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Preface: first anaphylactic reaction in ~2017, ended up in ER wit face/throat swelling, severe diarrhea, full-body hives; all of this starting 4-5 hours after last meal. ER doctor assumed bc last meal contained shrimp that it must have been an allergic reaction to shrimp despite having had shellfish in my diet since young childhood (I'm Asian, some form of shellfish is in literally everything). A few months after, very very stupidly had some shrimp without any reaction - not even a mild one. Felt safe, so continued to have shrimp, shellfish, and other seafood without any issues afterwards until recently.
Medical history/issues: hypothyroidism, PCOS, migraines (no known cause, since high school). Dx'd ADHD and ASD, on medication (Vyvanse) for ADHD as well as Levo for hypothyroid. Caught COVID 3-4 times between 2019 to 2020 (sadly not joking), 3/4 times were confirmed via PCR or antigen testing, fourth suspected but not tested. Masked and was vaccinated & boosted but alas...the germ had gotten so brilliant (lol)
Bg info: Current diet is mostly comprised of meat (chicken > beef >>> pork), white rice, vegetables (peas, lettuce, cabbage, carrot, corn, soy sprout, spinach, bok choy, garlic). Seasonings are exclusively salt, sesame oil, and/or soy sauce - experimenting with miso paste at the moment as I've had intermittent issues with it. I don't use herbs or spices. I cook most meals from scratch and don't eat out. If I don't cook, my "cheat" foods are usually Lunchables Turkey & Cheddar (shoot me) or Special K + fairlife or soy milk. For the most part I have fairly bland taste, thankfully. I don't touch seafood period anymore.
Timeline:

2020

• Officially began having chronic issues with allergies
  

  Shellfish suddenly began giving issues (facial swelling, lip tingling, hives, GI symptoms) which was unusual, but given that I technically was supposed to have a "shellfish allergy" not shocking. PCP rightfully scolded me for continuing to eat a "known trigger" and explained how stupid that was, I quit eating shellfish and cut out possible cross-contamination.
  

• No issues yet with non-shellfish
  

2021

• Mystery, non-shellfish reactions begin
  

  Begin reacting to non-shellfish foods that were previously safe. Oddly, these reactions are not consistent. One day I might fix a bowl of fresh strawberries as a treat and find that after eating just a couple, my torso is covered in hives but then the next week I'm fine. One day I could eat mushroom risotto safely, and the next I eat japchae that has mushroom in it and have hives and diarrhea. Sometimes I might even get a reaction just by sharing utensils/cups with someone who had eaten something. Ex: I was on a mini road trip with my brother who had eaten eel and drank from his straw, and to my surprise found myself itchy all over and suddenly having throat tightness/hoarseness...even though when I've eaten that same eel dish before, I've had no problems. Note that at this point I'm making all my meals at home from scratch and that my family is eating most of their meals at home as well, and that there is no shellfish at all at home (nor shellfish in cooking sauces, etc.)
  

• Start having odd non-food reactions as well
  

  Sometimes find that, although this might just be a psychological reaction, just smells can set me off. When I go through the seafood section of Asian food markets, for instance, I sometimes get hives down my back and throat tightness. Strong spice smells sometimes set me off too. Being in the vicinity of dogs, even just being in the same waiting room sat quite far apart, makes me puff up/teary/sniffly/etc whereas prior it might have just made me a bit sneezy. The severity seems to really vary on the day and the dog(s).
  

2022

• Reactions ramp up in severity. Throughout 2022, I end up in the ER five times after using my epi pen, one of those times after having to use both of my epi pens. Up until 2021 I'd never even had to use my epi pen once
• Around early part of mid-2022, the allergist PCP referred me to finally has an opening. She suspects alpha-gal at first and does skin tests and bloodwork. Both show NO food allergies whatsoever and alpha-gal is ruled out. At this point she tells me she is considering possibly a mast cell disorder, immune disorder, or something called idiopathic anaphylaxis (IA) and has me do a 24hr urine panel and wants to do a follow up to test for environmental allergies. We discuss my anaphylactic reactions and how to manage them safely and efficiently, with the caveat that she reminds me (wisely) that Benadryl doesn't stop anaphylaxis.
• Urine panel comes back within normal ranges. Unfortunately this allergist is pretty booked out so it takes literally months between appointments. For now she tells me to continue to avoid shellfish but that's about it.
• Over the rest of the year I tinker as reactions pop up (a LOT) and find that Benadryl works for anaphylactic reactions if I catch them early.
• I go on vacation with my family to Canada in Sept, where I have an anaphylactic reaction to a smoothie :))) Benadryl doesn't do anything here, unsure of if I missed the signs (I was way blindsided here). I end up in the ER and get gobsmacked by a 9k bill. This gets whittled down to 1k. Yay! After I get back to ✨the States✨ my doctor has me put on steroids and twice daily Zyrtec and Allegra until my next allergist appointment, which isn't until Feb 2023.
• As 2022 winds down, I'm getting proper scared to eat. I try keeping food logs, I try low-histamine diets and they seem to help but don't fully eliminate the symptoms.

2023

• Allergist has a situation that requires the appointment to be pushed to May. I'm still on the twice daily double dose of antihistamines, and still getting random hives and reactions to food that I shouldn't be having. I gave up on the low histamine diet around March but tried to keep note of the weirder reactions/patterns that I spotted.
• (May - we are here!) Finally got in. We discuss the food log which seems to be basically trash for all the good it does (as she puts it, there is no discernable pattern). She does follow-up testing for environmental allergies "just in case" and finds mild dust mite and dog allergies but only through blood work. Otherwise my blood work is, again, normal. Total IgE was at 162.0 IU/mL, with the standard range being 0.0 - 100.0 IU/mL. She put a note on my chart that said "Your tryptase level, inflammatory markers, complete blood count were all normal" and settled on a diagnosis of IA for now and suggested Xolair as a treatment plan, which I am now looking into. She also did offer to have me to set up an appointment for a food challenge for foods I felt unsafe trying by myself which I am planning on scheduling hopefully soon (if she has any openings) to try to fully rule out food allergies.

