teasing Jensen about his fear of flying. In 1953, on a flight from Okinawa to Honshu to play a series of exhibition games in Japan, the plane ran into a bad storm and was bouncing pretty hard. Jensen, who wouldn't get on a plane without the help of tranquilizers, was blissfully sleeping through the turbulence. Martin found a lifejacket and put it on, then stood over Jensen and shouted "We're going down!"
  
• Arthur Ellen, a hypnotist that Jensen had used to try to cure his fear of flying, believed Jackie wasn't aerophobic at all. It was really a fear of losing his family. "Subconsciously, it developed as a good reason to leave the Red Sox and go home," the hypnotist said.
  
• Jensen is featured prominently in Norman Rockwell's famous 1957 painting, The Rookie. Jensen is the one seated on the bench tying his shoe in the middle of the painting. Standing behind him is Ted Williams, and sitting on the bench next to him is pitcher Frank Sullivan (#18). Wearing the catcher's mitt in the foreground is Sammy White, and the player with his hand over his mouth to the far right is Billy Goodman. Jensen, Sullivan, and White had gone to Rockwell's studio in Massachusetts to pose for the painting; the images of Williams and Goodman were based on photos. The shirtless player was one of Rockwell's assistants, and "the rookie" holding the suitcase was a local high school student!
  
• Boston sportswriters named Jensen the team's MVP in 1954, when he hit .276/.359/.472 with 25 home runs and 117 RBIs. I guess they were tired of giving the award to Ted Williams, who hit .345/.513/.635 that year, albeit in just 117 games as he had broken his collarbone in spring training. Williams didn't qualify for the batting title that year because he had only 386 at-bats... mostly due to his league-leading 136 walks. The rule was subsequently changed from at-bats to plate appearances.
  
• After Jensen was acquired by the Washington Senators, manager Bucky Harris -- who managed the Yankees when they won the 1947 World Series -- pulled him aside and told him he was the right fielder and he'd hit third. "No pep talk, no nothing, but he made it sound like I was the right fielder and third place hitter for a long time to come," Jensen later recalled. "It made me feel good." The 1950s Senators had a number of ex-Yankees and several of them told reporters that Harris was a much more low-key, hands-off manager than Casey Stengel, and Jensen agreed. "With Stengel it was always 'watch for that curve ball' or 'watch for that change up'," Jensen said. "Bucky leaves you on your own up there." But Jensen would later say Stengel was the smartest manager he'd ever had.
  
• Stengel obliquely mentioned Jensen in his famously long, rambling testimony before the Senate Anti-Trust and Monopoly Subcommittee on July 8, 1958. Asked about legislation that would exempt baseball from federal anti-trust laws, Stengel said about 7,000 words without really saying anything. The hearing was held the day after the All-Star Game -- the Stengel-managed A.L. All-Stars won, 4-3 -- and in the American League starting lineup were Jensen and two other ex-Yankees, Bob Cerv and Gus Triandos. Stengel was asked if the Yankees were going to continue to "monopolize" the World Series, and his confusing answer: "Well, I will tell you. I got a little concerned yesterday in the first three innings when I saw the three players I had gotten rid of [Jensen, Cerv, and Triandos] and I said when I lost nine what am I going to do? And when I had a couple of my players I thought so great of that did not do so good up to the sixth inning I was more confused but I finally had to go and call on a young man in Baltimore that we don't own and the Yankees don't own him and he is doing pretty well and I would actually have to to tell you that we are more the Greta Garbo-type now from success. We are being hated. I mean from the ownership and all we are being hated. Every sport that gets too great or one individual -- but if we made twenty-seven cents and it pays to have a winner at home why would you have a good winner in your park if you were an owner? That is the result of baseball. An owner gets most of the money at home, and it is up to him and his staff to do better or they ought to be discharged." After befuddling the committee with answers like that for 45 minutes, Stengel was excused and Mickey Mantle called upon. His opening statement: "My views are just about the same as Casey's."
  
• Casey Stengel later said Jensen plus Spec Shea, Jerry Snyder, and Archie Wilson to the Senators for Irv Noren and Tom Upton was the worst trade the Yankees made during his tenure. But in reality it was pretty much a wash for the Yankees. Jensen, in two seasons, would be worth 4.9 bWAR for the Senators before being traded. Shea, a right-handed pitcher who had been an All-Star with the Yankees as a rookie, pitched four years in Washington and was worth 2.9 bWAR. Snyder was a good-glove, no-hit infielder worth -0.1 bWAR in seven seasons with the Senators. (You must have a really good glove to last seven seasons with a 55 OPS+!) Wilson, at one point seen as a good prospect but now a 28-year-old minor league journeyman, only played 26 games in Washington before being traded. In exchange, the Yankees received the 27-year-old Irv Noren, an outfieldefirst baseman who played five years in New York and was an All-Star in 1954; he was worth 7.9 bWAR, making the trade essentially even by bWAR. (The other player the Yankees received, minor league infielder Tom Upton, never made it back to the bigs.) Prior to the 1957 season, Noren was traded to the Kansas City Athletics as part of a monster 13-player trade that included Clete Boyer, third baseman of the early 1960s dynasty!
  
• The two players Washington got from Boston for Jensen, Mickey McDermott and Tom Upton, were both future Yankees. McDermott was a left-handed pitcher whose father, Maurice McDermott, had played in the minors with Lou Gehrig. Mickey was just 25 years old at the time of the trade but had been in the majors for six seasons, going 48-34 with a 3.80 ERA (114 ERA+). In two years with the Senators, McDermott went 17-25 (but with a 3.58 ERA), then prior to the 1957 season was traded to the Yankees as part of a seven-player deal; he went 2-6 with a 4.24 ERA as a swingman, and closed out the Game 2 win in the 1956 World Series. After that one season in New York, he was part of the trade with the A's that brought back Clete Boyer.
  
• Umphlett, a 22-year-old infielder, was traded back to the Red Sox in 1955, and then the Red Sox traded him to the Yankees in 1962 for infielder Billy Gardner. He would spend 1962 and 1963 in Triple-A for the Yankees, then ended his career in the minors with the Minnesota Twins -- the team that had been the Senators until 1961.
  
• In 1956, the anthology television show Cavalcade of America had an episode called The Jackie Jensen Story. Jackie had a cameo as the adult version of himself, but the 30-minute episode was focused on Jackie's teenage years and the influence of his middle high school coach, a man named Ralph Kerchum who became a father figure. The coach was played by Ross Elliott, a Bronx native whose most memorable role might have been as the director in the Vitameatavegamin episode of I Love Lucy.
  
• Jensen's MVP in 1958 broke a string of four straight MVP awards for Yankees -- Yogi Berra in 1954 and 1955 followed by Mickey Mantle in 1956 and 1957. Nellie Fox of the White Sox won it in 1959, and then the Yankees won it four years in a row again -- Roger Maris in 1960 and 1961, Mantle in 1962, and Elston Howard in 1963. Then a long drought -- the next Yankee to win it would be Thurman Munson in 1976.
  
