Defending the Draft: 2023 Washington Commanders 8-8-1
Preface:
Hope.
This 2023 season will be the most interesting for the Commanders franchise in a long long time. We enter this season with more uncertainty than I have ever been a part of, however, the one thing the fan base is certain of... is the future is brighter. Dan Snyder purchased the franchise in 1999 and subsequently done nothing but run a blue blood franchise into the ground. This team has lacked direction for a long time and a large part of that was due to Dan Snyder's meddling in the day-to-day football operations of the team. Starting his ownership with signing washed up HOF veterans, to then overspending in free agency (Albert Haynesworth is arguably the worst free agent signing of all time), drug scandal with thetraining staff, the mishandling of the RG3 and Kirk Cousins situation, Not resigning Trent Williams, and lastly we've now reached tumultuous time where his off the field issues have hung a dark cloud over a once proud franchise. Although, lol, his most egregious mistake may be hiring Jim Zorn as head coach. It's egregious that his only punishment is a 6 billion dollar payout for his franchise. I hope the banks bury him and he faces the deserved legal actions. As of now there had been an agreement to sell the franchise to 76'rs and NJ Devils owner, Josh Harris.... and is 20ish members of his parliament. We await to hear news of the reviews from the NFL financial committee to close out the process. Last news I came across was he has cut down the number of minority owners to 20. It will be a pleasure when this agreement is finalized. He could be a terrible owner, but it would still be an upgrade from Synder. Harris, seemingly has been a hands off owner and properly allows the people he's hired to operate the team. This last sports season he's had both of his teams deep in the playoff hunt. This season will be interesting. A lot of questions all around: Sam Howell? Chase Young? Ron Rivera? Eric Bienemy? Josh Harris? I'm not sure of those answers, but I'm very excited to find them out.
Coaching:
HC- Ron Rivera OC- Eric Bieniemy DC- Jack Del Rio
Key Additions: Eric Bieniemy
Ole' Riverboat Ron Rivera is back and going into his 4th season with the Washington Commanders, hopefully his last. I believe Ron Rivera is a leader of men, but I highly question his actual coaching skills and team building. I've currently seen enough of this coaching regime and front office to safely say let's move on. There's been several things that I believed were firable offenses.... the Carson Wentz trade. Some rumors have said that this was a Snyder push. Not entirely positive, but Ron bragged that it was his call. Our team at that point was not a qb away from being really good, let alone a Carson Wentz level of qb. The next fireable offense was starting Wentz over Hienke when the playoffs were on the line. Wentz ended up being benched for Hienke, but it was too little too late. The next fireable offense was not realizing we were eliminated from the playoffs. Going into the last week of the season Ron planned on starting Hieneke. Pretty odd to not know you're out of the playoffs, let alone to test Sam Howell out for next season. Additionally, there's been some pretty questionable roster creation decisions. I absolutely hate the versatile secondary and offensive line philosophy. We currently have a patch work offensive line that has the means to fluctuate between average to below average. Not a single player on the line is top 5 at their respected position. Two years ago we had a top 10 o-line, but that had Brandon Sherff playing like a top 5 guard and Charles Leno having his best season. Our o-line took a significant step back this past season and now looks to be our biggest weakness. Ron has shown to trust his own board and has reached (according to the consensus big board) with every single pick so far. People mistake 2019 as one of his drafts ( Sweat, McLaurin, Holcomb), but he was hired at the end of the season. Take this with a grain of salt as it takes at least 3 years to properly review a draft. Rons 1st round picks have been the following: 2020 pick 2 Chase Young- the correct pick at the time, but hard to botch the 2nd overall pick, 2021 pick 19 Jamin Davis- hated the pick at the time, too early for a linebacker... let a lone a project. On tape he looked lost a lot and made up for it with his elite athleticism. He's shown progress, but nothing showing he's worthy of the pick. 2022 pick 16 Jahan Dotson- looks to be an absolute baller, had him ranked above Olave in the pre-draft process. Was a slight reach above the consensus board, but flashed high end ability. Davis has been the only mistake in the 1st round thus far. When I say mistake I don't necessarily mean player, but the roster building philosophy. Whether reaching on Phidarian Mathis in the 2nd round of 2022. Lol, he was older than Payne coming out of the draft, one year of good production, and was taken a round too early. In the next round Brian Robinson was taken and was really just a body. Haven't really seen anything elite with him so far and was a meh pick. John Bates in the 4th round was egregious. Now I have to give credit where it's due. Kam Curl was an absolute steal and can solidify himself as top 5 safety this season if he continues to play this well. Our other starting safety in Darrick Forest also had a lot of bright spots playing this past season.
Arguably, our best offseason move was signing Eric Bieniemy. I'm absolutely excited. Forget everything about him not calling the plays. Reports from OTA's shows his hands on approach and full control of the offense. One of my favorites things I've heard is he is using OTA's to see what the players can do and crafting the offense to their abilities. Time and time again (Scott Turner) you see coaches say this is the offense and not change anything to match the players strengths. We don't know for sure how the offense will look, but if it's anything close to the motion west coast offense the Chiefs have... boy lessssss gooooooo. Jack Del Rio has been up-and-down in his time in Washington. He's had two very slow starts with the defense to start year, however, they've finished strong and kept his job safe. This is really the no excuse year and everyone needs to show up amd show out.
Free Agency:
Key Departures:
Taylor Hieneke- signed with the Falcons
Cole Holcolm- signed with the Steelers
Bobby McCain- signed with the Giants
Carson Wentz- TBD
J.D. McKissic- TBD
Trai Turner TBD
Andrew Norwell- will be released when he passes a physical
Summary:
In my personal oppinion, the only player that hurt losing in free agency was Cole Holcolm. Linebacker is our one weak spot on defense, however, not resigning Holcolm shows Ron's belief in Jaymin Davis's progression. Cole was limited to 7 games last season and has yet to truly break out. Always played very solid and losing him downgraded the position. We've moved on from both starting guards from last year in Norwell and Turner (previously on the Panthers). Both players were liabilities last season and the guard position was easily upgradeable. Bonny McCain was a solid do it all for is player. Lined up at corner, safety, and nickel throughout the season. Hieneke was a big fan favorite, but was never the answer. We thank you for your service though. Carson Wentz, fuck you. Loved J.D. and his time here, suffered a major injury. Not sure if he gets picked up hy another team.
Key Additions:
Andrew Wiley- 3 years for 24 million, 12 guaranteed. Previously on the Chiefs
Nick Gates- 3 years for 16.5 million, 8 million guaranteed. Previously on the Giants
Jacoby Brissett- 1 year for 8 million, 7.5 million guaranteed. Previously on the Browns
Cody Barton- 1 year for 3.5 million, 3.5 million guaranteed. Previously on the Seahawks
Summary:
Simple. In free agency the Commanders did not overspend and tackled positions of need. None of the players signed are top 5 at their position, however, they could all possibly end up being upgrades to what we have. The most interesting is Andrew Wiley. He allowed 9 sacks (tied for 3rd most)... but man he put on the performance of his life in the superbowl. Another stat that favors him is pass block win-rate, which measure if a lineman can sustain a block for 2.5 seconds. Wylie ranked 9th in that stat last season. I translate that stat to mean can a lineman sustain a block against thr initial rush and counter move off the snap. After that 2.5 seconds the ball is thrown or the play breaks down. Another key factor to this signing is it kicks Samuel Cosmi inside to guard. Cosmi has shown flashes being a high end lineman and I expect him to be even better kicking to guard from right tackle. Guard was our weakest position on the line and Wylie signing helped to upgrade the RG position. Nick Gates is expected to he our starting center. He's coming off of a brutal leg injury that made him consider retirement. Has played guard and center and has some positional flexibility. Jacoby Brissett is the best backup qb in thr league. A solid signing if Howell doesn't pan out. Just a solid game manager that doesn't commit many turnovers. Cody Barton is another unproven guy. Last year was his first year with significant reps. Bobby Wagner leaving in FA and Jordyn Brooks injury made em the guy. He showed flashes of coverage abilities and had a lot of tackles. The tackles weren't necessarily a product of his abilities and more so of cleaning up on a bad run defense team. I've read some notes that he has trouble getting off of blocks. Honestly, haven't watched much on the guy, but reports were he played solid down the stretch.
The Draft:
Link to all RAS scores for our draft class
https://commanderswire.usatoday.com/lists/2023-nfl-draft-ras-scores-for-the-washington-commanders-7-player-class-emmanuel-forbes/
Round 1:16 Emmanuel Forbes 6'1" 174 lbs. Mississippi St
Stats: 58 targets, 31 catches allowed for 284 yards (23 yards a game), 3 tds allowed/ 6 ints, 9 forced incompletions, 2 dropped ints, 46 tackles.
PFF Grade: 87.2
If being a 160 pounds is your only knock then I think you're doing something alright. The word on the street is he is already up to 174 pounds. You wouldnt realize hes only 174 pounds by the way he plays the run. Hes not scared to hit and flies ro the ball. Although, he does struggle to get off of blocks. Emmanuel Forbes, per PFF, had the highest rating in man coverage last season, albeit the snap count was very miniscule. Emmanuel Forbes is a lanky corner than played a lot of zone coverage and is a very good scheme fit for what we do. I like the pick and I'm not upset about taking him over Gonzalez, who also had his own question marks. Forbes set a NCAA record with 6 pick sixes. A lot of those were the right place at the right time, but when you have that high of a number than you're doing something right.
PFF:
Forbes is one of the best ballhawks in this class. Over the course of his three-year career, he came down with 13 interceptions. That’s four more than the next closest Power Five cornerback since 2020. Forbes was unbelievably dominant in man coverage in 2022, giving up only three catches while also snagging three interceptions. He also only allowed a 20% completion rate in man, the lowest among FBS
PROS
Remarkably lanky frame. Limbs for days — ideal for a corner.Has bounce like a hooper. He can challenge any catch point necessary. Elite ability to locate the football. All six of his interceptions came in man coverage.
CONS
Still a stick. Not much mass on his frame. Has eyes that get him in trouble. Some freelance tendencies on tape.Can get bowled over in the run game. Mediocre tackler over the course of his career.
Round 2: 47 Jartavius "Quan" Martin 5'11". 194 lbs Illinois
Stats: 74 targets, 42 catches allowed, 611 yards allowed, 3 tds allowed, 3 ints, 15 forced incompletions, 2 dropped ints, 4 missed tackles, 64 tackles.
PFF Grade: 73.2
Quan is a beast. I thought he was the 2nd best nickel prospect in the draft and a better deep safety than Brian Branch. Martin absolute rockets around the field in the run game. He started his career at cornerback before transitioning into the safety/nickel position. Another elite athlete that is a perfect fit for our Buffalo Nickel defense.
PFF:
Martin came to Illinois and immediately started as a true freshman in 2018. He originally started off as an outside corner before becoming more of a slot corner recently. He had arguably his best year in 2022, as his 15 forced incompletions were tied for the sixth-most among Power-Five corners. Martin’s 91.0 run-defense grade also led all Power Five cornerbacks. While he played corner at Illinois, we project him more as a safety for the next level.
PROS:
Explosive flat-foot breaks. Tremendous burst. Forceful and reliable tackler - 7 misses on the last 129 attempts last two seasons.Fills like a mac truck in the run game. Wants to come downhill and play in the backfield.
CONS:
Pure man skills are work in progress. Overagressive and liability to bite on fakes. cons On the lighter side for an around the line of scrimmage player. Gets caught with his eyes in the backfield on run
Round 3: 97 Ricky Stromberg 6'3" 306 lbs Arkansas
Stats: 9 impact blocks, 11 qb hurries, 0 qb hits, 0 sacks allowed
PFF Grade: 82.4
Nasty. Another guard experience player that spent his last two years at the center position. Award winner of the Jacob's Blocking Trophy for the SEC'S most outstanding blocker award. This is a solid player that has started since he was freshman in the SEC. He's been battle tested since he was kid and has improved every year. He has some knocks about his play strength, but a NFL program should get em to where he needs to be.
PFF:
Stromberg was a three-star recruit in the 2019 class and started for the Razorbacks as a true freshman, mostly at right guard. He moved inside to center for his sophomore season and spent his final three college seasons there. Stromberg’s 82.4 overall grade and 83.7 run-blocking grade in 2022 both ranked fourth among all centers in college football, and his nine big-time blocks were tied for fifth among FBS centers. Not to mention, Stromberg had an incredible performance at the NFL combine.
PROS:
Does not want to let blocks go. Can see him straining his butt of to stay engaged on tape. Tons of experience against top competition. Four-year starter with 3,121 career snaps.
CONS:
Forward lean gets going on the move, making him liable to topple over. Has wide hands to initiate contact in pass protection before resetting. Leaves himself open for stronger rushers.Unimpressive musculature, which leaves questions about how he'll anchor against NFL strength.
Round 4: Braeden Daniels 6'4" 296 lbs Utah STATS:
0 sacks allowed, 1 qb hit allowed, 14 hurries allowed.
PFF GRADE: 72.2 at tackle, 2021 84.4 at guard.
Braeden Daniels is another tackle/guard hybrid, with starting experience across his college career. This guy is on the lighter side but that allows him to be an Explosive athlete. Very raw at the tackle position and will be a developmental guy. I'd like to give em a try as our swing tackle and see how he performs. He was one of the quickest offensive lineman I've seen off the tape and that athleticism will let him climb to the next level. Even on the lightweight side I'd hate to see this guy running at me on the second level.
PFF:
Daniels is an experienced veteran who commanded the Utes’ offensive line for the past few years. He originally started as a guard before switching over to tackle. His best season came in 2021, as he put up an 84.4 PFF grade. Given his time on the interior, Daniels is at his best when run blocking, and his run-blocking grade in 2021 was an elite 89.1. He still held his own as a pass protector, allowing only five sacks in his Utah career.
PROS
Explodes out of his stance. Arguably the quickest get off in the offensive line class. Linebackers don't want to see him climbing. Gets on them before they can even react. Drive in his lower half to still move the line of scrimmage despite being under 300 pounds.
CONS
Wild into contact. He approaches blocks with the adjustment ability of a freight train. consDoesn't bring his hands with him. Clean engagements are rare on tape. Very light by NFL standards (294 pounds at combine).
Round 5: 137 KJ Henry 6'4" 260 lbs Clemson
STATS:
51 tackles, 3.5 sacks, 1 FF, 6 pass deflections, 50 qb pressures, 31 qb hurries, 14 qb hits.
PFF GRADE: 83.1
Loved this pick. Henry was a 5 star recruit coming out of high-school and decided to attend Clemson University. With Clemson having deep lines it took him a couple of years to get on the field. The stats look odd when you only see 3.5 sacks, however, the 50 qb pressures is the key stat. Seems more like bad luck that the sack numbers weren't high. Clemson's whole d-line underperformed (Bresee, Murphey) and they should have picked up more sacks from Henry who was the best DE on that team last year. The team clearly liked him as we traded back up for him. He's not elite athlete, but he is an elite hands guy. Almost had that veteran presence in college. High motor and will immediately make an impact as a rotational de, a position that sorely needed an upgrade.
PFF:
On a team with Myles Murphy, you can easily make the case that KJ Henry was Clemson's best defensive end this year, as he posted better PFF grades than Murphy in every category and even generated 19 more pressures. The only problem is That Henry is 24 years old while Murphy is only 21. Therefore, Henry was expected to produce this well against younger competition. Nonetheless, this doesn’t mean that he can’t still improve. If Henry's play this season is any indication of his potential, he can still have a great NFL career as an edge defender.
PROS:
Heavy hands that are so well refined. Uses them independently to use combination moves.Utilizes hesitations and head fakes so well to catch linemen off-balance. Coaches rave about the type of teammate he is. He is the type of player you want in the locker room.
CONS:
First step that's unimposing for a rusher on the smaller side. Late bloomer. Wasn't even a starter until this past fall. One of the oldest prospects in the class. Already 24 years old.
Round 6: 193 Chris Rodriguez 6'0" 217 lbs Kentucky
STATS: 8 games played, 175 attempts, 904 rushing yards, 6 tds, 5.2 ypa, 5 catches, 41 rec yards.
PFF GRADE: 90.8
Chris Rodriguez is a PFF darling and was rated as the 7th best running back. This guy's is a pure one cut, run you over, power back. There's not much finesse to his game, but there's highlights of dragging guys 10-yards down the field. He does not posses break away speed, but he will get you 40 yards. He was suspended 4 games due to a dui and he may have been drafted higher on am abysmal Kentucky team. An extra 4 games of stats against SEC competition and no suspension may have jumped him into the 4th round. This was an Eric Bienemy guy and they brought him in because of that. Isiah Pacheco was another EB guy.
PFF:
Rodriguez is a powerful runner, but he lacks the burst and creativity to become anything more than a downhill grinder. He has the size and mentality to do the dirty work between the tackles, but it could be a challenge for him to get to and through the hole quickly in the NFL. He’s a physical blitz protector, so teams might envision a role for him as a second-half battering ram and third-down quarterback protector.
PROS:
Two-time team captain. Thick frame with ability to pick up tough yards. Makes tacklers feel his size at impact. Stays square getting through downhill cuts. Low success rate guaranteed for arm-tacklers. Stays on his feet through heavy angle strikes. Allows lead blockers to do their work. Steps up with force against incoming rushers.
CONS:
Below-average burst getting through line of scrimmage. Lacks finesse to navigate tight run lanes. Change of direction is heavy. One-speed running style is easy to track for linebackers. Pad level is a little tall as run-finisher. Inconsistent finding assignment versus blitz.
Round 7: 233 Andre Jones 6'4" 248 lbs Louisiana
STATS: 7 sacks, 5 qb hits, 20 hurries.
PFF GRADE: 77.2
Andre Jones was another hybrid de/lb player coming out last year. He possess 34 1/4" arms which is an elite number for his size. May move to LB, but I'm not sure that's the right move with a 4.71 40-yard dash. He doesn't have much a pass rush move set playing a hybrid role, but does use length to his advantage. A solid developmental pick.
PROS:
Shows a natural feel for setting up blockers and getting them off-balance. His hands are active and violent, and Jones quickly disengages with blockers and counters when his initial move stalls. Possesses accurate snap anticipation and timing to beat blockers off the edge. Offers some versatility, rushing from a two-and three-point stance with the playing speed to stand up in space.Flashes strength as a bull rusher and his energy doesn't plateau. Showed initial quickness and good flexibility to dip and bend. Jones has active hands and suddenness to his movements, demonstrating the ability to counter inside. Has fluid footwork to redirect, reverse momentum and close with a burst. Regularly first off the ball with good snap anticipation. He’s a high-effort pass rusher with an impressive combination of length and speed.
CONS:
Jones has to develop a counter move or two in the pass rush, and Jones needs to make better use of his hands. He lacks the speed of a chase and- tackle guy. He lacks twitch as a pass rusher and lacks the feet and flexibility to threaten around the edge. Jones also shows some stiffness when trying to bend the edge, often getting pushed past the pocket — he seems more comfortable countering back inside.
Draft Summary:
This was my favorite Ron Rivera/Martin Mayhew draft thus far. Going into the draft, offensive line, cornerback, and quarterback were our three biggest needs. Drafting in the middle of the round really took us out of the olineman race. The last one that interested me was Broderick Jones and he went off the board when the Steelers traded up. At that point in the draft it really left us with going cornerback. The Forbes pick was received negatively due to Christian Gonzalez being available. Both players will be viewed under the microscope throughout their careers. I'm fine with Forbes pick though. Another lanky cornerback who was an elite athlete. I did have Gonzalez rated higher going into the draft, but he slid for a reason. A lot of his tape shows him not necessarily being an elite cornerback, but being an elite athlete that plays corner. Forbes actually showed the athleticism, corner skills, and ballhawking ability. Some additional knocks against Gonazalez and his love of the game. Quan Martin was our biggest surprise pick of the draft. A lot of people had him going in the 3rd round, but I think the 2nd was a fine spot. Mayhew after the draft said he wish we were more aggressive at times, which I translated as not getting Brian Branch that went several picks before us. I think Quan was the backup option, but I like him as much as Branch. I think Quan will be a better deep safety and Bramch will be a better nickel. Liked Quan alot, but felt we should have gone o-line at this pick. Ocyrus Torrence would've been a sweet pick here. I think if that happened, the consensus view on our draft would shoot up. Quan will immediately via for playing time as our base defense is essentially a 4-2-5. Kendall Fuller was our only above average corner and now we turned our secondary into a strength. Ricky Stromberg and Braeden Daniels were our next two picks. I like Stromberg’s tape a lot and think by next he will be a solid starter at guard or center. Braeden Daniels will be a nice depth piece and if he's able to tame his play he could develop into a starter. Fun player to watch. KJ Henry was an awesome pick and can see him being a nice rotational piece. Good pick at an underrated area of need on our defense. RB wasn't a pressing need, but it's an underrated area of weakness. I think Brian Robinson is about as average of rb as you will see starting in the NFL. I wouldn't be surprised if Rodriguez slowly cut into Robinson's role over the next two years. Antonio Gibson has had some solid season, but has a severe fumbling problem. Andre Jones will be a depth piece that will need development moving forward.
Offseason summary:
The biggest question of our offseason was our owner, which now appears resolved. Our second biggest question... was who was our starting qb? Sam Howell. Ron preached all offseason that he was going with Howell and I'll be damned, he did. Brissett was good qb to bring in, not someone that would necessarily turn the offseason into a battle, but can be a starter if called upon. Really a true backup qb. I'm all in on the Sam Howell train. I love it for a multitude of reasons. One, he balls out and we have our qb of the future, two he plays well enough we give him another season and maybe Ron is out and we get a high draft pick, three he bombs and we fire Ron Rivera and go for Caleb Williams next season. If anything, it gives us a direction for our future. I'm ready for Ron to go and think he's only as good as his coordinators. I'm concerned that EB AND Howell turn the offense around Ron gets resigned and EB takes a head coaching role... then the offense regressed. Additionally, I don't want Ron to get credit for drafting Howell. It was 5th round pick, you and every team passed on him for 4 rounds. If Howell is that good... it's not because Ron was a genius and drafted him. Very similar to Seattle taking Russel. I am excited about EB being here and think he's the real deal. I will give Ron credit for allowing him to run his own offense as he sees fit. OTA's have shown that EB is pushing his guys hard and is trying to see what he can do with the offense. We really do have elite playmaker and I'm most excited to see what he can do with Antonio Gibson. I can see his role being that of Jerrick McKinnon, with more athleticism. Sam Howell has shown a lot of progress since his rookie season. Had issues with his foot work, but has shown vast improvements. We only have 1 preseason game and 1 NFL game of tape on him. I liked what he showed. When watching tape you could see him going through his progression, man absolutely saved the day wish his escapability- was under pressure the whole game, threw two beautiful deep passes, and won the game. He did throw one bad pick, but was under pressure and playing hero ball. He had one week of practice with the starters, now he has a whole offseason. Our defense should be a top 5 unit next season and we only got better. Chase Young should be fully healthy and he's the X-factor for the number one overall defense. He comes out plays to his full potential then he could be a mid teens sack guy. If we have that sort of production and Sam Howell plays well than we can compete for the decision. Big if though. Our secondary really lacked a 2nd option, Benjamin St Juyce has shown some flashes but didn't seeze the role last year. Now on paper he's the number and that's very solid. We return two top 6 defensive tackles and Montez Swear is one of the most underrated players in the league. He's yet to have a high sack season, but is very much that Jadaveon Ckowney type of player in the run game. Big question mark season for Jaymin Davis. We knew he needed development, but it's been slower than previously thought. Down the stretch he showed flashes that he was coming into his own and now is his year. He's one of the best athletes at linebacker in the league and his ceiling is very very high. Overall I predict we will go 10-7 and challenge for a wild card spot. That record can fluctuate each one, but I'm calling the improvement now. We went 8-8-1 with bottom 3 qb play. The defense got better, we hired a better offensive coordinator, Howell will at the minimum be slightly better than Hienke last season, we didn't lose any major pieces and had a solid all around draft. I'm truly excited to watch how our future plays out.