Odd Reaction Notes (dunno what to call this, most of this is just a page in my notes app for my allergist lol):

• happened just once but had leftover dakjuk (chicken porridge) with family which I normally don't do as I tend to skip leftovers and my face swelled up. The rest of family was totally fine though
• I tend to have more reactions in general on my period, and they tend to be worse
• reactions usually are related to eating food but not always? (smells are another consistent odd trigger)
• often have issues with heat, though that can also be a sensory issue for people on the spectrum so idk
• after hot showers often get tingling/prickling/itching all over and very flushed feeling in the face and ears regardless of where I shower (even in other people's showers, hard/soft water, whatever soap I use, etc). idk if this is normal? not as bad with lukewarm or cold water
• had a very bad reaction (was one of the times in 2022 that landed me in the ER) after spending a very long, hot, stressful day at the zoo which is one of the rare outliers in terms of anaphylaxis that had no ties to food triggers. Still not sure what triggered me here and neither is my allergist. The heat? The smells? An animal? Walking uphill for hours? The stress? A combo of the above??? Haven't noticed any similar reactions after working out so fingers crossed that was a fluke

Symptoms:

• General fatigue, I get about 6ish hours of sleep at minimum but usually still feel quite tired. If I let myself sleep "to maximum" (+10hrs on days off) I still feel wiped and tbqh I have no good reason to
• Hives (most often on my face, and then my back for whatever reason - my first thought was an allergic reaction to soap or detergent or sheets but changing these hasn't helped and it's been consistent across moves and while staying over at friends' places. occasionally spreads through rest of torso. I've almost never seen them on extremities, and only a couple times seen them on my thighs when coming home after being out in negative temps in the winter)
• Itchiness
• Rashes
• "Tingling"/shivering/shaking? Idk how to word this. This only happens during the severe reactions but it's uncontrollable and almost like when you're very, very cold. When it gets to this stage I usually am having trouble breathing and need my epi pen
• Swelling (again most often on my head area - if not my face, it's my throat...rip)
• Random nausea, doesn't seem to be tied to being on my period or eating/not eating food
• (moreso in the past year) often feeling oddly weak, particularly in my extremities. Hard to describe but it's like the feeling the day after you've had an insane workout except I haven't had the workout. On bad days I have trouble doing stuff like showering because I can't hold "heavier" things like the soap well, for instance, or I find my (13lb) cat too heavy to lift. But most days I'm fine. It just worries me that there are even days that bad :(
• migraines (unsure of if this is related to the "IA" or not, as this has been a thing since high school)

Some Foods I've Reacted To (Intermittently):

• Fresh strawberries (which I've eaten a gazillion times and been fine, but have read are high in histamine so try to avoid...sadly these were a favorite treat of mine 😭)
• Fresh grapes (another favorite treat, and one that confuses me as I've read they're actually supposed to be low in histamine???)
• Fresh watermelon (another another favorite treat...I fkn love fruit gd. Anyways this is one that I've seen conflicting info about, but isn't supposed to be particularly bad? At worst it's been labeled a histamine liberator, and the day I reacted when I ate it I hadn't eaten any high histamine foods)
• Seafood/shellfish
• Some fruit juice (can't remember what it was, but I think it was a citrus juice blend? Either way it was fine one time I tried it and not fine the next time, so I never tried it again)
• Fresh cherries (again another treat which I loved loved loved. This one consistently kept setting me off so I had to cut it out. They're supposed to be safe I think? But sources seem conflicting)
• Chocolate (seems to vary, but I don't eat much choco anyways so I don't get to test it out often)
• Energy drinks (I only drink Zero Ultra fwiw and at most a can a day. I do notice that sometimes on days I have a can, that it does set me off. Other days it seems to be fine, and then other days still it just seems to lower the threshold so to speak? Dunno if there's much basis for that scientifically but that's how it feels)
• Tomatoes (sometimes causes weird tingling in the lips/tongue)
• Seaweed (sadly...doesn't seem to matter the sort, whether it's used in soup or eaten plain with rice, etc. It all sets me off)

Phew. Sorry for the insanely long post. I'm at my wits end. It's been coming on three years now that I've been trying to get to the bottom of this and my allergist seems to be at the end of her rope too which honestly scares me a bit.
I'll admit that I've been extremely stupid about my "allergy" in the past (obviously if you're allergic to a thing, don't eat the damn thing!!!) but knowing now that I apparently have no food allergies, I feel like an idiot for the trouble my family has gone to in avoiding shellfish for my sake (especially with how hard it is to do that with Asian food). My family won't even eat it outside by themselves because of how severe my reactions have been the past two years. It feels really bad to think that all this stress and caution could've been for nothing.
I also feel so confused, because if I have no food allergies...why on earth am I reacting to food? Why are my reactions to food so inconsistent??? I don't know of anybody with food allergies whose allergies come and go. When I read the description of mast cell disorders or histamine intolerance, they seem to line up more or less with my symptoms, but having the test results come back negative and having inconsistencies with the low histamine diet does make me pause.
If it weren't for the fact that my reactions result in physical symptoms that are externally observable (hoarse voice, hives, swelling, low BP on monitor, etc.) I'd think this was all in my head/anxiety/panic attacks at this point. With my blood work and skin test results, it scares me that my allergist may just leave it at IA which doesn't answer anything for me. The way she explained it is that there isn't any known trigger (hence the "idiopathic" bit) which is 1000000x worse to me than any allergy.
To my knowledge IA isn't "supposed" to be tied to food-related triggers but what worries me is that, increasingly, my reactions aren't food-tied. But it does give me a (messed up?) sense of hope that much of my reactions do seem to be related to food and specifically eating it, so it might just be an allergy to something I don't know yet (🤞)?
I'd appreciate your input at all. Thanks for reading this huge wall of text :")

Hi everyone!
Me and wife just bought a house (NB Canada) it’s a 3 storey 50 years old house. The main source of heating is an oil furnace in the basement with ducts all around the house. I wanted to get rid of the furnace since oil is expensive in the winter and would install 3 small heat pump on each floor.
Someone told me I could buy like those big commercial heat pump and plug it on the all ready existing ducts. Is that a thing? If so do you guy recommend any brand or model?
Side note the second floor is an apartment that we will rent to helo us pay the mortgage. Don’t think it change anything but putting it out there.
Thank you and wishing y’all a great Thursday

I’m looking for input because this is my first baby.
We bought a house an hour and thirty minutes away from my birthing hospital. Our current apartment is 15 minutes away from it.
The plan has been to move after the baby is born (soon after) and to stay put in the apartment until then because it is closer to the hospital. But my husband really wants to move our things over before the baby is born. He’s someone who feels the need to unpack every box and doesn’t want to feel like he has to move us and set up the entire house in the first few weeks after she is born by himself when he just wants to bond. and isn’t getting sleep- he wants it practically ready.
His idea was to have movers move essentially everything in the apartment over now, realistically probably including my mattress because we can’t move that later, so that that is done before the baby is born.
In my head I could sleep on an air mattress until her birth but I’m not sure really how realistic that is to have essentially every piece of furniture out of my apartment except an air mattress that late in pregnancy. She could come early, she could come late. I do hear about people not being able to sleep at the end and I wonder if the air mattress would make that worse.
I’m just not sure what really is the best idea here or how I’ll be feeling at that end stage. It’s kind of a situation without an easy answer. Yes, we want to be set up and ready to be in the house and just focus on the baby but I also want to stay close to the hospital since it’s my first. Extending the lease for a few months really isn’t an option because we’re already paying two months of mortgage and lease due to the closing date of the house.
Any input is appreciated from people who’ve had babies and know what the end feels like. Thank you.
My mom lives 50 minutes from my hospital… I’m sure she’d let me stay there for a little bit if I needed to also to make things work. I just don’t think my husband would love that.
My job is an hour and 15 minutes from the new house and 30 minutes from my apartment. I am going to work until the end.