• Going by bWAR, Mantle should have won it a third straight year in 1958 -- his 8.7 bWAR led the league, followed by Frank Lary at 6.7 and Al Kaline at 6.5. Jensen's 4.9 was 10th that year. Of course, they didn't have bWAR back then!
  
• Jackie won a Gold Glove in 1959; it was just the third year of the award's existence, or he might have won more. "Right field in Boston is a bitch, the sun field, and few play it well," Ted Williams said. "Jackie Jensen was the best I saw at it." Jensen was renowned for his throwing arm -- he twice led the league in assists, and twice led the league in double plays as an outfielder. One Yankee scout said he had the best arm he'd seen since previously forgotten Yankee Bob Meusel, usually said to have the best cannon in baseball history until Roberto Clemente came along.
  
• Jensen was well known for his brashness, especially compared to Mantle's aw shucks attitude. Mantle, asked if he thought he could beat out Jensen to replace DiMaggio in center field, humbly replied that there were three positions in the outfield and he hoped to win any one of them. Jensen, on the other hand, vowed he'd "out-run, out-hit, and out-throw" Mantle, an arrogant answer that didn't go over well with teammates. Joe DiMaggio, asked what he thought of the duel for his old job, quipped that Mantle was "out-quoting" Jensen.
  
• When Mantle was asked what he thought about Jensen's quote, he replied: "I don't know what to make of that guy." Jensen would later say he was misquoted, but reports of his cockiness would follow him throughout his Yankee years. Later in life, Jensen said people mistook his shyness and anxiety for arrogance and rudeness.
  
• According to Sports Illustrated, Jensen is the only player to have played in the East-West football game, the Rose Bowl, the World Series, and the Major League All-Star Game. I'll take their word for it!
  
• As a freshman at Cal, the first time Jensen touched the ball -- on a punt return -- he ran it back for a 56-yard touchdown. Cal quarterback Charles Erb said they'd never seen anything like it. "He was all over the field, dodging and leaping over guys. The rest of us just stood there on the sidelines with our mouths open. Finally somebody said, 'Who in the hell is that guy?' "
  
• Jensen is one of two "forgotten" Yankees in the College Football Hall of Fame -- the other is 1960s catcher Jake Gibbs. (Other Yankees in the College Football Hall of Fame include John Elway, who was in the Yankee minor league system before joining the Denver Broncos, and Deion Sanders, who was on the Yankees in 1989 and 1990.) Jensen also is a member of the Cal Hall of Fame, the Bay Area Sports Hall of Fame, and... ugh... the Boston Red Sox Hall of Fame.
  
• Despite his speed -- Jensen led the league in triples in 1956 and in stolen bases in 1954, and was in the top five in stolen bases in six seasons -- Jackie also was prone to grounding into double plays, leading the league in 1954, 1956, and 1957. His 32 GIDPs in 1954 was the major league record until Boston's Jim Rice hit into 36 in 1984, which is still the single-season record. Rice also had 35 in 1985. Jensen's 32 is tied for third with four others. The most by a Yankee? Dave Winfield with 30 in 1983, which is tied for 14th.
  
• Jensen lost most of his baseball earnings through a series of bad investments. His ex-wife, former Olympian Zoe Ann, later became a blackjack dealer in Reno to pay the bills.
  
• Jensen had four appearances on the popular show Home Run Derby, and set a record for most home runs in one match when he defeated Ernie Banks, 14-11, in Episode 24. The 25 combined home runs also was a record. He took on Mickey Mantle in Episode 3, with Mantle winning, 9-2, then defeated Rocky Colavito, 3-2, in Episode 25. He rematched against Mantle in Episode 26, with Mantle winning again, 13-10. Jensen set another record in that contest when he became the only player to hit four home runs in a row, and then a fifth home run in a row. That episode was supposed to be the season one finale, but it turned out to be the last episode of the series: The show's host and producer, Mark Scott, died of a heart attack at age 45, shortly after the last episode aired, and two months later the show's 64-year-old director Benjamin Stoloff also died. Rather than replacing them, the show was cancelled.
  
• Jensen's last game came against the Yankees, on October 1st, 1961, at Yankee Stadium. He appeared as a pinch hitter and popped out to shortstop Tony Kubek. In the 4th inning of that game, Roger Maris hit his 61st home run, breaking Babe Ruth's single-season record!
  
• Jackie and Zoe Ann had two sons, Jon and Jay, and a daughter, Jan. Jay's son, Tucker Jensen, was a pitcher in the Blue Jays farm system in 2011 and 2012.
  

In 1958, Jensen told Sports Illustrated that the biggest thrill of his career wasn't being an All-American or an All-Star, it wasn't winning an MVP or a World Series. "The biggest is having played in the same outfield with both DiMaggio and Williams."

This is dramatic, I know. I have been single for over 4 years. I'm almost 97% sure my ex bf was talking to other women online, possibly flirting and other things. Anways, I talk to guys off dating apps and even got my first number last weekend. Thought I hit the jackpot of meeting all sorts of men, and when I got the number I felt like "oh hey, maybe you arent as bad as you make it seem" never once has this guy given me a compliment, he told me I was "nice". He was drunk when he got my number so the thought stands maybe he found me attractive when he initially met me, but then had second thoughts when he met me for a date. He was "surprised" I had met him got lunch. He did pay for me, and we have been texting but yesterday I didn't hear from him. And whenever I do hear from him it's hours and hours apart.
I've been talking to a few other guys to whom which the distance is far enough away that they don't want to travel that far. I asked a guy to get food and he said "I would, but the distance is too much" so why continue talking to me?
It hurts because I've seen men travel hours every weekend to see their significant other. My brother drives 2 hours to see his girlfriend every Wednesday and weekend.
When I went on that "date" I complimented him (not too much, just gave him compliments) and I know people are weird sometimes about compliments but I feel like if he was interested he would've said "you look amazing".
I sometimes feel if I lost weight I wouldn't have to deal with this. It really sucks, and knowing you're good enough to send selfies to or for a limited amount of time to chat or for sex, but to want a relationship with me is Ludacris. I am about ready to give up, it's gotten to the point where I don't believe in love, I actually never did but I had carried hope there for a while.