So we met on a Mmo game… (we gonna call him T)but we eventually started playing more and talking more in game. Than eventually gave each others Kik accounts and I started to become his best friend. We became best friends. We were ever since I was 12 years old now I am 20 about to hit 21.. We had many moments as we flirted and complimented each other and eventually started admitting our feelings to each other when I was about 19 years old. I had to admit it first in order for him to come out and say it. I met him in real life. We were flirting and talking about our futures together the whole time before I met him in real life and we were really close friends. He was my childhood bestfriend. Even if we are not talking right now I admit he was the best thing and to be honest , my first love. We spoke before we met and admitted each others feelings towards each other. We started talking about how we gonna have kids and how crazy and funny they’ll be. Than it got sexual. It went all over the place. We spoke about our future basically . We met in real life I stood in his place for about 2 days and the first time we met I was nervous he was wearing a face mask because he didn’t shave his beard which was okay but I assumed he was insecure personally. The way he carried himself was showing low confidence. I went in his apartment and I spoke to him than I played with his dog and than when the night came he asked me for a kiss. I kissed on him just a tap. Than later on we decided to go to the smoke shop and got some edibles. We both got high and started kissing on each other like crazy. He had 3 full edibles while I only had 2. We were making out on the floor everywhere and gave me hickeys and everything . He was trying to pull my pants down but I said wait because I came from a long flight and I want to freshen up. I eventually got up and went to go shower and he said “okay that’s fine”. So I went to shower and after I went to his bed room than he came back into the room after talking with his big brother. I was in the room changed and ready. We were gonna go to “sleep”. I got on top of him and started making out with him. And I asked him if we can have sex. He said “Can u just suck my d***” I said “okay but why u say it like that ?” He got up from the bed and started crying badly saying”To be honest, it’s because I’m not attracted to you.” I asked him “why were u kissing on me than ?” Than he ignored that and said “does anybody else find u attractive?” He was crying really bad and I was just their like In shock. I didn’t understand one moment he was kissing on me next thing he says he not “attracted “ to me. Than he started talking saying “I’m not in a good mental state ,You are a really good person.” “Im crying because u don’t deserve this .” He said that because he was getting evicted and had no food so I lend money to him and basically fed him, when he had nothing. So than I just said “okay if that’s how u feel I respect that” I layed down the other way kinda heart broken. Than he kept asking me if I was okay every 5 seconds. “are u okay?” I kept saying “yes I’m okay “ than it continued. He kept going on for about 2 hours of him asking me that. He eventually fell asleep while I went on his carpet floor and cried in silence. He didn’t see me I was next to the frame. I was ranting to my friends and they recommended me to get out of their . I had a flight 1 day later after that night and I was sooo angry I felt violated. I eventually bought a train ticket back home. When he woke up I had all my stuff packed.I left the house and he followed me . Once I closed the door he didn’t chase . I left crying badly .I stood in the lobby waiting for my Uber and I was crying badly.I texted him “this the last time I’ll ever speak to you again “ than he felt bad. I went to the train station. 49 min Uber and it was expensive. He kept calling when I was at the train station. I eventually picked up because I was nervous to go back home in a train .He said he would talk to me when I go back their. I did go back and spoke to him he explained to me that he was high and saw my face moving. He eventually compliments me and says sorry. Than he kept talking from their … I didn’t sleep at all that night before so I told him I was tired and I need to rest and so than we did it was so nice.I was little spoon but than I woke up and he was fingering me,I tried kissing him but for some reason he wasn’t kissing me and asked if I wanted to do it still ? We did it but it wasn’t the best honestly. I noticed as we were doing it he was smiling and kissing on me. He looked as he was enjoying it because I opened my eyes mid way.this why I find this confusing. Even after we did it he said he still wasn’t ready for a relationship. The same time we did it I had to leave back home in about 1 hour . So I refreshed and long story short we went to 7/11 and bought pizza and hot dogs before I left than we sat down and ate he was acting shy idk what it was . He was laughing a lot tho . When I left we hugged . Pt2 next .

