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2023.06.01 14:26 Im-a-molecule [Artist Spotlight] - Braid

Braid
emo math rock
Similar Artists
Characterized by tight, mathy song structures, witty lyrics, constant touring, and a D.I.Y. work ethic that resulted in countless contributions to compilations and 7" singles along with their album output, Braid started out as one of the definitive acts of '90s Midwestern emo. The band's relentless schedule ground them to a halt shortly after the release of their standout third album, 1998's Frame and Canvas, but a 2011 reunion brought the band back for good. From that point on, they performed live and recorded sporadic releases like 2014's No Coast.
In a search to find others interested in trading videos of live shows, drummesinger Bob Nanna, of Friction, placed a classified ad in Maximum Rocknroll and met drummer Roy Ewing, of Champaign-Urbana, Illinois, in 1993. That fall, Nanna, a freshman at the University of Illinois in Champaign-Urbana, started hanging out with Ewing, who played in Lowercase N. Nanna's friend guitarist Pete Havranek, of 42 Loads and Inkadink, wanted to play with someone new, so Ewing volunteered. Nanna became their singer and guitarist, Jay Ryan joined them on bass, and Braid was born. Shortly thereafter, Ryan left the band and went on to play with Hubcap and Dianogah. Todd Bell, who had played with Ewing in Lowercase N, replaced Ryan on bass. Kate Reuss was recruited to sing. Braid played their first show on December 10, 1993, in Danville, Illinois. Reuss left the band after the second show.
Braid then went through some drastic changes. Nanna's other band, Friction, broke up for good, which meant that Braid was no longer a side project. Chris Broach joined as singer. Havranek left the band in August 1994, and Broach took over on guitar. A week later, Braid recorded the "Rainsnowmatch" 7", which was released in December 1994 on Enclave Records. Braid's debut album, Frankie Welfare Boy Age 5, was released in June 1995 on Divot Records. Second album The Age of Octeen followed in 1996. In March 1997, Ewing left the band. Damon Atkinson, of Figurehead, joined Braid's spring tour and became the band's drummer. Third album Frame and Canvas was released in April of 1998 with Polyvinyl Records. Though Polyvinyl had been early supporters of the band and had released multiple singles with them, this was Braid's first full-length release with the label and it quickly became one of their most popular. More touring ensued, and in August 1999, Braid disbanded. Posthumous release Lucky to Be Alive followed in the spring of 2000, as did Movie Music, Vols.1 & 2, extensive collections of songs they had released over the years in the form of compilation tracks, singles, or other miscellaneous one-off songs.
After the split, members of the band broke off into a number of side projects. Bob Nanna formed the City on Film before eventually reuniting with Todd Bell and Damon Atkinson to form Hey Mercedes. Meanwhile, singer Chris Broach focused on his side project, the Firebird Band, on a full-time basis, and started his own label, Lucid Records. Braid reunited briefly for a one-off summer tour in 2004 before regrouping in a more serious capacity in 2011, when they released an EP, Closer to Closed, on Polyvinyl. Over the next few years, they played the occasional show, including their landmark 600th gig, on December 22, 2011 at the Turner Hall Ballroom in Milwaukee where they announced they would record a new album. The release took several years to come to fruition but was finally finished. No Coast was released in July of 2014 on Top Shelf Records. Shortly afterward, Braid followed with two-song single "Kids Get Grids" in 2015.
Facebook
Twitter
Instagram
Bandcamp
Spotify
Studio Albums
Frankie Welfare Boy Age 5 (1995)
The Age of Octeen (1996)
Frame & Canvas (1998)
No Coast (2014)
Previous Spotlight - Turnstile
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2023.06.01 13:28 Terrible-Court-7773 Arts, Culture, Festivals, Parties and Markets - June 2023 Round-Up

Birmingham Fair's June 2023 Arts & Culture Round-Up!
A regular non-exhaustive snapshot of creative events we've found going on in Birmingham this month...
1
Soho House and Blakesley Hall Reopen with Blood & Fire: Our Journey Through Vanley Burke’s History Exhibition
FOKA WOLF: WHY ARE WE STUCK IN HOSPITAL? (The Exchange) until 17th
We Don't Settle: Poetry Jam Live! (Symphony Hall)
STARS - AN AFROFUTURIST SPACE ODYSSEY (Old Rep)
2
Digbeth First Friday (multiple venues)
Open Studios & The Growing Project Sale (Grand Union)
Sonic Signals and God-Pocket (Eastside Projects)
Nela Milic Wedding Bellas (Centrala)
Free Jazz Fridays: Daisy Houlder (Symphony Hall)
UK Games Expo (NEC) until 4th
Community Fun Day (Burbury Park, Newtown)
Midlands Air Festival (Ragley Hall) until 4th
3
Burger Fest (The Bond, Digbeth)
Fighting Spirit Film Festival (The Mockingbird)
Community Open Day (Lifford Reservoir)
Walkspace 23: Opening Night Party (Artefact, Stirchley)
Birmingham Art Zone: Art Festival (Gunmakers Arms)
4
MAC Arts Market (Midlands Arts Centre)
Highbury Hall Craft Fair
Still Walking: Relics of New Street
Dancing Out (Compton Verney, Warwick)
8
B-Side Hip-Hop Festival (multiple events) until 14th
Birmingham Design Festival (The Rep) until 9th
Fatt Butcher: Tw*ts (Old Joint Stock Theatre) until 10th
9
Fight the Power: How Hip Hop Changes The World Special Screening (Part of B-SIDE Hip-Hop Festival) (Birmingham Hippodrome)
Free Jazz Fridays: Maddy Coombs Trio (Symphony Hall)
10
Wolverhampton Pride
Balsall Heath Second Saturday (multiple events)
Zine-Making Workshop with Rachael House (Grand Union)
Birmingham’s Craft & Flea (Custard Factory)
Windrush Tapestry Project (Old Print Works)
BAR4BAR Cypher (Suki10C)
Supersonic Kids Gig: ICHI (Symphony Hall)
Growing Up Green Festival (Highbury Orchard)
Breakin', poppin', lockin' and Hip-Hop Battles: Prelims & Qualifiers (Part of B-SIDE Hip-Hop Festival) (Arcadian Car Park)
All Styles & Waacking Battles: Prelims & Qualifiers (Part of B-SIDE Hip-Hop Festival)
Frequency Summer Festival (Luna Springs)
50 Years of Hip-Hop Block Party (Thorp Street)
FLUXCON: 50 Years of Hip-Hop (Part of B-SIDE Hip-Hop Festival) (Birmingham Hippodrome)
Lark in the Park (Manor Farm Park, Northfield)
SPASMS AND SAVAGERY; 30 YEARS OF DOWNWARDS (Centrala)
Tin Tent Festival (Rock N Roll Brewhouse)
11
Dance Championship Finals (Part of B-SIDE Hip-Hop Festival) (Bullring)
Kings Heath Artisan Market (York Road)
12
Force of Nature Exhibition (Birmingham Botanical Gardens)
13
Collage Club Social (The Steam Room, Harborne)
Windrush Caribbean Film Festival: Young Soul Rebels + Shantaye’s World (Midland Arts Centre)
16
Craig Charles’ Funk and Soul House Party (The Mill)
Free Jazz Fridays: Cherise & University of Birmingham Jazz Orchestra (Symphony Hall)
Moseley Food Fest (The Village, Moseley)
17
Stirchley Community Market (Stirchley Baths)
Celebrating Sanctuary: Refugee Week Family Festival (Midlands Arts Centre)
Amok: Experimental Performance and Music (Artefact, Stirchley)
Pop Lovers Summer Outdoor Festival (Luna Springs)
Paperdolls Summer Market (Custard Factory) until 18th
Sinfonia of Birmingham in Barnt Green
18
Still Walking: 666 Places in Birmingham That You Shouldn’t Miss (Black Sabbath Bridge)
20
VERVE Open Door: Poetry Event for all (The Hive Cafe & Bakery)
Ex Cathedra’s Summer Music By Candlelight (St Paul’s Church) (until 21st)
22
First Songs in the Orchard... with B'Opera (Castle Bromwich Hall Gardens)
23
Hannah Sawtell: Useful Tools (Centrala)
24
Bournville Village Festival
Earth Markets (Martineau Gardens)
Congolese Independence Day Celebration 2023 (Midlands Arts Centre)
‘Parade – The Giant Wheel’ by Autin Dance Theatre (Walsall Arboretum)
25
Harborne Carnival
Vegan Market and Garden Party (Castle Bromwich Historic Gardens)
The Flapper Summer Market
26
Birmingham Settlement Neighbourhood Futures Festival 2023 (Edgbaston Reservoir) until 1st July
29
Birmingham Indian Film Festival 2023: New Brit-Asian Shorts (Midlands Arts Centre)
30
Friday Lates: Your City, Your Story (Wolverhampton Art Gallery)
Free Jazz Friday: Birmingham Jazz Orchestra (Symphony Hall)
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2023.06.01 13:08 Famous_Philosophy_70 Im (38m) being taken for granted by my partner (38f). Grief lead to gaslighting, is she exempt from basic relationship functions?

Throwaway. Please don't share to the socials, her or her kid will see it. Super long post sorry.
I'm not entirely sure where to start. Been together 1.5 years. At the beginning this was a relationship we've both waited our whole lives for. But as time goes on you get to find out things and sometimes you can't help but question everything.
Ive always been the one in the relationship that supports harder, understands better and has more patience when things aren't all rosey. An empath. My partner's had a lot of stress in her life which seems to follow her everywhere. Her 13 year old kid has undiagnosed adhd which also brings stress, but that can be totally managed with love and patience (the dad has never ever been around). But like I say, I picked up the slack with everyday things, lightened the load and the burdens which I was always happy to do. I felt like if roles were reversed she would have supported me the same way.
Things started getting rocky when I found out she was a secret smoker and sneakily hiding it from me, but hiding it mostly from her kid. I had an inkling about it anyway but it was never confirmed until a few months in. I'm against smoking but can understand if people need a stress relief. It wasn't a big deal but the sneakiness of it all effected me. I let her know this and we had arguments about it but she never really budged. She did quit for 3 weeks but gave in and refused my help and support so I had to get used to the idea. I did. Because I told myself i love her.
Anyways a few months later things went further south. Her phone started going off at all hours in the night. I confronted her and she just said it was Instagram notifications. I believed her. But it kept happening. One night in bed it woke me up as it buzzed like 6 times in a row. I snooped (no lectures please I already know it's bad) and saw that it was a guy she used to date basically booty calling her with messages on Snapchat (queue the Snapchat haters brigade. Kids and drug dealers use it a lot- more on that later). I also saw that there was a half naked picture of her saved in his chat from a week after our first date. My senses left me and I replied as her, asking when was the last time they spoke. Months ago apparently. But I still felt betrayed. She woke up early that morning, walked the dog and obviously knew what had happened. She said nothing though, because her mother was dying and actually passed away that afternoon. This was January, not very long ago I know.
This obviously shook everything to the core and became the number one focus. Despite my feeling about what I found I only had focus on supporting her. So I did and learned to get over it in time by throwing myself into being her rock. It's been an obvious harrowing time since. But I showed up every day, offered her space, picked up the slack at home (we don't live together but I've stayed over almost every day of every week since), covered bills and food, took care of her kid and dog and all despite her attempts to push me away.
Now here's the part in having trouble working out.
I set my boundaries and early on. Drugs, cheating and lies are all deal-breakers. She understood this. In February I began to feel in my gut that she was taking coke. Her ex was a dealer and I know she used to do it with him. She told me she had been free of them for a year when we got together. These gut feelings wouldn't budge. Having never taken drugs or been around it i did some research/asked friends and some things added up. So I went looking. And found a bag of coke, a bank card and rolled up paper in a jewelry box under her nightstand. When confronted she said she didn't know it was there and it was from before she moved house a year ago. I didn't believe her but she gaslit me (didn't recognise this at the time please go easy on me) into thinking I was wrong for snooping and not trusting her. She brought up me going through her phone too, said she knew all along and was gonna let it go until I went looking. We sorted it I forgave her (gaslit) and she told me she got rid of it.
When I snooped her phone the first time, I saw messages to her friends asking to buy drugs. Never knew it was that at the time. A codename was used and I didn't really understand what the codename meant until way later when it was referred to as cocaine on some twitter post. Given her sneaky behaviour and what I found I snooped her phone again a few weeks after finding the coke. Confirmed she wanted to buy them the night before (the night i first snooped on her phone) and within the few weeks that her mother died. I also found that she had changed that guy's name on her Snapchat and was still talking to him. After she said she'd deleted him and the picture. Wounded. I was definitely ending the relationship after this.
But yet again she got that torch out and made me feel like I was equally to blame for going through her phone again, says it's a form of domestic abuse and we are both in the wrong. She admitted speaking to the guy, I told her it was emotionally cheating and she obliterated my boundaries but she said she never ended up buying the drugs. After a long talk we agreed to put it behind us. On my part she was still grieving and I know it makes people do things out of character.
Fast forward a few weeks. I hear her and her kid in the kids room acting suspicious. A lot of hushing a lot of laughing and a lot of coughing as if someone has inhaled something too quick. They're vaping together. I know it. We were out in the car and stopped by the store before hand. The kid definitely asked for a vape via text. The kid says to me let's drive around the corner to hide, but what she really did was make sure i dont see her mother buying vapes. I confront her after hearing them locked in the bedroom. But she lies to my face. I stew in silence. I can not be apart of a relationship where she's giving her kid a nicotine addiction. I confront her again. Gaslight. How dare I accuse her of doing something like that when I snooped through her phone twice. The next day we made up. Some pattern huh? Even writing this I can't believe I've put up with it.
For the last 2 weeks all this betrayal has consumed me, along with the lies and everything else. This is where I've figured out about the gaslighting. Not at the time unfortunately but just in the past couple of weeks. All the while supporting her through grief and domestic duties to make sure nothing is a burden too much. Mostly without thanks but I do it because I wanted to be here. The best thing ive done was encourage her to go to therapy which she has been doing. But I'm running on empty here. I'm close to breaking down and when I try and say I need space to myself or even express that I feel like a doormat at times I'm not listened to. My feelings aren't important. I mean they're not as important as her grieving but I'm pretty sure I'm important too right?
Why am I staying with her? Because she's going through hell after losing her mother, something I'm yet to feel or even fathom out. And despite her shit treatment of me I cannot give up on someone who is on their knees emotionally on a daily basis. But I'm close to breaking point and I'm not sure how I can support her further after constantly disrespecting my feelings. I'm not sure if I can trust this version of her.
So basically, have any of you guys experienced anything at all similar when it comes to grief or their partners grief? Do I stick out the storm and when it's less raw will things start to improve? Or am I fighting a losing battle? Remove the bad times since her mother passed and it was great. We wanted to settle forever. But now I'm only still with her sold on that future and because I know grief is absolutely incredibly awful and it's not her for the most part. Don't get me wrong, I'm not perfect and am to blame for some of the things we argue over. But I feel like I'm instantly accountable and want to make it right a lot quicker than her. Currently arguing over her lack of basic communication skills that I ask for but she never updates me on.
I'm too old to be having this sort of relationship anxiety. I'm booking myself into therapy this week before things become a lot worse for my MH.
Thanks guys, sorry it's so long.
TLDR: Is grief making my partner gaslight me and over step my boundaries. And if so has anyone had a similar experience, did it get better after a while.
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2023.06.01 12:01 stargatewarrior old Deleted Times Out London Interview