This happened about three or four years ago now. Was reminded of it and thought I'd share again. While I've certainly dabbled plenty, this post is about a friend of mine who took too much of the most potent mushroom known to man. There are some things that were probably forgotten about or accidentally left out, it's been a minute, but nonetheless here is my friend's experience.
One night I came home from a long shift at work to find my roommate tripping sack on mushrooms. That in particular wasn't the issue, but he was in a sleeping bag on the floor when my other roommate walked over to him and was just checking on him. He said "Let me see your hand" because we were going to get him out of the bag. He just smiled weirdly and looked at him. So he decided to reach in and grab his hands to move him. As soon as he grabbed his hand a look came over his face of "No you fucking didn't". And yes he fucking did.
He shit, naked all inside the sleeping bag and was playing with it, and my other roommate just grabbed his hands. We all realized how out of it he really was, which for him is saying something. So we decide to leave him in the bag and try to move him to the shower. When we make it to the door to the bathroom we tell him to drop the sleeping bag and he was greatly offended by this and started to get really confused. Out of nowhere, he says "I have to pee". So we tell him to go pee then, pointing at the toilet.
He proceeds to piss in the sleeping bag, standing up. At this point, we just shove him in the bathroom and I took the role of getting him in the shower. Once he was finally in I turn the warm water on and tell him to clean up. He starts humming and singing while moving back and forth slightly. I decided to let him just soak. Right as I was leaving the bathroom I told him "Do not touch this knob", as I feared he may not realize how hot the water is. Before I can say anything else he grabs his dick and begins to masturbate. I yelled at him and he looked shocked. Like everything was fine and had no idea why I was so upset.
We finally get him to clean up and I leave the bathroom. While he was showering I hear him talking and he kept saying "I'm so glad I'm back guys, it's good to be back" and just kept singing. When he got out of the shower it was like a light switch in his brain or something and he was totally back to normal. He kept apologizing saying it felt like a dream that he couldn't remember much of. He was literally mind-blown you could tell by the way he looked. He took a nap and told us the rest of the story which happened while I was at work.
He looked at a painting on the wall of our friend and thought it was Jesus, and at the time he thought that meant the end of the world I guess. So he casually got naked. One of our friends showed up before I got home that night and apparently, he tried to make some sexual advances on him. To the point where he had to put him in a sleeper hold... no one is mad or anything we actually look back and laugh at the whole thing. He learned to tread lightly on the mushrooms after that.
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psychedelic

I started on vyvanse in January and I’ve been on 40 mg since February. It was working fantastic the first few months, but this past month has been extremely difficult. Nothing else has changed with my meds and I don’t understand why suddenly they aren’t working anymore. I’ve only taken a day off a few times since starting, so I’m wondering if I’ve built a tolerance and I need to take a break. How long of a break would be sufficient? I have an appointment in a few weeks with my doctor and I’m going to bring this up with her. But I don’t want to increase my dosage above 40 mg. Did anyone else find a solution to their vyvanse not working lately?

Hi there, my name's Emmett (28M) recently my relationship with Samuel (23M) ended in a horrible way, after 2 years together he neglected to tell me he's a Jehovah's witness, needless to say he always knew we couldn't be together as long as he's a part of that cult, I was very happy during the time I spent with him, I felt loved and appreciated, also I learned a lot of new skills in order to help him grow and improve, we even started a business together, everything was going amazing. Then after Valentine's day this year his behavior towards me started to dramatically change, he no longer answered my calls, he was distant and usually nowhere to be found. One fateful day his cousin sent me pictures of him with some girl from his church being very affectionate to each other. I felt devastated, so I decided to confront him and all he said was that they were friends, I stupidly believed him, only for him to tell me a couple of weeks later that he started to have feelings for said girl and that his family was very happy that he was dating a girl from the cult. I felt used and abandoned, I felt I wasn't enough or worthy of anything... I tried my best to act like an adult, but anger got the best of me so I contacted the girl and told her that he had been seeing both of us at the same time, she was understandably upset, but ended up forgiving him... After he told her and everyone on his cult that I had made up all of our messages, pictures, videos and social media posts using AI. Currently we don't speak or have any kind of contact, however I can't help but wishing all the worst on him, I know I did my fair share of bad things like dating someone who's six years younger than me and contacting his new partner to tell her what he had done, but I guess I have to learn to live with that shame...

This is really really silly but im currently sick right now (stomach bug) and i have a really bad past with stomach pain and all that so I’m struggling a shit ton right now with recovery. Not just physically either. My mental health is horrible, i havent slept any more than 7 hours for the past three days and i spend most of that time awake spiraling. I am really scared of being sick. I have horrible anxiety and additionally very afraid of throwing up— so, mix those all together and you get someone stuck in the bathroom for hours trembling with anxiety and holding back any vomit. Something happened in 2021 where I experienced something similar to this, and I straight up developed an eating disorder. I did really good afterwards because I was able to beat it.
I don’t want to be stuck in the past. I’m trying so hard to believe in myself and believe that this time it will be different. Its just even worse now that I’m majorly sleep deprived and stressed out. Not to mention I haven’t eaten much..
I don’t know what to do. I need to keep trying and fighting but I’m so scared. My anxiety is out of control these days and any small thing makes me spiral. I’m really tired and I’m scared I’m being an inconvenience to my parents being this way. They are trying their best to understand but the bad thing Is that i dont even understand myself. I don’t understand why I’m so scared. I don’t know why my anxious habits are coming back. I don’t want them to come back.
I’m just scared. I shouldn’t be but I am. I don’t know what to do. I don’t know what I need to feel better. I feel so alone.

I met with a wedding planne coordinator I really liked back in February. I remember her ending the call saying she was going to send all the info over to me right after we hung up ( timeline, pricing, etc). I had given her all our wedding date info and details for almost a good hour long call. I wasn't sure what the norm was for how long to wait on her, I finally messaged her again last week (2 months later) and she told me that she is now booked for our next year date? I did meet with another coordinator after this and they sent me pricing and a contract right away after our call. Our DJ and lighting person did as well
I have now spoken to a third wedding coordinator last week whom I also liked. She said she'd send me pricing and follow up info after our chat. It's been over a week now.
Is it my job to follow up right away after a call? What's the normal amount of days for a vendor to not send you follow-up info after a call? Or is there no follow-up, just "yes let's proceed?" and then contracts become drafted after this? I just wanted to know pricing so I could compare mostly. And I don't want to lose another vendor for our date. But I also don't want to feel like I'm harassing them?

So, you’re at your house during the apocalypse of 1979 where the world has gone to shit, and your mom wants you to come visit her. Luckily, you have your work cut out for you! There’s a massive road right in front of your house that should take you directly to her, but who knows how long that will take? You must prepare for the wasteland to make it to your mom’s house. In this survival guide I’ll show you how to survive The Long Drive, so put on your seatbelt!

Preparation

Step 1: Personal protection

Before you begin your journey, you must bring supplies. I’m sure you’ve looked around and seen the mess that is your home, which can be a bit overwhelming. The first thing I would do is get a weapon. There are killer bunnies and zombie mutant things out there that want your organs, so you need some protection. Luckily, this is America.
First option: The moment you enter the garage, you'll see a wooden gun on the desk to your left. This is the BB gun; a single-shot gun that shoots tiny BBs. Not the most effective, but ammo is plentiful. I would only use that as a last resort.
Second option: go outside to the back of the house and go up the stairs. Across the room, you’ll see a katana. It’s a great weapon and will kill everything in one or two swings. A few issues with that though: 1, you need to get close to your enemies, which can be quite dangerous. 2, swinging that blade of death around can be hazardous in tight spaces since you could accidentally hit something explosive or break the nice base you built on your vehicle. Still a viable option, but not the best one to start with.
Third and final option: The old revolver. Like most American citizens, you have a gun hidden in your chimney. It’s a bit tricky to get to, but the more you do it, the easier it gets. Near your bed, there’s an old stove thing. Behind that is a brick pillar. If you stand on your bed and look at the space between the stove and the pillar, you’ll see a tiny trapdoor. Open it, and squeeze your way into the gap. Now you must be a bit careful since you can get stuck in the chimney. Press “Q” or whatever your lean key bind is, and move your mouse to the side while looking down. Once you see the revolver, grab it and move your mouse back quickly.
Now there are two possible outcomes: 1, you made it out with the gun. 2, you didn’t move fast enough and got stuck in the chimney. If you got the first one, skip this paragraph. If you got the second, I’m sorry you need to read this. To get unstuck, you need to do exactly what you did to get in there. Precise crouch with the scroll wheel, and lean out of the trapdoor. It might take a bit, but it’s better than pointing the revolver at your head.
The revolver is a great starting weapon, as it can one-hit most of the time. You only get 6 shots until you find ammo, so it’s good to have a backup.