I was on Facebook the other day reading messages from my wife when I got a message request that somehow made it past FBs filter. It was a Polish man telling me my birth town doesn’t exist. Some background, I was born in Poland but moved to the US when I was 4, so it was a bit surprising to get a message from the old country. I told him FB populated the town in its own then asked who they were because I didn’t recognize their name. Suddenly they told me they were my uncles and father’s childhood friend.
My dad passed away in September so they made sure to tell me they are my “deceased father’s best friend” so I was curious because it’s not like anyone who didn’t know my family would know that information. I messaged my uncles and mom and none of them knew him. So I didn’t respond to the guy. Then he tells me he knows my moms name and remembers when I was little and when we moved.
So again, I’m like how’s he know that. So I did what any millennial would do and search my name in google. The 2nd result under FB is my dad’s obituary which talks about his brothers, my mom, us immigrating, his job, etc…
This sub human scum was using my fathers obituary to probably try and get money out of me.
Just a PSA for my fellow dads who might be grieving. There’s garbage using the lowest of low methods to try and get at your heart. Be safe out there.

I've posted on here a few times because I feel seen and heard so, here we go again.
The main players are AP's or AM/AD, eldest brother (M29, "Allan"), middle brother (M26, "Jonas"), and my (F23) partner (M28, Caucasian, "Craig").
My family and I have been having a lot of strain and tension for the last couple of years since I left the toxic household to focus on my healing. Since then, I have moved in and moved out of my own apartment as Craig asked me to move in with him. AP's and siblings do not get along with Craig as he expressed to me that he doesn't agree with the way AP's discipline me or my brothers aka verbal, mental, and sometimes physical abuse. Obviously, AP's took this personally as he "questioned" their parenting.
Almost a month ago, Allan called me to ask how I was and also mentioned to me that I should send him a resume for a job (I have one, it just doesn't pay that well). I asked him where it was and he said it's about an hour away. I said, "Can it wait til my instructor gets back so I can get my licence? I'd have to get up at like 3 AM and there's no trains from here to that area". He then said, "What about that job dad offered you?... But you have to come home." I straight up said no and that it wasn't an option. He asked me why and all I said was "I'm not going back there". This prompted my brother to say, "Why? Because you're embarrassed about all the shit you said?". I replied saying it wasn't the case and that I never said anything that didn't happen. We argued on the phone for like 5 minutes, just back and forth "no it's not an option, I'm not coming home, you need to stop bringing this up". He said after, "you weren't abused". All I could say was, "you didn't experience it the way I did". He goes, "I had it worse than you". In turn, I said "That's not something to brag about". He then started cussing at me, telling me I'm being dumb for living with my boyfriend (I used to pay rent in his house just to help out with the bills and shit but we spoke about it and don't do it anymore), that I was never abused. I put up a boundary saying if you keep talking to me this way I'm going to hang up the phone. He ended up hanging up and I haven't spoken to him since.
Fast forward to Tuesday, messaged my dad a hbd love you blah blah. I get a phone call, do you want to grab dinner tonight, I'm like sure no worries. Then it starts. "Allan will pick you up tonight", AM says. I tell her it's not a good idea because he made me upset and yelled at me on the phone. Skipping the longer parts, Allan on the phone saying he's not talking to me and he doesn't want to... eventually he says yes. AM starts asking about what I said to make Allan yell at me because "Allan wouldn't say anything like that if you didn't upset him or say something he didn't like". I'm trying to avoid bringing up the abuse because I just know we will never see eye to eye. To them it's discipline, to me it was abusive. I literally couldn't think because AP's kept asking "what did you say". So I was like, fk it, "He told me I wasn't abused". AM condescendingly says "Oh because we abused you, right?". I'm literally sobbing at this point saying "you don't think your actions were abusive or hurtful??". AD starts crying saying he gave me everything, that even when he came back from a night shift he'd take me wherever I wanted, that I'm selfish, that everything I've said is "f*king sht". He then says, "I'm done, you're done, don't ever let me see you, I'm forgetting you!". And a part of me, felt like I could breathe. He did something I couldn't do. He blocked me. And Jonas, who hasn't spoken to me in a year, sends me a message saying I'm a "C*nt of a daughter", that I "ask money of them and they give it", which for context is not true at all, I have never asked them for money. I have begged them not to and they'll just send it so I'm not too sure how they've told the story to him. He also said that I'm "a manipulative bitch that does not deserve shit", that my "siblings want nothing to do" with me, and to "never contact my brothers or parents again".
As hurtful as it is, I'm not too hurt about getting cut off but I'm more upset that they don't get it. They don't get what they've done was harmful and did hurt me.

So we met on a Mmo game… (we gonna call him T)but we eventually started playing more and talking more in game. Than eventually gave each others Kik accounts and I started to become his best friend. We became best friends. We were ever since I was 12 years old now I am 20 about to hit 21.. We had many moments as we flirted and complimented each other and eventually started admitting our feelings to each other when I was about 19 years old. I had to admit it first in order for him to come out and say it. I met him in real life. We were flirting and talking about our futures together the whole time before I met him in real life and we were really close friends. He was my childhood bestfriend. Even if we are not talking right now I admit he was the best thing and to be honest , my first love. We spoke before we met and admitted each others feelings towards each other. We started talking about how we gonna have kids and how crazy and funny they’ll be. Than it got sexual. It went all over the place. We spoke about our future basically . We met in real life I stood in his place for about 2 days and the first time we met I was nervous he was wearing a face mask because he didn’t shave his beard which was okay but I assumed he was insecure personally. The way he carried himself was showing low confidence. I went in his apartment and I spoke to him than I played with his dog and than when the night came he asked me for a kiss. I kissed on him just a tap. Than later on we decided to go to the smoke shop and got some edibles. We both got high and started kissing on each other like crazy. He had 3 full edibles while I only had 2. We were making out on the floor everywhere and gave me hickeys and everything . He was trying to pull my pants down but I said wait because I came from a long flight and I want to freshen up. I eventually got up and went to go shower and he said “okay that’s fine”. So I went to shower and after I went to his bed room than he came back into the room after talking with his big brother. I was in the room changed and ready. We were gonna go to “sleep”. I got on top of him and started making out with him. And I asked him if we can have sex. He said “Can u just suck my d***” I said “okay but why u say it like that ?” He got up from the bed and started crying badly saying”To be honest, it’s because I’m not attracted to you.” I asked him “why were u kissing on me than ?” Than he ignored that and said “does anybody else find u attractive?” He was crying really bad and I was just their like In shock. I didn’t understand one moment he was kissing on me next thing he says he not “attracted “ to me. Than he started talking saying “I’m not in a good mental state ,You are a really good person.” “Im crying because u don’t deserve this .” He said that because he was getting evicted and had no food so I lend money to him and basically fed him, when he had nothing. So than I just said “okay if that’s how u feel I respect that” I layed down the other way kinda heart broken. Than he kept asking me if I was okay every 5 seconds. “are u okay?” I kept saying “yes I’m okay “ than it continued. He kept going on for about 2 hours of him asking me that. He eventually fell asleep while I went on his carpet floor and cried in silence. He didn’t see me I was next to the frame. I was ranting to my friends and they recommended me to get out of their . I had a flight 1 day later after that night and I was sooo angry I felt violated. I eventually bought a train ticket back home. When he woke up I had all my stuff packed.I left the house and he followed me . Once I closed the door he didn’t chase . I left crying badly .I stood in the lobby waiting for my Uber and I was crying badly.I texted him “this the last time I’ll ever speak to you again “ than he felt bad. I went to the train station. 49 min Uber and it was expensive. He kept calling when I was at the train station. I eventually picked up because I was nervous to go back home in a train .He said he would talk to me when I go back their. I did go back and spoke to him he explained to me that he was high and saw my face moving. He eventually compliments me and says sorry. Than he kept talking from their … I didn’t sleep at all that night before so I told him I was tired and I need to rest and so than we did it was so nice.I was little spoon but than I woke up and he was fingering me,I tried kissing him but for some reason he wasn’t kissing me and asked if I wanted to do it still ? We did it but it wasn’t the best honestly. I noticed as we were doing it he was smiling and kissing on me. He looked as he was enjoying it because I opened my eyes mid way.this why I find this confusing. Even after we did it he said he still wasn’t ready for a relationship. The same time we did it I had to leave back home in about 1 hour . So I refreshed and long story short we went to 7/11 and bought pizza and hot dogs before I left than we sat down and ate he was acting shy idk what it was . He was laughing a lot tho . When I left we hugged . Pt2 next .