Grimes: writer, producer, fighter. When Grimes speaks, the internet listens. She’s got strong opinions about #FreeKesha and Donald Trump, but she’s reluctant to be music’s moral compass.
Claire Boucher – aka Grimes – is telling me about the time she got arrested for assault. ‘This guy at my school grabbed my butt, so I hit him in the face,’ she explains gleefully. ‘He was a huge pussy because it was hardly a slap. Other girls were like, “He grabbed my butt too”, so he dropped the charges. That’s when I went from being unpopular to at least acceptable at high school.’ In a world of manufactured personas and publicist-run Twitter accounts, 27-year-old Boucher is one of the most honest voices out there – and she’s created a cult fanbase as a result. She’s currently touring with her fifth studio album ‘Art Angels’, one of the best albums of 2015: a record that sounds like it was made 500 years into a post-apocalyptic future. She wrote, produced and performed every track on it.While her music is dreamy and ethereal, Boucher is the opposite. The Canadian gives opinions so sharp they’re basically clickbait headlines. She’s clued up on gender identity, the environment and the injustices of the music industry, and she’s not afraid to speak her mind. In the past, Boucher has been described as a ‘pop star’ and a ‘feminist spokesperson’, but over the course of our conversation she dismisses both those labels. While her music is popular, she says her sound’s still alternative. She’s been praised for criticising misogyny in the music industry, but she’s bored of talking about sexism. She’d much rather just hit you in the face with her music.
You’re performing at Brixton Academy on March 10. What can fans expect from your gig? ‘The whole tour can fit into a single duffel bag. It’s based on a video game, “Metal Gear”, which is anti-military, so it’s all black-and-white army mesh with red spray paint all over it.’
How did you imagine London before you visited? ‘I thought it was going to be way more savage, like the Industrial Revolution: people eating bread with rotten teeth.’
Did you get your name from the music genre? ‘Accidentally. I thought it was just a cool option on MySpace: “Ooh, grime, what a cool word.” I was like, “Oh, it must mean music that’s kind of dark.”
’Are you a fan of grime now? ‘I’m actually trying to learn about grime music right now. My favourite artist is JME. He’s amazing and he’s a vegan. He produces all his stuff, makes all his videos too. I really vibe off the self-auteur thing and think it’s really cool when artists are political. I’m always getting in trouble for being political so it makes me feel less alone.’
You’ve made an effort to credit yourself as ‘writer, singer, producer, video director’ at the end of your videos. What’s the reaction to that been like?
‘People still ask me all the time who produces my stuff and who directs my videos. I also get people accusing me of showing off, like I’ve been insane for asking for a credit. I even know people who were going around saying “I was working on the Grimes record.” No you didn’t. It’s a blatant lie.’
You also drew illustrations to go with every track on ‘Art Angels’. What’s the last thing you drew? ‘Oh my God… a weird dog with a penis. I was at a restaurant and I was leaving a creepy thing for the waiter. I wanted them to come after we left and be confused.’
In 2013 you wrote a blog post calling out all the sexism you’d experienced in the music industry. Have men in the industry changed the way they behave around you since then? ‘It’s been a fucking nightmare. People treat you like you’re hysterical. And I spend half my interviews getting asked about feminism. I almost wish I hadn’t written it.’
But at the same time, hasn’t it had a positive impact? More women in the music industry are now speaking out about sexism and sexual assault… ‘Yes, but it’s also the most small-fry shit. It’s so much worse on the upper levels, and those people are never going to get called out. Even I wouldn’t do it because you don’t want to get too fucked. So you end up with these super-low-level scapegoats for what’s happening.’
Your sound is futuristic. What do you think about the nostalgia for ’90s and noughties music right now? ‘It’s an economic thing. I think people are open to more sounds, but the only way to make money from music now is to be a good live act. That’s kind of whittled out anyone who’s not making music that can be transformed into a live setting. When I started, electronic acts were getting on to festival line-ups then all of us were bombing. A rock band is a much easier format for a live setting.’
You’ve said in the past that fame makes you anxious. Do you feel like you’ve had to sacrifice a lot to make money as a musician? ‘No, because of the alternative: maybe I’d be less anxious about some things, but then I’d be a barista at Starbucks and be anxious about my taxes. The level of anxiety is probably equal to what it would be otherwise.’
Do you think pop music’s becoming more inclusive? ‘I think it’s becoming a lot more exclusive. Music is basically for rich people. Studios are really expensive, so you either have to be wealthy or pretty enough or know the right person to get in there. The only reason I had the chance to make “Art Angels” is because I made money off my last album “Visions” and could build my own studio.’
Do you find it frustrating when you see less talented people succeeding and then more talented people unable to get into the industry? ‘It really pisses me off. Especially when they’re like “It’s my new track!” and you’re like “It’s not your new track, it’s literally got seven co-writers.” And then there’s this person over here, who’s worked their ass off, is extremely talented and maybe they don’t look like a supermodel.’
A good example from last year is the Justin Bieber album that had so many writers and producers on it. ‘My best friend [BloodPop] wrote the track “Sorry”, so I have to defend it; I’m very glad that he got that. I think those things should be allowed to exist, but there aren’t really avenues for other things. I think that when I came up in music it was a lot easier. If you got written about on Pitchfork, you could almost tour. Now I feel like there are almost no avenues for any kind of new alternative music. The labels are disappearing, the blogs are disappearing, it’s becoming more homogenised. I think it’s really hard for new artists right now, especially if you don’t want to compromise. If you don’t want to sign a six-album deal for no money.’
Kesha’s locked into a contract that means she can only record with Dr Luke (who, she claims, sexually assaulted her – which he strenuously denies). What do you think of that situation? ‘You shouldn’t be allowed to sign a human being, regardless of what the allegations are or what anyone said or did. It’s basically like slavery. She should be allowed to record [with other people]. It’s a deeply fucked situation.’
Who do you think is the best pop star of all time? ‘Beyoncé – because she’s the best performer and her music is really, really varied. The way her self-titled album got people to listen to a pop album as an entire record is a really difficult thing to do. It was as creative and as experimental as it was pop. I put Madonna up there too.’
You were compared to Madonna recently in a German magazine… ‘Yes. It’s weird as I’m not very good at dancing or singing, but it’s a compliment. I think it’s undeserved. Maybe I’m dissociated from who I am, but I just don’t seem very much like a pop star. My music’s still pretty alternative. I’m on an indie label.
’You recorded ‘Visions’ while on an amphetamine binge, but you recently changed your stance on drugs. Is that because you want to be more of a role model or because you had a horrific trip? ‘I’ve lost four very close friends to drugs over the last few years, which has been really shitty. But it’s also because I used to get 14-year-olds coming to my shows saying things like “Do you need drugs to make art?” That’s hard, especially when you’ve lost friends. Drugs aren’t necessary for art. They can be a good time. A lot of my friends do drugs, but it’s not something I feel I can publicly condone – and, mostly, I want to try and live a cleanish lifestyle.
’What’s the worst party you’ve ever been to? ‘Jeez, I’ve been to some bad parties. Once I was at a party where everyone got maced and it was terrible. I was outside with some other people and we were like “Hey, there are some big, scary neo-Nazi-looking guys at the door!” And then all of a sudden people started screaming and they were robbing the house. It was pretty back.
’You posted on Instagram about being a Bernie Sanders fan. What would you do if Donald Trump used your music like he’s been using Adele’s? ‘I’d sue him. The band Skinny Puppy tried suing the US government for $666,000 for using their music as torture [at Guantanamo Bay].’
What would you do with the money you got? ‘Give it to Planned Parenthood.’
By Kate Lloyd Posted: Friday February 26 2016 source
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2023.06.01 09:48 SquibblesMcGoo [Eurovision] The Dark Horse, the Powerhouse and the Great Nordic War of 2023 (Or When the Winner of a Song Competition Made the Audience Revolt)

Ah, Eurovision season. The time of hype, music, unity – and a shit ton of drama. This year’s winner is maybe one of the most controversial we’ve ever had, and that’s saying something considering we've had broadcasters straight up end a broadcast because they didn't like the winner (don't ask).
But I’m getting ahead of myself. Let’s start from the basics:

What is Eurovision?

Eurovision (or ESC) is an annual song contest originating from Europe, organized by the European Broadcasting Union (EBU). It’s been held without fail since 1951 aside from 2020, when it was cancelled for truly mysterious reasons. (COVID, guys, it was COVID). Originally incorporating only European countries, the contest has grown in its scope since its early days, nowadays having almost 40 countries participating (including some decisively non-European countries like Israel and Australia) and reaching a viewership of 150+ million, making it measure up to live events the likes of Super Bowl.
The concept of the competition is simple: each country sends one original song to compete. Aside from the biggest sponsors of the contest (UK, Spain, Italy, Germany and France) and the winner of the previous year (Ukraine in ESC 2023) each entry participates in a semi-final, from which 20 countries are selected to advance to the final via voting. The winner of the competition is the act that gets the most votes in the final, who then gets the right to host next year’s contest and enjoy the tourism money. This year, UK took over the hosting duties from Ukraine for reasons (the war, guys, it was the war).
The voting system is important to understand for context: each country gives two sets of points, both equal in value and weight. Points are given to the top 10 entries, 10th getting 1 point, 9th two points and so on. Third place gets 8 points, second place gets 10 points and first place gets 12 points to make the top two positions more valuable. The two sets of votes come from professional juries and the televote. Countries can’t vote for their own entry, naturally.
Juries are 4-5 member teams consisting of music professionals (artists, producers, managers, vocal coaches, music reporters, radio DJs, choreographers etc.) who appraise each entry based on the following criteria:
Televotes are collected by having viewers vote via the official Eurovision app, or by calling/texting. A person/device can give a maximum of 20 votes and each vote costs money, the amount depending on each individual country, but it usually hovers somewhere around 1€/vote. Yes, I blew 20€ on the grand final. Yes, I blew another 20€ on the semifinal I was allowed to vote in (there are two semifinals and you can only vote in the semi your country’s in).
This year's Grand Final was held on May 13, but things start happening way before that. Each Eurovision season typically starts with countries selecting their representatives. Some use internal selection (as in, broadcasters decide who goes all by themselves) but most host national finals, competitions where the winner is granted the golden ticket to Eurovision. These national finals are keenly followed by eurofans (passionate fans of Eurovision).

Ready Player One: UMK 2023 and the Launch of the Dark Horse

In January 2023, UMK, the Finnish national final for Eurovision, started revealing its finalists. Seven finalists were announced, and their songs were released one by one on a once-a-day schedule. Finland’s journey in Eurovision has historically been poor, having only managed to secure one win (granted, there are many who have never won) and often finishing on the back end of the results.
Since 2020, however, UMK went under new management and did what was pretty much a 180: in a few years, it became one of the highest quality national finals around, and because of that, many eyes were on Finland when UMK started. The overall quality of songs in 2023 was very good, but one emerged as a clear frontrunner.
Käärijä, a Finnish rapper who was virtually unknown even in his home country, entered the competition, as the kids say, guns ablaze and mad as hell. His song Cha Cha Cha, a rap/metal/techno fusion song that does a complete tonal and genre shift halfway through, immediately became the fan favourite to win. When the time came, Käärijä absolutely landslided the national final, getting more points than the three runners up put together.
Hopeful buzz started amongst the eurofans; would this finally be Finland’s time after seventeen years (Finland’s last and only win was in 2006)? Finland is by means not the most beloved country in Eurovision, but many see it as an underdog that’s finally catching up to speed. Many wanted it to do well. Some were cautiously optimistic.
That was, until Sweden entered the competition, as the kids say, guns ablaze and mad as hell.

Ready Player Two: Melodifestivalen 2023 and the Awakening of the Sleeping Giant

Sweden, by all possible metrics, is one of, if not THE most successful country in Eurovision history. Before 2023, they’ve raked in a massive six wins (second only to Ireland who has seven), two of which during the last 11 years alone and the last one as recently as 2015. Additionally, on years they don’t win, they place in the top 10 almost without fail. They have only failed to qualify from the semifinals once, and it was largely seen as a national disgrace.
Sweden takes Eurovision VERY seriously, and it shows in their results. Melodifestivalen, Sweden’s national selection, started gathering curious eyes even before it started, because rumours were murmuring of someone very remarkable returning on stage. These rumours turned out to be true.
It’s hard to overstate how iconic Loreen is to the Eurovision community. She won the competition back in 2012, with a song that’s widely regarded as the best winning song of all time. She’s beloved and for a good reason. Known as a passionate, skilful vocalist and a world-class performer, the moment her participation was confirmed, many considered Melodifestivalen 2023 a done deal.
It must be mentioned that Loreen did attempt to return to Eurovision once between her win in 2012 and entry in 2023, but failed to win Melodifestivalen. However, this year’s entry was not here to play. She entered with Tattoo, a pop epic crafted by some of the best songwriters Sweden has to offer, with a staging so impeccable it could pass for a music video.
Critics and audience alike were raving. She was back, more powerful than ever. Expectedly, she won Melodifestivalen and earned her place in the line-up of 2023. In the community, the buzz was immediate, but not all of it was positive.

Sweden and Eurovision: A Turbulent Relationship

I think it’s fair to say that Sweden is, for the lack of a better term, suffering from success. Lately, there has been a somewhat anti-Sweden mentality brewing in the community, stemming from a few key criticisms Sweden regularly gets
This has led to things souring between Sweden and eurofans. To sum it up concisely: many eurofans feel like Sweden never takes risks, sends ungenuine lab-crafted jury baits and is always rewarded for it no matter what the viewers do because the juries always have Sweden's back. There's a lot of intricacies that go into this and there's nuance to this criticism, but for the sake of keeping things concise, I won't go into them now, all you need to know is that this is something that's going on.