Step 2: Vehicular maintenance

Now that you’re armed, you can start working on your vehicle. The first thing you should do is find the gas cap. Once you find it, take a look at what’s already in it. If it’s just gasoline, you got a good car, and you can just put some gas in it. (Gas can is located under the bench to the left of the door you use to enter the garage) If it has gas AND oil, then you have a tricky one. Not all two-stroke cars are bad, (I’m talking about the camper van-looking thing, or the pickup truck one) but most are. They’re a pain in the ass. You need to have a mixture of 95% gasoline, and 5% oil. (Oil can be found on top/in a barrel straight across from the door you use to enter the garage.) I highly recommend looking for a different engine on your journey that has a spot for the oil. Lastly, the tank could have diesel in it. If it does, you got lucky. Diesel is, in my opinion, the best fuel in the game. (PRO TIP: If you’re not satisfied with the vehicle you got, return to the main menu, wait 10 minutes, and then start a new game. The vehicle you get changes every 10 minutes.)
Gasoline is much more abundant than diesel, but not as efficient. As a bonus, there’s a barrel of diesel in the basement, so you start with more diesel than gasoline.
Once you’re fueled up, make sure you put oil in the engine, if you have a gas/diesel engine. Lift the hood and open the oil cap! Next, find the radiator. It’s a metal plate right in front of the engine. If your vehicle doesn’t have a radiator, that means it’s air-cooled. Fill the radiator up with water, which can be found in the sink, or barrels/jerry cans all over the house (even outside!) Next, you need to take care of your tires. Since the garage is already really cramped, I recommend driving your car outside. Don’t forget to engage the parking brake (space) and turn the engine off! (“I” for ignition) Once you’re out there, remove the hubcaps from the wheels so that you can take them off. Next, remove the wheels. Once you have the wheels removed, take off the rubber tires. I like to put them all in one place, so I can make sure they’re all in the same condition. Depending on what vehicle you have, you can use the spare tires from the garage, if they’re in better condition. Use sponges or Jizz-O-Nit to make the tires squeaky clean! Do NOT use a wire brush. It will worsen the condition of the tires. Make sure to keep them all in the same condition, or it will decrease driving performance! Finally, re-assemble the wheels.
Any spare cleaning tools can be used to make the vehicle look a bit nicer. If your car has any removable seats, you should get rid of ‘em. Every bit of space helps. If you’re using a gasoline engine, you can still bring the barrel of diesel just in case. You might decide to upgrade to one of the IFV variants or the bus! Food-wise, I only bring meat. It’s the best food in the game. Lots of meat can be found in the attic. Next, fill up as many containers as you can with water. Gotta stay hydrated! PRO TIP: Don’t fill barrels up all the way; you won’t be able to move them! Lastly, you can grab anything you want to bring with you on the trip. It’s gonna be a long one! Now, you’re ready to begin THE LONG DRIVE!

The Long Drive

Navigation

Unless you plan on leaving the road (which I don’t recommend,) it’s easy to stay on track. Just make sure the powerline poles are on the right side of the road. Rocks and trees can spawn on the road, so pay attention! A collision won’t be fatal the first time, but crashing a second time while there’s still blood on the dashboard will be. Cacti will break on impact, but sometimes it registers as a collision, so don’t take that chance. If you happen to see an interesting building that’s far from the road, try and use a compass. The best method is to point the compass at the place you want to go and set the arrow to point in the opposite direction (behind you.) If you don’t have a compass, try and keep the road in sight.

Looting

If you’re like me, you’ll want to take every item you find. That’s fine, but always prioritize the safety of yourself, your car, and your Rubber Wife or other companions. Only take meat, unless you’re desperate. Remember, they’re the best food source! If you need to boost your health, drink some alcohol or blood. Blood is preferable because alcohol makes you thirsty. Always grab fuel and water; you can never have too much! If you need a new weapon, the legendary AK is the best choice. It has high ammo capacity, and it’s full auto. (It also one-hits!) If you find a shovel or a metal detector, grab ‘em. They can help you find items buried in the sand. Sunglasses don’t just look cool, they reduce glare from that damn sun. Try and keep your vehicle balanced, otherwise, you’ll lose control!

Grand theft auto

If you have a shitty car, or you’re just sick of the one you have, stealing a car is the best option for you! There are only a few cars that can only be found in the wild:

• The bus - This vehicle has two variants; one main section, or two sections connected. The latter of the two is fun, but a bit harder to operate. The bus has lots of space for storage, and has an amazing diesel engine!
• The IFV - This truck has 3 variants, which all use the same diesel engine. For now, I’ll be talking about the pickup variant. As you might have guessed, this one has a big wooden bed for storage. To the left of the driver’s seat, there’s a lever that can be used to raise/lower the bed, like a dump truck! (Note: the engine has to be on for it to work.)
• The IFV (tanker variant) - This one has a giant fuel tank instead of a truck bed. It can hold 3000 liters of any fluid. (Yes, even piss.) This tank usually has fluids in it when you find it, which can be anything (gas, diesel, oil, water, blood, piss, and alcohol.) This tank has a few neat features. The faucet on the side can be positioned right over the IFV’s fuel tank, for easy refuel! (Don’t try it while moving.) On the top, there’s a big opening that allows you to refill it almost instantly. Just make sure to close it when you’re done; it will spill!
• The IFV (military variant) - This is a personal favorite of mine. The bed of the truck is replaced with a metal tent-looking thing. Sometimes it has all of the flaps and doors, sometimes it doesn’t. The back has an opening that can have a door, so you can get inside. A small panel on the roof can be removed, letting in that beautiful sun. The flaps on the side can open and close too. Above the passenger seat, there’s a “turret hole” thing. It opens, and you can press “E” to get out/stand on the roof of the cabin. This is exclusive to the military variant.
• The car carrier - remember that two-stroke car carrier I mentioned earlier? Yeah, this is it. It can hold a small car pretty well, but the physics lock doesn’t work so it can fall off. It’s also really hard to get a car on there in the first place, but it looks cool when you do! This vehicle is great for transporting a custom car that you’re working on.
• The Plymouth Fury - This thing is a force of nature. It’s the fastest (and coolest) vehicle in the game. Not the most fuel-efficient, but the abundance of gasoline makes up for it. This is the rarest car in the game. It has two possible color schemes: a gold and black one, and a silver one. This car can also have tinted windows. One of the few downsides to this vehicle is the radio. It has one, but it only plays AM stations. Besides that, this car is the fastest, and one of the most stable, vehicles in the game.

