Blue from rainbow friends costumes

I have a lot of free time so why not trying to make new friends. I'm a 19 y/o guy from Europe (I dare you to guess from where exactly), and currently I'm a 1st year International Relations student at university. I love cars, I listen to as well as make all sorts of electronic music genres, I like to travel, take pics, and overall just follow current affairs. Doesn't matter if some interests won't match, I just want genuine people to have genuine chats with. If you want to discuss you're absolutely free DM me. See ya!

Hello Yugioh101 friends!. Only you can advise me!. I've been playing Graydle for years now in the most varied theme pure - control - Kaiju forms. I know it's not possible to ask for a T1 deck from an 8 year old archetype ( Wow!) .. having said that I'd like to know how you would mix it! ideas out and handtraps up

Sorry this became way too long!
I think we already have all the clues we need to solve the mystery. This is my theory and the only one I can see working out, even if I don't necessarily like it. I think they are all real people who are alive in the outside world, but willingly or unwillingly agreed to participate in a (very unethical) computer simulation which is (unethically) designed to make them appreciate their real lives and cope with their real-life struggles by temporarily putting them in a simulated nightmare dream.
I think the wanted posters are designed to be our clue they they are all real people and this is not one person's dream or coma (also Marielle telling Kristi that they've been looking for her). I think the appearance of old objects indicates that the simulation runners have access to the people's consciousness or memories (so perhaps they are all plugged into a computer Matrix-style). I also think Jim very on-the-nose literally telling us that it's an experiment being run by outside people is intended to be that obvious. I think real-world time is much slower than simulation time and we are going to get a happy ending which is finding out that Abby was right and everyone who dies "wakes up" in the real world and they're all alive.
I think they are going to figure out that they all have some outside world connection - perhaps they all visited the same therapy corporation or something that exists nationwide. I think children being in the simulation will be explained away as the real-world people simply had to be kidnapped somehow to be hooked into the simulation and some of them happened to have their children with them, so the (again, unethical) simulators simply included the children and subjected them to this. Victor might go back to the "old days" of the simulation runners and they made the mistake of leaving a child in the simulation while removing his parents. Or they were testing it. I think we will get an explanation that, since then, if they need to remove a child they always also remove a parent - i.e. what we saw in the opening scene. The simulators were delighted when the people decided to remove Frank immediately after and they reunited his family and he's quit drinking in the real world and everyone is happy. Ellis didn't get removed with Abby because he's old enough.
I think all the symbolism is completely irrelevant. The designers just pulled from random cultural stereotypes to add more things to mess with the heads of the people in the simulation. That's why we see stuff from tarot, nordic symbols, native american inspiration, etc. I think Martin is possibly going to be revealed as one of the designers and he put himself briefly in the game for fun to mess with Boyd. There are no "other" monsters - he just told Boyd that to further mess with him. They designers were also delighted when Boyd "found" the talismans and they let him have the win of "making the houses safe."
I think the show will end when the people in the town discover their shared outside experience, for example possibly all seeing the same therapy group or something, and the designers decide to simply end it. Maybe in the real world they are also under pressure to end it - maybe authorities are getting close and they have all these people hooked up to a computer in a warehouse somewhere. Once people wake up and rejoin the real world, something will be done to wipe their memory of Fromville and the terror and they will simply "be found" (in the real world they are missing) with no memory of what happened or how they got lost. But they will feel better. Some people are possibly in on this and maybe signed the consent forms for their loved ones who were struggling (maybe Donna's sister and Jade's friend Tobey - maybe the sister and Tobey paid for Donna and Jade to be put in something that was sold to them as a therapeutic simulation but they insisted on joining temporarily). In the real world their memories will still be wiped and again the time is different, so Donna has only actually been under for a few days or weeks, not three years). (eg maybe Donna's sister felt she needed therapy, maybe Tobey simply thought Jade would get a kick out of it, maybe Marielle found a card for the therapy group in Kristi's stuff and unknowingly signed herself up for the same thing).
I think Victor will be the lone holdover from a prior time before the designers "fixed" the simulation and that's why he is so different. Maybe his parents were not fixed by the unethical therapy and killed each other in the real world and the designers didn't know what to do with this kidnapped kid who then had no family. The designers will have also realized that he's been in there too long and now he's permanently traumatized and they don't know how to remove him because he will be broken in the real world. They've left him in there out of real-world fear (or maybe concerns that they can't wipe that much memory and he'll remember the simulation in the real world and expose them).
So, everyone gets a happy real-world outcome except Victor. He's fucked. He will remember when he wakes up.