“I love Loreen, but…”

Because of this sentiment, while Loreen undoubtedly had her fans, a sizeable section of the fandom started being critical of her. People started negging. Her song was called generic and soulless, the fact it was written by a huge group of the “regulars” in Melodifestivalen was brought up. People said it was too similar to her 2012 winning song, a 2.0 or carbon copy if you will.
As soon as Loreen was announced as the Swedish representative, the competition took on a narrative of its own. It was widely seen as a race between Finland and Sweden. While Loreen definitely had her fans, the overall mentality was leaning more towards Käärijä. He was seen as the underdog from the country that has a winning chance once every 20 years, if that, going up against the Eurovision powerhouse Sweden who wins so often the fandom is getting tired of it.
That’s not to say no other entries were ever in the talks: Spain’s artsy fusion flamenco song was seen as a potential jury darling. France’s sassy chanson was seen as a potential sleeper hit. Norway’s TikTok viral Viking techno banger was seen as a potential televote magnet. Ukraine was still a big unknown given that the previous year, they had received the largest televote tally in the history of the competition and many thought sympathy votes would keep pouring in this year as well. And then there’s whatever the fuck Croatia was doing (okay, they never had a chance of winning, I just wanted any excuse to subjugate people to this chaos).
But the overall sentiment was heavily leaning towards this being a neighbour war between Finland and Sweden. As the press and pre-parties (fan arranged concerts where artists are invited to perform to get their first interactions with the fandom) started, eyes were undeniably on Loreen and Käärijä.
During his Eurovision journey, Käärijä became somewhat of a crowd darling and went moderately viral on TikTok. A little guy with a bowl cut and a thick accent who had quickly gotten the reputation of being both funny and extremely friendly, coming to the competition with an out of the box and blatantly flamboyant genre fusion banger, walking around in a green bolero with no shirt. It's hard not to feel endeared. (Not that Loreen was unfriendly or anything, she’s perfectly nice by all accounts, but her off-stage personality wasn’t as much of a focal point as it was for Käärijä who became so beloved he was locked in as an icon even before the competition began).
Finns, they, well… Rallied behind Käärijä like crazy. Their government officials sent tweets wishing him good luck. The state owned railway company dressed its statues as Käärijä. The Helsinki tram got a Käärijä makeover. Cha Cha Cha topped the Finnish charts for ages (and still does AFAIK). The Finnish press was going gaga, broadcasting how only Loreen stood in the way of Käärijä’s victory.

“Just Ignore Everyone”: The Main Event That Undeniably Shaved a Few Years Off Of Graham Norton’s Life Span

The main event came about at the Liverpool Arena. As expected, both Sweden and Finland qualified for the final (later revealed to have come second and first, respectively). As the grand final came about, what was supposed to be a fun event (ironically carrying the slogan “United by Music”) turned into a rather tense occasion. Sweden performed 9th whereas Finland performed 13th. Both of their performances went largely well.
During Finland’s performance, the crowd went so crazy some commentators even said the whole building was shaking. People shouted Cha Cha Cha at the top of their lungs. The audience was on his side. Not that Loreen’s performance was poorly received either, she clearly had a lot of friends at the arena, but Finland got the audience by the balls.
After all of the 26 acts were done performing, the time for vote announcements came. The structure of vote announcements goes as follows: first, each country gives their jury points one by one, their spokesperson saying out loud the country that got 12 points, the highest one possible. After that, the total televote points given by all countries are given to each act one by one starting from the country currently at the last position.
Very soon, it became obvious that the juries had taken an immense liking to Tattoo.
Loreen got 12 points after 12 points, and the atmosphere at the arena shifted. The audience got more and more agitated with each 12 points Sweden received, and cheered very loudly whenever Käärijä (who was expected to do significantly worse with the juries thanks to non-mainstream genre and his lesser singing abilities due to being a rapper first and foremost) got any points. It got to a point where they responded to Sweden getting 12 points by chanting Cha Cha Cha.
The hosts (Graham Norton and Hannah Waddingham) were getting visibly uncomfortable and had to calm the crowd more than once. Hannah Waddingham eventually gave the exasperated yet iconic one-liner “just ignore everyone” when the chanting wouldn’t calm down. In the end, Sweden was comfortably in 1st place, having raked in a massive and historic 340 points, almost double that of the runner up Israel (who got 177 jury points). Finland ranked 4th with the juries with a total tally of 150, nearly 200 points behind Loreen.
Once the time for televotes came, everyone’s eyes were on Finland. Käärijä was expected to do well, but no one could quite gauge how well he’d do. Turns out, very well. He raked in a massive 376 televote points, getting the full marks from 18/37 countries and not placing lower than 5th with any country. To put it in perspective, this is the 2nd highest televote score ever (by percentage of available points), the highest being Ukraine from the year prior, and the circumstances were quite unprecedented.
By then, it was obvious the two-horse race had become true. Loreen would need 189 points (roughly the 3th-4th place in televotes) to secure her win, a tally that wasn’t a walk in the park, but was very doable with her popularity.
The following sequence is still very bizarre to me. Loreen’s points were announced. She got 243 points, making her the televote runner up. Which in turn meant Käärijä had lost to her by about 50 points despite outdoing her televote score by 133 points. As the winner was announced, Käärijä buried his head in his hands, clearly devastated. Loreen was immediately guided back on stage for her winner’s reprisal.
Footage from backstage shows many contestants beelining for Käärijä to comfort him. They’re seen hugging him, chanting Cha Cha Cha like he’s the actual winner and trying to cheer him up. All the while, Käärijä himself was obviously heartbroken. The crowd wasn’t happy, to a point where when Loreen accepted the trophy, she asked if anyone even wants her to perform again.
While Loreen’s fans were ecstatic to see her win and perform again, a portion of the audience reportedly walked out, disappointed. That was the end of the main competition. Sweden had won its 7th Eurovision trophy, catching up to Ireland for most wins ever. Loreen had become the second person (and first woman) in history to win twice.
The fandom, while disappointed, quickly got over themselves and accepted the outcome- yeah no one’s buying this lmfao. The dust was up in the air and wouldn’t settle for a good while.

Let the Shit Slinging Begin: Conspiracy Theories, Petitions and the Media Fight

The outcome received immediate backlash. Loreen’s winning performance and grand final performance were mass downvoted on YouTube. Loreen’s victory post on Eurovision currently has 0 upvotes and over 6500 comments. Social media posts by Eurovision about Loreen were spammed by people proclaiming Käärijä was the real winner. Some contestants (namely Slovenia, Estonia and Serbia) outright said Käärijä was their winner. Finland’s grand final performance views also surpassed that of Sweden’s.
There was a lot of shit slinging. Conspiracies started rearing their heads. Some were convinced Sweden had rigged the jury in order to host Eurovision on the 50th anniversary of ABBA’s victory (yes, ABBA is Swedish, yes, they won Eurovision with Waterloo, no there’s no proof of this conspiracy). A petition was started to remove the juries and it reached 60 000 signatures in two days. Loreen was accused of plagiarizing at least two different songs (not that I personally think the accusations have any merit, the melody line is just incredibly common). The Norwegian delegation outright said the juries should be overhauled (Norway got screwed over massively by the juries, being placed 17th, only to be pulled to the 5th overall position by the televote).
When detailed televote results came out, it turned out Sweden had not placed 1st in a single country. It also had less 2nd places than Finland, and its average position was 5th (which coincidentally was the lowest score Käärijä got in any country). People were pissed. Some proclaimed spending money on voting is a waste of time if the 2nd highest televote score in history isn’t enough to win because a group of 200 or so people said so.
People started going through the jury credentials, soon discovering that they were overwhelmingly pop professionals (55% to be exact) while rock pros were nowhere to be seen (they made up 3.8% of the jury to be exact). To be fair, people weren’t only pissed for Finland, they were pissed for other entries that seemingly ticked all the boxes for the juries just to get a minimal result because Sweden vacuumed all the points like it was time for spring cleaning. (I feel like I must mention that a lot of televote magnet entries also flopped hard because Finland suckled up most of the televote points leaving the rest to fight for scraps.)
With the televote results also came a peculiar detail that kicked the drama between Sweden and Finland to a whole new sphere. Turns out, every country gave Sweden televote points, except one. Yep, you guessed it. Finland blanked Sweden, while Sweden’s televote gave Finland the full 12 points. (Finnish and Swedish juries gave each other 12 points.)
This was seen as unsportsmanlike and the Swedish media latched onto it. Think pieces started coming out. One infamous Swedish Eurovision podcast episode hosted by a Swedish newspaper consisted mostly of ranting about how Finland is a "country of idiots", how it's impossible Finns could genuinely have thought 10 other songs were better than Tattoo and how it was a testament to their lack of taste that they voted for Germany and not Sweden (Germany came in last, Finland was one of the only countries to give them points. Germany sent a metal entry so I’m not sure why this was a surprise, Finns LOVE metal).
Swedish newspapers also widely reported that the Finnish Eurovision commentator had told Finns not to vote for Sweden, furthermore adding fuel to the fire. This seems to mostly be lost in translation/a cultural miscommunication, the commentator in question read a joke out loud from the stream chat that essentially said “you’re allowed to vote tactically but not for your own country”, joking about the general elections held in Finland just months prior, where a lot of people voted tactically for the largest left-wing party to prevent the largest right-wing party from taking over. It didn’t work but "vote tactically" became a nation wide meme. Said commentator also simultaneously came under fire by Finns for stanning Loreen too much during his commentary. Man just can't win lmao
One Swedish newspaper article evoked strong backlash in Finland by referring to Finland as “östra rikshalvan” (“Eastern part of the Kingdom”, roughly translated) which was the term used for Finland when it still belonged to Sweden. Many Finns saw it as colonialist and like Sweden was implying they were entitled to their former vassal using their money to give them points. However, it’s difficult to deny this lack of points likely was tactical from Finland, given how they’ve given Sweden points every other year except this one. The Finnish media also did broadcast heavily that Loreen's win depends on the amount of televotes she gets compared to Käärijä, so it's not far-fetched at all that Finns were aware of it and voted for something else.
Finnish press wasn’t silent either. A widely publicized clip from a gossip radio show hosted by the teen targeted state-owned radio station Yle X3M heavily criticized Loreen’s entry, calling it “shit” and making a tasteless joke implying Loreen was on drugs the whole night thanks to her somewhat ethereal demeanour. One of the hosts also seemed convinced the results were rigged. Newspapers also eagerly reported about the plagiarism allegations against Tattoo, even if they never went as far as suggesting there’s any merit to them.
Perhaps the saddest part of this is the contestants themselves. Loreen and Käärijä both have consistently praised each other. They reportedly get along great and there are numerous clips of them hugging, laughing and joking around. Despite taking the loss heavily, Käärijä congratulated Loreen and emphasized he loves her and wishes her all the best from the very first interview he gave after his loss. (He did however say he feels like the jury system might need a reform.) Likewise, Loreen said in an interview that she wasn’t bothered by the crowd chanting Cha Cha Cha because she thinks Käärijä is awesome and authentic.
They’re still in contact and are planning to meet up for coffee when Loreen’s next in Helsinki. The abuse Loreen herself received reached downright disgusting proportions, crossing from general trashing to misogynistic and even racist territory (because of her Moroccan heritage). It got to a point where Käärijä had to address it on Finnish morning TV, emphasizing that the results are not her fault and that he feels horrible for her when people insult her because he knows her and knows she’s a lovely person. By all accounts, there’s no bad blood between them (or any contestants for that matter, this year was remarkably cordial).
So, where are we now? People have mostly calmed down (mostly) and accepted the results. Many still push for a jury reform, demanding larger juries with more diversity and knowledge of non-mainstream genres, a shift to a 60/40 voting split in favour of the televote, and many other things too numerous to list here. EBU has not addressed the controversy in any shape or form (and they likely won't), and we’ll likely have to wait until next year to find out if the jury system will be overhauled. Loreen and Käärijä fans are still bickering amongst each other but the general public seems to have moved on. Loreen is currently enjoying very good streaming numbers and chart placements across the world, and a record number of Eurovision entries are charting. Käärijä isn't doing half-bad either, being greeted by an airport full of supportive Finns upon his return and having skyrocketed to undeniable legendary status in the Finnish music scene.
Here’s to hoping Käärijä’s invited to perform at Eurovision 2024 as an interval act and regardless of jury reform (or lack thereof) people can bury this hatchet and Nordic unity can blossom once again. (Nordics get along great... Until one loses a competition to another, then it means war.)
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2023.06.01 08:03 rufftoiletpaper Smokey Sip

https://instagram.com/smokeysip?igshid=ZDc4ODBmNjlmNQ==
^ go follow a bunch of singles dropping very very soon.
The hottest new music in a long time. You like jazz? You like blues? You like rock? You like pop? You like folk? Good news Smokey Sip is all of the above and will tickle the eardrums, hearts, and souls of all who listen. Go listen to our sneak peak of the first single on the Instagram. Hope you enjoy stay tuned!!!
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2023.06.01 08:02 rufftoiletpaper Smokey Sip Band

https://instagram.com/smokeysip?igshid=ZDc4ODBmNjlmNQ==
^ go follow a bunch of singles dropping very very soon.
The hottest new music in a long time. You like jazz? You like blues? You like rock? You like pop? You like folk? Good news Smokey Sip is all of the above and will tickle the eardrums, hearts, and souls of all who listen. Go listen to our sneak peak of the first single on the Instagram. Hope you enjoy stay tuned!!!
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2023.06.01 07:50 Interesting_Taste150 33 year old Orange County, CA. musician looking to start a band.

Hopefully, I meet some people that are interested in jamming and try to make music. Into pop/punk rock music. But willing to try some new stuff (except reggae and metal done that before lol). I sing, play rhythm guitar, a bit of drums and bass as well. Not many OC people are on here. Tried everywhere else. So I’m giving this a try again. Hit me up if interested or on my Instagram @saosam.
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2023.06.01 03:55 nicoleecat Jenelle's Malingering Timeline Part 3 - 2022 to Present

Alright y'all... here's the final piece. It's 15 Google Docs pages, so it's a long one. If you don't want to read and are wondering what the takeaway is, it's this: Jenelle has so many different health "issues" that have popped up and disappeared over the last 10+ years, received diagnoses for some, has had tests done for most, and has ultimately ignored all of it. Sometimes she focuses on her esophagus. Sometimes it's her neck cracking. Sometimes it's her lungs. Sometimes it's her bloodwork. Sometimes it's her hemangiomas. Nowhere in any of the testing, medications, unofficial or official diagnoses is there a solution she's happy with. It never ends, and it never will. I'll eat a very tall sandwich if she ever announces (another) official diagnosis that explains all of her ailments (not necessarily one blanket one) and demonstrates treatment or lifestyle changes that she's making to try to make herself feel better.