Conclusion

Finally, we reach the end. It’s been fun folks, but now you’re ready to see your mom. Take care, and have fun!

In some ways, illnesses are like humans.

1. A disease possesses human attributes, such as a mind, spirit, emotions, will, wisdom and compassion. One should have an attitude of healthy respect and reverence towards diseases. One should be grateful for diseases instead of treating them with neglect and defiance.
   
2. Diseases have consciousness and feelings that deserve a lot of tender loving care. They should not be considered as toxins to be quickly eradicated.
   
3. Killing a disease is taking a life with real karmic consequences.
   
4. Diseases are signs of disharmony and harbingers of death. Even so, they must not be killed, but treated tenderly. (If we take lives for our own benefit, we hurt both ourselves and others. This is true of literal and figurative killing. For instance, if we cling to powerful negative emotions, it is akin to suicide. If we lose our tempers and become enraged at our friends and family, it is akin to murder. By attempting to eliminate diseases, we are killing the benevolent gift of Heaven and Earth and offending the messengers of King Yama, the Lord of Death.)
   

Suggestions:
I. Accept Diseases 1. Diseases are no ordinary visitors. We do not encounter them by mistake. We must be diligent in serving them.

1. Diseases are an admonition from Heaven and Earth, an extremely kind and benevolent gift. Should we disrespect or disobey them? Initially, Heaven and Earth instruct us through the wordless teachings of natural law, but we fail to grasp the message. Then, saints and sages instruct us through oral or written teachings, which we fail to heed. After experiencing all manner of privations and adversity, we remain ignorant and impenitent, blind and deaf to the warning signs around us.

Thoroughly frustrated by our ignorance, delusion and obstinacy, Heaven and Earth must send diseases to get our attention. As mentors with great compassion, diseases inhabit our bodies while offering instruction and exhortation to us. After the fashion of concerned and loving parents, Heaven and Earth instruct by example and lectures before resorting to corporal punishment for their naughty children. As the saying goes,” spare the rod, spoil the child”. Being unaware of this grand drama, a patient may fear and detest his diseases and, in the process, reject the great benevolence and love of Heaven and Earth.

1. As messengers of King Yama, diseases are worthy of awe and respect. We mustn’t offend or challenge them. Serious diseases are senior messengers of King Yama. If we ordinary beings set our minds on killing diseases instead of repenting and acting virtuously, aren’t we being foolish and arrogant?
   
2. According to the Buddha, diseases are the consequences of one’s own bad karma (moral defects and misconduct). Therefore, one’s moral action is of paramount importance in healing diseases, while conventional medical care plays a supporting role.
   
3. It’s best to submit to diseases willingly. If we can’t do that, we should try to accept diseases with equanimity. Enduring a disease grudgingly is no good at all.
   

II. Ask Diseases Questions 1. We should earnestly ask our diseases questions: Who are you? Why did you come to me? What advice and teachings do you want to give me?

1. Complex and rare diseases, or acute and severe sicknesses, are usually the result of mistreating other sentient beings. Buddhists refer to these as karmic obstructions. In this instance, diseases are aggrieved victims or karmic creditors who will not relent until satisfied.

3.If the elements of earth, water, fire and air fall out of balance and the five elements of traditional Chinese medicine are disordered, medical doctors may diagnose a sickness. In such cases, the diseases are the messengers of Heaven and Earth. When the patient acquiesces to the disease and allows nature to heal it, the Yin and Yang (the duality of two opposing forces in the natural world according to Chinese philosophy) will then reach equilibrium. This will please Heaven and Earth and restore the patient’s health.

1. All human beings create karma and go against nature. Many are impenitent, refusing to express contrition for karmic obstacles. Such hard-heartedness results in ill health or other misfortunes. The karmic illnesses of the habitually impenitent, without proper care and repentance, provide the opportunity for more evil karma to accrue. Therefore, one must utilize both moral rectitude and proper healthcare to treat diseases.

III. Console Diseases. 1. If diseases afflict us due to karmic debt, we should feel shame, confess, and repent our faults.

1. If diseases afflict us as messengers of Heaven and Earth, we should confess our faults and show remorse, being respectful and grateful for the affliction.
   
2. We know that our illness is due to our evil karma (wrongdoing). (The above attitudes will help console our illnesses.)
   

IV. Resolve Diseases 1. If diseases afflict us due to karmic debt, we should give them merits and even our very lives. We should recite Amitabha Buddha’s name single-mindedly, seeking rebirth in the Pure Land rather than desiring recovery in the Saha world.

1. If diseases afflict us as messengers of Heaven and Earth, we should strive to maintain the balance between Yin and Yang for good health and re-examine our lives.
   
2. Whatever kind of disease afflicts us, we should always recite Amitabha Buddha’s name and embrace a vegetarian diet, submitting to the way of nature with a keen sense of letting go. We should obey the doctor’s instructions for healing and recovery, while practising Amitabha-recitation and cultivating sound morals. If these steps fail to avert death, we should suffer no pangs of regret. Killing the diseases would only augment negative karma; the circumstances would progress from bad to worse, from serious illness to sudden death. Our mistakes and bad karma would be multiplied, leaving us in abject misery and regret.
   
3. We should aspire to take an active (instead of a passive) role in our spiritual well-being. We should desire nothing and fear nothing. Heeding the lessons taught by disease, we should vigorously cultivate a clear conscience and karmic wellness, instead of mere physical healing.
   

V. Express Our Gratitude to Diseases 1. An illness is a benevolent teacher, imparting valuable lessons in life. It enables us to re-examine our values and lead a more enlightened life.

1. Shakyamuni Buddha taught us that birth, aging, sickness and death are among the many sufferings in life.
   
2. Disease is the fiery crucible of Heaven and Earth, which humbles the arrogant, disciplines the unruly, enlightens the fool and melts the heart of the brute.
   
3. Our own illness should make us empathetic towards all those who are also suffering from illnesses around the world. May we, and all the world’s afflicted, experience an end to suffering.
   
4. Periods of illness are times of golden opportunity - favorable karmic conditions in which we recite Amitabha’s name single-mindedly for rebirth in his Pure Land. In this Land of Bliss, we will be free from all sufferings, including birth, aging, sickness, death and ignorance, and enjoy a robust Dharma body with infinite light and infinite life.
   
5. Business travelers eager to embark on their journey at daybreak are delighted to hear the cock crow. Similarly, practitioners who aspire for rebirth in the Pure Land are happy to find themselves ill.
   

VI. Clear Up Common Doubts 1. When they first arrive, diseases are like visitors at the door. If they are forcibly rebuffed at the front door, they will stealthily gain entry by the back door.