I never felt like I fitted in, always wanted to ‘escape’. I used to dream about packing my stuff and running away from early childhood till now. I had almost attempted that twice, when I was still in Bulgaria, and when I was 16, here in London. Eventually, I ended up taking my already packed stuff and left for university, but I will come back to that later.
My life in Bulgaria felt tough. I felt trapped in a small village, unable to do the things I longed for, such as swimming and travelling. It used to get extremely hot during the summer and I struggled a lot. Everyone in my family had a driving licence and we had a car, but they didn’t take me to the beach, which makes me upset to this day, but it is okay because later in life I had the opportunity of swimming twice a day and working with professionals in the field. God gave me these opportunities and I took them, I did it all myself. I forgive my family for being emotionally unavailable and not knowing better and I am conscious that I had a neglected childhood, and grew up in an environment with lots of conflict, selfishness, and manipulation. I am aware that no child has to do housework and shouldn’t be blamed for the unwillingness of working when all I should’ve done was play. Hence, I shouldn’t have felt guilty about it. I was doing my best and it was enough. I am enough. I don’t need to take others’ responsibilities even if they are people I care about like my parents, siblings, partner, etc. After all, I am only responsible for myself. For now.
There seem to be many reasons for me being the way I am right now, I am not happy with myself (I don't mean my looks), by myself. I used to be an introvert until I found the freedom of expression, away from my family. Now I am weird, I have ups and downs often, I am hyperactive, but lose my energy very quickly, and I am trying to balance things. I don’t know if I’m just depressed or affected by traumatic events, or both. It’s like I can’t find the peace, whenever I don’t do anything, I feel guilty, sad and start getting headaches. I feel like my heart is getting tightened with a rope, almost feel like I can’t breathe, but I am still alive. It is like torture. I get distracted with certain people - guys… I felt happy walking with my boyfriend by the beach during sunset. Well… my ex. I broke up with him because I no longer felt loved or appreciated. We became best friends in a short time and fell apart the same way. I know I shouldn’t depend on someone, and my happiness shouldn’t be determined by their actions, but it is very hard. I try to keep myself busy, try new things, read books, do sports, and hang out with friends, but somehow it just doesn't work. Nothing fills that gap forever. I talk to God sometimes, pray…

27f, I’ve been wearing hearing aids provided from the NHS since I was 22. Hearing is apart of my life and I’m wanting to invest in purchasing some new ones privately.
Although I’m not completely put off Phonak, I am looking at steering elsewhere.
Does anyone have any suggestions in regards to what brand would be good? I have moderate/severe hearing loss, I’m not looking for a discreet aid but would prefer one that can connect up to my phone :)
Is it worth it? Or is there not much difference from the standard NHS ones?
Does anyone have a rough price idea as well? I’m assuming it’ll be about a grand for each aid, I’m happy to spend whatever is needed if it’s worth it. All websites I have looked at do not give a price range so I am a bit baffled.
Thank you! :)

Given the rising want for unique and customized products, opening a personalized present keep might be a profitable business venture. Your store's profitability will be influenced by a variety of variables, such as your goal market, product line, pricing scheme, marketing initiatives, and operational effectiveness. Without understanding greater about your company, it is not possible to supply you with a unique number, however, I can list the essential factors that can have an effect on a customized present shop's profitability.
Unique and Diverse Product Range:
It's essential to provide a variety of personalized gift options if you want to draw clients and increase sales. Think of including things like monogrammed mugs, t-sublimation shirts, picture frames, sublimation keychains, engraved jewelry, and stationery. You may set your store apart from rivals and increase market share by providing distinctive and cutting-edge merchandise.
Target Market Identification:
To customize your product selection and marketing techniques, it is crucial to understand your target market. Determine which customer groups, such as couples, families, friends, or business clients, are most likely to value personalized gifts. Consider their tastes, demographics, and purchasing patterns when putting together a selection of goods that will speak to their wants and desires.
Competitive Pricing:
In order to draw customers while maintaining profitability, it is essential to choose the appropriate pricing plan. Do some market research to find out how much-personalized presents often cost in your region. Think about things like labor costs, overheads, material costs, and the target profit margin. It's crucial to strike a balance between profitability and competitive pricing, especially in the early phases of your company when establishing a clientele is crucial.
Efficient Operations:
Your operating procedures can be improved to increase profit margins. Streamline your supply chain to get products and materials at reasonable pricing. To negotiate good terms, think about developing relationships with dependable manufacturers or suppliers. Additionally, streamlined order fulfillment, shipping, and inventory management procedures will cut costs and guarantee client delight.
Marketing and Branding:
Driving sales and boosting profitability requires building a strong brand and putting those plans into practice. Spend money developing a website that is both aesthetically pleasing and easy to use and that displays your personalized gift selection. Use influencer partnerships, email marketing, and social media platforms to raise brand awareness and draw in customers. Encourage pleased customers to leave feedback or reviews because good word-of-mouth can have a big impact on how profitable your store is.
Repeat Customers and Customer Loyalty:
Long-term success depends on developing client loyalty and repeats business. Implement tactics like rewards programs, special discounts for loyal consumers, or individualized offers for holidays, birthdays, or anniversaries. Building a loyal customer base that returns for more personalized presents can be facilitated by providing outstanding customer service and creating a frictionless buying experience.
Upselling and Cross-selling Opportunities:
Look for chances to add more products or services to the order to raise the average order value. You may, for instance, recommend matching coasters or a gift-wrapping service at the checkout if a consumer buys a personalized mug. You may increase income and improve the entire customer experience by upselling and cross-selling related products.
Cost Control and Financial Management:
For continued success, keeping a careful watch on your spending is essential. Review your expenses frequently, look for areas where you can cut prices, and wherever you can, bargain with suppliers for better terms. To track the financial health of your company and pinpoint opportunities for development, keep accurate financial records and frequently review your profit and loss accounts.
It's crucial to keep in mind that these variables are only basic suggestions, and actual profitability might vary greatly depending on a number of factors unique to your company. Your personalized gift shop will be well-positioned for success and profitability by conducting in-depth market research, creating a strong business plan, and continually changing your strategies in response to client feedback and market trends.