January 2022 - Posts a TikTok video saying she’s been taking things easy lately and has lost her spark and motivation because of her health issues. She says, “I’ve recently been diagnosed with two tumors in my spine, and they recently found out that I also have a tumor in my neck, which hurts pretty bad. We don’t know what we’re doing about this yet, but I’ve just been in a lot of pain lately. My neck is just killing me.” She hashtags the video "syringomyelia," "hemangioma," and "spinetumor." In another video, she says these tumors are different than the cysts she’s previously mentioned and lists out what she has: cysts in her spine and head, two small tumors on her vertebrae and “thoratic” spine, another tumor at C3 in her neck, called hemangiomas. More on that in a bit.
January 2, 2022 - Posts a TikTok response to a comment that said, “I have a cyst on my brain. Actually, a lot of people do. They call them ‘don’t bother me cysts’ because they are so common. Your absolutely fine.” Sarcastically, Jenelle says, “You know what you’re so right; it doesn’t cause any issues until you go paralyzed or can’t hold your bowels anymore or have left arm weakness like I do, or have a nerve study done and show left side weakness in your body.” She says we shouldn’t compare whos worse and that it’s not a competition, and wants to clarify that she has cysts and tumors. She says cysts elsewhere aren’t a big issue, but they are when they’re on your spine. “Just use Google.” She points out that the video is shaking and says it’s because of weakness in her hands. She says the commenter is right that they won’t do anything about it until the symptoms get worse.
Posts another response to a different comment that says, “I know it’s been a long road to this discovery. Can you share with us the journey such as exams they had to conduct to find these tumors?” Jenelle says every time you get an MRI/CT scan done, you should ask for the image disk and bring it with you to every doctor you go to, as long as it has a diagnosis. She shows a picture of her “thoratic” spine and points out two little tumors and a cyst. She shows the MRI of her sinuses and shows us that cyst. She says she got another MRI that she doesn’t have the image disk for, but it showed she had another hemangioma.
January 5, 2022 - Posts a TikTok with someone else’s audio that says, “how do you know you can’t OD on cannabis? Because I try! I try every fucking day Barbara.” It could be argued she only posted this because her mom’s name is Barbara, but her cannabis addiction is well documented.
January 6, 2022 - Posts a dancing TikTok and a commenter says, “That’s good for the back.” She responds, “Staying positive and dancing until I can’t anymore.”
January 8, 2022 - Says in a TikTok comment that she was misdiagnosed with bipolar disorder and just has anxiety.
January 12, 2022 - Posts a TikTok with the caption “When your husband asks if he got you sick,” and the audio says, “Umm… yeah.”
Random thoughts YT January 2022 - talks about her implants and says, “They say to get them redone every 10 years, but I don’t have any problems right now.” She says she asked 2 different doctors, and both told her that she has so many other health issues that they don’t think she has BII and aren’t concerned about it.
January 2022 - Seventh video, with footage starting in October and going through January. It’s been six months since she found out about the cyst. Her back hurts really bad, yet still went on a fair ride (which made her nauseous, despite her “never” having motion sickness before). She has nerve pain in her shoulders, back, and ribs. Headache, neck cracking, ear popping, feels like she can’t breathe. She Googled what she shouldn’t be doing: no trampolines, no scuba diving (“which I’m certified in scuba diving, so that really sucks”), and no roller coaster riding. So. ENT said to see the neurologist again; the neurologist suggests seeing a new ENT. The neurologist assumes the neck cracking isn’t caused by the cyst. Goes back to the neurosurgeon - they’re going to repeat the MRI and look for any changes. The results show it’s getting longer but is the same width. Mentions her heat issues again; she’s getting red patches on her chest and breaking out and itching when she’s in the sun. She says she’s getting neck tightness, extreme pressure headaches, and blood pressure rising when she stands up and sits down. The doctor suggests an MRI of her neck. Now claims arm & fingertip numbness. Refers to her cysts as tumors, benign vertebrae tumors, and hemangiomas. The neurosurgeon suggests pain management, but she wants to try herbal remedies and some fruit that cures cancer. The neurosurgeon says the hemangioma is fine and that her neck is normal. Jenelle suggests she may have thoracic outlet syndrome. She thought her neck was cracking due to the hemangioma, but the doctor tells her that wouldn’t cause the neck cracking. She has an EMG scheduled and will get a blood study done to detect her blood circulation.
February 2, 2022 - Posts a negative review for another doctor on Facebook. She says she was told by the PA to “go to the ER if you become paralyzed or lose bowel movements due to the cyst in your spine.” She was referred elsewhere for TOS syndrome (thoracic outlet syndrome). She says she’s been crying for months about her problems, and the practice didn’t care to look into it further when her problems are “very apparent” on her MRIs. She doesn’t recommend this office and ends the review with, “Not to mention my cyst in my spine is growing in length 1mm per month.”
This same day, someone comments on a TikTok video asking how her back is doing. She responds by saying, “Lots of pain, and my neck always cracks but waiting on second opinions.”
February 8, 2022 - Posts a TikTok with the caption “Nerve Study Day” with star emojis. She starts her voiceover by saying, “Time for another dottor’s appointment.” She explains the nerve study tests her nerve impulses with shocks and acupuncture pokes. She says, “Don’t worry, I wore a mask, I was sick.” She says she felt like shit after and took a bath and then laid down after because she had a bad headache. She had to help Kaiser with homework, though, because being a mom doesn’t stop. Ate dinner but still didn’t feel well, so she went to sleep.
February 2022 - Eighth video. Got a new opinion from a new neurologist who sent her for another MRI and a nerve study. Claims her symptoms have gotten worse. Says her cervical MRI was at C3, C5, C6, & C7. She has a hemangioma in her neck, degenerative disc disease, and a disc bulge. The thoracic MRI showed T7, T8, & T9 - has a syrinx & hemangiomas there. And the cyst in her sinus. Says her thumb on her left side is losing grip, and her arm doesn’t feel like it’s attached to her body. Her brain pain has been getting worse and worse. Claims the new doctor says it’s weird no one is doing anything. She looked at her CT myelogram scan from 2021 and says spondylosis is her new diagnosis and that the neurologist didn’t tell her about it. Her neck has been cracking even louder - she’s being referred to another neurosurgeon for her spine cyst. She’s going to have her lungs checked for more cysts. After the nerve study, says she has problems at C6 in her spine and is waiting for the neurologist to look at the results. She has had nerve pain in her arm and back since the study, as well as double vision.
February 20, 2022 - Posts a TikTok about her health and mentions she will get checked for ALS and has been crying a lot. She’s getting all of her tests redone and her nerve study redone. She says she’s having trouble breathing, and since she has cysts “popping up everywhere,” they want to check to see if they’re also on her lungs. She hashtags the video “ALSAwareness” and “PrayersNeeded.” Responding to comments, she says, “Yeah, I asked my doc about MS, and she said nope, I don’t have that based on my brain MRI” and “I wish I did have MS and not ALS… but she said she looked at my brain MRI and there were no lesions.” Someone comments that the shaky hands and poor thumb grip could be caused by phone use and gaming controllers, but Jenelle says, “No… I’ve had a nerve study to prove weakness. I am having atrophy in my thumb. My thumb is losing muscle.”
February 23, 2022 - Posts an Instagram story selfie from a doctor’s office captioned “Good news but bad news… blood work is normal”
February 24, 2022 - Posts a TikTok captioned “freaking out on the inside” and “Life tough at the moment :( #NerveStudy.” She says she had to get another nerve study done because the other person who did it wasn’t her doctor’s office. She shows us her medical shorts and her laughing at herself but says she was “tearing up.” She says the electricity part was good but waited on needles. She shows us the equipment they used. Then she shows us herself crying when she got home because she had such bad nerve pain and then went to bed. A comment asks what she takes for the nerve pain, and she says, “Hot baths.” Another asks if she has fibromyalgia, and she says, “Nope.”
March 6, 2022 - Asked in the comments on a TikTok video how she’s been feeling and when she’s going to the doctor again. She responds, “Thanks for asking! Have a lot of double vision, neck pain, and headaches everyday.. Going this week for my check up.”
March 10, 2022 - Posts on Instagram that she has a diagnosis. The next day she sold the story to E! News and said she was diagnosed with fibromyalgia. From the article: “For as long as I can remember, I would get extremely bad tension headaches and full body aches - like I had the flu, but was not sick. My entire body gets in so much pain, and sometimes I lay in bed and cry.” She says, “Living life every day is challenging because of having only a little bit of energy to be able to get my work done and then having to go to bed early due to headaches or body aches.” She claims to be changing her diet to manage her symptoms.
March 11, 2022 - Posts an Instagram story that says, “I’m still so sad. Even tho I have a diagnosis… still doesn’t explain my neck cracking, double vision, and throat pain. I feel so hopeless. Something is def wrong with my neck, and it’s severely tight 24/7.”
March 12, 2022 - Posts a TikTok captioned “Hiii #LungCheckup #HealthUpdate #fibromyalgia.” She says she hasn’t been feeling good and took a break from TikTok for a few days. She shares her diagnosis and says she told her neurologist a few months ago that she couldn’t breathe, so she had a checkup with a lung doctor. They did a FeNO test on her, and her score was abnormally low, like “way too low.” She exclaims it measures the nitric oxide that you exhale on your breath. She’s now been prescribed an inhaler, nitroglycerin for her esophagus spasms, and a full lung checkup. She was going to skip her lung appointment, but good thing she didn’t! A quick Google search tells us that a high FeNO score is when you should be concerned.
March 13, 2022 - Posts a TikTok showing off weed merch someone sent her. In the comments, someone asks, “But do you think smoking is contributing to your lung problems? Hope you get answers soon!” Jenelle responds and says, “.....yeah I know :( but thank you.”
Same day - Posts a TikTok discussing her health, and in the comments, someone says one of her results can indicate a certain type of asthma. She responds, “or COPD, anemic, cystic fibrosis, etc. lots of issues.”
March 14, 2022 - A commenter on TikTok says, “My boyfriend rolls his eyes when I tell him my health issues.” Jenelle responds, “David does too.”
Same day - A commenter asks why she doesn’t feel good, and she replies, “The middle of my chest has been hurting for days extremely bad.”
March 16, 2022 - She posts a video captioned “Peak Flow Meter - Lung Reading” and starts it off by saying, “This is your sign to get your lungs checked.” She said she just woke up and has been told to keep a diary of how her lung function is and is going to see how good it is based on her age and height. She blows into the device for about a second and coughs afterward, gasping for breath. She shows us her level is at 410, and for her height and age, it should be at 475. She says she has the lungs of a 70-year-old. She’s going to continue to do readings 3 times a day and report back to her lung doctor. In the comments, she mentions her average is 400. There are multiple comments telling her the correct way to administer this test and that she’s doing it wrong.
She posts a second video responding to a comment telling her to stand up straight, take a big deep breath and blow out as fast and hard as she can. She does it three times and shows it’s 410 each time. Someone comments, asking if she’s sure it’s not stuck, and asks if she quit smoking. She responds, “I’m going to try breathing exercises.”
March 17, 2022 - Posts a video in response to a comment saying, “I thought you said you had a stiff neck and couldn’t breathe?” She’s lipsyncing to Eminem’s “Hailies Song,” specifically the lyrics “I act like shit don’t phase me, inside it drives me crazy. My insecurities could eat me alive.”
March 20, 2022 - Makes a video responding to a comment saying, “Whatever treatment plan your doctor has you on must really be working. You went from uncontrollable neck pain to this in no time at all.” Jenelle says she’s not going to be the most depressed bitch on this app every single day and is going to show us good and bad days. She says some people are in pain more than others. She says she’s been up since 1 in the morning because of her esophageal spasms, feeling like she has a heart attack. She’s not going to film herself every single time she feels like shit. There’s no treatment plan because they don’t know what’s going on. The only treatment plan she has is for her esophagus. She’s going to dance until she can’t no more.
March 26, 2022 - Makes a video with the caption, “I’ll give y’all more of an update soon. If you see bruises on my arms… you know why #myastheniagravis.” She’s crying and breathing heavily and captions herself saying her chest hurts. The text on the video says, “2 months ago: can’t breathe when waking up.” A clip of her in the bath says, “Tried to relax and rest since this began.” Posts a clip of herself in the ER that says, “2 days ago: hospitalized for extreme chest pain and difficulty breathing” and shows off her IV and pulls down her gown to show the monitors taped to her chest. The first clip is taken at 3:05 PM, and the second is taken at 3:49 PM. This one says, “Recently had 2 antibodies related to Myasthenia Gravis show up on blood tests.” Another says, “Had 2 EKGs, they stuck me 4 times for blood, stuck me 2 more for IVs, chest x-ray, CT scan,” and shows off all of her taped IV/blood draw locations. She posts another clip in the hallway outside of the x-ray room that says, “My blood clotting test came back high, but they said images looked ok.” We got a full picture of her IV in her arm that says, “resting for now but following up with neurologist ASAP”
March 27, 2022 - A commenter on TikTok mentions that weight gain can affect her mobility and says it happened to someone they know. Jenelle responds, “I can’t hardly walk 5ft without my legs burning like I’m doing squats, but I have been trying to take walks around my land lately.”
March 28, 2022 - Posts an Instagram story of someone else’s video explaining Epstein-Barr and Jenelle captions it “Yes, I do have Epstein Barr nuclear in my system too lol. This is crazy to think about yall… I had mono in middle school and was hospitalized for it (mind blown emoji)”
April 3, 2022 - Posts on her (shortly thereafter) defunct blog that she’s switching to wine from beer. She says, “With all my health issues happening my stomach and esophagus have not been agreeing with me. Since possibly having Myasthenia Gravis, there’s a huge diet and foods to avoid that can trigger GI symptoms and/or problems.” She claims that “Since switching to wine, my stomach has been a lot calmer, and my burping also has decreased significantly! Super happy I’m making healthier choices for myself.”
April 4, 2022 - Posts a video making and eating a homemade breakfast sandwich (English muffin, bacon, eggs, mayo).
April 26, 2022 - Shows her coffee order again - trenta iced coffee with vanilla sweet cream cold foam, classic syrup, and sweet cream.
May 2, 2022 - In an Instagram Q&A, she's asked how she’s doing lately and asked for health updates. She responds, “Health? It’s put on hold until June when I see my new neuromuscular doctor.”
Mid May 2022 - Starts her OnlyFans.
June 3, 2022 - Posts a picture in her pool exposing her entire rump and captions it “Summer tip: Idk why but switching from beer to wine has shrunk my stomach sooo much!”
June 3, 2022 - Posts a TikTok response to a comment that said, “weren’t you almost paralyzed a month ago? It’s a miracle you’ve recovered.” She says you can’t recover from a cyst in your spine. She says she needs an MRI check up to see how long it’s gotten. She clarified that she said she could go paralyzed any day now. “If I go paralyzed or lose any bowel movements without trying, then I have to immediately go to the hospital and get emergency surgery. So yeah, really, I’m like a ticking time bomb over here, just waiting to give up, I guess you can say. So next week, I’ll be going to see my new neuromuscular doctor. Still have a lot more genetic testing to do and blood work, so we’ll see what’s going on, but they’re thinking an autoimmune disease.” She hashtags it “syringomyelia” and “syringomyeliaawareness.” She also clarifies that she’s leaving health content on the back burner until she has answers.
June 7, 2022 - Posts a video once again showing her scans of her spine and sinuses. She hashtags this one “syringomyelia,” “sphiehemangioma,” and “sinuscyst.”
End of June 2022 - She and David go to St. Thomas. In the Youtube vlog she posts, she explains she’s wearing a portable fan around her neck to help cool her down since her various illnesses make her sweat/hot. In the airport, she mentions she’s relieved that she’s “so far not sick,” or in other words, not experiencing esophagus spasms. Once they land, she tells us she didn’t get sick on the flight.
June 26, 2022 - Posts a TikTok explaining the wearable fan more. She says she’s been having an overheating issue and that her face has been red, so if she looks burnt, she isn’t. Nevermind the fact that she posted pictures of herself extremely burnt from their vacation.
July 1, 2022 - Posts a video of her on an alpine coaster.
July 4, 2022 - Takes the kids on a trip to the mountains. Posts TikToks over the week of herself hiking and reaching the top of a lookout point. No health mentions.
July 22, 2022 - Posts about her Invisalign. Responds to a comment saying her jaw and teeth hurt and that she has headaches at night.
August 9, 2022 - Posts an Instagram story selfie showing a heart monitor taped to her chest and captions it “Heart monitor for 48 hours :(. This is following up from a high D Dimer test.”
August 10, 2022 - Posts a health update to TikTok. She reminds us she went to the ER in March and that while she was there, she had a high D Dimer test. The text on the screen says, “also had abnormal ECG in ER, sinus brachycardia (sic), & sinus arrhythmia.” She explains D Dimer tests are for blood clots or heart disease. They saw she didn’t have a blood clot and that her “lungs were fine” but told her to follow up with her doctor. She says the chest pain has been on and off for the last 3 months so she’s been ignoring it. She finally got ahold of her primary care doctor, who told her the chest pain is still happening, told her about the test results, and got a referral to a cardiologist. She shows us the heart monitor she has to wear for the next 48 hours (her exact words are, “so now, I’m on a chest monitor for the next 48 hours”) and says she has a heart ultrasound tomorrow and a stress test in September.
August 11, 2022 - Posts an Instagram story that says, “I told the tech ‘I feel like it might be stress from my kids but idk…’ She said ‘no you’re not crazy when it comes to your pain, I see it happening right here.’”
August 24, 2022 - In another Instagram Q&A she’s asked how her health is going. She says, “Just taking things easy and trying to stay stress free but waiting on test results from my cardiologist still and stress test next month.”
August 31, 2022 - Takes a big bite from a tall sandwich.
September 27, 2022 - Posts on Instagram/TikTok that they’re flying to Bar Harbor for their “honeymoon.” No mention of esophageal spasms on the plane. On this trip, she completes the Beehive Summit hike in Acadia National Park. She also showed us when she took a ginormous bite of a lobster roll and a breakfast sandwich.
October 1, 2022 - Rants about her golf cart that broke. Explains that she needs the golf cart so she doesn’t have to “break her back” “running” to the kids. No mention of mobility issues or because of her illnesses. Does mention her life was at risk since the brakes went out.
October 16, 2022 - Buys herself & David new dirtbikes. Bought herself two - one that is too big and powerful for her to ride yet and another that is more manageable for her.
October 19, 2022 - Posts a TikTok about getting mono in middle school. She explains her throat was so swollen and inflamed that she went to the hospital and was admitted. She had IV steroids. Said her body “could not handle” mono and that she was severely sick. She says mono is REALLY severe and that it is the Epstein-Barr virus. She’s “stitching” someone else’s video and references it when she says that E-B can cause so many other diseases when you’re older without you realizing it. There are 3 blood tests that can see if you actively have E-B. Jenelle says it’s crazy to think it can cause all these health issues. She says she can’t breathe and has bad mucus problems lately in the morning. She’s on an inhaler and seeing her lung doctor. They’re going to do a “bronoscopy” and she’s really scared. She tells people she thinks all of her health issues are from E-B. She must’ve forgotten she already explored this avenue in March. And in August of 2021.
October 26, 2022 - Posts a TikTok that says, “My stomach feeling great… but then… *warning triangle emoji* Esophagus Spams *warning triangle emoji*” and the video of her like errors out? The audio that goes with it says, “Everyone underestimates me but then…. *error noise*” so this is a trend that Jenelle is jumping on to make her esophagus spasms relevant again.
November 2, 2022 - Posts a selfie to her Instagram stories and captions it “sick with the flu..”
November 8, 2022 - Posts a selfie and captions it “In bed today, feeling bad AF. Had 4 lung biopsies yesterday and SO sore :(“
Same day posts a TikTok saying, “y’all have you ever had a bronchoscopy where they stick the camera down into your lungs and they take biopsies?” and tells us she had 4 biopsies done yesterday. She’s lying down with her heating blanket and says she feels sore on the inside. She asks again if we’ve ever had it done before, again. She says she had one taken on her voicebox as well, so 4 lung biopsies and that. They did something to her right lung and they cleaned it out with saline water. She says she’ll get results this week. She has mucus built up in her system, and they don’t know why. She captions it, “I can’t stand this #lungbiopsyrecovery”
She got her hair done for 4 hours the next day.
November 12, 2022 - Posts on her Instagram stories, “Connecting the dots with my health issues. One more blood test, hopefully that’s it. :(“
November 14, 2022 - Posts a TikTok of her using her inhaler. The caption says “#Combivent Inhaler hopefully some of my mucus production is cut down” She’s making goofy faces while she puts her inhaler together and looks giddy to have an actual physical toy to play with.
November 17, 2022 - David posts a picture of them and captions it “Yall pray for my beautiful wife, she has been pretty sick lately”
November 17, 2022 - Posts an Instagram story “Y’all, Predisone (sic) is working wonders right now for my entire body, thank god! #Grateful”
November 27, 2022 - Takes the kids to the mountains for Thanksgiving.
November 28, 2022 - Went tubing in the snow. Snow tubing?
December 2, 2022 - Posts on Facebook “Sorry if I haven’t posted much lately. I’ve been in so much pain with my health. Not feeling good enough to make any content.”
December 9, 2022 - Says she lost 20 lbs without trying and thinks it’s from health issues. She says she’s had a harder time eating and is eating smaller meals. She then goes on to explain how she’s been losing weight and says, “So if you’re wondering how I’m losing weight: smaller meals, eating healthier, cutting out fast food.”
December 15, 2022 - Posts on Instagram “If I could find the smartest doctor on this planet, that would be fantastic.”
December 19, 2022 - Her birthday. She and David fight, she calls him a “narcissistic asshole” and took off her wedding ring. Two days later, posts a TikTok and claims the argument was about luggage. There’s speculation this fight was drug related. In her TikTok defending their argument, her pupils are huge. They’re at the mountains with the kids when all of this is going on. She posts another video saying she has PTSD from past relationships and always assumes David’s cheating because she’s been cheated on in the past. She asks if she’s the only one that experiences this.
December 26, 2022 - Posts a selfie and captions it “I think I’m sick FML”
December 28, 2022 - Posts another selfie and captions it “Still sick AF. Yeah.. y’all are right I’m always sick idk why”
January 10, 2023 - Posts a video eating a chia bowl and captions it “Happy dance after fasting for 12 hours.” She has what looks like a blood draw wrap around her arm. In the comments someone asks if it helps and she says she’s doing it for blood work.
January 12, 2023 - Posts a picture of a digestive system poster from a doctor’s office and captions it “FML.”
January 14, 2023 - She and David take a trip to New Orleans. Posts an entire TikTok of what she ate and drank. She takes a giant bite of a crepe. She had 8 alcoholic drinks throughout the day.
January 17, 2023 - Posts on Instagram, “I have mycoplasma pneumoniae” and asks if anyone else has ever suffered from it.
February 2, 2023 - Lipsyncs to a song about smoking weed.
February 4, 2023 - In comments on another video, someone asks if she lost weight, and she responds, “Eating smaller meals, honestly haven’t been trying. I have a hard time eating.”
February 4, 2023 - Posts a TikTok captioned “Weirdest medicine I’ve ever taken! #MethyleneBlue #mycoplasmapneumonia.” She explains she’s trying to figure out her lung problems and says she found out she has long-term pneumonia and has had it for “pretty long.” Her antibodies are pretty high. Treatment is antibiotics for three months, then retesting her antibodies. She calls methylene blue her other medicine/treatment and says it’s an antioxidant if you use a little and if you use a lot it’s anti-viral, anti-bacterial, anti-fungal, and boosts serotonin and dopamine. She’s also using a redlight watch that is supposed to kill the bacteria in her veins once the dye is in her system. She claims in the comments this was all prescribed by her doctor.
That same day she posts another TikTok where she says she’s been seeing a functional medicine doctor out of Nashville that she found on YouTube. She had one video call visit and said the doctor sent one test to LabCorp and found her diagnosis. She was diagnosed with mycoplasma pneumonia, as mentioned in the previous video, and neutrophilic asthma. He’s who prescribed the methylene blue and wants her to use it with a nebulizer. She says she’s done a lot of research on it and that it has more pros than cons and seems very beneficial. She says she has shortness of breath but is hoping the combination of antibiotics, methylene blue, and redlight therapy will help her feel better in the long run. She’ll let us know how she feels in 3 months. In the comments she claims she wakes up in the morning with panic attacks because of clear mucus.
February 7, 2023 - Answers a question on Instagram from someone asking how her breathing treatment is going and says, “It’s helping a lot! Since I’m gaining back my ability to fully breathe I’m about to sign up at the gym next.”
February 8, 2023 - Posts another video responding to someone’s comment that asks who diagnosed her and says that before she says who it is she wants to make sure that all of her problems are taken care of and that it’s the root cause of her issues. She found out with a blood test. She shows us her results and that her count for mycoplasma pneumonia antibodies is very high. You can see a doctor’s name on the page, which I’ve covered to protect their privacy. She says if this treatment doesn’t work, next to try is IV antibiotics.
February 10, 2023 - Posts another video referencing smoking weed/being high all the time.
February 10, 2023 - Posts a picture of Ensley and says, “She told me she’s sick… idk if she’s lying, off to the doctor we go.”
February 14, 2023 - Answers an Instagram question where someone asks about her health with “Getting much better!”
February 20, 2023 - Posts a picture in gym clothes outside the gym with the caption, “Here’s a cheers to my new journey to lose my ‘Mommy Pouch’ and love handles. Started working out today and it feels great!”
February 23, 2023 - Takes a giant bite of a birria taco.
February 24, 2023 - Posts a TikTok that she captions “#GymDay.” Based on what she’s wearing & her hair, this looks to be from 2/22. She says it’s an arm and chest day. We see the chocolate peanut butter protein shake she gets after and the Epsom salt bath she takes to soothe her muscles from yesterday’s workout.
March 1, 2023 - Posts a TikTok response to a comment that says, “Hope all is well. Miss ya video’s.” She says she’s been in a shitty mood. She thought her health was getting better, it was getting a little better, and she interrupts herself with a big cough. She says she’s finally seeing her new lung doctor and is having a sleep study done, is on a new inhaler, is having old CT scan results looked over, and her mind is “boggled” because she has to redo all of her esophagus tests again because they’re so old. She has to redo the catheter test with it down her nose/throat.
March 13, 2023 - Posts a TikTok with text on it that says, “Won’t be available in 1 week because I have esophagus testing but still drinking this alcohol like I’m A-OK” and captioned “#truth but kidding at the same time.” She says in the comments that it’s a trend. I don’t know or understand the trend, but she said it herself, truth.
March 22, 2023 - She and David take a trip to Key West without the kids.
March 23, 2023 - In response to criticism of her stomach, she says she had three kids, had her appendix removed, and had a hernia repaired. Her last child was born in 2017, her appendix was removed in 2013, and the hernia was repaired in 2018. Her significant weight gain started around 2020 and was unrelated to any of these events.
March 25, 2023 - Posts on Facebook that she had an esophageal spasm episode from deep sea fishing and wants to know if anyone else has experienced this so she can share experiences.
March 26, 2023 - Shows pictures on a TikTok video of how sunburnt she and David both got. She says she used “so much” sunscreen.
March 27, 2023 - Posts a TikTok telling us her seasick story from when they went deep sea fishing. She says they chartered their own boat and were talking about how neither of them had ever experienced seasickness before. She says they have their own 18 ft boat, and she’s never gotten sick on it. She says the waves were super choppy, and they were rocking so hard that her esophagus started acting up. This was around 12:30, and she just laid on the boat until they docked at 6:30. She tells us to be careful if we go deep-sea fishing because we can get seasick. She thinks that’s what happened to her, anyway. In the comments, someone tells her to take Dramamine, and she says it makes her sleepy. Which like, yeah…
April 6, 2023 - Posts on IG “Been MIA for a few days because my breathing isn’t so great and random chest pain as usual. Literally been resting for 3 days now.”
April 9, 2023 - Posts on Facebook “Positive ANA. Maybe there will be answers soon.” Someone responds in the comments that it could mean Lupus or Sjogren’s syndrome and said a rheumatologist can do further testing. Jenelle responds, “yes, being referred. My endo found out for me.”
April 17, 2023 - Posts a TikTok going to get Vitamin B12 injections. She says she has to give them to herself once a week for 4 weeks, then once a month after. Her vitamin D is also low. She went to the store to get syringes and stopped for her usual coffee. She shows us her order, which is now a Trenta iced coffee with no classic syrup, hazelnut syrup, ½ sweet cream, and vanilla sweet cream foam topping. Someone in the comments points out that a doctor on TikTok said those injections are just to make money, and she responded, “well, my vitamin B12 and D is low, and my ANA is positive, which means now I go to see a rheumatologist.”
April 18, 2023 - Posts a TikTok this day and the next day with her catheter in for her acid reflux test. She posted a picture on Instagram where we can see she’s driving 80 mph and captions it, “Going alone to get a procedure done for my esophagus today and I’m really scared. Have no support so any prayers are appreciated.” Through her postings about this procedure, we learn she stayed in a hotel by herself overnight.
In the video from the 19th, in the comments, she says she has a spot on her lung that hurts. The doctor says it’s caused by vaping, but she claims she never vapes. She’s definitely posted videos and pictures of herself with weed vape pens and has been a known weed smoker for over 10 years, as well as smoking cigarettes throughout the years and smoking heroin out of wooden pipes, which she had addressed by a doctor in 2012. Curious if she mentioned that this time. She’s up and down the comments claiming she doesn’t vape weed because that’s illegal where she lives.
April 24, 2023 - She and David travel to Virginia to buy a boat and start their multi-day journey sailing through the ocean back home. She claims she purchased this $57,000 boat with money made on OnlyFans.
April 30, 2023 - Posts on Instagram that they made it back home. Someone commented asking how long until she has esophageal spasms again. Jenelle responded, “I’ve had them the whole time I was gone…”
May 2, 2023 - Not health related but still fun; she posts that the turbos need to be replaced.
May 4, 2023 - Posts on Instagram “Good news: I don’t have acid reflux. Bad news: they still don’t know why I have esophagus spasms”
May 7, 2023 - Posts on Instagram “#HealthUpdate Found out I have thymic hyperplasia and lesions on my liver, and no I don’t have MG like they thought. Don’t know why this is happening. Discussing these results next week with my doc and the next steps.”
May 16, 2023 - On an Instagram Q&A, answers two questions about her health. To the first generally asking how she is, she says, “Seeing my rheumatologist this week for a positive ANA. Maybe I’ll get an answer.” To the second that says, “Any word on your liver results?” she says, “My doctors do not care at all. Told me I’ll get another CT scan in a year to check on that and my thymus.”
May 19, 2023 - Posts on Instagram “#HealthUpdate: My rheumatologist is retesting me for things like arthritis, lupus, etc., for having a positive ANA. Might be referred to another lung specialist soon. We will see what my results show in 2 weeks.”
May 28, 2023 - Answers two more questions in an Instagram Q&A about her health. One asking how she’s doing, she says, “I’m doing good, just not feeling too great lately.” The other asked about her health, she says, “I had DNA testing done and honestly shocked but will share the news soon.”
May 31, 2023 - Posts a TikTok of them taking their smaller boat out onto the Intracoastal Waterway. In Part 1, posted on the 30th, she says she was starting to feel seasick. We learn their “new” boat is still not working.
submitted by nicoleecat to TeenMomOGandTeenMom2 [link] [comments]