Hello there, My interests are playing Xbox, drawing, cooking, and working.
About me:
My humour consists of childish and dark humour (I find it all very much amusing) My favourite colour is blue and my favourite number is 3 I have blonde hair and blue eyes My star sign is Scorpio and 😂
My goal is to make a friend around my age that i can just connect with and have a good time, even if it is only for a short while🤣🤣
Anyway, if you think we could get along, just send me a message or leave a comment😆
Bye x

Come say hi :)

I’m just a stupidly tall, self-consciously nerdy, outgoing introvert of a 25-year-old guy from the USA. I work from home and am looking for some new friends to chat with 😄
I don’t care where you’re from or what age you are (just please be an adult, for hopefully obvious reasons). If you’re reading this, I’d love to talk!

So seeing the uptake in looking for friends post thought I’d share. Starting today the Madison Library is having Thursday night movies this summer. Tonight’s movie is Jaws. From what I can tell from their social media posts it seems to be free.

Hello there, My interests are playing Xbox, drawing, cooking, and working.
About me:
My humour consists of childish and dark humour (I find it all very much amusing) My favourite colour is blue and my favourite number is 3 I have blonde hair and blue eyes My star sign is Scorpio and 😂
My goal is to make a friend around my age that i can just connect with and have a good time, even if it is only for a short while🤣🤣
Anyway, if you think we could get along, just send me a message or leave a comment😆
Bye x

“When you vote, you are exercising political authority, you're using force. And force, my friends, is violence. The supreme authority from which all other authorities are derived.” ― Robert A. Heinlein, Starship Troopers

Early Life & Founding Of The Empire
Two thousand years ago on the planet Alexandria Primus, atop the hill that would come to be known as Isha's Rest, the one who become the first Emperor of the Aurelian Empire was born to humanoid parents named Isha (mother) and Tarrick (father). Named Aurelian after the hero of an ancient folk tale of Alexandria Primus, he lived a peaceful life in his village as a farmer alongside his parents and friends for twenty-six years, and occasionaly travelled to the nearby space station in a barely functioning starship to sell their goods. It was on these increasingly less rare journeys off-planet that Aurelian would practice his piloting skills, including evasive manoeuvres through asteroid fields at high speed, formation flying with fellow travellers he'd befriended, and bounty hunting. Through his efforts bounty hunting, he was able to afford a new starship for himself, a top of the line fighter he chose to name Bucephalas. The day he purchased the new starship was the day he also received a vision. Before he could even buckle himself into his new pilot seat, he was struck by immense pain, radiating from his head down into his neck and back, his face was contorted in a rictus of pain, his mouth open in a silent, agonised scream, and his knuckles pressed white as he dug his fingers into the arms of the seat, the vision bore deep into mind, into his very soul. An unknown darkness descended upon his world, bringing with it, fire, and ruination, and death. All were powerless to stop its onslaught, all but one. In the darkness, a single iota of light remained, stood perfectly upright in a rock atop the hill of his home, a long blade gleamed in the darkness, reflecting some unknown source of light, or emanating its own. He reached for the blade as he began to drown in the darkness, and as he sank it came to him, expelling the darkness from around him. There the vision ended, as did his pain. He knew from then that his world needed a protector, and every other world for that matter. Before he began to rally the many he would to his cause, he set out to forge a sword like the one in his vision. Aurelian travelled to the nearest blue stellar system, doing so to harvest the very rare indium from the stellar body in order to refine it into high-purity chromatic metal to forge his blade. After enduring many trials and tribulations, the blade was forged, perfectly balanced and having a sharpness like no other before it, sharpness on a molecular level. He sheathed it in its scabbard, fastened it to his waist, and set out on his cause. The next several months he spent travelling his world of Alexandria Primus, rallying many thousands to his cause, then tens of thousands, then they began to come to him to join.
Over the following few years they trained, they drilled, they recruited and they expanded. The first to join him he named the Hetaeroi (or Hetaera in the singular) and announced the appointment of the Concilium Ferrum (the Council Of Iron), an inner circle of fourteen of his most trusted and loyal brothers and sisters in arms. First they united their own world of Alexandria Primus, then their entire home system of Regnum Solis (previously named Solis, but adding the prefix Regnum to this and every other "realm" that would come under their direct protection and eventually, rule). Then, in a few short months, they compensated for their losses, built new infrastructure throughout the system, set up monitored and protected trade routes across the system and built various fortifications on the different worlds of Regnum Solis. After a short meeting of the Concilium Ferrum, it was unanimously agreed to take their cause out into the stars, to unite all under a single banner, and to protect all from the darkness that lay beyond the stars. It was during this meeting that his Hetaeroi suggested that he take the title of Imperator, or Emperor. While initially reluctant to bare this title, not wishing to appear as a tyrant, he agreed after their collective insistence, seeing the logic behind their argument that an Empire needed a single ruler to look up to and follow. The Council ended, and so the Aurelian Empire was born. And with a new determination, Aurelian set out into the galaxy aboard his newly constructed flagship, the Invictus Imperator.