1. Sometimes, an illness only leaves us after we have paid for our karmic debts by, say, destroying furniture or other belongings, or suffering financial loss or bodily harm. In this way, our karmic creditors are mollified.

-- Master Jingzong (English translation by Foying, edited by Jingxin)

Many of the posts here are people who freshly left a relationship or are currently on their uncoupling journey, this post is for those of us who have left their pwBPD at least 2 years ago.
I’ve gone no contact, no social media, no checking anything for about 15 months now. Despite wanting to see what she’s up to for months now I’ve resisted the urge.
Regardless, I can’t seem to get over the past. I am haunted by her. Her memory, smell, laugh, touch, the little loving things she did consume me. I’m in a weird space where I both love her greatly and feel a strong pain by what she did, and a strong shame and patheticness at loving someone so much who could not even care to treat me like a human despite many tries to be amicable. The duality of the contrasting feelings is confusing and painful and often put me in a depression when I reflect on it.
It’s been 3 years. Still haven’t fell in love with anyone else. Even though I’ve dated and been intimate with other women I struggle a lot with dating and self worth. I feel empty inside and sex feels mostly not very pleasurable.
I still don’t feel good enough to be with someone long term, perhaps ever. My views on relationships and connections have been changed forever. I will never marry anyone and wish to die alone. I want to look forward but I feel so alone. My dating life has been awful and everytime I feel low I fantasize on how great things would have been if we were together.
Still in my head about her. I get flash backs of the happy moments of our relationship. Still have dreams about her. I go from idealizing the great moments of the relationship to reminding myself of her behavior during the break up, which multiple times lead me to the brink of killing myself. Almost died, still have health problems from lack of eating and sleeping, lost my job, lost everything. It got really bad. Mentally, still not fully recovered.
Took me 18 months after the break up to be normal on the outside. She would contact me and it would put me back in a fugue. Sometimes she would call me attempting to “grey rock me” by being very stiff and business like while also hurling accusations of cheating and other a false allegations at me.
About a year ago she called and I didn’t answer. I often wonder what she wanted to say but whatever it was it probably would have made me feel awful.
I go from idealizing our relationship. To feeling sorry for her and trying to forgive her. To being angry at her cruelty. To feeling resent at how I was treated. To feeling regret at the life we could have had. To feeling shame at being such a pathetic pushover that I would still be attached to someone who treated me so awfully. Always cycling between these feelings.
I often wonder what she’s doing. I think about her sleeping with another man and feel great pain.
And despite making new memories and having new experiences my brain seems inexplicably to attach all sorts sensory experiences to her. It’s like my brain is a broken record that is stuck on loving her, every once in a while I have to go and “correct” the glitches back to remind myself how awfully she behaved towards me, how she manipulated me in the end and how she betrayed me. I feel like my brain is just so stuck.
One quote that I read here that I wanted to share that always helped was “the poison is not the antidote”
I repeat to this to myself during times where I miss her until it sticks. By remembering her I am drinking the poison. It helps sometimes and unlocks the “epiphany” again
Another thing I do is I come back here and read the stories on this sub, which almost word for word resonate with all her behaviors(isn’t it weird how consistently they all seem to act???).
It unlocks the epiphany again and shake myself out of her trance.
I realize how I was manipulated by reading people’s experiences here and it clicks back to me that yes, she did have bpd and she was shitty and that yes I was abused, and that yes, I was gaslighted and split on.
I come back here too this sub every few months because I need to read these stories and get reminded. So thank you guys.

Hey, so I studied a bachelors degree in the UK and graduated in 2021. As part of this, I did a semester abroad which was amazing, however it was cut short by covid. For this reason I have really wanted to do a masters abroad ever since - to get that ‘living away from home’ experience properly.
However, looking at a course in Australia, I’m not sure how I’d be able to fund this (it’s around $48,000aud). Does anyone know of ways I can get a loan to help? Or alternatively- I’m not definitely set on this course so would be happy studying elsewhere in the world- are there countries where uk students can study for a good price etc.
Im not finding much info for this online, which is why I came to Reddit. Any help very much appreciated. Cheers:)

Dog is 18 months old, had him since he was six months old, was hospitalised for severe neurological issues 30 days after we got him and suffered respiratory arrest. Spent 3 or so months rehabilitating him - teaching him how to walk again and do all basic functions (e.g, how to go to the toilet). We saved his life and have put EVERYTHING into him, majorly impacting our financial situation, career progression and mental health.
He’s now “recovered” from a spinal implant but is still ataxic (can’t do slippy surfaces), requires extensive pain medication on a daily basis and is left with reactivity issues. We’ve had multiple behaviourists and finally found a great one, he’s now able to go for two walks a day without barking at humans, but remains highly reactive to all other animals. He is also somewhat intolerant to exercise - he excessively pants immediately. Vets/neurologists don’t know why.
Today he bit me for the first time. It was my fault, I was rushing around and missed his warning sings. I’m not worried about the bite risk but it’s just got us questioning why we are even doing this anymore for the following reasons:

• he’s had over 15k of treatment (a lot through insurance), scans and surgery but his life is still limited. We were lied to about the long-term impact of surgery; if we had known it was like this we wouldn’t have proceeded for everyone’s sake. We were told that once recovered he would be “normal” physically. It was a lie.
  
• behaviourists have said he has permanent puppy regression, essentially meaning that he can’t ever interact with another dog: he tries to nip at other dogs and acts like a puppy but doesn’t have his puppy pass. He does this with people as well - he nibbles on their clothing and barks for attention. We’ve been told it’s highly unlikely he can be trained out of this and we’ve missed the socialisation window because of his crate rest.
  
• the relentlessness: it’s been over a year of every hour dedicated to him when not at work. We get a maximum of 30 mins a day to ourselves away from him. We are in our mid 20s and we can’t go anywhere far, have people over, go outside a lot. We are prisoners. I’ve had to drop all hobbies and don’t have meaningful friendships now - there isn’t time or space.
  
• cost: if he lives for another 10 years, the medication that he will need to take forever comes to around £13,000, which is money away from a house and children.
  
• the end result: he will never play with a dog, go for a long walk, be able to walk on surfaces inside that aren’t rugs, climb stairs, jump on furniture, go to a cafe, go in a car. His life is literally sleep inside and go for two 20 min walks in a loop each day. He’s a happy dog because he doesn’t know any different but to me that’s just not a life. It’s going to impact our ability to buy a house or progress with careers as we can only work remotely.
  
• unable to rehome him: the organisation previously blanked all messages from us, there’s ongoing legal issues with them. All other organisations, including specialist sanctuaries, say no - he’s too complex and a home to cater to his needs doesn’t exist. They called it a “unicorn” home.
  
• incessant barking: he can’t get to what he wants so he barks, and this behaviour has spread to his automatic reaction. If he hears a noise, bark; sees something he isn’t sure of, bark. Have tried multiple solutions from behaviourists and none of them make a difference.
  