2023.06.01 02:30 DramaThrowAway2023 Deep Dive: Matty Healy, the evil edgelord

Deep Dive: Matty Healy, the evil edgelord
Hi! I did a huge deep dive on the DWD drama a while ago and was asked to do others and said I would. Since then, all hell broke lose.
I talked about this with some people privately, but I mentioned in my first post that I was a stan, just not of anyone involved in the drama. Well, I was a Taylor Swift stan. Was being the operative word. I'm once again using by throwaway account because I was warned by people who I reached out to privately of the horrible things people have been telling them since they called Matty out. I used to be a huge Swiftie, and I wasn't that careful with my personal data when participating in conversations, so I need to be careful.
I'm tired of seeing Tay's new boo defended and the excuses people make about him, so my second deep dive is exposing him for the dirtbag he's been his whole career, how he refuses to apologize or gives terrible apologies when he does. How he repeats the same "mistakes" over and over, etc. I know there's been a ton of threads about this man lately, but I wanted to have everything in one place. Strap in. Trigger warning for everything under the sun, grain of salt on unsubstantiated stuff (there's like, two things and one of them is pretty obviously true, but I rather say it than not).
The 1975 is a band from the city of Manchester, England. They were a band for about a decade before they reached any sort of success. That happened in late 2012/early 2013. Matty was born April 1989 and is now 34 years old. This is important because everything I'm about to show you happened in his adulthood. He was 23 in 2012.