So we met on a Mmo game… (we gonna call him T)but we eventually started playing more and talking more in game. Than eventually gave each others Kik accounts and I started to become his best friend. We became best friends. We were ever since I was 12 years old now I am 20 about to hit 21.. We had many moments as we flirted and complimented each other and eventually started admitting our feelings to each other when I was about 19 years old. I had to admit it first in order for him to come out and say it. I met him in real life. We were flirting and talking about our futures together the whole time before I met him in real life and we were really close friends. He was my childhood bestfriend. Even if we are not talking right now I admit he was the best thing and to be honest , my first love. We spoke before we met and admitted each others feelings towards each other. We started talking about how we gonna have kids and how crazy and funny they’ll be. Than it got sexual. It went all over the place. We spoke about our future basically . We met in real life I stood in his place for about 2 days and the first time we met I was nervous he was wearing a face mask because he didn’t shave his beard which was okay but I assumed he was insecure personally. The way he carried himself was showing low confidence. I went in his apartment and I spoke to him than I played with his dog and than when the night came he asked me for a kiss. I kissed on him just a tap. Than later on we decided to go to the smoke shop and got some edibles. We both got high and started kissing on each other like crazy. He had 3 full edibles while I only had 2. We were making out on the floor everywhere and gave me hickeys and everything . He was trying to pull my pants down but I said wait because I came from a long flight and I want to freshen up. I eventually got up and went to go shower and he said “okay that’s fine”. So I went to shower and after I went to his bed room than he came back into the room after talking with his big brother. I was in the room changed and ready. We were gonna go to “sleep”. I got on top of him and started making out with him. And I asked him if we can have sex. He said “Can u just suck my d***” I said “okay but why u say it like that ?” He got up from the bed and started crying badly saying”To be honest, it’s because I’m not attracted to you.” I asked him “why were u kissing on me than ?” Than he ignored that and said “does anybody else find u attractive?” He was crying really bad and I was just their like In shock. I didn’t understand one moment he was kissing on me next thing he says he not “attracted “ to me. Than he started talking saying “I’m not in a good mental state ,You are a really good person.” “Im crying because u don’t deserve this .” He said that because he was getting evicted and had no food so I lend money to him and basically fed him, when he had nothing. So than I just said “okay if that’s how u feel I respect that” I layed down the other way kinda heart broken. Than he kept asking me if I was okay every 5 seconds. “are u okay?” I kept saying “yes I’m okay “ than it continued. He kept going on for about 2 hours of him asking me that. He eventually fell asleep while I went on his carpet floor and cried in silence. He didn’t see me I was next to the frame. I was ranting to my friends and they recommended me to get out of their . I had a flight 1 day later after that night and I was sooo angry I felt violated. I eventually bought a train ticket back home. When he woke up I had all my stuff packed.I left the house and he followed me . Once I closed the door he didn’t chase . I left crying badly .I stood in the lobby waiting for my Uber and I was crying badly.I texted him “this the last time I’ll ever speak to you again “ than he felt bad. I went to the train station. 49 min Uber and it was expensive. He kept calling when I was at the train station. I eventually picked up because I was nervous to go back home in a train .He said he would talk to me when I go back their. I did go back and spoke to him he explained to me that he was high and saw my face moving. He eventually compliments me and says sorry. Than he kept talking from their … I didn’t sleep at all that night before so I told him I was tired and I need to rest and so than we did it was so nice.I was little spoon but than I woke up and he was fingering me,I tried kissing him but for some reason he wasn’t kissing me and asked if I wanted to do it still ? We did it but it wasn’t the best honestly. I noticed as we were doing it he was smiling and kissing on me. He looked as he was enjoying it because I opened my eyes mid way.this why I find this confusing. Even after we did it he said he still wasn’t ready for a relationship. The same time we did it I had to leave back home in about 1 hour . So I refreshed and long story short we went to 7/11 and bought pizza and hot dogs before I left than we sat down and ate he was acting shy idk what it was . He was laughing a lot tho . When I left we hugged . Pt2 next .

Dear Ex, for the sake of your own health, stop stalking me. My Reddit account is for my therapy and wellness. It has nothing to do with you. I am not out to get you. It never was, never will, and I really, really don't care what you think of me.
If my therapist was available, I wouldn't be even posting anything here. But unfortunately I haven't found her replacement in the new city so sharing my pain here is the closest thing I have to therapy for the trauma I endured. I am not mentioning any details about you, its completely anonymous. I know you don't believe that I got hurt, but that is your opinion. My truth is that I only wanted to give you love, care, and affection. But you discarded it because of your lack of trust and whatever else is going on in your brain.
To understand that I cared for you, you need trust, and you had none for me. That was the biggest offense you did, started a relationship with me without trusting me. When I explicitly told you that I won't do a relationship without trust, but ... you lied.
However, I don't blame you, not anymore. I only suggest you to get therapy to take care of this apathy, vendetta, and obsession. I know I let things escalate. I am sorry about that. But it only happened because I grew tired of you throwing accusations at me and starting arguments instead of talking to me as an equal. I set that boundary right after the chores argument, but you never cared about it. You never considered me an equal.
You never tried to understand where I was coming from. No, you just imagined what my thinking was in your head and rolled attack on me. I had no voice or space in that relationship. You were delusional.
I shouldn't have tried to mend things with you after breakup. That was my bad as well. I am sorry about that. It was beneath me to do that given how you treat me. Still, when you said you found someone else. I was content that you don't have a broken heart no more. I never reached out to you after that and I'd never will.
But the way you have been chasing what I have to say about my experience for last 6 months shows otherwise then you being content. Please don't repeat the same mistake you did with me. Stop obsessing over your exes and learn to love what you have and preserve it.
And yes you did make a lot of mistakes with me. I would like to list them all so perhaps you can reflect how humiliating your behavior was towards me and learn from it.
Racism. Most of the time you addressed me to others or even to me as your "Indian boyfriend" and not just boyfriend. For instance, in the market the other day when we exited a shop you remarked that "I can't believe I also fell for an Indian." It was degrading. As if my personality is nothing more than my nationality.
Moreover, countless times you showed prejudice towards people with geekier interests as well. It's not just me, our friends were horrified when I told them about your remark in the market incident as well.
Lack of Respect For starters, the sort of language you used for me on the internet in that "icky" comment is enough to prove this point. Others told me that sort of thing is unforgivable but I was too much in love with you to call things off. I would like to bring up another important instance.
We were in very early stages of having feelings for each other when we were talking while preparing to call the night. I playfully flopped into the bed (you know very well I am childish enough to do that) and landing on the mattress made me grunt. And that one grunt was enough for you to not only jump to the conclusion that I was touching myself while talking to you but also blatantly accuse me of it. We were discussing how our day was at that moment. Why... Like what the fuck was your reason behind such fucking bullshit accusation? Is that what you think of all men that just talking to a woman is enough of a stimulus for us? Or is that also a mentality you exclusively have for me because of my nationality?
But you always thought of me as some lowlife from the beginning. At that moment I couldn't believe my ears what the hell I was hearing. I should have disconnected the call after letting you know how disgusting you are to think of me like that. And yet I decided to be gentle given your trust issues. I decided to give you a chance. There is another similar incident which I am not even going to mention. I know your religious views make you think that discussing daily physical issues is forbidden, but us normal people share such information easily like adults.
But that chance came back to bite me again then you accused me once more of asking for too much sex when I texted "I miss being in your arms". Again, your mind was incapable of thinking that I was talking about cuddling you. We were already 6 months in a LDR and had spent two weeks together. If as a boyfriend I can't reminisce how much I enjoyed your embraces without making you suspicious. What the hell is my reputation in your mind?
And then all the back peddling. "Yes I think you want too much sex," "No this is about you not listening to what my boundaries are." Though I was not wrong, to keep you happy I apologized both ways and agreed to whatever you asked and yet it wasn't ever enough. You just kept jumping from one branch to another to keep the argument going. To keep making me feeling guilty.
Also I am sorry to say but the act itself with you was not pleasant to say the least. But you don't understand that it wasn't the act that mattered to me but the closeness with my love of that time was what I enjoyed and wanted more.
Guilt Tripping And then you blamed me for guilt tripping for I was sad all the time. Well, ask yourself how I was pushed to that depressive state. I was feeling guilty 24/7 for not being able to keep you happy. For being the reason of your discomfort and not being able to fix it because you didn't want it fixed.
I asked to break up by sending you the letter to end things and then you soften up only to prevent the breakup. But soon after you began making faces all the time you spent with me.
We eventually broke up and I was distraught, I had ended what was the happiest time of my life a few months ago and I was never going to get it back. I was in mourning and then all of a sudden, very next day of breakup you wanted to talk like nothing happened. I was not ready to work on friendship so soon but you gave me the ultimatum.
And when I tried... you once more abandoned me driving me insane again into questioning what did I do wrong this time.
Manipulation If we would disagree on something you would immediately throw a hissy fit and begrudgingly tell me to do the thing my way only. No matter how much of a your side heavy compromise I would be suggesting. It was entirely your way or no way.
Not to mention, using your exes to make me behave in a certain way all the time. It was like you don't want me, you want this person who would be totally contrasting to your exes. It was exhausting to be in that box all the time. I was always competing against this imaginary clipboard you had in your forearm and it drove my anxiety to the limit but I never said a word because I cared too much for you.
I know the higher probability is that after reading this you are more certain you did nothing wrong because that's where your narcissism comes. That is why you weren't satisfied with me being happy about your potential promotion. I still hope you got that. But compare it to any time I tried telling you something good happening in my career and your response was a pursed lip "good for you, dear" like a snob.
Again, I don't care anymore. People who value me know that I am nothing like what you think of me and I also know that nothing I would do could change your perception of me. Narcissism is the wool around your eyes that prevents you from seeing value in others.
Even the rat who tried to stab my back is more reasonable than you for he came back apologizing. But I am done with people who always take my affection and care and turn it into some sort of evil scheme in their head to make me the antagonist when I want nothing but happiness for them.
So think whatever you want of me. Just stop trying to reach out to me by commenting , following or whatever and please do not open my wounds. I just want to forget you were ever there. Please let me be. You brought nothing but pain and anguish in that relationship. There is nothing positive for me in a person filled with distrust and unprovoked vengeance like you.
Please for once, let go. Please for once, choose happiness over misery. Walk away and enjoy your new relationship. I wish you nothing but happiness with him.