idk why that's been in my head since I woke up.
Hey there! thanks for reading, and I'll be honest. I'm not 100% sure what I'm looking for other than not being lonely so im going to shoot from the hip and see where we end up. I'm 34 feeling arcaic af, married for the time being. we'll see how that goes. I have a pretty random variety of interests but the things that make me happiest my kids, music, comedy, and traveling. I do some online gaming (mainly league), blue collar worker, and love sports.
ideally I'd like to get to know someone new long term, but today is fine too. not really any expectations. tell me about your hobbies and interests, something you're excited for, proud of or just vent. I'm up for whatever and happy to have company

In the months leading up to my job at a Private Equity fund, I was gripped with a sense of frustration and anxiety. I had to learn financial modelling, and it felt like all the resources I found were either ineffective or overwhelming. They boiled down to watching videos and downloading pre-made spreadsheets. That was when the idea for ModelMaster was born - an in-browser emulator for learning Excel, a kind of Codecademy for the financial world.
My dream was to sell ModelMaster to consulting firms and investment banks, helping them train their analysts more efficiently. It was a great idea, but after two years of blood, sweat, and tears, I had to shut it down. We had managed to drive over 3,200 visitors and 464 learners with an NPS score of 52 during our pilot launch. But that wasn't enough to convince investors of the potential ModelMaster had. Through this journey, I stumbled, made blunders, and learned lessons that I'd like to share, hoping they will be useful to other entrepreneurs.
Lesson 1: Building a Business, Not Just a Cool Product
I have a technical background. That means I often find myself obsessing over the bells and whistles of a product. But here's the thing: I focused so much on making ModelMaster interactive and engaging for learners that I lost sight of what decision-makers at professional services firms actually needed.
Talk to users, they said. And I did, I had about 50 conversations in the early months. But here's where I goofed up: I was talking to learners when I should have been talking to buyers. Sure, the feedback from learners helped us refine the user experience (we even removed a distracting home bar from the Excel lesson page), but it didn't get us any closer to revenue. The decision-makers, the ones holding the purse strings, couldn't see the value in ModelMaster. And I couldn't convince them otherwise.
Lesson 2: Importance of Data in Decision-Making
Trust your gut, but verify with data. That's a lesson I learned the hard way. A handful of user feedback and intuition wasn't enough to accurately gauge the potential of ModelMaster. I ended up using tools like Mixpanel, Customer.io, Full Story, and Segment to collect and analyze user data. One interesting insight was that users had about a 20-minute focus window and the completion rate for longer lessons was low. So, we broke down lessons into bite-sized modules - and voila, there was a significant increase in lessons completed and total time spent by learners.
Lesson 3: Importance of Qualified Vendors
I learned the hard way that choosing the right development team is crucial. I didn't vet my first team enough, and the result was a waste of four months and thousands of dollars. When I went hunting for a second team, I made a checklist: expertise, price, responsiveness, and communication. The difference was night and day. The second team took my drawings and descriptions and quickly built a working prototype. They were partners, not just vendors, and that made a world of difference.
Lesson 4: Emotional Runway and Burnout
When you're a founder, you're more invested in your startup than anyone else. The company felt like an extension of myself, and every setback felt like a personal failure. This was even more challenging because I was dealing with depression during much of this time. Going forward, I'll be more conscious of my emotional runway. I've realized the importance of therapy, of talking through problems and feelings. I've also learned that leaning on my
support network of friends and family is invaluable. And don't forget to destress - for me, it's board games and D&D.
Sharing My Story
I'm sharing my experiences and lessons in the hope that they can be valuable to other entrepreneurs. After ModelMaster, I spent a lot of time blaming others, but eventually, I arrived at a place where I could reflect on my experiences and learn from them. Much of what I share has been said before, but it's framed through my unique experience. If I can help one person avoid a mistake I made, that would be a win for me. If you have any questions about my journey, don't hesitate to reach out. I wish you the best of luck on your entrepreneurial journey!