2012

  • He dated a girl called Gemma Janes, who was 17/18 years old, when he was 23/24. Here's a pic of them together on her Instagram, posted in January 2013. She was still 17 - her birthday is May 11 1995. The age of consent in England is 16, so this wasn't illegal. Immoral, however? I think yes. She posted him a lot, btw. It wasn't just a one-off pic. Like here and here and here. She was also in the band's music video for the song Chocolate (Aug 2013). She simulates/appears to be nude. She was 18. He was 24.

2013

  • Normally, I wouldn't include something like this, because it feels like a small issue and too prevalent to actually single him/his band out, but given some of the criticism he makes of hip hop culture later on (and how he pats his own back on his own "feminism"), I decided to come back and include it.
The music video for the song Girls juxtaposes The 1975 and a version of it but as girls. This is the formation for The 1975 as men vs as women:
https://preview.redd.it/dln06ogsta3b1.png?width=499&format=png&auto=webp&s=7d822cae6d3a07046d2a1b4facb1a0662f742142
You know, totally the same outfits. But misogyny is only in hip hop, according to him (you'll get to that in a second).
Girls in bathing suits featuring the band fully dressed. This is basically the tone of the entire music video.
https://preview.redd.it/8sb6ixbtta3b1.png?width=500&format=png&auto=webp&s=43a708bf4639c9917761b709afdbea5d1c5b5f53
Once again, this is, sadly, par for the course for the music industry, and usually I wouldn't include it (I got it from a ridiculously named blog as I was researching), but given the context of what he will preach later, it seems pretty freaking ironic.

  • The song was part of their August 2013 album called The 1975, and features lyrics about a 17 year old girl "seducing" him. Reminder, he had met his current girlfriend at the time when she was 17. These are some of the lyrics:
Bite your face to spite your noseSeventeen and a half years oldWorrying about my brother finding outWhere's the fun in doing what you're told?
'Cause they're just girls breaking heartsEyes bright, uptight, just girlsBut she can't be what you need if she's seventeenThey're just girls
Whether the song was inspired by her or not, he seems to be perfectly aware of how weird it is to be dating a 17 year old in his mid twenties. Yet, he dated a 17 year old, quite unapologetically, in his mid twenties.

  • I don't know the exact date of this, but a Norwegian journalist accused Matty of sexually harassing her. The accusation was made in 2016 and she dated it back in 2013. Here's an article in English, which links to the article by the journalist in Norwegian. She says he told her he's a sex addict and invited her to his hotel room.

2014

  • In the spring of 2014 they launched on a long tour of nightclubs in North America. While in Canada, he did an interview with IX Daily, a (now defunct) website dedicated to indie subculture. The interviewers were two girls.
The following exchange happened in this interview:
Interviewer: What is your biggest fear and biggest vice?
Matty: These are quite heavy questions for girls dressed as you two.
Interviewer: I'm a little bit offended...
Matty: You're offended by that?
Interviewer: Mhm (smiling awkwardly)
Matty: D'you know how many people I meet every single day? D'you know how many people interview me every single day?
Interviewer: Yes, a lot.
Matty: (pointing to both of them) You look nice for the interview. You've made an effort. You're, like, a pretty girl... I'm gonna have certain stereotypes. I don't meant offend you. At all. But the choker thing is kind of in, I see. I do like that.
Interviewer: I'll take it as a compliment.
Video. Around the 3 minute mark.

  • In August 2014, Matty goes on a tirade explaining why he always slags off religion, including islam. Culminating with this tweet:
https://preview.redd.it/b8i4vebwta3b1.png?width=500&format=png&auto=webp&s=60a3b39b07d378425fa46e25225f560a03692411
A Muslim fan from Egypt called Farida told him this:
https://preview.redd.it/lwddfmwwta3b1.png?width=624&format=png&auto=webp&s=792a9e6efbcc646ed36774e6f19a1bdc15325621
He replied this:
https://preview.redd.it/h1ohrutxta3b1.png?width=494&format=png&auto=webp&s=45042fd64ef489dbd88853a7dd5d33487f4a2941
The fan took the high road and replied:
https://preview.redd.it/bx9dpb9zta3b1.png?width=618&format=png&auto=webp&s=5ef5dbf2ee25dd69a7e7bd0f71bcc0832e1ee925
He royally ignored their explanations and counterpoints to his narrow view and went on a rant instead, which I'll link in a second. Then finished with this:
https://preview.redd.it/bd8z55v2ua3b1.png?width=500&format=png&auto=webp&s=8a49cf8861f084637b7817579e990ffbea30345f
And retweeted this:
https://preview.redd.it/ckbb21p3ua3b1.png?width=500&format=png&auto=webp&s=17805e6195374197624a0cae5b20e5faaea6c755
Then left Twitter. The fan recounted the exchange, you can find that and the rest of his rant here. I know this is getting long, but the fan was actually very well-spoken and I want to echo her words. In case some people don't click on the link, this is how she concluded the post:
I just want to explain to you that the reason I got angry was because he had been spreading rumours that isis follow the rules of islam and that is far from the truth.
Isis are a threat to Muslims and Arab countries around the world right now. Our religion is against killing innocent people, it’s haram.
Terrorist groups like isis who think what they’re doing is right and that they’re following islam are people who are feeding themselves lies about what Islam tells us to do.
Islam is a very peaceful and loving religion contrary to popular belief and i really hope if you think otherwise you take the time to educate yourself before giving out your opinions when you do not have the facts.
I also got angry because he has a huge following and some people are obviously going to side with him (trust me they’ve been in my mentions all day) and they’re just going to agree with him when he doesn’t have the facts and he’s so obviously not educated on this subject.
He’s constantly tweeting that we should respect people who have different religions then tweets things like fuck god then tweets that religion is an idea THEN says its faith so he’s all over the place.
Article about this whole thing. Including this because since his account is deleted, we can't verify the tweets and I don't want it to be left as hearsay. The original pics from the article are gone, but the tweets are all referenced in the body of the text.
  • At some point in 2014, Matty dates Halsey, whose debut EP Room 93 (released in October 2014) is about him. Halsey was born in September 1994, which means she and Matty dated when she was 18 and he was 25.
  • In August 2014, while the band is performing at Lollapalooza, he allegedly kisses a 15 year old girl. Video of the accusation. In another video, the same person explains it happened in Chicago.
  • Someone unearthed a lot of tweets from fans talking about Matty kissing underage fans, some of them date back years and also reference Lollapalooza. Here's a link to the last tweet, which includes a video of the fan talking about it and a video where you can hear Matty ask if she wants "a proper" kiss. He doesn't ask how old she is.
https://preview.redd.it/zuguems29b3b1.png?width=582&format=png&auto=webp&s=5b037d7395e227a81ba2c402ce06b43723f0d76d
  • In December 2014 he tweets this. He has never apologized.
https://preview.redd.it/dzudd3q8ua3b1.png?width=500&format=png&auto=webp&s=db76311b79db150d828f9e5c30b3adf7fde5876d

2015

  • It's not clear when exactly they met, but we know that by 2015, he was dating his girlfriend Gabriella Brooks, who in 2015 was 18/19 (born May 1996). Matty was 25/26. It's now the third confirmed relationship Matty has with a teenager while in his mid 20s. And teenagers that are either minors or barely adults, at that. Add to this the weird underage kissing...

2017

  • In April, he retweets Islamophobic tweets by a Muslim hate group, then unretweets when he's called out. Here's a summary by his own subreddit.
  • In July, he mouths the N word while "dancing" to the song Caroline by Aminé. Clip here.

2018

  • In November he gives an interview with The Fader where he says the following:
One of the problems is the youth of hip-hop. At the moment, with SoundCloud rap, it's become a bit of a drug-taking competition, and that happened in rock and roll. Those things get weeded out the longer those things exist. The reason misogyny doesn't happen in rock and roll anymore is because it's a vocabulary that existed for so long is that it got weeded out. It still exists in hip-hop because [the genre] is so young, but it'll stop. That's why you have this moment with young black men — Kanye-aged men, as well — talking about their relationship with themselves, which is a big step forward for hip-hop. Drake, for example. But then they'll be like, "But I still got bitches." The scene's relationship with women hasn't caught up to its relationship with itself, but that's something that will happen.
He tweeted the following apology a few days later (his account is now deleted):
This bit of me talking in an interview reads as patronising, uninformed and reductive. And to be fair it is. And I’d like to apologise….
What I said isn’t correct. And it’s not all a misquote. Just for clarity I said that misogyny wasn’t ALLOWED in rock and roll now days in a way it is in hip hop – not that it doesn’t exist, that’s maybe a misquote as I’m aware of the misogyny in rocknroll…
I would never deny the RAMPANT misogyny that exists in Rock n Roll. It’s everywhere and has been a weirdly accepted part of it since it’s inception.
BUT now looking at what I said – I was simplifying a complex issue without the right amount of education on the subject
I think cos I’m so actively trying to support women (not a brag but with the record label etc)**I kinda forget that im not very educated on feminism and misogyny and I cant just ‘figure stuff out’ in public and end up trivialising the complexities of such enormous, experienced issues
So basically, I’m sorry for saying that as I was wrong. And thanks for pointing it out cos if I’m gonna do this I have to keep learning.Just to clarify I’m not apologising for saying ‘rock music is void of misogyny’. I didn’t say that. Any body who says that is not only thick as fuck they most probably don’t have physical eyes. It’s the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard
I’m apologising for the fact my words could INSINUATE that misogyny in culture and music is an exclusively hip hop (black) issue. I do not believe that. What I believe is that I’m not educated enough to speak on THAT properly and a big part of that is this white dick that I have
I'm trying to keep my personal commentary to a minimum but him including how much of a feminist he is because of his record label in his weird ass apology took me out. I got the tweets from this Billboard article.

2019

  • After winning at the Brits, he tweets that "it's not often that left leaning bands win awards." And I didn't know my eyes could roll that fast and that far.
  • In September, he posts this picture, stepping on the South Korean flag:
https://preview.redd.it/vk7g1uebua3b1.png?width=640&format=png&auto=webp&s=1f8c14b136056bbc224566574c76bd32b9aba2cb
When called out on it, he replies this:
https://preview.redd.it/8bdic6fcua3b1.png?width=488&format=png&auto=webp&s=840dff3f8907972e316b53a1aabcaae36d2914f9
Article about it.
  • In December he gives an interview in which he demonstrates that he didn't bother to read Farida's points, all the way back in 2014, or anyone else's since then, because he continues to confuse ISIS / terrorism in the name of Islam with Islam itself, which is a peaceful religion.
Here's a transcript of his obnoxious speech:
You can’t criticize Islam as a set of ideas…because you’re inherently criticizing people. But that’s a problem with society because Islamophobia does exist, people are bigoted. But what that really is is thick, scared people not liking brown people. Whereas I love people, I love brown people.I just don’t know when I’m allowed to be offended. Religious people are always allowed to be offended: ‘Oh, we’re offended by this, I’m offended by that.’I have to get up every day and read some abhorrent that’s happened in the name of religion. And I never get a day. I never get a day where I’m allowed to be offended. … Where are my rights as an atheist?
Fundamentally misunderstanding that most victims of terrorist attacks are Muslim. It's incredible that he was lectured on this by a Muslim girl 5 years prior and yet, he still couldn't get it. He was 30 years old at this point, by the way. This is the third Islamophobic incident with him (that we have record of).

2020

  • The 1975's song Roadkill featured the F slur. Here he is singing it live in late 2022. To be transparent, he's quoting an imaginary person calling him the slur. As a self-admitted straight man, he doesn't get to reclaim it.
  • The 1975's song Me & You Together Song features these lyrics:
I'm sorry that I'm kinda queer
It's not as weird as it appears
It's 'cause my body doesn't stop me (Stop me)
Oh, it's okay, lots of people think I'm gay
IDEK, the song is about falling in love with a girl he meets while she's topless. I can't even be offended because this is such an edgy unnecessary hot mess.
  • In May, during the time of the height of the BLM protests, he tweeted about it... promoting their own song
https://preview.redd.it/v4o20nseua3b1.png?width=623&format=png&auto=webp&s=7a558ad8ccdb756c26060042c63737b8988fed00
When called out for it, he doubled down and refused to apologize. Then deleted his entire social media.

2021

In the spring of 2021, Adam Powell, a longtime collaborator (videographer) of The 1975 was accused of sexual misconduct by a number of fans. Here's a whole video about it. The accusations had been piling up for a while, the video I'm linking, which breaks them down, is from April 2021. Dirty Hit, the record label that hosts a bunch of indie artists including The 1975, of which Matty was a director of until recently, made a statement in May.
  • A fan had sent Matty the following DMs in March, which he never replied to.
https://preview.redd.it/e99b8ubgua3b1.png?width=360&format=png&auto=webp&s=7e3e9d8c8b13c27811516bd0b3b02329e50ad417
Instead, he cropped one of the DMs and posted it in his Instagram story, mocking the fan:
https://preview.redd.it/sbuv8l6hua3b1.png?width=383&format=png&auto=webp&s=ed42b8e2f4d6ea958c7c6f55ee7b80042f83720a
Here's a tweet by the fan who had this "exchange," explaining it. Adam Powell was one of his best friends. He still hasn't said anything about it.