So, I've been wondering about this after reading some threads before. How exactly does zanpakutos or the spirits of the zanpakuto chose their master? Because I'm seeing two paths here. Like with Renji for example, Renji was implied to hear the spirit of his Zanpakuto but he couldn't achieve Bankai because he doesn't know the spirit's true name. I assumed it like this because iirc to be able to become a Shinigami is to be able to hear the spirit of a Zanpakuto (sorry if I'm wrong, I don't remember the contents of the manga that much). Then he managed to achieved his Bankai. But several hundred chapters later, he found out that it is not his true Bankai since his Zanpakuto lied to him. Zabimaru gave him a fake name because it deemed Renji unworthy to hold it. Here, I'm confused because why did it reach to him if it deemed him as unworthy?? I just assumed that the master of a Zanpakuto must gain their respect first to be able to hold them because after that was revealed they fought each other and in the end Renji managed to gain Zabimaru's respect or at least he is deemed as worthy by Zabimaru and gain its true name (again, idk if my memory is correct but I think it goes like this??).
But wait... I noticed that Hitsugaya's Hyorinmaru is not like that since from the start of his appearance he already use its true name. Let's go back for a moment to his past, Hitsugaya as a child was feared by everybody in his hometown except Hinamori and his Grandma because of his unusual white hair and turquoise eyes. It was revealed that since he was a child, he always heard someone or something calling him in his dream. He always dreamed about a vast and barren icy fields, hearing a sound calling him from far away, echoes like a rumbling thunder. We saw that he dreamed like this twice. The first time interrupted by Hinamori and the second time interrupted by Matsumoto. What was interesting here, Hyorinmaru always seemed to actively reaching out to him. What's more the second time he dreamed that, was when Hyorinmaru revealed its true appearance as an ice dragon. It was so majestic and it said something to Hitsugaya about him being its "something" and actually almost revealed its true name to him but since the wind (I assumed wind) was too loud, Hitsugaya couldn't hear anything. Then he was interrupted by Matsumoto who proceeded to tell him to become a Shinigami so he can control his powers since his reiatsu was leaking out of him and almost frozen his grandmother to death. I'm confused here, can reiatsu have elements? Because if I remember correctly reiatsu is a spiritual pressure and "pressure" doesn't exactly have elements. It was like, I dunno, bloodlust? And how strong exactly Hitsugaya's reiatsu is for it almost frozen his grandmother to death just by leaking it out for a moment? Does this mean he can froze someone to death by his reiatsu alone or is it because his grandmother is a normal soul (should I say people? But soul isn't exactly people)??? Let's come back to the topic, Hyorinmaru. We can see the difference between Hyorinmaru and Zabimaru here. It seems like Hyorinmaru already acknowledged Hitsugaya from the start for it to revealed its true name to him, the exact opposite of Renji who needed to gain Zabimaru's respect and acknowledgement first before it revealed its true name. But why? Hitsugaya was just a normal child back then, why did Hyorinmaru acknowledged him as its master already, from the get go? Not to mention it was repeatedly said that Hyorinmaru is a strongest ice-based Zanpakuto, doesn't that mean whoever its chooses as its master have to gain his respect and acknowledgement first before being able to hold it? But from the look of it, Hyorinmaru was the one that choose Hitsugaya rather than Hitsugaya being the one who chose him since its actively trying to communicate with him.
So what's the difference between them? How exactly does Zanpakuto chose their masters? Is it a "fate" thing or what? And what happened to those who doesn't manage to gain their Zanpakuto's respect/acknowledgement?

I’m currently weighing around 253lbs and am 6’2” and am 20. I’d say I’m around 25-30% body fat but im a muscular person with mostly some stomach and waist fat. My job involves a lot of physical work and on average I walk around 15k steps. I weight lift for around 1hr a day after work 5 days a week. I typically eat between 3 pm to 8pm and fast from the morning till that time. I do this out of choice due to lack of hunger and I’m typically getting enough macros. I try to avoid carbs due to weight loss and the way I tend to feel when eating them. I also drink a normal amount of water. I recently started taking Yohimbine to increase my heart rate when at the gym and taking the recommended dosage. I recently stopped taking creatine due to high AST and ALT levels. As crazy as it sounds I lose around 5-7 lbs a week when I stick to my “diet”. I’m looking for advice in the sense of how long it’ll take to get to 15% body fat. Obviously it’s different for everyone but I see a lot of websites showing that 1-2lbs lost a week is normal, but I’m losing more weight and have a hard time finding info that fits what I’m doing. Sorry for the lengthy description I’m trying to give as much insight as possible.

Hello! I (29F) am visiting Mumbai for the first time and something happened today that I didn't know how to respond to. There was a family sitting on the street begging and I walked passed them. Suddenly one of the family members, a little girl (approx 4 or 5 years old) ran up to me. I said hello but kept walking. She then wrapped herself around my legs so that I couldn't walk. I told her 'no' but she clung on tighter. I really didn't know what to do and didn't want to hurt her. I tried to peel her off me gently but couldn't. People were just staring as they walked passed. I felt very uncomfortable and didn't know what to do as I was told not give children money and i had nothing else to give her. Eventually I got her off my front but then she clung to my back and hung off my shawl for a while. Eventually she gave up and left.
I would love any advice on what I should do or say if this happens again?
Thanks in advance 🙏

I am one of the guys where the head tracking doesn‘t work anymore on iOS. It works perfectly in Testing mode or when using the theater without playing anything back. But as soon as I start playback it takes 1-5 seconds to start stuttering, and the head tracking updates once every 1-10 seconds. Even when I pause the playback. It doesn‘t seem to matter whether the video is stored locally or not.
I tried the workarounds I found here, such as setting the head tracker method, measuring and setting the motion rate to different values or disabling the interface. I also tried to restart the iPhone, use flight mode and kill all other apps. Nothing helps.
Apparently there are people for whom it works, so what am I missing?

"You've done well Damien."
The voice echoed through my head as it had every day for the past year. At first, I had feared it and the pain that it caused. Hearing it was like listening to a fox screaming directly into your ear. Thankfully I was used to it now. While still uncomfortable, it no longer caused my ears to bleed.
I didn't respond. Instead, I tried to feel. I'd heard people talk about taking a human life. Seen in the movies how it was supposed to change you. Cause you to break down in tears and shame. I searched for those emotions. For something to tell me that I was human. But I felt nothing.
I let my eyes float across the scene I had caused. The oversized body that lay on the ground before me. Trousers crumpled around his ankles, no longer held aloft by the belt seeing how it was instead pulled tight around the body's neck. There was no blood. Only purple bruising and an odd discolouration of the skin. Maybe that's why I didn't feel anything. Maybe it wasn't shocking enough.
"You feel nothing because you know he deserved it. There is no shame because you have done something instead to be proud of."
The words felt comforting. There was something, some emotion trying to reach me. I felt as though my subconscious was holding it at bay. Knowing it was wrong. But I could feel its warmth desperately trying to save me from the shadows.
"Embrace it boy. You fear to accept what the world tells you is wrong. But the world placed you here. The world put you under his care. Let him do those things to you. Maybe it is the world that is wrong."
As always I found sense in the voice. It was right, why should I feel bad? This dirtbag was a monster and he deserved his fate.
"I tried so hard to be good," I spoke aloud. "But the darkness within me couldn't be ignored any longer."
"Is it darkness to protect yourself? Who makes these rules? Who dares call you a monster for saving your own life?" The voice boomed in response.
"I should feel bad," I whisper. My eyes once again washing over the body before me. "But instead I feel nothing."
"Then let yourself feel." The voice replied.
I joined my eyes with the lifeless orbs on the ground before me. Painful memories of being forced to stare into them smashed through me, threatening to shatter my bones. I felt the tug of warmth within and allowed myself to fall back into its embrace.
"I feel nothing but joy and fulfilment. I'm... Happy." The words felt strange in my mouth. Was I allowed to be happy? Not only at this, but I'd always been taught that such emotions weren't for kids like me. I didn't deserve happiness.
"Oh my boy. You deserve everything. Allow yourself this. Remember how it makes you feel. Then ready yourself. There are plenty more people just like you who need our help."
"You're right." I allowed the corners of my lips to curl up, testing a smile for the first time I could remember. "I'm not evil, the world is. The darkness has set me free."
​
[original post]

It gets dark very early this time of year this far north.
By 4:00 PM, the sun is already set, and dusk is upon us. Definitely not the ideal conditions for a girl who looks as young as I do to be walking home alone. The route that I'd chosen from the Junior high school to the house was particularly off the beaten track and took me through several tranquil and deserted areas of town. No parent with even a shred of love in their heart for their child would allow them to make this walk at any time of year, let alone in the depths of winter.
It was just after I’d passed the cemetery and was about to turn onto the path through the woods that I became aware of his presence. At this point, he was what you would consider a safe distance behind me. I didn't want to turn around and look directly at him. Still, I could tell from the heavy footfall of his steps and the excited nature of his breathing that he was about 30 or 40 feet away. There were no other people around, and this road was a dead end with no houses on it, meaning that the chances of someone driving by were minimal. I was acutely aware that it was just him and me.
Despite many thoughts running through my mind at that moment, one above all was controlling me: 'if this situation is going to go down the way I think it will, I need to make a move right now.' I started to increase my pace, not so much that it would be immediately apparent, but enough that I would significantly increase the distance between him and me. Unless that is, he really was following me and altered his speed to keep up. Sure enough, within a couple of seconds, I sensed him breaking into a slow jog in order to catch up and close the distance between us.
'OK, Carmilla, time to make a choice: do I run or do I turn and confront this man?' I was right at the head of the woodland park at this point, so I decided to turn around.
"Hello, mister. Can I help you with something? Are you lost?"
I detected the slightest hint of surprise that I'd acted in this way. Still, he quickly regained his composure and continued his slow approach.
"Hey there, little girl. I was just out here looking for my dog. I think he went into these woods. Do you want to help me find him?" He was smiling at me now.
"What's your dog's name?" I asked.
"What?"
"Your dog's name. What is it? If I'm going to help you find him, I need to shout his name."
"Oh, erm… yeah. His name is Fred." Was he surprised by my question, or had he hesitated because he'd needed to make up a name?
"Well, I'm kind of scared of dogs. I think I'm just going to go home. Sorry I can't help you."
"Can I at least walk you home? Which way are you headed? It's dark out here and not safe for little girls like you."
He was edging ever closer to me now and had a big, creepy smile plastered across his face.
"I live just on the other side of these woods. Trust me, I can make it just fine."
"I'd still like to walk with you if that's OK. I mean, I'm sure my dog is in there somewhere." His icy blue eyes were laser-focused on mine now. It almost felt like he was trying to hypnotically control me with his gaze.
"If you really think Fido is in there, I guess you should look for him."
"Fido is a crazy old mutt," he said, "I'm sure I will find him in there."
There is no dog.
This man definitely means trouble.
Time to take action.
I turned and started running into the words. While I had a couple of seconds head start on him, the fact is that the body of a 13-year-old girl can't run as fast as a fully grown man. He caught up with me ridiculously fast, so quickly, in fact, that we were still within view of the road. The street lamp gave off enough light for us to be seen by a passerby if one were to approach.
"What did you run off for?" he asked, "I'm not going to hurt you."
"Sorry, mister, I just got scared at the thought of your dog running around in here. I got bitten by something pretty nasty when I was younger and the thought of it happening again freaks me out."
"OK, I understand. Let's keep walking, and I'll keep you safe from any stray dogs. Hey, are you hungry? I have some food I could share with you. Let's find a nice place to sit down and eat."
"What do you have?" I was kind of hungry, as it happened.
"Delicious homemade spaghetti and Bolognese sauce. Let's go a bit further into the woods, and then I'll share it with you."
He didn't have a bag with him, and there was no way he was hiding some container full of food in his pockets. This was bullshit.
"Erm, no thanks mister. My elders say I'm allergic to garlic, so I shouldn't eat Italian food."
"OK then. Let's just keep walking." His heart rate was increasing, and the adrenaline was kicking in. I could smell the excitement oozing from his pores. "Here, let me hold your hand. You will be safer that way."
He didn't wait for me to respond, grabbing my hand in his clammy grip. He was a strong one, it was apparent. There was no way a regular girl of my height and frame would be able to escape this bastard. We walked on and were soon far away from any streetlight, and any semblance of safety. Soon, things were going to take a turn very much for the worse. He clearly sensed this, too, letting go of my hand and standing in front of me to block the path.
The disingenuous smile had gone now: "OK little lady, fun time is over. Well, for you anyway. My fun is just about to begin." He withdrew a set of handcuffs from his pocket and dangled them in front of my face.
"I seriously fucking doubt that, Johnny."
This was the part that I always loved the most: the look of utter shock on these assholes' faces when I first call them by their name. I'd seen it dozens of times before, and it never grew old. Now, for the next part: he’ll be rocked back for a few seconds before trying to reassert his authority.
"Wait… what? How did you know…"
I didn't let him finish his question: "Johnny Mutton. Pedophile, rapist and child killer. We've been tracking you for a while." Damn, he looked stupid, still dangling those cuffs in front of him. "Guess what? We found you."
Just watching the cogs of a regular human's brain slowly turn was not my favorite part of this whole game, though. 'C'mon, work it out already. Then you can pretend it doesn't matter, that you’re the boss here, and we can get down to business.'
"Well, I don't give a fuck what you think you know." Oh good, the bravado had returned. It was always more fun when they still thought they had the upper hand. "I'm still going to torture you, rape you and then leave little pieces of you scattered all over this forest."
Again, with the dangling handcuffs. What was wrong with this shithead?
"Which hand should we start with? You want my left?"
The fucking shmuck had a look on his face like it was Christmas and his birthday all rolled into one. He advanced and roughly placed the handcuff around my left wrist.
"Things are going to get real ugly now, little lady." He was smirking; he genuinely believed he was still in control.
"At least we can agree on something. OK, jackass, let's get this over with."
I was going to make this quick. This piece of shit wasn't even worth toying with. I grabbed the other end of the cuffs and clasped it around his wrist; there was no way he was going to escape me now.
"What are you doing, kid? You think that's…"
I jumped up and sank my fangs deep into his neck. I would feast on him later, but for now, ripping out half of his jugular would lead to a suitably painful death. I climbed off of him and spat out the chunk of flesh onto the ground in front of him. In his shocked state, he actually bent down and tried to pick it up, as though that would fix his lethal wound. I wasn't going to allow this sick bastard even that tiny crumb of false hope, though, and dragged him away, into the middle of the clearing.
"Any last words, Johnny?"
This was a little cruel of me, what with the fact that this asshole was choking to death on his own blood. I didn't have much sympathy, though. He let out a pathetic gurgling sound, looking up at me pleadingly.
"Sorry, didn't catch that."
He was as white as a sheet now and not long for this world; time to monologue.
"You guys just don't put in the effort any more. I mean, for fuck's sake, I only got into town last night. I was obviously indisposed during the daylight hours, meaning I know you had zero time to prep this. Damn, I remember the old days when sick fucks like you would at least put in the effort. You know, a couple of weeks of following your victim, regular drive-bys, watching the home through binoculars, learning the names of friends. But you? You just spotted me and decided there and then to act on your impulses. Fucking pathetic. It didn't even occur to you how dumb it would be for a girl to be walking through the woods on her own? It took me less than two minutes to lure you in here."
His breathing was extremely labored now. He had moments left.
"OK, fair enough. Nobody expects one of our kind to look the way I do. But hey, like I said, you should've put in the legwork. Goodbye, Johnny."
And with that, I decided to feast. It always tastes better when they're still alive, even if only just.