For some context: I’m a [23M] student coming from Europe to live in San Diego (I assume it’s also in Santiago). I’m very excited since I’m coming alone and it’s all new too me. I have some questions regarding safety and activities after reading some posts on here.
Will I be able to jog at night or is that a complete no? Are there more robberies or like is it violence etc.? I’m a very cautious person and don’t look that approachable I’d say but I want to be prepared.
Also, how easy is it to make friends? I’m quite extroverted, I’ll be attending UDD and like to go out, take pictures or have a chill time at home.
Besides hikes and museums etc. Are there any other social activities where I would be able to meet people my age? I’d like to meet mostly local people.
How is the LGBT scene in Santiago? Are there any gay clubs or places that I should not visit?
And least, how is the marijuana scene in Santiago? In my country it is legal and we have coffeeshops, and just smoke in public.
I’m looking forward to come. Chile looks beautiful and if you have any tips that might help me make my stay more pleasant please let me know!

We went to the same school and went to the safe classes we were best friends but than he confessed his love to me and we got together. Everything went well. We spend everyday together did romantic things until… his ex texted him. I really did want to trust him but something told me she was no good. So i waited and my suspicions were right one day he asked me if it would be okay to meet up with his ex (who was prettier, more mature, and very flirty with him) so I lost it he comforted me but his answer made me even more Insecure, he said, that he could wait until I was ready.
I didn’t want to seem like the crazy jealous gf who doesn’t trust him so I went with it but oh boy things are about to get interesting!
He kept texting her about his future and she kept flirting and he rather text with her than kiss me, but he really took it to far after asking again if they could meet up but I would be coming to. Third wheeling with my boyfriend and his ex? Of course I said no, and stood my ground. But than I got Covid and we didn’t see each other for 2-3 weeks.
I can’t prove it but I am 100% sure they meet up I felt something was wrong and as I came back to school, HE IGNORED ME. He walked to class without me, was constantly on his phone, didn’t text me good night and the only time he spoke to me was, as he screamed at me in front of our friends and embarrassed me.
I was way to insecure to talk with him properly about this because I were afraid I already knew why he was acting like that.
3 weeks passed by and my mental health dropped. I was alone. My grades dropped. I wasn’t that fun to be around anymore so my friends would rather hang out with him than with me.
But than he texted me… “We should talk” I knew it was over. He broke up with me over text he said we would stay friends what me didn’t because he kept on yelling at me as I tried to talk to him and as I asked him, what the reason for the break up were all he could say was “I don’t know” YOU DONT KNOW?! Are you kidding me?!
But I couldn’t do much about it so I wanted to focus on school because there was one destination I had, to graduate ( where I live are 3 school Types and with the right grades and 2 extra years I could get the secondary school diploma) but wait, that would mean going to class with him for 2 more years! I really had no one and I really couldn’t do this anymore. I fought for this place in class for 3 years! 3 years of studying everyday to even try to get a diploma!
And the worse part is I got scared of going to school. I physically couldn’t go. I threw up every morning or got sick to the stomach until It was to late to go to school. My mom took me to the doctor, he said nothings wrong with me, we got my blood tested, nothings wrong with me, I’m not lactose intolerant. So is there nothing wrong with me? clearly there is!