2022

“A boy goes up to a Jewish man. The boy asks ‘Can I have $20?’ The man says ‘Can you have $15? Why do you need $10?"
This is the typical stereotype about Jewish people being cheap.
“A terrorist runs onto a plane with a gun. He yells ‘Who’s a Jew?’ A man stand in the back and says ‘Well that’s an interesting question.'"
This is a dog whistle about terrorists being Arabs (because of the ongoing Arab vs Jewish feud), as well as a play on how Jewish people aren't unified.
https://preview.redd.it/y82v73wiua3b1.png?width=597&format=png&auto=webp&s=f713d164c583575a3332ad11945b3e50b43e771e
He was seen wearing it again in March 2023
He was also seen hanging out with one of the Red Scare hosts, Dasha Nekrasova
https://preview.redd.it/uwn71c5kua3b1.png?width=597&format=png&auto=webp&s=3ea3571ab131bd9c1c9a4a8e927d980addf8b4d7
And posted this on his instagram story:
https://preview.redd.it/nk6n499lua3b1.png?width=605&format=png&auto=webp&s=7bb990071eef1fdbdee8f0a3bbd57ea68ad18bfd
I really don't have the patience to fully explain why Dasha and the Red Scare Podcast are an issue. You can do your own research to actually get deep in this one, but just so you get an idea, one of the episodes of the Red Scare podcast was dedicated to make fun of FKA Twigs for speaking up about the abuse she suffered by Shia LaBeouf. It's chilling to hear, so trigger warning. Matty dated FKA Twigs for three years, right after her relationship with Shia ended. FKA blocked Matty on Instagram upon breaking up, for what it's worth. The Red Scare also had an episode where they bodyshamed Matty's current girlfriend, Taylor Swift, and said she should go back to having an eating disorder. They also called her mom Miss Piggy.
That's the tone of the entire thing. They find it funny to platform people like Alex Jones, they think Trump is hilarious and have mocked his abuse victims. Just... nasty stuff.

2023

  • In January, he does a nazi salute and march on stage as "a parody" to mock Kanye and Trump.
  • In early 2023, I don't have exact dates, he posts the following Instagram stories:
https://preview.redd.it/ik6kp6upua3b1.png?width=1000&format=png&auto=webp&s=c3f89f2c5cf1a0a2b074092a45b1e4182c13f890
  • In February he goes to The Adam Friedland Show, a "dirtbag leftist" podcast hosted by Adam Friedland and Nick Mullen. The tone of the podcast is typical edgelord leftist who thinks that because they say offensive things as "satire" and "social commentary" they're not actually offensive.
I'm not going to spend a ton of time on this, because this is the part that's documented the most
The podcast would be taken down by Spotify and Apple Music because of its offensive content, but it's still available on YouTube and you can listen to the whole thing here.
In this podcast Matty and the hosts make... a joke? about Matty being caught red-handed about to m*sturbate to Ghetto Gaggers, a website that "specializes" on showing p*rn about brutalized (Matty's word) black women. You can hear the whole exchange here, and there's a very graphic description of the type of videos you can find in it. A transcript of the conversation can be found in this article. Since then, apparently Adam Friedland claimed that it was a joke that he suggested to Matty (I can't find where he claimed this, but I continue to see his fans saying he did). I don't think this changes much of anything because Matty was clearly very aware of what Ghetto Gaggers was, given the fact that he described it, and still found it hilarious. So he either finds it black women being brutalized arousing and funny or just funny.
The podcast also included a section where they talk about rapper Ice Spice. The hosts call her "a chubby Chinese lady" to which Matty bursts out laughing. They also mock multiple accents, which Matty encourages and laughs at. Here's an excerpt.
The only thing he apologized for of all this was the Ice Spice comments. Video of his apology during a random show in New Zealand, Ice Spice totally saw that! Trigger warning for eyeroll content. This is the transcript:
I just feel a bit bad, and I’m kind of a bit sorry if I’ve offended you. Ice Spice, I’m sorry. It’s not because I’m annoyed that me joking got misconstrued. It’s because I don’t want Ice Spice to think I’m a dick. I love you, Ice Spice. I’m so sorry.
The truth is, I see a sign that says like, ‘Matty, I hope you’re okay.’ I feel a bit bad, to be honest, because I feel like I’ve been a bit irresponsible. It’s very well for me to say, I don’t understand how famous I am. I don’t like being famous. But reality is reality. And I think that I’ve said some things or kind of, I make a joke out of everything. That’s my thing. And I can take it too far sometimes in front of too many people. And I feel a bit embarrassed. So that’s the truth.
Then in a New Yorker profile he said he wasn't sorry about the podcast (no specific mention of Ice Spice) and basically said none of it mattered.
I asked him about the podcast. He’d been doing so much promo, he told me, that he wanted to do something that felt more like simply talking with his friends. But, of course, he had done this all in public, on mike. Had he baited his fans on purpose? “A little bit,” he said. “But it doesn’t actually matter. Nobody is sitting there at night slumped at their computer, and their boyfriend comes over and goes, ‘What’s wrong, darling?’ and they go, ‘It’s just this thing with Matty Healy.’ That doesn’t happen.”
“Maybe it does,” I said.
“If it does,” he said, “you’re either deluded or you are, sorry, a liar. You’re either lying that you are hurt, or you’re a bit mental for being hurt. It’s just people going, ‘Oh, there’s a bad thing over there, let me get as close to it as possible so you can see how good I am.’ And I kind of want them to do that, because they’re demonstrating something so base level.”

  • Matty deleted his social media in April, but as of the day he deleted, he followed Kyle Rittenhouse and Andrew Tate
https://preview.redd.it/zumf8dox8b3b1.png?width=686&format=png&auto=webp&s=5cd298d7a2666043ba0c90fd525b440dccdab500
Allegedly, the follows were because he was "doing research" or I don't know, making fun of them? It's hard to keep up with the edgelord excuses.
____________________________________
I didn't include the comments Matty himself made saying that he would feel "emasculated" if he was linked to Taylor back in 2016. He published a lengthy apology that basically justifies the whole thing and says men have "those thoughts." I can't add any more pics, and his twitter account, where he posted it, is deleted, so the tweet is the last hotlink, here is the actual full pic. Make of that what you will.
He has also used the R word, but he apologized for that (although his apology, included the R word), so, you know...
There's more. He did this whole bit where he posted offensive memes in a highlight called "Problemattic", but this is incredibly long and I'm at my limit of 20 pics already. If anyone has any additions, leave them in the comments. I don't think there's a chance in hell Reddit will allow me to edit this post, so I won't be able to add anything (I couldn't with the last one and it was a lot shorter), so please, if the comments add stuff, upvote them so they're at the top.
Also, please forgive any typos or mistakes, as I said,I won't be able to edit it.
Thank you to everyone that contributed to this thread and kindly answered my questions in DMs. You guys rock!
submitted by DramaThrowAway2023 to Fauxmoi [link] [comments]


2023.06.01 02:29 tommydelriot Pubity on Instagram: "Keanu Reeves reunited with his rock band Dogstar at the 2023 BottleRock Napa Valley festival.”

Pubity on Instagram:
If you squint reallllll hard, this guy looks kinda sorta like Johnny
submitted by tommydelriot to cyberpunkgame [link] [comments]


2023.05.31 22:29 subreddit_stats Subreddit Stats: IndianHipHopHeads posts from 2023-04-20 to 2023-05-30 20:00 PDT

Period: 39.89 days
Submissions Comments
Total 947 16869
Rate (per day) 23.74 412.74
Unique Redditors 342 1783
Combined Score 23580 103359

Top Submitters' Top Submissions

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  7. 524 points, 10 submissions: MrKayPavlov
    1. Yungsta Has Revealed Meen's Artwork (215 points, 35 comments)
    2. Join Us For An AMA With Poetik Justis, a veteran of the scene on 19th May (108 points, 36 comments)
    3. AMA Happening Tomorrow Evening (68 points, 28 comments)
    4. AMA Happening Tomorrow (9th of May, 2023) (33 points, 27 comments)
    5. [Re-visit/Discussion] MC Stan - Tadipaar (2 Years Later) (29 points, 24 comments)
    6. [Re-visit/Discussion] DIVINE - Punya Paap (2+ Years later) (20 points, 11 comments)
    7. [Meta] Whose AMA did you enjoy the most? (19 points, 57 comments)
    8. [EP] Vasudev - Aqualine (15 points, 4 comments)
    9. Do you use Twitter for discussing DHH? If yes how often? (11 points, 13 comments)
    10. Mega Thread: 1 Min Rap challenge Entries (6 points, 21 comments)
  8. 488 points, 10 submissions: M_A_G_M_A
    1. KARMA - YOUNG GALEECH (302 points, 274 comments)
    2. Kr$na x Raftaar coming soon? (81 points, 20 comments)
    3. Rawal x Bharg - Baat Bangayi (27 points, 25 comments)
    4. Raftaar x Deep Kalsi feat. Straight Bank & Bandzo3rd - Gangnum Remix (21 points, 3 comments)
    5. KR$NA - Desi Wrap Up 2016 (20 points, 8 comments)
    6. LEGEND - PILING UP MY SINS TAKEOFF THURSDAYS S2 KALAMKAAR (12 points, 4 comments)
    7. Deep Kalsi, Sireesha Bhagavatula, Jokhay - Meri Soulmate (Drill Version) (8 points, 2 comments)
    8. GUD KID - SCHIZO TAKEOFF THURSDAYS S2 (8 points, 5 comments)
    9. Naezy - Haq Hai (Prod. By Sez) (6 points, 2 comments)
    10. Sample in Plush by Divine. (3 points, 0 comments)
  9. 448 points, 6 submissions: GodKodse
    1. 101% THE BIGGEST!! (323 points, 72 comments)
    2. MC STAN - Kahan Par Hai (34 points, 16 comments)
    3. DIVINE - Kohinoor (32 points, 15 comments)
    4. MC STAN - LOWKEY (32 points, 12 comments)
    5. Yo Yo Honey Singh’s podcast with Ranveer Allahbadia (20 points, 43 comments)
    6. DIVINE - Walking Miracle ft. Nas, Cocoa Sarai (7 points, 7 comments)
  10. 436 points, 17 submissions: PuzzleheadedCan4466
    1. bruh (118 points, 14 comments)
    2. KARMA - I DONT KNOW FREESTYLE (76 points, 54 comments)
    3. byg bird story : sab paisai ka chakar hai babu bhaiya (71 points, 80 comments)
    4. kalamkar signs augus .Thoughts? (66 points, 62 comments)
    5. EMIWAY - KAHA PAR HU (20 points, 6 comments)
    6. FLOWBO X MEMAX - Psyched Up (16 points, 15 comments)
    7. J Trix X SubSpace- Khayaal (13 points, 1 comment)
    8. EMIWAY - BHAROSA (12 points, 2 comments)
    9. How BEEF Manipulated EMIWAY'S ALBUM (9 points, 7 comments)
    10. EMIWAY - MAALIK (7 points, 0 comments)
  11. 405 points, 2 submissions: Puzzleheaded-Act-10
    1. Two Tone extended version coming soon ft. Talhah Yunus (290 points, 27 comments)
    2. Two Tone Extended Version coming tonight (115 points, 14 comments)
  12. 390 points, 10 submissions: GantaiREAPER
    1. Deep Kalsi collabing with Umer Anjum and Panther on his next track (184 points, 36 comments)
    2. EPR is dropping a new single called Fibonacci on 30/5/2023 (Source: His IG) (85 points, 36 comments)
    3. Found this cypher on ig & it sounds fire (Artist: Vamp Credits: @mewadicypher) (34 points, 11 comments)
    4. KR$NA - THE SHIT I'M ON ft. MANDEEP SETHI (19 points, 2 comments)
    5. Want to explore more of Pakistani Hip Hop and need suggestions (17 points, 39 comments)
    6. MC Square - Duniya (14 points, 16 comments)
    7. Taimour Baig - Dear God (14 points, 10 comments)
    8. Young Stunners - Rooh (Remix) (11 points, 6 comments)
    9. Gaush - I Made A Rap Song In Marathi! (7 points, 8 comments)
    10. Talha Anjum - Anokha Laadla ft. Kamran Gulzar (5 points, 2 comments)
  13. 368 points, 3 submissions: lovi_sh
    1. Hip-Hop scene in rajasthan!! (170 points, 23 comments)
    2. Gravity's Sueprvillain (Album) dropping on 25 may 2023 (102 points, 22 comments)
    3. Gravity revealed Supervillain (Album) tracks and features. (96 points, 35 comments)
  14. 349 points, 3 submissions: tangrikebab
    1. Prabh Deep has left Azadi Records. (206 points, 105 comments)
    2. Prabh Deep hinting at a possible financial feud with Azadi Records? (81 points, 26 comments)
    3. Subah subah Divine bhai kispe shot le rahe? (62 points, 45 comments)
  15. 319 points, 7 submissions: suckurmoda
    1. Yungsta breaks down "Meen" Album Cover! (143 points, 23 comments)
    2. Lafda Theory: Raftaar vs Ikka (48 points, 47 comments)
    3. What are some legendary/iconic/unusual/unexpected DHH Collabs and linkups? (35 points, 28 comments)
    4. Why does Emiway get little to no credit for his achievements? (35 points, 124 comments)
    5. Blues in India Sikander Kahlon (26 points, 3 comments)
    6. Vasudev's Discography (20 points, 9 comments)
    7. Is the 24 Hr deadline valid in beefs? (12 points, 33 comments)
  16. 285 points, 2 submissions: lolxdmekaisemaanlu
    1. youngest Indian to feature on Billboard (256 points, 47 comments)
    2. $NOT commented on MC STAN's latest post. International Collab incoming?? (29 points, 15 comments)
  17. 278 points, 12 submissions: Rg_638
    1. KSHMR on Haath Varthi and STAN (119 points, 24 comments)
    2. Deep Kalsi, Umer Anjum, Panther - Clout (53 points, 23 comments)
    3. Yungsta X Afaik - The All Stars 'MEEN' Podcast (20 points, 2 comments)
    4. Encore ABJ x Calm (Prod. Prabh Deep) - Savage (17 points, 2 comments)
    5. Hasan Raheem - You Don't Know (14 points, 1 comment)
    6. Shamoon Ismail ft Talha Anjum - 051021 (13 points, 5 comments)
    7. Hardbone - Deeपक फिरीverse (11 points, 0 comments)
    8. KSHMR x DIVINE x LIT killah – Lion Heart (11 points, 6 comments)
    9. Raftaar, AKASA - Phone Mila Ke (6 points, 9 comments)
    10. Srushti Tawade - Dahi Shakkar (6 points, 10 comments)
  18. 269 points, 3 submissions: Amriteshgautam
    1. Snippet of Upcoming track from Emiway`s KOTS Album !!! (114 points, 37 comments)
    2. Clearing the POV of Emi milking Company !!! (80 points, 22 comments)
    3. SEIGE giving massive Shoutout to Emiway !!! (75 points, 41 comments)
  19. 252 points, 3 submissions: bucck2929
    1. Encore abj freestyling on his live today (01/05/2023) (233 points, 54 comments)
    2. MOB D - PAISA BRO (10 points, 3 comments)
    3. Nabeel Akbar - Sharpshooter (9 points, 0 comments)
  20. 247 points, 11 submissions: Few_Satisfaction8170
    1. Young Stunners - TWO TONE (175 points, 64 comments)
    2. DRV, Boyblanck - Zameen Se (11 points, 1 comment)
    3. Shauharty, ARSLAN - 88 Farookhs in Devnagiris (11 points, 2 comments)
    4. Talha Anjum - LAAM SE LOMRI (10 points, 4 comments)
    5. Sultan, Zas, 2Ace, JANI, Shareh, Savage - Taangein chat se (7 points, 7 comments)
    6. Talha Anjum - Raftaar (7 points, 2 comments)
    7. ASHIR, Talal Qureshi - YAMA (6 points, 1 comment)
    8. Rap Demon,Talha Anjum - Rapper Tabaah (6 points, 3 comments)
    9. Seedhe Maut - That Part Remix (6 points, 0 comments)
    10. Sammad, Quest - Gasolina Interlude (5 points, 0 comments)
  21. 243 points, 3 submissions: Ok_Proposal_9149
    1. pls remove mat karna (132 points, 56 comments)
    2. how Ankit Khanna was able to sign deal with bohemia? (61 points, 49 comments)
    3. Raftaar x Nawazuddin Siddiqui - MANTOIYAT (50 points, 20 comments)
  22. 238 points, 1 submission: Every_Cauliflower_98
    1. Chaar Diwari Moshpit at Pune (238 points, 30 comments)
  23. 236 points, 6 submissions: Agent47_hitman-43
    1. Emiway bantai - Chhod dala (131 points, 133 comments)
    2. Ikka - RAP MAN (47 points, 14 comments)
    3. 1 MINUTE RAP CHALLENGE SEASON 3 ANNOUNCEMENT - Rohan cariapppa (32 points, 3 comments)
    4. Suggest some underrated DHH projects (19 points, 90 comments)
    5. Faris shafi - Dou step by CAT (6 points, 1 comment)
    6. Ansh4sure - LEG4CY (1 point, 0 comments)
  24. 227 points, 4 submissions: opisunlovable
    1. MC STAN, KSHMR, Phenom - Haath Varthi (165 points, 113 comments)
    2. [EP] MC Kode - Zeher (32 points, 17 comments)
    3. Armaan Malik, Yashraj, Lost Stories, Kimera - HIIR (16 points, 8 comments)
    4. Dakait, Aniket Raturi, Sez on the Beat - Ghor Illegal (14 points, 8 comments)
  25. 227 points, 1 submission: Tusharr7
    1. Using AI to make Eminem sing KR$NA's verse in Overdrive (227 points, 41 comments)
  26. 214 points, 1 submission: Salt_Instruction_555
    1. Karma - How To Tame Your Beast (214 points, 176 comments)
  27. 208 points, 9 submissions: Bhutiya_Memer
    1. Raftaar - Never Back Down (Review) (91 points, 27 comments)
    2. Sunny Khan Durrani - Mera Koe Gher Nahi (30 points, 30 comments)
    3. SOS x Ahmer x Xplicit - Evil Eye (announcement) (25 points, 4 comments)
    4. Chen K - Shehar (24 points, 14 comments)
    5. Rap Demon x Umair - Mukhlis (17 points, 6 comments)
    6. Arslan Nizami x Ahmer - Tu Dhoor (7 points, 1 comment)
    7. Koshur Nizam - Koshur Side (Westside Story Remix) (7 points, 6 comments)
    8. SOS x Ahmer x Xplicit - Evil Eye (4 points, 1 comment)
    9. Qafilah x 30Key! - The Last Leaf (3 points, 1 comment)
  28. 207 points, 12 submissions: anujmaral12
    1. Raftaar - Sheikh Chilli (34 points, 27 comments)
    2. MC STAN - Shana Bann (28 points, 19 comments)
    3. Talha Anjum - Karachi Mera (28 points, 16 comments)
    4. Tell me L taken by your fav artist (26 points, 169 comments)
    5. Jokhay, Talha Anjum, Hashim Nawaz - Raabta (20 points, 5 comments)
    6. KR$NA, French the kid - 10 Pe 10 (15 points, 14 comments)
    7. Production review karo guys (15 points, 7 comments)
    8. Aavrutti - Naya Zamana (14 points, 1 comment)
    9. MC Stan - Insaan (10 points, 14 comments)
    10. Raftaar, Salim merchant, karma - Tu Phir Se Aana (8 points, 2 comments)
  29. 202 points, 13 submissions: stg_676
    1. Karun, Arpit Bala, Lambo Driver, ReVo LEKHAK - Maharani (41 points, 14 comments)
    2. Sez on the beat, Enkore, Yungsta, The Siege, Rebel 7, Smoke - Goonj (38 points, 11 comments)
    3. Frappe Ash - Dumb Ladke (29 points, 11 comments)
    4. Yashraj, Karan Kanchan, Dropped Out - Raakh (25 points, 8 comments)
    5. DRV, Boyblanck - Desktop (21 points, 5 comments)
    6. DRV, Loka, Aakash - Empty (10 points, 7 comments)
    7. DRV, Darcy - Khoj (8 points, 3 comments)
    8. Big Scratch - Akela (7 points, 3 comments)
    9. Goa trap culture, Tsumyoki, 2jaym - I've Had Enough (6 points, 2 comments)
    10. Yoshi, Tarun - Pehlu (6 points, 0 comments)