i’ve failed to pass another day with No contact and by now, you’ll probably won’t trust me that this is going to be my last message to you. You don’t have to reply. I’m not expecting a reply. I’m able to process my thoughts properly now and i just want to let you know. You can read it or don’t.
I got my groceries today. I took myself out for a brunch. I’m going to go to the cinema by myself and booked two concerts to go. Oh, these things are not too hard to do it myself. I was happy before i met you so I can be happy without you - right?
You made me more comfortable and convenient w ur support and help. I guess that was getting unhealthy as well. I was doing so well w my work and study and was feeling like i’m finally back on my track and the person i love is here w me and we can finally grow together. But little did i know what you were feeling at that time. I’m sorry.
You know, you were my sweet boy. so so sweet. so kind hearted. so selfless and so lovable. There are so many adjectives that I can use on you to describe how lucky i am to have you and how amazing you are. You motivated me to try harder. You inspired me and you taught me so many things. You helped me in ways things i would’ve had so much difficulties to achieve by myself. You took me places and we created memories that i wouldn’t want it with anyone else. I’m not sure if u realised but you made me feel at peace.
I keep rewinding every single moment that i was mad at you and why i cried bc u forgot something i asked, or bc u didn’t get me coffee or literally anything that’s not a big deal really. I was too much for you. You were giving too much and I was asking for more. I now realised that i was in need of love and care from you so much that it was hurting you.
There were so many times i should’ve just kept things to myself instead of saying everything out loud in first instance. There were just so many things that got wrong - wrong decisions.
but we both agreed it was both our faults. Even if you just once tell me truly, honestly about how u were feeling like dating w me is like walking on an eggshell, and that i’ve became more and more obsessive w you and u dont like this, and that u feel suffocated in this rs and u were loving me less and less.
you know what ? maybe u did tell me in some other ways. Or maybe i should’ve noticed that or maybe u should’ve communicated to me.
Either way, it’s over.
it hurts me knowing that i’m not worthy of confrontation. i don’t deserve explanations and reasoning. I don’t deserve to fix my mistakes and get a second chance. Or maybe you’re right that you’re simply just not ready for a relationship.
You hurt me so many ways during this past few days and maybe that’s nothing compared to what i made you felt this whole time. I still remember you looking at ur work notifications on ur phone when i was crying and that’s how i knew you really just want to focus on your work and how unimportant and unbothered for you our last moment is. That was the cut for me too. To finally let you go.
I won’t pressure you by saying this is just right person wrong time. But you can expect me to be a better person. And i know whatever you’re working towards, you’ll surely get there one day.
I will see you when we both can be ourselves again and are ready to speak in the same love languages and our goals align. Till then.

Hi all, new member here. I tried to search old posts a bit for an answer but couldn’t find what I was looking for. Excuse me if this is something that comes up often.
Is there a way to be sure that chest pain is costochondritis or tietze-related? Would it show up on an MRI or some other test that I could ask for?
I have dealt with chest pain issues since covid a year ago and it’s been the main symptom of my long covid for the past few months. To rule out cardiac problems i have had multiple ECGs done, a holter (24h ECG monitoring), blood work as well as echo recently. And lung x-rays which I suppose would cover the heart as well. No abnormal findings from the tests.
A test for POTS-type symptoms (orthostatic intolerance) was done for me recently and I definitely have POTS-like tendencies: low resting heart rate that goes up over 30bpm and stays there when upright. This could be one reason for the chest pains. However, my chest pain is not always associated with an upright position (although movement and higher heart rate sometimes aggravate it, sometimes not). For multiple days in a row i have felt the chest pain already waking up without having even left the bed. So i don’t know if i believe it to be just a POTS issue.
Another thing could be that it’s a PEM symptom coming from too much exertion. This is a possibility as I have experienced some other mild-ish PEM symptoms throughout my long covid journey. However, I don’t have the type of complete mental and physical exhaustion associated with PEM/ME/CFS a lot of people report. I am definitely more tired than usual but not completely bed bound or anything. Chest pain would be my main PEM symptom. I guess that’s possible, but again, for some reason i feel that’s not the whole story.
I am just so confused about what is causing what and how to go about treating everything. If only there was a way to know for sure and rule things out - is there such a thing for costo? I have been on sick leave for 1,5 weeks now, mostly resting in bed. I take a tiny amount of a betablocker (less than 1mg of bisoprolol) for the POTS symtoms. Hasn’t resolved the chest pains at least yet.
Any tips? Anything I could take into consideration for finding the root cause? Thanks

This game is about a man he was a survivor of the nuclear war that ended the world all that is left is ruins, Remnants, and abandoned cities and there u found a city and it was very large and it had walls but your exit collapsed. Your stuck out in the cities. At night lies dangerous monsters and nuclear mutated animals and even monsters that are large.
The main city is split in 8 districts each having there own bosses and every district is split by a wall but the most dangerous is at the center also known as "District 9" but lets talk about the game first.
District 1: The district one is the first district and also where u started in the game and its small-medium sized city. The enemy of this district is latchers, car stomper the latcher is about the size of a kid and it latches to your back to get rid of it all u need to do crush it in a wall like crush it between you and the wall. The latcher first is always at the rooftops and if it spots a target it will make its move and try to land on you and latch on you so always becareful around rooftops in district 1. And the car stomper is about the size of a 3 story build and its fused with metal parts it has an engine as a heart and it also has destriyed and dismantled car parts the only way to destroy it is to climb ontop of a rooftop and climb to the back of the car stomper and try to listen where the engine is and stab it and it will fall down. Finally the boss of district 1 Gigantic stomper. The gigantic stomper is a large car stomper and is about the size of a 10 story building and it uses a minigun as its weapon and it also has robot parts and to kill it slice the back of its feet so it falls down and get into the booty hole (sorry bout that) and locate its engine and use a c4 to blow it up u and if its dead u could eather come out of the mouth or go thru the booty again
District 2: to be continued.

“Day by Day, Month by Month, Year by Year,” Part 1
by c.w. cobblestone
A wimp chronicles the femdom/cuck relationship between him, his beloved Molly and her lover DeShawn. Here are the first six months.

YEAR 1

January 1

Well, the calendar may have changed but nothing else has. Molly is still in love with DeShawn. They’re still openly flaunting their affair in front of friends and family. I’m still kissing up to both of them and praying they’ll continue to let me hang around. So far, so good; the wedding’s still on for June, and everyone seems to be finding their roles in this three-way relationship. Unfortunately, my role is being their bitch. But Molly’s still here — that’s the important thing. I thought for sure when DeShawn came into the picture and stole her heart that she’d run off with him. But to my great relief, she says she wants to go through with the wedding while also maintaining her relationship with DeShawn. She says we’re now a “poly triad.” I know she’s playing me for a fool and is only marrying me because I earn six figures. But I don’t care. I love her and would do anything to keep her. Anything. Full stop. The ceremony is scheduled for June 8th, and my New Year’s resolution is to not fuck it up.

January 3

Molly didn’t say when she’d be home from the New Year’s Eve party at DeShawn’s friend’s house, but I didn’t expect her to be gone this long. I’m starting to get worried. Molly’s a big girl and can take care of herself, but DeShawn runs with a rough crowd.

January 4

Crisis averted. Molly’s been holed up in DeShawn’s apartment partying, thank goodness. After she texted me and told me to bring cognac and Burger King, I’d hoped to spend at least a few seconds with my beloved fiancé for the first time this year. Alas, I never even laid eyes on her. DeShawn answered my knock, snatched the bags from my hand and slammed the door in my face after throwing out a flippant “thanks, bitch.”

January 5

Molly finally came home but she was only here long enough to change clothes and bitch at me about her car being down to a quarter tank of gas. I thought about telling her she hasn’t been home for me to gas her car up but I wisely kept my mouth shut and volunteered to fill her tank right then. She said she was in a hurry, though, and rushed back out. I’m guessing she was either headed to the club or back to DeShawn’s place, although she didn’t tell me where she was going, and I sure as hell didn’t ask. As far as she’s concerned it’s none of my business what she does — my job is to sit at home and wait for her like a good little toady, ready to kiss her little ass and put up with her shit when she gets back.

January 7

I kept dinner warm until finally putting it away at 9. Even if Molly does make it home tonight, she’ll most likely be with DeShawn, and they won’t be in the mood to eat. I can always heat up something later if they want a post-coital snack.

January 9

When I got home from work nobody was there, although two bags of DeShawn’s dirty laundry were waiting for me in the living room. Molly had me do his clothes a few weeks ago and now the arrogant bastard apparently thinks it’s my permanent job. I thought about just letting it sit there — then common sense took over. The last thing I want to do is piss him off and give him an excuse to kick my ass again. So, swallowing what little pride I had left, I washed and carefully ironed the clothes of the man who’s fucking my fiancé. How pathetic is that?