The worse part is, it was 3 weeks for the “in between” finals. I missed so much important practice. But as my mom couldn’t find anything that’s wrong with me. She gave me some natural pills to keep me calm and they kinda worked.
The next weeks were hell my ex would constantly whisper with my friends and I knew it was about me and her! But why wouldn’t he tell me he cheated? I couldn’t go on like this.
We went on a school trip and I got really drunk. He got even drunker. And he didn’t speak one word to me but about me. One girl came up to me and I thank her to this day! She told me! He had been cheating on me! And I were crushed! But now I had some more information about this girl and so I found her instagram, where she lived, where she worked, what she likes, everything. And yes I would say she is innocent, if she didn’t already knew of me! She well god damn knew she were flirting with a taken man and to make it worse I had no safety school I didn’t apply Anywhere else I’ve been so sure to get in, but these two ruined my future and I wouldn’t let that slide!
I were getting revenge!
So very breakup like i dyed my hair bought new clothes and the most amazing dress EVER and I rocked the “in between” prom never looking any better! My mom helped me get into a different school and she succeeded It’s even slightly better I really got Lucky!
But it’s getting really dramatic now. One time I saw his new gf! I saw her at the train station. I decided to ask her undercover and i didn’t expected what she told me next! Turns out SHE NEVER WANTED HIM she was mad about something that happened in elementary school! And she decided to get revenge on him after 7+ years! But I were on her mind i thought maybe she felt sorry for me but as I asked about it she started laughing! She said that she really didn’t care and I could go to hell? Oh girl let’s see how bad I can be!
I would take care about my ex later. She’s first. I visited her everyday at work and I’d make sure to make her life a living HELL. I would make “selfies” that looked like I were filming her and as she came up to me I yelled laughing at her “ how do you think you are? Sorry Kim kardashian? No one would want a photo of such an ugly h.. anyway. You can go to hell” And I didn’t make “selfies” only once or twice but every day she worked I were there! And not only that but I would regularly send her things in the mail. There are a few books you can get for free like the law book, the Bible,… and every few month I would send her a popular sect that would visit her 6:30 am at the morning on a Sunday. Until one day she finally quit her job! I were ashamed of what I did but even more were I proud! I found other ways to piss her off like writing mean comments under every instagram post, canceling her on Twitter,… she got what she deserved.
Don’t worry I didn’t forget the cheating rat He would get it even worse! His instagram is private but I got my ways. All this time i were stalking him at first because I wanted him back but than to get as much information as possible. I found out he dropped out of school and got a not so good paying job. He got the wrong friends who got him in some drug struggle. In that time he got 5 different girlfriends. But than suddenly everyone unfollowed him, his friends and gfs he dropped from 24 to 11 followers (who are his family) he even deleted his profile picture and bio. THATS MY CHANCE! So I follow him…
Lets see what’s happening next. I don’t know if anyone will read this but if this gets any attention I will post an update as soon something interesting happens. (Sorry for bad grammar)