Are you considering pursuing an MBBS degree abroad? Armenia, with its renowned medical universities and excellent educational infrastructure, offers a promising destination for aspiring medical professionals. This article will provide you with valuable insights into the MBBS in Armenia, covering various aspects such as accreditation, eligibility criteria, admission process, curriculum, costs, scholarships, student life, and more.

Introduction to MBBS in Armenia

MBBS, which stands for Bachelor of Medicine, Bachelor of Surgery, is an undergraduate medical degree program pursued by individuals aspiring to become doctors. Armenia, a country situated in the South Caucasus region of Eurasia, has gained recognition as an emerging hub for medical education. It boasts a rich medical heritage and is home to several prestigious medical universities that provide quality education.

Why Choose Armenia for MBBS?

Armenia offers several compelling reasons for international students to choose it as their destination for pursuing an MBBS degree. Firstly, the country has a strong emphasis on medical education and research, providing students with a conducive environment for learning. Additionally, Armenian medical universities are known for their modern facilities, well-equipped laboratories, and experienced faculty members.

Accreditation and Recognition of Armenian Medical Universities

When considering an MBBS program abroad, it is crucial to ensure that the university and degree hold proper accreditation and recognition. Armenian medical universities are recognized by prestigious international medical bodies such as the World Health Organization (WHO) and the Medical Council of India (MCI). This recognition ensures that the degree obtained from an Armenian university is globally accepted.

Eligibility Criteria for MBBS in Armenia

To be eligible for an MBBS program in Armenia, candidates must fulfill certain criteria. Generally, applicants are required to have completed their secondary education or equivalent with a science background, including subjects like Physics, Chemistry, and Biology. Additionally, universities may have specific requirements regarding the minimum percentage for qualifying scores in entrance examinations.

Admission Process and Requirements

The admission process for MBBS programs in Armenia typically involves submitting an online application form to the respective university. Along with the application, students are required to provide their academic records, identity documents, and proof of English language proficiency. Some universities may also conduct entrance examinations or interviews as part of the selection process.

Curriculum and Duration of MBBS in Armenia

The MBBS curriculum in Armenia is designed to provide comprehensive medical education and practical training. The program typically spans six years and is divided into pre-clinical and clinical phases. During the preclinical phase, students acquire a strong foundation in basic medical sciences, while the clinical phase focuses on practical training and rotations in hospitals.

Medium of Instruction

The medium of instruction for MBBS programs in Armenia is primarily English. This allows international students to pursue their education without facing significant language barriers. However, Armenian language classes may also be offered to enhance students' communication skills and enable better interaction with patients during clinical rotations

Cost of MBBS Education in Armenia
When considering Studying MBBS in Armenia, one of the appealing factors for international students is the affordable cost of education. Compared to other countries offering medical education, Armenia provides a cost-effective option without compromising the quality of education. Here is an overview of the expenses associated with pursuing an MBBS degree in Armenia:

1. Tuition Fees: The tuition fees for MBBS programs in Armenia are generally lower compared to many other countries. The exact cost varies depending on the university and the program chosen. On average, the tuition fees for international students range from $3,000 to $8,000 per year. It is important to note that tuition fees may be subject to change and it is advisable to check with the specific universities for the most accurate information.
2. Accommodation: The cost of accommodation in Armenia is relatively affordable. Most universities offer hostel facilities for international students, which provide a convenient and cost-effective housing option. The hostel fees typically range from $500 to $1,000 per year. Alternatively, students may choose to rent private apartments, which can cost around $200 to $400 per month, depending on the location and amenities.
3. Living Expenses: The cost of living in Armenia is generally lower compared to many other European countries. Monthly living expenses, including food, transportation, and miscellaneous expenses, are estimated to be around $300 to $500. However, these expenses may vary depending on individual preferences and lifestyle choices.
4. Books and Study Materials: The cost of books and study materials for the MBBS program should also be considered. While some universities may provide certain study materials, it is advisable to allocate a budget for purchasing textbooks and other required resources. The approximate cost for books and study materials is around $200 to $400 per year.
5. Medical Insurance: International students are required to have medical insurance during their stay in Armenia. The cost of medical insurance varies depending on the coverage and the insurance provider. On average, the cost of medical insurance ranges from $100 to $200 per year.

It is important to note that the mentioned costs are approximate figures and can vary depending on factors such as the university, location, lifestyle choices, and personal preferences. Additionally, currency exchange rates may also impact the overall expenses.

This is really the only logical place for the dining area in my apartment, but not sure the best way to make the most of the space. What kind of seating and table should I get?

hey mods just delete this is yall dont like it <3
What is up gamers?
You lookin for a stupid chat room full of losers who have 0 social skill but are trying really hard? How about a chat room full of losers who have 0 social skills and ALSO like Homestuck?
THIS IS NOT A ROLEPLAY SERVER. Disclaimer.
Rules:

1. Don't be a dick
2. Be active
3. Must be 25+
4. Please pick a character (its for funsies dont take it too seriously)
5. We DO NOT talk about HS2 or the Epilogues
6. We do stuff on the weekend in voice chat that are pretty much mandatory -- were looking for active people who want to join chats/gamenights!

We are only allowing so many people into the server (social anxiety is a bitch) so only the following characters are left:

• Vriska
• Kanaya
• Nepeta
• Equius
• Feferi
• Jade
• Roxy
• Jane

This ad will be removed once we are at capacity! (Voice Acting is a tag because we do VA stuff in here - homestuck 1week, RPG horror games 1 week, an art night, and a CAH/gaming night)