January 10

My buddy Tim called to tell me he saw Molly making out with DeShawn at the Alexis Club last night. I turned red but gave my speech about how our arrangement allows her to see other men. Tim must be the 10th person to call since Molly and DeShawn started openly dating. I wish my supposed girlfriend and her “black king” would keep their tryst on the down-low but they said they wanted to take their relationship to the next level and I don’t get a vote. With everything that goes on in the world these days, I’d hoped their affair wouldn’t be a big deal, but I’m finding that people aren’t as open-minded as they claim to be. I’m losing friends and alienating family over this “poly” situation. Tim sure sounded disgusted. I guess I can’t blame him — if I was my friend, I’d probably be just as outraged at how Molly and DeShawn treat me, and how I put up with it like a sap loser. I imagine it must be painful for my friends and family to watch, but I wish they’d try to see it from my point of view. I love Molly with all my heart. She hurts me, sure. But I’m happier than I’ve ever been since she came into my life. Why can’t people understand that? If I can accept her and the things she does to me, why can’t everyone else?

January 13

DeShawn spent the night last night. He and Molly were already hammered when they got back from the club but they wanted another round. They also wanted privacy, so after I served drinks, DeShawn handed me his key and told me to go clean his apartment. I said “yes sir” and hauled ass out of there. When DeShawn tells me to do something, I don’t fuck around. The guy dislikes me to start with, so I try not to give him any reason to fuck me up. The first time Molly brought him home, I attempted to man up and confront him. I won’t ever make that mistake again. I like having teeth too much.

January 14

For the second night in a row, DeShawn stayed over. Molly got mad because I hadn’t bought the bottle of wine she’d wanted so she slapped me across the face several times, cutting my nose with her engagement ring. I got blood all over my favorite shirt, and she yelled at me about that, too, much to her boyfriend’s amusement. Molly is getting meaner by the day and DeShawn keeps egging her on. He loves the situation he’s carved out for himself — he knows he could steal her from me any time he wants but he enjoys having me around. In addition to bankrolling the affair, I represent the spoils of his victory; I’m the defeated, shamed white boy whose nose is constantly rubbed in the dirt while he enjoys his prize, my beautiful fiancé. That’s why he’s so brazen about taking Molly to all the places frequented by my friends and family. He wants everyone to know that Molly is in love with him, and that I’m pathetically hanging around paying the bills and serving as the beta in this budding “poly triad” of ours. Around town, it’s making me either a laughingstock or an object of pity. I’m not sure which is worse.

January 17

I got into a big argument with my brother Joel today after he called to tell me he saw Molly and DeShawn at the Towne Theatre “acting like a pair of animals in heat.” He and the rest of the family have been pressuring me to leave her ever since DeShawn mopped up the floor with Joel last month. The stupid fuck tried to tell the former Carver State linebacker to stop embarrassing the family by openly carrying on with Molly. DeShawn doesn’t like being told what to do. Joel found that out the hard way. His broken nose just healed.

January 20

Nobody was at the condo when I got home from the firm, although I could tell DeShawn had been over, given the wet spots all over the crumpled bedding in the master bedroom. These days, the only reasons I go into Molly’s room are to clean, change cum-stained sheets, and wipe her boyfriend’s piss stains off the toilet rim in the master bathroom. Molly says her bedroom suite is reserved for “real men” and that I have no business being in there unless it’s to clean.

January 24

Molly dropped some devastating news today. She says DeShawn will be going on the honeymoon in June and I’ll be staying home. Also, we had planned to take a Mediterranean cruise, but since DeShawn’s great-grandmother was from St. Thomas and he’s always wanted to go down there, she told me to switch the arrangements. I was bawling like a baby but I clicked onto the travel site and made the required changes. Since the wedding isn’t for six months, there was no problem adjusting the plans, although it killed me inside to do it.

January 26

Molly told me to pack her bags because she was headed to Atlanta for a week to hang out with DeShawn’s cousins. So, now, just like that, I’m not going to see my beloved fiancé until next Sunday. I don’t think she has any idea how much she’s breaking my heart with this affair of hers, but if I told her she probably wouldn’t care — she’d probably think it was funny. That’s how cruel she’s become. DeShawn brings out the worst in her. After he told her that it turns him on when she’s mean to me, she’s been looking for reasons to dog me. He usually rewards her cruelty by fucking the taste out of her mouth — and that makes her want to treat me even worse. Molly is finding out how much naughty fun it can be to make my life miserable, knowing that I’m so hopelessly in love with her I’ll put up with anything she dishes out. Deep down, she probably knows what she’s doing to me is wrong — but I bet that just makes the whole thing even more delightfully wicked. My former angel is lost in a decadent, BBC-fueled alternative dimension where being bad is good and my pain is hilarious.

February 6

Molly told me to go by her mom’s house after work tomorrow to clean. She says I should plan on that being one of my regular weekly duties from now on. I’m getting sick of being everybody’s fucking maid. I’m stuck cleaning DeShawn’s apartment once a week now. Last week, Molly had me wash her best friend’s car after her boyfriend got drunk and puked in it. My fiancé has pimped me out to her friends recently for myriad other chores — cleaning up dogshit, dropping off library books, picking up drycleaning. Since DeShawn came into the picture, Molly has gleefully let her friends and family know that I’m nothing but her little bitch — and her boyfriend’s little bitch, too. She loves recounting the night she brought DeShawn back to the condo for the first time, and I tried to make a stand by telling him to leave. He busted me in the eye, knocking me to the floor, and then kicked me in the ribs until I begged him to stop. The whole time, Molly watched with a glazed look in her eye and fingers in her crotch. After DeShawn bitch-slapped me one last time, he dragged my fiancé into the bedroom and they screamed up a storm while I lay on the living room floor sobbing. That was the first and only time I ever tried standing up to DeShawn, as Molly delights in telling her friends. “DeShawn runs shit around here,” she says to anyone who’ll listen.

February 8

Darlene is such a cunt. It’s easy to see where Molly gets her snootiness from. After I left the firm yesterday, I headed straight for my future mother-in-law’s house and started cleaning. I busted my ass all night and didn’t finish until after 11pm. Did I get a thank-you? Hell no. The whole time I was there, all Darlene did was belittle me and taunt me about DeShawn. Before I left, she pulled down her sweats and showed me her pussy, asking if I remembered what one looked like. It was so embarrassing, I just wanted to run out of there. But I knew not answering her might pose a problem, so I just faked a smile and said, “it has been a while.”

February 11

There’s nothing more embarrassing than standing outside the dressing room at Victoria’s Secret clutching your fiancé’s purse while she tries on sexy outfits to wear for her lover on Valentine’s Day — especially when she made it known to the salesladies that the lingerie is for someone other than the schmuck holding the bag. I wanted to die when I paid for the purchases, with the women all smirking and making snide remarks. There was no reason for Molly to tell the staff that the lingerie was for another man, other than pure cruelty. On the ride home, I hung my head and bit my lip, doing my best to keep from crying. Molly yelled at me and told me to stop moping, so I sat up straight in the passenger seat and pretended to watch the scenery as it zoomed by.

February 15

Valentine’s Day sucks when you’re a beta. I cleaned the condo spotless and fixed a special dinner for two. Once the candles were lit and both plates were full, DeShawn gave me his mother’s address and told me to report to her house for maid duty. As usual, I said, “yes, sir” and obeyed without hesitation. Jeez, I thought my mother-in-law was bad — Cassandra is ten times worse. From the second I stepped into her house she made it clear that while she absolutely loves Molly and supports her relationship with her son, she despises white males. Therefore, she said, she despises me by default. It took seven hours to clean Cassandra’s house, which was enough time for her to slap me six times and spit in my face twice after finding fault with my cleaning. When I was finished, she made me stand in the hallway with my legs spread and my hands on my head before kicking me in the nuts as hard as she could. After I collapsed in pain, she told me to kiss her shoe and thank her. I complied, and she kicked me in the head and said “now, get the fuck out, white boy.” I’m praying Molly doesn’t add cleaning Cassandra’s house to my regular duties. That woman has a lot of anger bottled up inside her, and after only one night I can already tell she loves taking out those frustrations on a lily-white ass.

February 16

Well, fuck me. Exactly what I didn’t want — DeShawn says from now on I have to go by his mom’s house once a week to clean. WTF, man. So, with my recurring appointment at Darlene’s house and DeShawn’s apartment, that’s three nights a week I’ll now be cleaning other people’s houses, in addition to my chores at home and all the other errands I’m sent on. For Molly and DeShawn, this polyandrous threesome is proving to be a sexy, relaxing lifestyle — but for me, it’s demoralizing and exhausting.

February 23

Per Molly’s orders, I asked the head of the firm if I can pick up extra cases, or stay late to help the other attorneys with research. Molly wants me to make as much money as I can between now and the wedding because she says she and DeShawn want to “honeymoon in style.” She says things like that because she thinks it’s funny to hurt my feelings. Sometimes I wish I was strong enough to get out of this abusive relationship. I guess I’m like those battered wives who keep going back to their husbands. Molly treats me like shit but I take it. With a smile. A fake smile, but a smile nonetheless.

March 19

Mr. Berkowitz accommodated my request and I’ve been working 14-hour days for the past few weeks. That’s not necessarily a bad thing, since I get to stay away from home longer, thus avoiding abuse from my fiancé and her lover. Plus, my last few checks have been huge. The bad news is, every dime of that extra money will go toward ensuring that Molly and DeShawn “honeymoon in style.” And despite all the extra hours, my domestic load hasn’t lightened one iota. I’m still expected to clean Darlene’s house every Monday, Cassandra’s every Wednesday, and DeShawn’s apartment every Thursday. If I get behind on my chores at home, I know Molly will cut me no slack, and if DeShawn’s around there’s a good chance she’ll slap the shit out of me if something doesn’t get done. She loves showing off for her man by being bitchy to me, and it drives him crazy when she does it. So, I’ve been killing myself to keep up with everything. It’s been rough, but I’ve managed. Who needs sleep?

March 26

I’m completely wrung out physically and emotionally. Last night was hands-down the worst night of my life. I served as the “bitch boy” at a party thrown by one of DeShawn’s friends and it was pure fucking hell. Molly made me wear a pair of her panties to the party, and when we got there I was told to strip, other than the pink, lacy underwear. There were about a dozen people there, and I spent the night serving drinks and having them pinch my ass and make fun of me. But the worst part was when DeShawn got drunk and forced me to kneel in the kitchen and suck his dick in front of everyone. I’ve been in complete anguish ever since. I can’t get the taste out of my mouth or the thought out of my head that I am now officially a cocksucker. Molly and several other people at the party filmed my debasement with their cellphones, so I’m sure the terrible moment will haunt me forever. I suspect there’ll be a lot more such horrible moments, too, because after DeShawn squirted all over my face and hair, he seemed pleased, bragging to his friends that I was a natural. He didn’t allow me to clean up, either, saying it would be “disrespectful,” so I spent the rest of the evening fetching drinks with dried cum on my face and tears in my eyes. It was a mortifying experience, something I wouldn’t have wished on my most hated enemy. I suppose it could have been worse — a couple of DeShawn’s friends also wanted blowjobs, but he told them I was “his bitch” and therefore off-limits. Molly told me I should feel proud to be DeShawn’s bitch. I lied to her and said I was grateful. In truth, I wanted to die when he said that. He’s starting to see me as his property.

April 2

During lunch yesterday, Molly told me that she and DeShawn had decided to let me come along on the honeymoon. After I fell over myself thanking her, she smirked and said, “April Fool’s.” DeShawn got a kick out of my crestfallen expression. He told me he had just the thing to cheer me up, and then made me suck his dick. He’s been having me do that a lot since the party last week.

April 7

DeShawn’s lease on his apartment is up April 19, and last night I was informed that he’d be moving in with us after that. This isn’t exactly a surprise, and I’d been bracing for it — although when Molly made it official, it was still quite the gut-punch. She said I’ll be responsible for moving everything, and that I should start packing stuff the next time I clean DeShawn’s apartment, so I don’t have to do it all at once.

April 10

As if things couldn’t get worse, DeShawn told me yesterday that he’d be converting the guest room into his mancave. When I asked him where I was going to sleep, he said “in the bathtub for all I care.” I don’t know if he was joking or not, though, because he laughed when he said it. Whether he was serious or not, if he takes over the guest bedroom I won’t have anywhere to sleep, since that’s the only other bedroom in the condo besides the master suite, and I doubt I’ll be allowed to bunk down in there with them. Why should I be allowed a place to sleep? I’m just the guy who pays all the bills.