• there is no scope for new medication: he’s maxed out on what he can take. He’s limited on what can be introduced because of cost but also his ataxia.
  
• partner’s mental health: she has said she can’t take anymore of it and wants to exit the situation, it’s really impacting our relationship. I love him but was for euthanasia when suggested before but she didn’t want to, so now we’ve put in a year of hard work to get to this point. She is still saying she isn’t sure about euthanasia but the situation is making her unwell. It’s making me unwell as well.
  
• talk of further scans to check everything is fine and no other neurological conditions. We’re exhausted.
  

We adopted him knowing the challenges of a rescue, we were fine with regular dog sacrifices, but our lives and the entirety of our discussions is dedicated to him. He’s a full-time job and we didn’t sign up for this. It’s not an exaggeration to say we’ve given everything to rehabilitate him (changed jobs, stopped hobbies, spent thousands on him, stopped seeing others) but now we’re asking for what? It’s not like he has an amazing quality of life and likely never will. Every week it’s a vet visit, sorting out his meds, a new physical health question or he’s started doing something weird, like right now he pants for most of the night (vet and behaviourist don’t know why). We’re like a military operation - I get the camera, partner Google’s and we start a symptom tracker. It’s sad that we have forgotten what it was like to not have this stress.
My dog is my life and I thought if I kept giving and sacrificing it would be worth it, but he’s taking my 20s away and I’m a shell of the person compared to who I used to be. I’m scared it won’t come back. I know it’s not his fault and he’s a lovely dog in many ways.
Sorry for the long post I just wanted to know what other people’s views were about euthanasia for a non-aggressive dog. Please please please don’t say to rehome him - it isn’t possible, we’ve explored that option. Thanks for reading and would appreciate any views.

Since it's last two weeks of a season with Golden Bullet GE, thought I could level my char a bit, before devs nerf the XP gains in next season. Leveling is super fast with the current GE.
Went from lvl 9500 something to 9802 in a week, played 6-7 hrs every day. And in all that playtime I had zero exotic drop. Zero, zilch, nil, nada, zip. How is that even possible?
Played every single activity on the map, didn't just chase convoys endlessly, threw in a few missions here and there. World difficulty is set to Heroic with 4 directives, didn't change settings for missions. At one point I decided to clear all level 4 CPs on map which netted me grand total of 2 (two) exotic components. Did around 20+ bounties, didn't even get one Chameleon. Was trying to play map parts and missions with either weapon or armor targeted loot, avoided targeted brand and gear sets. Not grinding for any specific exotic since I have them all. Talk about not respecting time invested.
Most of the exotics in the game are straight up trash, so why is drop rate so low? It's not like we're gonna break the game with Merciless or some trash like that.
Please spare me all those RNG one liners because I know, RNG gonna RNG. But still, exotic drop rate is insanely low. If the devs are expecting us to spend up to 20 exo components for miserable 1% upgrade on expertise, we need way higher drop rate of exotics. Hell, I would settle for exo components since drop rate at lvl 4 CP is, again, insanely low, at levels of statistical error. Why is drop rate of exo components at lvl 4 CPs almost non existent? It's not like we can farm them, we can open them once every 24 hours. So what's the problem? And no, I'm not going to that toxic waste dump called DZ to farm chests for exo components because they're always already open and I don't want to feed the gankers, thank you.

So I had an order and the name was kyle for shit's n giggles. Well, I'm waiting I get a call and my personal policy is not to answer as it's never worth the hassle and usually just the previous order whining about xyz is out of my control. I got a txt after stating that Kevin changed the address and I needed togo here. kevin was not the name nor my last order. I ended up calling driver care on the off chance it was a mistake in the name. driver care stated that is was the wrong number and just to continue, so I did. halfway thru my drive, I got a call and they called again so I picked up. come to find out the customer was on the line "kyle" and it actually needs to go to the address texted to me. so I ended up calling driver care again and they couldn't change the address on their end so I had to stay on the phone for 6 minutes well I drove to the correct address to mark it delivered manually with the care team. I actually got to talking with the care dude and he was kinda chill actually and even told me I get something extra for doing it. which will probs be jack shit as I have to wait for it to auto-deposit into my account. however, it was kinda nice to have an actual convo for a bit of a change

I have 3 saves at the moment
1 in n+, 1 normal and 1 "vanilla"(in that one I won't using the cumm chalice dungeons, not even to buy items)
I got stucked in Ludwig's battle for quite some time, mostly because I ended up leaving the game to play another thing, or because I decided to focus on another thing in Bloodborne
Right now I'm in a situation were I only want to finish the dlc, before continue the game
This weekend I fished him for the first time (felt amazing), did again yesterday and tried with my "vanilla" save for the first time, the first 2 attempts were quite easy (until I died)
I will, probably, kill him in the third or fourth attempt, this evolution we have playing the game is amazing
(The only downside is that I'm playing in Brazilian Portuguese and our Bloodborne dub is terrible most of the times)

Hey all,
I'm used to being sometimes ghosted, we all encountered it, it's part of dating. But this one occasion seems very strange to me.
I (24M) went out with a girl (23F) on first date, we spend over 5 hours together just talking, it went really well, overall one of the best dates I had. At the end of the date she asked me if she's gonna see me again and I said yes, if she's also interested and she replied yes. Like an hour after the date I got a message from her thanking me for the date and saying it was really nice, I responded in similar manner. Than 36 hours after that I texted her again that I really enjoyed talking to her and wanted to set up second date (Just a note, we both have full schedules and our conversation up until the date looked like long paragraphs every 1-2 days) but its been 4 days and I haven't heard from her.
The thing why it confuses me is that she honestly 100% didn't seem like a girl that would ghost somebody, she was really genuine and was really happy when we finally met, because we've been trying to schedule the date for like 3 weeks and was the one who wanted to see each other again. However she had quite broken phone and was saying she has to get a new one, now I don't know if her phone broke or something.
The thing is, I have one last way how I could connect with her, she told me her whole name and said to google her, because she did some sport and there is a lot of stuff about her on google, there is also her instagram account popping out.
I thought about messaging her on instagram if I misread the situation or if something happened, as I thought I have nothing to lose... There are three possible outcomes, 1) She either won't respond, 2) Say she's not interested and isn't grown up enough to tell me, in these two cases nothing changes from my current situation or 3) Something actually happened to her phone or similar and she will be happy I reached out, because she doesn't know my full name, so she can't find me anywhere.

I just installed the Podnotes as people did it on yt to make notes for podcasts.
However, when I pressed command + P and opened the command palette, all options I saw were only PodNotes: Reload PodNotes left.
Anyone had similar observations and a workaround?