Hey all, throwaway account because reasons.
I've been in a relationship with my girlfriend (22F) for about a year and a half, but I find myself facing a dilemma. Lately, I've noticed that my feelings for her aren't as intense as hers are for me, and it's been bothering me. I want to be open about the fact that I'm an introverted person, finding it challenging to express my emotions outwardly. I've been this way since childhood, and I did discuss this with her when we first started dating.
Initially, everything seemed fine during the "honeymoon" phase, but over time, I've started to grow more distant from her. Our intimate life has also become less active as the relationship progressed. There was a period when we lived together for a few weeks, and unfortunately, we both contracted COVID-19 at the same time. Being confined to my small studio apartment for two weeks took a toll on me, and I began feeling burnt out in our relationship. We had several discussions during that period, and I communicated to her that I couldn't continue in this manner as I felt trapped being together every day.
Fast forward a couple of months, and these feelings have only intensified. I've also noticed that I occasionally feel attracted to other people, although I have never acted on these feelings. However, this internal struggle has made me question the direction of my current relationship. Thoughts like "I wish I were single so I could do whatever I want" have crossed my mind, and it's been unsettling.
My girlfriend is an incredible person, and I do care for her deeply. Nonetheless, I can't shake the feeling that I may be wasting her time and energy, and this makes me feel awful. We've already introduced each other to our families, and they all support our relationship. At times, I've wondered if our personalities truly match, but I'm unsure if this is a significant issue.
I've had an open conversation with her about my conflicting emotions and encouraged her to consider her own thoughts and feelings. I can only imagine that being on the other end of this is challenging for her, and she certainly doesn't deserve it. However, I'm still grappling with what I truly want for myself and our relationship. On one hand, I feel inclined to break up because I struggle to keep up with the relationship, and I believe she deserves more. On the other hand, I can't help but think that if I could just act "normally," our relationship has the potential to blossom into something beautiful.
Edit: I'm open for questions if more info is needed.

Hi there, this might have been answered before but it is something that doesn't let me sleep at night and is honestly eating me from the inside. Disclaimers! English is not my mother tongue, its my very first post here. And also nice if this makes it to the slash guy, he doses give good advice.
I (M21) and my gf (F20) have been in a relationship for almost 4 years now. We went to school together and even university for one semester. We both left university because of the pandemic and distance lessons and that good stuff. Now she doesn't want to work and I work two jobs and do most house work as well.
We now live together in an apartment that we found in a pretty nice area, we have lived here for littlemorethanayearnow.
Now, the problem is that my gf hasn't been working since August last year, not in a stable job at least, i have a job as a car deliverer and basically just drive all over the country. I saw the opportunity of taking her with me as a co-driver back in December, she has been working with me until i landed a much better paying job in a worldwide company.
When I started this new job, she left the driving to focus on herself, I think. The taste in things and going out has now become a little expensive, so i figured that I could still work as a driver. So basically I now have two jobs.
I have talked to her regarding this but it always ends in a discussion and her not feeling well so she doesn't want to work. I get that she still is mourning for her moms passing back in August.
Now, I wouldn't have a problem with her not getting a job if she took care of the house, but she only goes out for a hike and lays in bed the whole day, meanwhile i take short drives (2-3 hours single way) Monday through Friday and longer ones during weekends (6-10 hours single way) then I start at my more important job for a 8-9 hour shift, I then come home to find the dishes dirty, clothes dirty, etc. I have to do house work as well. I have come to the realisation that it isn't fair.
I thought about taking a break and let her move to her dad's place for a while, I dont know what to do or think.
Reddit, should we take a break?

Hi everyone, I have problem with installation of Astro on Debian 10, when I clone git in my .config/nvim and start nvim, it open vanilla neo vim.
I've already tried to reinstall nvim and vim as well, when I run :checkhealth apart of:
Warning: Missing user config file /home/use.config/nvim/init.vim
everything seems fine. Whern I add manually empty init.vim file, error message disappear but problems stay.
Anybody had same issue?

I know for a fact that the older men who moved in, he never threw their food away or touched it without their permission I hate this guest
I 22f, hate my housemate 65m. He doesnt clean his own kitchen and bathroom mess but throws away, checks out, and keeps track of my food. He also doesnt honor quiet hours. Both of these things are rules thatre texted to us and hung up in the house.
He also lied to the host saying the sink has been clogged since he moved in
Maybe the host doesn't remember when she visited the sink was working fine and she had the housekeeper over two or three times since who never complained about the sink
He is a liar and he's in denial about the mice and roaches he brings
Does he even realize that if he says it was clogged before he came then that puts the blame on me?
I hate this old bastard

I am F 28 1,90m 140kg (according to google 5'7" and 308lbs). I had many day ones during the last years, I think my first day one on this subreddit was back at 120kg. Obviously that didn't go well. It's not like I am mentally unwilling to get my weight loss going but if I look at my overall situation health-wise, finance-wise and living-wise there are so many issues that I can't influence and that make it even harder to lose weight, that I simply do not know where to start to fix things.
To give a bit more hindsight to my troubles:
Health-wise: I have nerve damage in my leg. Due to it I neither can walk nor stand for more than 30 min tops. It starts with numbness, then stinging pain and at the end my whole back hurts like hell and I can't move for the rest of the day. Years of chronic headaches that make me take painkillers everyday made me numb to most common painkillers as well. Top if off with early signs of arthritis in both wrists and I pretty much don't have any part of my body left that I could functionally use for regular sports.
Finance-wise: Working on a minimum wage sustaining two people in a two people apartment since my room mate recently lost their job. We expect them to not find a new job anytime soon nor will unemployment money cover more than rent without monthly costs. That means my minimum wage money will have carry to my part of rent, both our parts of monthly costs, both our food and whatever unexpected problems may come our way. I do not have any savings cause until earlier this year I earned even less (they just recently raised minimum wage in the whole country which gave my salary the minimum boost). So I cannot afford a gym, especially since there is none in walking distance of me, which would mean spending more of the already expensive gas to get to one and I already barely make it through the month with enough money to fill my car to get to work.
Living-wise: Living with said room mate brings bunch of food-organising problems. They don't like most veggies if they can still make a "knack" sound when biting on it, so only soft cooked veggies. Pure veggie dishes are a no no either and half the veggies out there are just generally a no. Every dish needs to either have noodles, rice or potatoes with it and in general is the direction of our dishes very calorie-heavy even if they sound like they might not. Said room mate tried a few times to join me in the endeavour of healthier eating and calorie counting but the counting always became a chore that made them stop. And since they cook most of the time (cause I can'T stand in the kitchen that long due to my bad leg), them not weighing the ingredients and counting the calories makes it almost impossible for me to keep track of my dinner intake. Them also very quickly reverting to old eating habits make it tough for me to keep my stance on healthier habits going. And due to me having to finance all our food already, it's also not an option to do separated cooking.
I have exactly two means of home sport activity, one being a 20yo stand-bycicle, which can't count any stats anymore since the display is broken and which is very hard to sit on. I also can't use the handles on it as I can't change their position and leaning on them gets me into bad posture. And a VR headset with multiple high activity games (Beat Saber, FitBeat and a Viking Drum game I forgot the name of) which are fun but require A to stand and B hurt my wrists with prolonged playing.
All in all it feels like no matter what I want to do, there is so much that will make it impossible to lose weight, I just can't get started to begin with. Top it off with me being a very emotional stress-eater on a sugar addiction and all I have is a devil's cycle of only ever gaining more weight and sinking deeper into selfhate. Health is one motivator of mine to lose weight cause I just can't deal with myself anymore as I am but if I am not my only enemy, how am I supposed to win the battle? Another reason is that I am in love with someone I met online. We never met irl but I also fear actually meeting them and them not liking me irl due to my terrible looks. It feels like a ridiculous reason but he's the reason I got the VR set since it helped him to lose weight and maintain and I hoped it might help me as well. It is a lot of fun but my body just has such low limits, it doesn't even feel worth it if I can only do 30 min every 2-3 days at best.
I think what I might need is professional help but all help I could get costs money I don't have. My doctor and my insurance are both not really helping me in that regard, so I feel pretty left on my own with no clue how to make a plan that can help me get started.