This post is probably off the subject of AP stories but I really dont know where else to ask. Forgive me how I type this out without looking ignorant.
My dad's American-Chinese(Taishan/Toisan) and my mom's from Guangzhou. So anyone who's familiar with the cultures, please let me know. My mother is not open-minded at all despite living here for 40+ years so she would completely disagree with what I want to do.
In Taishan/Toisan culture, we visit the deceased in the graveyard during March/April and pay respects. I was always told to never visit outside of those months and I never really knew why. If I ask my superstitious mother, she would tell me no and that the bad spirits will follow me home or whatever. I just want to visit my dad for his birthday as I see my Western friends visit their loved ones literally anytime they want.
I'm all for traditions and want to follow as much as I can but I also think things just change over time and it doesnt seem it would hurt anyone. I would like to read opinions here to broaden my mind than keep hearing from my crazy mother. TIA

I had a really rough freshman year and I withdrew from school for one semester during sophomore year. I completed my spring semester of sophomore year though, but I still haven’t managed to make a solid group of friends.
I have some friends here and there, but I wish I could have my “tribe” if that makes sense. I know social media can be decieving, but I see people having the time of their lives with their perfect friend groups.
How can I make friends as an almost junior? I’ve tried to join clubs and reach out to people from my school on instagram, but people are usually unresponsive.

This post is probably off the subject of AP stories but I really dont know where else to ask. Forgive me how I type this out without looking ignorant.
My dad's American-Chinese(Taishan/Toisan) and my mom's from Guangzhou. So anyone who's familiar with the cultures, please let me know. My mother is not open-minded at all despite living here for 40+ years so she would completely disagree with what I want to do.
In Taishan/Toisan culture, we visit the deceased in the graveyard during March/April and pay respects. I was always told to never visit outside of those months and I never really knew why. If I ask my superstitious mother, she would tell me no and that the bad spirits will follow me home or whatever. I just want to visit my dad for his birthday as I see my Western friends visit their loved ones literally anytime they want.
I'm all for traditions and want to follow as much as I can but I also think things just change over time and it doesnt seem it would hurt anyone. I would like to read opinions here to broaden my mind than keep hearing from my crazy mother. TIA

I’ve been with this guy for about 4 years now and we’ve been through so much bad and good stuff. From fighting cancer and losing a parent (me) and dealing with the pandemic, to buying a house together, getting work promotions, doing well career and financial wise, and having some amazing holidays and supporting each other. We’ve been monogamous for the first two years until I caught him talking to guys online, sending photos etc when we had a discussion about it and we both realised we’re happy to be more open from that perspective (not taking away from him hiding it from me). He apologised and he was very ashamed, I could tell it was just a sexual need which I was upset but didn’t feel it was worth throwing the relationship away for just that. Long story short, it has happened a few more times and the excuse has always been that he’s addicted and having a compulsion to lie and feels compelled to hide out of shame and can never be upfront. I’ve always said, even if he has sex with someone else to let me know as I don’t want to feel betrayed or that he’s going behind my back and that I want us to be 100%. He’s seen me cry, upset, sick from all the stuff he’s done and he’s family is also aware of it so there’s a lot of shame on him. A few days ago, I found out he’s had a neighbour over for sex at our house and I’ve confronted him and he lied and tried to gaslight me about it eventually admitting it. We’ve always had the rule not to bring anyone around our home and this is off boundaries. He didn’t respect it, I feel disgusting. He’s now threatening to kill himself and he’s having breakdown after breakdown begging me not to leave him. He’s admitted he has a pathological problem lying and sexual need and he’s even booked himself with a psychiatrist and begged me to stay with him to get better. We work in the same office, we own our car and house together and outside of these issues things are perfect and we re always there for each other. I just don’t know what’s the right thing to do - do I throw ever away, I feel hurt and cheated and have no trust; but I just feel so overwhelmed and unsure.
I don’t have friends to talk to and my family don’t live here and don’t know I’m gay. I just feel so lonely and lost. Any advice or Idk anything thanks.
Sorry for the super long post.