After three very widely spaced out dates with her during the winter, I (36M) started seeing her (36F) much more regularly starting about six weeks ago.
Last week she brought up the question of what each of us is ultimately looking for. and our answers turned out to be the same - that we are ultimately looking for someone for that long-term connection in life.
While we both didn't mention exclusivity by name, we are headed in that direction. I told her to her that I am interested in exploring this with her to determine the depth of our connection, and to "see where the chips fall" between us after some time of getting to know each other. She told me she was grateful for my input, she said she agreed and basically had the same position.
Last weekend we spent a day together doing all sorts of activities. We've already been physical for a little while and the physical chemistry is fantastic. we've also had tons and tons of conversations about all kinds of things.
The problem that is affecting me: while we get along really well and have great physical chemistry, the uncertainty as to whether we will be able to form a deeper bond/whether I will be able to develop deeper feelings for her makes me very nervous.
This anxiety goes way back for me. aside from one or two very serious relationships (one of which was a marriage), I always avoided dating somebody unless I had strong feelings early on. (My sense is that this way of going about it has gotten me into trouble)
When I hear about people who date for six months or nine months before they decide to end it, the idea is baffling to me, and it always has been. How does someone get all the way six months etc before deciding it's not going to be a long term match? How does that not devastate one of the people involved?
I don't want to stop seeing this woman, I'm curious to see where things go with her. but I'm also terrified that by not having strong feelings for her earlier, I might be "leading her on", or "taking advantage of her", and thinking about that causes me a lot of guilt and makes it harder for me to enjoy the process of getting to know her.
My biggest fear is being in a situation a few months down the road where she is developing feelings for me but I a not developing same feelings for her, and being in a position where I must dump her and break her heart. funny enough, if the opposite happens, I feel like I would be much more tolerant of that, because I would have no guilt in that scenario.
But anyway, this "complex" of mine is part of the reason why 99% of the time, I rarely go past date number three. This woman I am seeing now is the first time I have ventured into this new territory of "getting to know someone in dating" / the uncertainty period.
Luckily I have been able to discuss this very concern with her, and she has a much more relaxed attitude about it. She even made a few lighthearted jokes about how she is still sussing me out as well, which makes me feel much better about this. But I can't help but shake the anxiety, and I don't want it to interfere with the good times I have with her.
is there a better way to think about all of this? I've heard people say "Take it day by day", but I also worry that my uncertainty about my long-term prospects with her not is not going to change, and I dread finding myself in a position with her one day where I break up with her.
TLDR: i've been dating a woman for six weeks, I look forward to getting to know her more, but that excitement is clouded by anxiety of the possibility of hurting her by eventually breaking things off.

Link to original post https://www.reddit.com/loseit/comments/11jpmgs/the_road_to_lose_100_pounds_for_the_2nd_time/
M 29 5’11” SW:350/CW:250/GW:200
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Well i got here a lot faster than i did last time but as of today june 1st 188 days from when i started im officially down 100 lbs (45 kilos) from 350 lbs to 250 lbs
https://imgur.com/a/RXBxJxn
Before and After Photos https://imgur.com/a/YMCNDUR
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Key takeaways
- Progressive overload everything, i did not jump into a crazy diet at the start i started off very slowly and added more layers of the diet month to month
- The most important part is the calorie deficit. i personally chose to do keto because i find it easy to stick to but it has no inherent advantage over any other diet or just counting calories in terms of weight loss
- Track everything i counted every thing that i have with out missing anything for the entire time and in situations i wasn't sure on the exact amount i always assumed more than i thought
- Identify weak points and fortify those areas, we all have some triggers or situations that lead to us falling off try to idenity those and plan around them. in my case if i have to cook every meal i will eventually be to tired one day and eat out and then fall into the "ill start again Monday mindset" so my solution is to meal prep a good portion of my meals so i dont have to cook for every meal
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What i did per month
September and October: Focused on mental health
(i didn't officially start the diet here but it was so important to get in the correct head space before i started)
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November:
Started working out but failed at sticking to a schedule so instead started experimenting to see what time of day worked for me for working out.
November 25th started tracking calories but did not change my diet at all. (this is when i officially started the diet)
December:
Work over took this month i worked 10-12 hrs a day for 5 days a week so main goal was to just stick with tracking calories and trying to stay under daily goal of 2,300 calories per day (note i ate fast food borderline everyday this month)
December 28th restarted Strong lifts 5x5 (3 times a week program)
January:
The rush of work is over so the main objective was to start meal prepping Keto again and lightly start intermittent fasting (16:8 but allowed myself to eat outside of the window if hungry).
January 12th I decided Strong lifts wasn't the program i wanted to pursue (i have used stronglifts as my starter program since 2014, i normally do it for 3 months when i start working out then swap to a different plan. i love the work out it just didn't fit my goals so i cut it short this time) and downloaded the strong app and created my own workout plan (6 days a week program 3 days PPL and 3 days cardio on elliptical using the runmore couch25k program)
the idea for this month was to not set any new records just to show up everyday so i did light weight on barbells and empty bars if possible and increased each week at a semi accelerated pace
February:
Progressive overload all workouts at the gym weights and cardio
Started shortening the eating window for intermittent fasting and starting OMAD on weekends
I made a big controversial decision on my calorie goal, since i had started keto i went back to the old routine i had from 2019 which was at the end of my diet but i was able to not feel hungry even at my current higher body weight so in january most days i ended up only eating around 1,500 calories so i decided to make that my new calorie daily goal but this was set loosely if i am hungry past 1,500 calories i will still eat even if out of intermittent fasting window.
March:
Realizing I may have progressed my lifts too quickly (I went from 100 lbs deadlifts to 180 lb deadlifts over 6 weeks) I decided it was best to do a deload week and focus on form.
Cardio i went from 2.3 - 2.5 miles in 30 mins on elliptical in january to consistently over 3 miles in 30 mins on elliptical in march
March 5th i hit my goal of 100 days of calorie tracking every day
Swapped from elliptical to treadmill at the end of the couch25k program i was doing and restarted it
Added an extra 1 hour walk on days where i could (i didn't do this everyday) averaged ~3 miles per walk
April:
Reformatted my gym workout to reduce volume as the total sessions were starting too long to get through
Got humbled by the treadmill restarted the program many times as i could not get through week 1 - 3 in a satisfactory way
Made it a goal to do the extra 1 hour walk every day that i workout (6 days a week)
My original source of motivation really starting to fade as since the start of April i was down 65 lbs and have been perfectly consistent with everything i have implemented, i would not allow myself to stray off the course as i have enough disciple to stay on track but started looking for a new source of motivation
May:
Just remained consistent, i hit the amount of weight loss where people i have not seen in a while are very shocked at how much I have lost, trying to not let this remake the ego i had last time.
-Still eating 1500 calories per day strict keto (under 20 grams of crabs)
- Tracking100% of everything i eat on myfitnesspal with no exceptions,
- Still doing OMAD on weekends
- ~ 1 hour weight lifting in the morning M/W/F and doing the couch to 5 k program on Su/Tu/Th ~30 mins on the “off” day mornings.
- Continuing to walk 1 hour in the afternoons 6 days a week. I normally get around 3.4 up to 3.6 miles in that time frame hitting around 7-9 k steps per day, occasionally hitting 10k steps a day.
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Long story short i have locked in to my routine the only thing that i am waiting for is now time i will continue my current effort until i hit my goal weight of 200