This seems clear cut to me (and a very privileged problem), but here we are:
I (46M) just got a promotion at work, and my partner, "Michelle" (45F), suggested I could use a little bit of my raise to get a cleaning person every two weeks for my apartment (we split time between my place and hers). She has someone clean her place and loves the “just cleaned” feeling that comes with having someone clean her place, and this way we’d always be in a place that was just cleaned. I admit I liked the idea, so I agreed.
I asked a friend who lives in the close-by neighborhood (we’re in Chicago) for the name of his and his wife’s cleaning lady (“Katy”). Note: I had talked to Michelle’s person, but I live on the North Side, and she lives on the South Side and her person didn’t want to travel all the way up to the neighborhood I’m in, otherwise I would have used her person.
Katy and I texted, and she asked my address to figure out travel time, how many rooms (2br, 1br, kitchen, living room, and dining room), square feet (850), and how many people live there (me full time, Michelle is there 50% of the nights, and I have my 13yo daughter 50% of the time as well). She tells me she has her own supplies (I need to provide a vacuum), and the first cleaning will be $140, and then every other week will be $100. This seemed reasonable, so I scheduled a time with her. She came yesterday morning and was there for just under four hours. I gave her $160 in cash (my friend advised me to tip $20 for each cleaning). She told me that wasn’t enough, that she needed $180 for the first cleaning (not including the tip).
I was confused and asked her did it take longer than she expected (no), was it dirtier and she had to work harder (no), did she use more supplies than estimated (no), rather after doing the cleaning, she felt that $180 for the first cleaning, and $140 for each subsequent cleaning was the new price she felt was fair.
I told her that had she told me this BEFORE she started to work (she had done a walkthrough prior to start working so I could show her the apartment) I probably would have agreed to the new pricing (or asked to meet in the middle), but to spring this on me AFTER the work was done, with no real reason for it other than “this is what I think it’s now worth” isn’t fair, and that she can take the $160, but that’s all she’s getting from me and I won’t be using her services in the future.
She took the money, gathered her stuff, and stormed out. She called my friend’s wife, and I’m getting a lot of texts about them about how I’m being cheap and made them look bad (how?). But to me there’s the principle. She quoted a job, worked the job, and then tried to increase the price after the work was done even though she admits she didn’t do more work than what she quoted for or needed more supplies than what she estimated. My friend says I should have just paid because I could afford it. He and I are both big fans of this sub, and we agreed to let you decide, so AITA?
ETA: fixed unfortunate typo

Like many others, I was quite excited for Ari Aster's newest Movie, "Beau is Afraid". But I left the cinema somewhat disappointed. After a racing first half that was bursting with ideas and creativity and a half time intermission, a repetitive second half followed. There was much I loved about the movie's first half; The suspense, built in a way Hitchcock would've been proud of. And the use of said suspense, which was used masterfully to frame our main characters anxiety struggles. The constant escalation that was always foreshadowed and believable and still caught be my surprise time and time again. But at its core, after all the flash, it is a simple story about a man's dysfunctional relationship with his mother and his childhood trauma. Long, indulgent monologues aswell as multiple different metaphors which all tell us the same thing again and again, coupled with a 3 hour runtime, left me feeling rather lukewarm. Especially if one has seen Ari Asters previous movies, he reuses or even recycles quite brazenly from Hereditary in the second half, which made the contrast between the creative first half and the foot-dragging second half even stronger.
The movie reminded me of the directors cut of "Midsommar". Although I loved Midsommar, I felt like the Directors Cut did it no favours; Apart from some small background changes and a bit of fluff, it spelled out character motivations in a way that actually worsened the movie for me. It added more exposition and tell, removing ambiguity and show.
Most of all, Beau is Afraid left me wondering if Ari Aster needs an Editor or Co-Writer that is strict and always works alongside him. It brought to mind one of my favorite recent Hollywood movies, "The Fabelmans". What impressed me most about this, on its surface glamourous, indulgent, hollywood-as-hollywood-can-get movie was its restraint. Although Spielberg will get the money and ressources for whatever movie he wants to make, he essentially omits multiple relationships, namely those with his siblings, almost entirely. He focuses mostly on his mother as a flawed, complex person, while only touching on many topics and ending the movie abrubtly. I expected an indulgent, self congratulatory movie, but what I got was almost the opposite.
A stark contrast to Ari Aster, who, in his third movie, already fills it with references to his previous ones. Mostly Beau is Afraid left me thinking about the importance of restraint in filmmaking. Be it self imposed restraint, or external controls of either a Studio System or a Co-Writer and Editor forcing a director to curtail his vision, and creating better movies through it.
Do you share my thoughts on Beau is afraid? What are y'alls views on the topic of creative freedom for directors and its realtionship with movie quality? Do you share my thoughts on Spielbergs restraint? And please do excuse the rambly nature of my post.

If you’re one of the fortunate few who is unaware of this, essentially, the rumours go that Hindley and fellow serial killer West had a brief ‘fling’ at Durham in 1995, then broke it off and became enemies over who was more famous. When this story “first” broke in 2019, the context was that West’s lawyer, Leo Goatley, had written the following about their “short-lived dalliance” in a book about Fred and Rose West:

• The friendships [at Durham] were genuinely supportive and often sexual. They could also be unstable and end in resentment. Rose’s first paramour was the Moors murderer, Myra Hindley, who happened to be on the hospital wing at HMP Durham at the same time in 1995 and early 1996. Hindley was there because she had ‘fallen over’ in the exercise yard of ‘F’ Wing. It was prison policy that a new inmate who was a lifer would first be assessed on the prison wing. This assessment entailed psychiatric and psychological examination, as well as a physical check-up. Rose remained on the hospital wing for about a fortnight. Myra Hindley had already been in hospital for a couple of weeks.
• Rose explained to me that Myra’s bones had become brittle and that because of the diagnosis of osteoporosis, the slightest impact could result in a fracture. Hindley had said that the condition was aggravated by reason that for years she was served leftover wartime rations of powdered egg and milk with the prison food. It sounded plausible at the time. Visiting at the time, I recall that Rose was quite taken with Hindley, impressed by her knowledge and ability. Rose said that Hindley had studied various Open University courses. Her comments were slightly cryptic and cautious, which was a tendency with Rose that I had noted on many occasions. It had made getting express instructions on particular issues sometimes difficult.
• She said, “Yeah, Myra, she’s all right, we get on, I want to see how it goes.”
• This was a reference to a flowering, albeit short-lived, lesbian relationship.
• After Rose was moved off the hospital wing, Hindley remained in there for a week or so longer before going back to her cell on ‘F’ wing. At the time, the prison regime on the female wing had a policy of open association. This meant that during the day, the cell doors remained open and the prisoners could come and go within the confines of the wing.
• […]
• When I visited a few months later, Rose’s opinion of Hindley had changed dramatically. She was saying, “You have to watch Hindley, mind. She is very manipulative. You don’t realise it, but she gets you doing stuff for her. Oh, she’s clever, all right. She’s flippin’ dangerous, that one. She ain’t going to take me for a cunt again.” And so heralded the end of the romance. I did wonder whether Hindley had had earlier dalliances that had not gone well and accounted for her ‘falling over’ in the exercise yard, which by all accounts happened with some frequency? Hindley’s plausibility and persuasiveness had, at an early stage in the investigation, been flagged up to me [through Lord Longford, who campaigned voraciously for her parole.]
• […]
• I was aware of Rose’s preference for women. Her lesbian tendencies were well-documented throughout the case. There is a strange parallel between the way she was ultra-critical of her daughter Heather [one of her murder victims] for supposedly being lesbian, and yet she freely, and with Fred’s blessing, regularly indulged in lesbian relationships. And here in prison, Rose was and is known to have a succession of women lovers, yet, apart from Myra Hindley, she never mentioned any of these to me in her correspondence? If there were pen pal lesbian romances, she chose not to disclose those to me.

The rumours next became headline news in 2020, due to the release of a Trevor MacDonald documentary and a book by Linda Calvey (who was convicted of murdering her lover and since her release, has enjoyed both fame and infamy as a crime writer and “black widow” killer). Calvey writes:
* [Rose] and Myra became friends immediately, as most people kept away from them both. One day they were sitting on the landing at a little table with a red-and-white checked cloth, when a screw sidled up to me, saying, “I bet you’d like a camera to take a picture of that.”
* I nodded. Rose and Myra were eating together, chatting away as if they’d known each other for ages. Myra was wearing a brightly coloured kaftan, flowing around her, and had violently dyed red hair, while Rose looked like a small, oversized librarian opposite her. Myra smoked and so she always smelled of ciggies, and her voice, once a soft northern burr, was now gruff and throaty.
* Only a few weeks after Rose arrived, their bizarre friendship ended as quickly as it began. One day they didn’t sit together, and I never saw them speak after that.
I haven’t seen the Trevor MacDonald thing (which I know a lot of people have, so I’d be interested to hear if any of you have any more accounts from that). I pulled as much info as I could from articles, which includes Hindley supposedly telling Calvey (after she mentioned that she thought it was weird that she and West had stopped talking to each other); “She killed her own children. Do I really want to mix with somebody like that?”
Calvey recalled: “They'd go into each others cells and they became really, really close, and I think the majority of the wing all thought there was an affair of sorts going on between them. Everybody went ‘What a weird combination, they've become thick as thieves’.”
“It was really weird that they suddenly became best friends. They were with each other all the time, they had their breakfast together, they'd sit and have their tea. […] They became really, really close for about six weeks, and as quick as it started, it just ended. It stopped and they just weren't even speaking to each other.”
Criminal psychologist David Canter has speculated: “Early on West would've [as an aside, I guess the key word here is “would’ve”] looked to Hindley for help, so she would've used sex to get what she wanted. Hindley would've been aware of that and she potentially could've used West to her own advantage.”
I didn’t know until today, when I was poring over archival newspapers, that this story first broke on 7th May 1995 in the Sunday Mirror, and then it actually became a cover story in the Daily Mail on 23rd November 1995 - the day after West was convicted of multiple murders, at that. (Like… all of the horrific and concrete details of the Wests’ murders, and you immediately turn your front page into yet another excuse to add fuel to the dumpster fire.) Following the Daily Mail was The Evening Standard, The Mirror and other tabloids - all alleging that Hindley and West had become “friends”.
According to the Daily Mail - the article titled "Hand in hand with Hindley" - “the two most evil women in Britain - both openly bisexual - have been seen holding hands in Durham Prison. They were drawn together by shared religion, and the 51-year-old Moors Murderess became West's confidante and adviser. They have made unsupervised visits to each other's cell, and prayed together in the jail chapel. Hindley even sent a 'Good Luck' card before the start of the 31-day trial at Winchester Crown Court which has appalled the nation.” Another Mail article, written a day later, repeated the story and claimed that the two “have spent hours unsupervised in one another’s cells cooking snacks for one another and watching TV. […] Hindley is said to have helped protect her from jail bullies who taunt her and anyone who associates with her”.
Hindley responded to the Daily Mail stories in a hand-written statement to The Independent, and took the issue up with the Press Complaints Commission. Here are a couple of extracts I have picked out:
* If this article is providing some light relief and entertainment at my expense from the heaviness of the Gloucester trial, it isn't only, yet again, disseminating yet another strand of fabricated garbage to weave into myth, it is also causing acute distress to my mother and family, who had to cope with the headline horrors of following my own trial and who have had little respite from them since.
* […]
* I will be refuting claims that Rosemary West and myself have formed a “macabre" friendship, that we have ever held hands, prayed together in the chapel or anywhere else, cooked snacks for each other, watched television together in each other's cells and that I sent her a "Good Luck' card before the start of the trial or at any other time. Nor was I "fascinated" by her when she arrived on H-wing. She was on H-wing before I arrived and was just one of 44 immates.
* Whoever these “prison sources” are who made these “revelations” to the Mail and other papers, it is obvious to me that they received money for this “information” and it is yet another example of cheque book journalism.
* If not, it is just another opportunity to drag my name into the headlines to boost circulation.
In the same Independent story, a “source” with access to the wing stated that “when there are only 44 people in a confined space, it is inevitable that almost everyone will spend some time with everyone else at some point. I'm sure Hindley has spoken to West but there is no special relationship”.
Rose and Fred West’s adult son, Stephen West, gave a taped interview on the matter in 1996 for which he received no payment. He corroborated the Mail's account, recalling that his mother told him how the two women formed a friendship in jail, talking a lot and spending time together and how Hindley sent a 'Good Luck' card before West's trial.
“Mum mentioned Myra sending her a card of some sort. Whether it had been bought in or whether Myra had made it, I ain't sure, but she had sent her a good luck card and basically just wrote ‘Good Luck’ in it. When Mum was found guilty of all the murders, she went back to Durham Jail on the hospital wing, where Myra Hindley was after after falling and breaking her pelvis or hip or something.”
He also recalled her telling him how the pair prayed together in the prison chapel and watched TV together, and how they made soft toys together which were sent to West's newborn grandchild.
“There were times when they would see each other, being on the same wing together
- H wing. It sticks in my mind that they had been together in the chapel. They had begun to talk and form a friendship, they were making toys together and things like that. I know they watched TV together, because I know Mum mentioned she was sat there and something came on about Mum on the news and she felt funny being next to Myra while she was watching it.”
He said his mother had told him and his sister Mae that the pair were friends and still spend a lot of time together: “Mum and Myra had made some soft toys and it was sent to Mae's little 'un when it was born.”
The Mail's original story was based on information from four reputable but confidential sources who could not be named, and therefore could not testify. I will also add to that that Stephen never once alluded to his mother and Hindley being romantically or sexually involved - I don’t think he has commented on it since (I’ll continue to look, though) and I doubt Rose West herself will ever talk about it.
The PCC adjudication declared that because of this they “reluctantly” had to uphold the initial complaint from Hindley back in 1995, since she had been supported by a statement from a deputy governor of the prison. It added that the Mail had acted in good faith'. The file was reopened and in the end, Hindley’s initial complaint was not pursued - not because they deemed Stephen West’s story to be true, but because there had been considerable delays from Hindley’s legal team which meant that they failed to meet deadlines set by the commission.
Another source - possibly the deputy governor of Durham at the time - claimed that the reports of Hindley’s and West’s alleged friendship was “completely untrue”, and another “jail insider” told the People (in an article published 24th March 1996):
* There were a lot of reports at the start that said Rose had hit it off with Myra Hindley. But that's absolute nonsense. For a start, Hindley is in the hospital section with the brittle bone disease osteoporosis. She wants nothing to do with Rose - and regards her with contempt. Her view is that she is very much intellectually inferior to her.
To back that last point up, in that same article either the same or another source was quoted as saying: “Hindley is in a lot of pain because of her condition and is worried she will never be able to have sex again.”
Hope that clears everything up, as this is pretty much all of the information I have managed to find around it (at least so far - I accidentally came across Stephen’s interview when I was looking for another Daily Mail article on the case). I guess people are entitled to believe whatever they want to believe about these rumours. I think they were probably amiable in some capacity, but I highly doubt they were lovers - as I say, that’s just my opinion. I don’t know too much about the West case, and the only thing I know about Stephen is that he was eventually convicted of having sex with a 14-year-old girl, so 😖 no further comment on it all I hope