Hello. Years ago I used to identify as self-diagnosed autistic but now I’m just so confused I don’t really bother with the identity anymore. I just know there are SOME things that “resonate” with me with autism.
One of those things was the thing about needing routine and this used to be a big thing when I was younger. I needed the correct color and the same chair, same matching set of utensils, same plates/bowls/whatever you eat with to the point of just not eating if one of those “rules” were broken.
But now those “rules” aren’t really rules anymore. They’re more rigid. I used to make this list of all my rules but now looking back, I don’t really follow them anymore. Whenever a rule is broken I just come up with an exception and that exception itself becomes a rule. Might as well not have the rule then.
But one rule has to do with something I can’t quite describe, which I find very difficult to break. It’s this thing where I have to keep the the “momentum” of sorts about who I am as a person. Everything from my personality to my likes, my favourites, things I don’t like. If I liked the color blue for a long time, and now I like a different color more, I cannot bring myself to actually say I like blue less.
Another big example was with sports, which I initially hated because of having to sweat and therefore wear damp/wet clothes. But when I stopped hating sports and realized that I actually have fun playing them, I couldn’t SAY I liked sports.
There is also this thing IDK if it has something to do with my confusion about my gender identity, but there used to be things I considered “too masculine” or “too feminine” to do (I know it’s dumb but you know how gender roles are socialized into us at a young age). But when I decide I want to do something considered either of those, I can’t do it?
But the thing is this whole rule ONLY applies to a social context. I can ONLY not break these rules whenever there are other people involved either seeing me or talking to me about it. I could enjoy soccer, but because I “built” myself on hating all kinds of sports I could not tell my parents that I liked playing soccer and it was really difficult to finally admit that to them.
I kept my hair a certain way for years, and said that I liked my hair that way. when I decided I wanted to change that, it took me 2 years to have enough courage to say “I want to get a haircut”.
When my voice deepened after puberty, I stubbornly tried to keep it as high as I could as it was before puberty. I’d try to sing songs in the range of a tenor but really I now have the voice range of bass. And when I reached that point where I could no longer keep that artificial high voice from before puberty, I stopped singing altogether. Even now I find myself trying to keep my voice pitch higher around my family because that’s how I used to sound when I was usually with them, and it can sometimes be exhausting. Also made a point of still saying “mommy” and “daddy” even until middle school. But now I want to stop. I say mom and dad in every other situation but when actually speaking to them I feel like I have to call them “mommy” and “daddy” because it was how I always called them, and I “built a brand” of specifically not liking saying “mom and dad”. Now I cringe when I say mommy and daddy because I think it’s childish, but I also cringe at the thought of saying the shorter forms because… idk?? Even though I’m okay saying mom and dad anytime I’m not talking to them?
Around my friends I “built” this personality of not liking physical activity. But when I started liking sports (I found that I could admit to liking sports in front of my friends), I still could not admit I didn’t mind exercising. One time we had this weight training exercise in PE class and my friend wanted me to join, and I didn’t mind participating either, but I already established that I didn’t like exercising so I just left my friend to do it alone. But I WANTED to join. I just couldn’t bare the thought of changing my personality in front of my friend.
There are a lot more of these social-based routine rules. Cant hug my dad because ages ago I established to him I didn’t like the itch of his beard (I don’t mind it now). Cant play the guy characters in games in front of my siblings because I established I liked playing the girl characters (sometimes I actually want to play the guy character). Can’t admit that I’m struggling in school because I established that I thought classes were easy (but I could really use the help). Can’t take off my shirt at the beach in front of my family because I established I hated the feeling of the wind and cold (I’m okay with doing it with anyone else). Couldn’t talk at soccer practices because early on I social anxiety had me mute in those situations. Years later I didn’t mind and wasn’t nervous anymore, yet found it so difficult to utter a single word to my teammates.
Sorry for the long post it’s just really confusing and I don’t know if this is an autism thing or not. I just think so because I describe it to myself in terms of routine and rules. Does anyone else experience this? Is it something else entirely? Sometimes it’s really exhausting and restrictive. I just wanna be myself and accept and ADMIT to others that I change.