April 12

Well, the mystery over where I’ll be sleeping is solved. Molly says I can put a dog bed in the hall closet. She told me to go buy one now and to break down the bed in the guest room, so everything will be ready for when DeShawn moves in. So, I guess my days of sleeping in a bed like a normal human being are over. A dog bed in the closet??? WTF.

April 14

I keep hitting new lows. When I was at her house last night, Cassandra made me drink her piss. I was in the bathroom scrubbing the floor when she came in brandishing a plastic cup. She sat on the toilet and held the cup under her pussy, filling it with urine. Then, she handed it to me and told me to say “cheers!” before downing the cup in one gulp. I managed to obey although I almost threw up. She told me to thank her for the honor, which I did with all the respect I could muster. Later, when I’d resumed my cleaning, I overheard Cassandra on the phone bragging to her friend about what she’d done. I got a chill when she said, “sure, come on over when he cleans next Wednesday and I’ll make him drink yours, too.”

April 16

I keep thinking about what Cassandra told her friend on the phone, and debating whether I should say anything to DeShawn about it. At the party last month, he’d told everyone that I wasn’t sexually available because I was his “bitch,” but I’m not sure if that rule extends to his mother making me drink her piss — or, worse, making me drink some stranger’s piss. I haven’t worked up the nerve to say anything, though, and I probably won’t. DeShawn might get pissed if he thinks I’m dissing his mom.

April 17

Ugh, I can’t get this Cassandra situation out of my head. One thing that’s bothering me: Is her friend a man or a woman? It was impossible to tell from hearing just her half of the conversation. I suppose it doesn’t matter — DeShawn has me sucking his dick constantly now, anyway, and Cassandra’s probably going to regularly have me drinking her piss since the genie’s out of the bottle, so what difference does it make whether the person whose pee I have to drink is male or female? Piss is piss, right?

April 19

Yet another demoralizing milestone. DeShawn had me lick his ass last night for the first time. He had bits of toilet paper stuck to his bunghole and I gagged when it touched my tongue — which earned me a severe bitch-slap for being “disrespectful.” But I managed to get through it in one piece. As I do when giving blowjobs, I just closed my eyes and drifted to my happy place, blocking out the terrible world and concentrating on the dialogue from a favorite movie. Last night it was “A League of Their Own.” There’s no crying in baseball or when you’re tossing your fiancé’s boyfriend’s salad.

April 20

Well, DeShawn’s all moved in. Of course, I did all the work while he sat on his ass and directed. I had to throw out 90% of my stuff since there’s no longer room. All that’s left are my suits for work and my laptop; everything else got shitcanned, including my high school yearbooks, family mementos and almost all my casual clothes. Oh, well. I didn’t really need that stuff anyway.

April 21

When I went to Cassandra’s after work to clean last night, she introduced me to her friend, a huge woman named Violet. The lady seemed eager to make me drink her piss, although she was shy and went into the bathroom alone to pee in the cup. Cassandra made me kneel down and drink every drop before thanking her friend for the honor. Then, Cassandra decided to show off, so she made me stand still with my hands on my head while she and her friend took turns kicking me in the balls. When they finally got tired of abusing me, I was released to clean the house while they chatted in the living room.

May 2

We’ve got a new household routine. Almost every night now, DeShawn will holler “hey, bitch, come give me my propers,” which means I have to find a spot behind him and lick his ass. As you might imagine, it’s quite demoralizing to give DeShawn his “propers” when my fiancé is right there watching. Between the constant blowjobs and rim-jobs, I can’t say I don’t have a sex life anymore. It’s not exactly the kind of sex I would’ve chosen, but I do get a lot of action these days. My mouth does, anyway.

May 5

I overheard Molly talking to her mom on the phone about having kids with DeShawn. He apparently wants a big family, and she told her mom she’s glad she’ll have me around to change diapers. As strange as it seems, I felt a twinge of satisfaction hearing that. At least it means Molly wants to keep me around long-term.

May 9

Well, I feared this day was coming. DeShawn has decided to take over the wedding. He announced last night that he’s going to be my best man and he said he may get his buddies to replace my brothers in the wedding party. He says it’s going to be a “poly wedding.” I called Joel and told him he was out as best man and that DeShawn would be handling those duties. My brother cussed me out and hung up on me.

May 11

I got into a huge argument with Mom and Dad on the phone today. They said they never want to speak to me again. This has been brewing for some time in my family. I wish things were different, but they made me choose. I chose Molly. They say they can’t stand seeing how she treats me. Well, I’ve learned to live with it — fuck them if they can’t.

May 12

Now Joel and Ron aren’t coming to the wedding, so I’ve pretty much alienated my entire family. They say Molly’s making a fool out of me by having DeShawn replace Joel as my best man. I told Joel to talk to DeShawn if he has a problem with it, and he shut up right quick. The dumbass learned his lesson a few months ago when he tried to tell DeShawn to stop embarrassing the family by being so open about his affair with Molly. I learned the same lesson after Molly brought her boyfriend home for the first time and I was stupid enough to protest. The lesson? You don’t question DeShawn.

May 24

DeShawn has changed the wedding vows. It’s already written that I will promise to obey Molly, but DeShawn added the phrase “and I will obey DeShawn as well.” Then, since this will be a “poly wedding,” DeShawn is going to say a few words, pledging to love and honor Molly until death do they part. The magistrate Molly chose is quite progressive and when she ran the new vows past him, he said they’re great. The ceremony is going to be embarrassing as hell, but the whole wedding’s going to be a fucking nightmare anyway. I’ve made up my mind: I’m going to just square my shoulders and get through it, because when it’s all over Molly will be my bride. I can’t wait. She’s in love with another man but I don’t care. She’ll be my wife, and that means everything to me.
(continued below)

I've (42f) been with this man(42m) for three and a half years. His kids live interstate and he's an academic who is from Europe and goes to conferences around the world, probably three times a year for two to three weeks each. He goes away every two weeks for almost a week to see his kids, and on school holidays. When he goes overseas he sees his kids interstate before and after for a few days to a week.
Over time I guess I've grown to feel just incredibly sad. He doesn't usually tell me the truth about how long he'll be gone for - he'll tell me the best case scenario for me l, but it always ends up the best case for him (longer time with his kids). And he doesn't tell me when it changes. So this time it was that he left Tuesday two weeks ago and said he'd be back today, but now he's staying til next Tues and he only told me because I just asked him.
I am trying to gear up to leave him but it's so hard. When he's here he's my support system. I have really low self esteem and mental issues and... I know it's going to be hard. I am so sick of this situation and I've tried so many times to bring these issues up - please don't lie about how long you'll be away, please tell me when your plans change, etc. This never changes. He just gets indignant that I'm "doing this again. I'm so sick of it." I tell him again and again how much it upsets me, how cruel it is to give me unrealistic expectations, etc. He just claims he does tell me blah blah blah. And he just did it again. "It'll be Sunday if I find a flight." Again giving me a wrong expectation so he can turn around when I ask on Sunday and he'll say "I couldn't find a flight on Sunday now it's Tuesday."
I know people tell me just end it. Just end it. How? I feel like I have no one. He's shit and he's only here half the time but it's better than nothing.
But I don't know if I could be any less happy... I'm ok when he's here but not when he's not. Maybe it's better to be really miserable and break up and then be neutral/single... I just don't think I'm going to find anyone else.
I really think I need moral support maybe... It's just really difficult. So it's relationship advice for the relationship between me and myself, I guess. How do I manage to cross the line? Please be kind... I am really very upset. I'd you feel the need to attack me maybe just do it to yourself as I just want support right now.

Flashes of longing Is this love you gave me? Well, I couldn't tame that blood The night was crying and moaning stars What was asked of the day collected the evening How do I That heals a severed imagination Fake ideas, wrong, there is no way to achieve them. Feel free to paint a velvet palette Show it from afar Her frame tinged with pain wilted with light Just like a thirst quencher Thirst neighing cloud *- The ugliness of the first departure settled the gloom of my eyes Our meeting was cautious, perhaps hasty In the middle of a one-way parallel road I was then alone and heartbroken Only this part of the memory You were wide-eyed, you saw my blind steps And I beg my pardon Find a wide exit By serpentine and gimp excuse My fault I touch him in every bump in every bump *- Perhaps I am delusional, but I see it in the dark It comes with figures carrying black torches You were aware that you were streaks of light falling from the sky shorten life and expand my paradise *- You stretched the connecting ropes to the borders of the lotus of my heart This connection is minor The shadow trembles and sings to the light with its leafy boughs *- Here I come to the letters No sign of you and my wound sighs Walk with him over the sidewalks And on the infinity bridge I see it in the eyes of passers-by And that pity is painful to the point of killing His hands are empty of letters Dipped in ink impregnated with resin *- As a whole I'm back with the coffin of my disappointment to ask me When does her dead lie on the board? Let's go with him It will not germinate again -
https://aqelayash.blogspot.com/2017/08/blog-post_20.html -
Flashes of longing

Flashes of longing
Is this love you gave me?
Well, I couldn't tame that blood
The night was crying and moaning stars
What was asked of the day collected the evening
How do I
That heals a severed imagination
Fake ideas, wrong, there is no way to achieve them.
Feel free to paint a velvet palette
Show it from afar
Her frame tinged with pain wilted with light
Just like a thirst quencher
Thirst neighing cloud
*-
The ugliness of the first departure settled the gloom of my eyes
Our meeting was cautious, perhaps hasty
In the middle of a one-way parallel road
I was then alone and heartbroken
Only this part of the memory
You were wide-eyed, you saw my blind steps
And I beg my pardon
Find a wide exit
By serpentine and gimp excuse
My fault I touch him in every bump
in every bump
*-
Perhaps I am delusional, but I see it in the dark
It comes with figures carrying black torches
You were aware that you were streaks of light falling from the sky
shorten life and expand my paradise
*-
You stretched the connecting ropes to the borders of the lotus of my heart
This connection is minor
The shadow trembles and sings to the light with its leafy boughs
*-
Here I come to the letters
No sign of you and my wound sighs
Walk with him over the sidewalks
And on the infinity bridge
I see it in the eyes of passers-by
And that pity is painful to the point of killing
His hands are empty of letters
Dipped in ink impregnated with resin
*-
As a whole
I'm back with the coffin of my disappointment
to ask me
When does her dead lie on the board?
Let's go with him
It will not germinate again
-
https://aqelayash.blogspot.com/2017/08/blog-post_20.html
-
Flashes of longing

Flashes of longing
Is this love you gave me?
Well, I couldn't tame that blood
The night was crying and moaning stars
What was asked of the day collected the evening
How do I
That heals a severed imagination
Fake ideas, wrong, there is no way to achieve them.
Feel free to paint a velvet palette
Show it from afar
Her frame tinged with pain wilted with light
Just like a thirst quencher
Thirst neighing cloud
*-
The ugliness of the first departure settled the gloom of my eyes
Our meeting was cautious, perhaps hasty
In the middle of a one-way parallel road
I was then alone and heartbroken
Only this part of the memory
You were wide-eyed, you saw my blind steps
And I beg my pardon
Find a wide exit
By serpentine and gimp excuse
My fault I touch him in every bump
in every bump
*-
Perhaps I am delusional, but I see it in the dark
It comes with figures carrying black torches
You were aware that you were streaks of light falling from the sky
shorten life and expand my paradise
*-
You stretched the connecting ropes to the borders of the lotus of my heart
This connection is minor
The shadow trembles and sings to the light with its leafy boughs
*-
Here I come to the letters
No sign of you and my wound sighs
Walk with him over the sidewalks
And on the infinity bridge
I see it in the eyes of passers-by
And that pity is painful to the point of killing
His hands are empty of letters
Dipped in ink impregnated with resin
*-
As a whole
I'm back with the coffin of my disappointment
to ask me
When does her dead lie on the board?
Let's go with him
It will not germinate again
-
https://aqelayash.blogspot.com/2017/08/blog-post_20.html
-
Flashes of longing