Changed job due to mental and physical stress/pain. Figured I could hold out on my savings for a little bit while I waited for the VA to process my last claim, which would put me at 100. It’s sleep apnea secondary to anxiety/depression. Filed March of 2022. Denied September of 22. No biggie, Iv been denied before, mistakes happen I’ll just do a HLR. Duty to assist found Oct 2022. Zero movement since, nobody can tell me what’s going on, nobody cares to even look deep into it even though I beg them. When they asked for a document, that wasn’t even needed for the claim, I had it sent to them the next day. Iv called VA hotline, VERA(about once a month) Whitehouse hotline, my lawyer(he’s good and says he’s put in multiple requests for an update), Iv asked my senator to get involved. Nothing, nothing is working. My savings are gone, my credit cards are rising. I’m so sad and depressed and just don’t know what to do anymore. Do I have to be completely homeless and lose everything for them to find out what’s going on with my claim? What the hell can I do? Someone please help me….. I understand PACT Act made things difficult, but why have some of us been put on the back burner…..

Just had a very vivid dream I was in some apartment complex with my family and was waiting for them to go shower or something and as they left me I started seeing Muslims appear all around me and realized its Fajr in the dream. But I was wearing a bathing suit only. So I saw them all coming down the stairs in their thobes and what not and heading to a side room. So I was saying assalamu alaykum to every everyone and finally got one to give me an extra thobe and said Jazakallahkhair and put it on and joined them for prayer. Everyone was kind of spaced out then the Imam came up front and everyone scooted forward and I ran to the front and managed to be right infront of the Imam and he was asking people if we knew who our neighbors were and that our goal was to know them better. Then we all started saying A’raf and Tawaf over and over and I woke up.
It felt so real that I took a moment to orientate once awake and get my bearings. In the dream, I could see in color and hear Arabic and had several conversations with people in it, and heard the call to prayer though I felt it was coming from inside me. Maybe this message will serve some purpose to a reader today, I am still processing it.
Have a great day everyone. May Allah bless you and your family all.

This is dramatic, I know. I have been single for over 4 years. I'm almost 97% sure my ex bf was talking to other women online, possibly flirting and other things. Anways, I talked to guys off dating apps and even got my first number last weekend. Thought I hit the jackpot of meeting all sorts of men, and when I got the number I felt like "oh hey, maybe you arent as bad as you make it seem" never once has this guy given me a compliment, he told me I was "nice". He was drunk when he got my number, so the thought stands. Maybe he found me attractive when he initially met me, but then had second thoughts when he met me for a date when he wasn't drunk like I looked better when he was drunk. I still found him insanely attractive when i met him. He was "surprised" I had met him go to lunch. He said how the other females he met were flakey. He did pay for me, and we have been texting but yesterday I didn't hear from him. And whenever I do hear from him, it's hours and hours apart.
I've been talking to a few other guys whom the distance is far enough away that they don't want to travel that far. I asked a guy to get food, and he said, "I would, but the distance is too much," so why continue talking to me?
It hurts because I've seen men travel hours every weekend to see their significant other. My brother drives 2 hours to see his girlfriend every Wednesday and weekend.
When I went on that "date" I complimented him (not too much, just gave him compliments) and I know people are weird sometimes about compliments but I feel like if he was interested he would've said "you look amazing".
I sometimes feel that if I lost weight, I wouldn't have to deal with this. It really sucks, and knowing you're good enough to send selfies to or for a limited amount of time to chat or for sex, but to want a relationship with me is Ludacris. I am about ready to give up. It's gotten to the point where I don't believe in love, I actually never did, but I had carried hope there for a while.
It really seems like no one else around me has any issues besides me and the plus-size women.