Top Commenters

  1. adolf-dumblewhore (2961 points, 209 comments)
  2. GantaiREAPER (2417 points, 204 comments)
  3. theAppleboy (2019 points, 302 comments)
  4. M_A_G_M_A (1612 points, 201 comments)
  5. TheKingAlchemist (1364 points, 174 comments)
  6. Noeljino (1333 points, 155 comments)
  7. GaneshRasal (1315 points, 468 comments)
  8. px1618 (1262 points, 137 comments)
  9. Adventurous-Guava981 (1203 points, 172 comments)
  10. Loan-Fast (1179 points, 221 comments)
  11. NH_hostel (1135 points, 143 comments)
  12. Electrical-Spare-973 (1125 points, 92 comments)
  13. InstructionHot9577 (1060 points, 172 comments)
  14. Even_Positive_756 (1035 points, 78 comments)
  15. stg_676 (1032 points, 126 comments)
  16. Gandi_Aulaad (1017 points, 235 comments)
  17. Yungstahiphop (941 points, 76 comments)
  18. Final-Sample- (885 points, 71 comments)
  19. SAYmyNAME041 (866 points, 59 comments)
  20. anujmaral12 (864 points, 59 comments)
  21. MrKayPavlov (852 points, 150 comments)
  22. DankKid2410 (803 points, 54 comments)
  23. moit12345 (786 points, 93 comments)
  24. Bhel- (762 points, 49 comments)
  25. noob_coder696969 (734 points, 132 comments)
  26. Interesting-Force347 (719 points, 43 comments)
  27. TawaChicken (717 points, 108 comments)
  28. Ok_Editor4792 (698 points, 75 comments)
  29. bucck2929 (684 points, 113 comments)
  30. Darknight_hell (681 points, 126 comments)
  31. Famous_Amphibian2385 (647 points, 102 comments)
  32. Big_a_zoid11 (593 points, 73 comments)
  33. GodKodse (563 points, 46 comments)
  34. insignificantt (550 points, 82 comments)
  35. theRealMadridGuy (548 points, 48 comments)
  36. Gaurang1976 (529 points, 90 comments)
  37. WADE_- (515 points, 50 comments)
  38. Anxious-Progress3480 (512 points, 47 comments)
  39. JODDUNMOIST (503 points, 74 comments)
  40. Accomplished-Ad-6007 (496 points, 65 comments)
  41. poetikjustis23 (495 points, 51 comments)
  42. No_Leopard_7000 (488 points, 94 comments)
  43. Weeblyweird (480 points, 94 comments)
  44. DocDiffer (479 points, 90 comments)
  45. realviivek (471 points, 78 comments)
  46. yourdaddyaditya (448 points, 99 comments)
  47. ahmerkmr (440 points, 39 comments)
  48. MasalaBoi (434 points, 80 comments)
  49. pundisher2711 (432 points, 65 comments)
  50. AgsyWorld (417 points, 20 comments)
  51. lovi_sh (413 points, 52 comments)
  52. ankubhagat (409 points, 11 comments)
  53. abhaykhetan07 (408 points, 28 comments)
  54. MilkImpossible7022 (407 points, 15 comments)
  55. PARTH-BHARDWAJ (404 points, 57 comments)
  56. garvit786 (403 points, 71 comments)
  57. Agent47_hitman-43 (403 points, 69 comments)
  58. Adorable_Set7546 (399 points, 31 comments)
  59. PuzzleheadedCan4466 (392 points, 27 comments)
  60. anotherKM7124 (380 points, 51 comments)
  61. Exotic_Phone2651 (377 points, 13 comments)
  62. coconutanna (376 points, 50 comments)
  63. jim-jam-biscuit (368 points, 28 comments)
  64. PrettyIntrovertMe (366 points, 44 comments)
  65. Ok_Rice4694 (365 points, 125 comments)
  66. Ok_Proposal_9149 (349 points, 13 comments)
  67. ADITYA290804 (343 points, 60 comments)
  68. sezonthebeat (340 points, 7 comments)
  69. ken_kaneki07 (334 points, 40 comments)
  70. Avinash_Paryani (329 points, 33 comments)
  71. aryaannnn (325 points, 35 comments)
  72. lujolka (322 points, 59 comments)
  73. kshmrmusic (319 points, 3 comments)
  74. No_Raspberry_9514 (316 points, 15 comments)
  75. Tanish1308 (315 points, 18 comments)
  76. Usual_Release_6134 (314 points, 19 comments)
  77. itzSKIT (312 points, 44 comments)
  78. Grizzlyrang (303 points, 78 comments)
  79. Archiet_Tanwar (299 points, 58 comments)
  80. Puneet_7164 (295 points, 18 comments)
  81. Weak_Comfortable1844 (284 points, 14 comments)
  82. Parkour_daredevil (283 points, 28 comments)
  83. rewanshh (282 points, 35 comments)
  84. Zealousideal-Ask-538 (281 points, 19 comments)
  85. Lit_Extreme05 (277 points, 28 comments)
  86. Harsha_Bhosde (275 points, 11 comments)
  87. Fuzzy-Woodpecker-673 (273 points, 15 comments)
  88. suckurmoda (272 points, 65 comments)
  89. en1_gma (266 points, 62 comments)
  90. CoolnamePanda (266 points, 46 comments)
  91. Andhainsaan (256 points, 34 comments)
  92. No_Boat_3622 (252 points, 48 comments)
  93. Y0han_liebert (248 points, 29 comments)
  94. slashinghunter45 (245 points, 15 comments)
  95. ___sohammmm (240 points, 17 comments)
  96. Actual-Honeydew-4109 (239 points, 32 comments)
  97. pratap_10 (232 points, 28 comments)
  98. Accomplished_Path233 (228 points, 16 comments)
  99. Impressive_Camera173 (228 points, 8 comments)
  100. venix124 (227 points, 56 comments)
  101. dexter2503 (227 points, 30 comments)
  102. v1ntag33 (222 points, 10 comments)
  103. Sure_Good_3807 (221 points, 18 comments)
  104. 9ighteye (220 points, 26 comments)
  105. Lamb_Shiftquantum (217 points, 35 comments)
  106. vp1593 (216 points, 42 comments)
  107. XXTALKSICK (212 points, 87 comments)
  108. YakLost2632 (202 points, 14 comments)
  109. okk_123 (197 points, 17 comments)
  110. Affectionate-Bad3670 (195 points, 31 comments)
  111. shoot-a-lot (194 points, 11 comments)
  112. killerscradle (191 points, 44 comments)
  113. dam2o (191 points, 21 comments)
  114. Cyranizzyyy (189 points, 41 comments)
  115. Otherwise_Pace_1133 (189 points, 32 comments)
  116. Industry-Beautiful (188 points, 30 comments)
  117. youngboypain (188 points, 9 comments)
  118. Known_Assumption_383 (186 points, 26 comments)
  119. Iyushy00 (185 points, 41 comments)
  120. Bhutiya_Memer (185 points, 27 comments)
  121. TraditionalArticle88 (185 points, 19 comments)
  122. Careless_Landscape45 (183 points, 53 comments)
  123. Solid_Phase9878 (183 points, 6 comments)
  124. oichu (182 points, 12 comments)
  125. obscure-reality (181 points, 39 comments)
  126. Hungry-Grocery-2646 (181 points, 11 comments)
  127. pawan270319999 (178 points, 14 comments)
  128. whatever_his_name_is (177 points, 21 comments)
  129. BluEsCREwer (175 points, 32 comments)
  130. BIG_P0PPA_ (172 points, 57 comments)
  131. Big-Thanks7910 (172 points, 44 comments)
  132. Ill_BLOGGER_633 (172 points, 30 comments)
  133. Affectionate_Tune203 (170 points, 19 comments)
  134. Fit_Neighborhood6332 (170 points, 15 comments)
  135. Xomet (169 points, 8 comments)
  136. MysteriousCup1836 (163 points, 14 comments)
  137. belikepac (163 points, 11 comments)
  138. Additional-Peak-1755 (162 points, 60 comments)
  139. Glum-Highway-7403 (161 points, 43 comments)
  140. Guilty_Surprise5534 (161 points, 28 comments)
  141. shutupmatsuda (159 points, 29 comments)
  142. I_Am_Useless_1 (158 points, 39 comments)
  143. rittesh1234 (156 points, 16 comments)
  144. Scary_Career_6081 (153 points, 31 comments)
  145. N-o-va (152 points, 38 comments)
  146. Every_Cauliflower_98 (152 points, 31 comments)
  147. ChutiyaChutney420 (150 points, 19 comments)
  148. MysteriousBicycle577 (149 points, 26 comments)
  149. Few_Satisfaction8170 (149 points, 15 comments)
  150. Appropriate-Bird6642 (148 points, 12 comments)
  151. spacemonkey___ (147 points, 12 comments)
  152. BhargavK_18 (146 points, 19 comments)
  153. enough_cheesE (145 points, 16 comments)
  154. 2ded4u (145 points, 12 comments)
  155. organic_mineral (144 points, 10 comments)
  156. io866 (143 points, 21 comments)
  157. tangrikebab (142 points, 5 comments)
  158. AN-Rexxx (141 points, 20 comments)
  159. lying_hips (140 points, 8 comments)
  160. ZealousidealChange11 (139 points, 23 comments)
  161. Low_Apartment_3911 (137 points, 36 comments)
  162. tatakaealways (135 points, 36 comments)
  163. WarmRelationship8483 (135 points, 17 comments)
  164. Shivy0999 (134 points, 42 comments)
  165. r0cks33n9915 (134 points, 36 comments)
  166. JaiJai011 (134 points, 8 comments)
  167. an0nym0us_buddy (134 points, 3 comments)
  168. nuanshed (133 points, 10 comments)
  169. EconomyAd4071 (131 points, 8 comments)
  170. Vast-Professional-82 (131 points, 6 comments)
  171. dedlife18 (130 points, 45 comments)
  172. Ok-Tonight-8723 (129 points, 17 comments)
  173. fuddhu (129 points, 9 comments)
  174. LordJ92 (128 points, 17 comments)
  175. REALISMONPEAK (126 points, 35 comments)
  176. imdumb_sike (126 points, 17 comments)
  177. The-Volumee (125 points, 23 comments)
  178. Beginning-Kick1946 (125 points, 17 comments)
  179. Substantial_Spare345 (125 points, 4 comments)
  180. Aarav_Parmar (123 points, 31 comments)
  181. rnt7520 (123 points, 29 comments)
  182. paranoidnotandroid14 (123 points, 12 comments)
  183. GreenCucumber1677 (122 points, 24 comments)
  184. Amriteshgautam (121 points, 5 comments)
  185. Easy-Repair-3614 (120 points, 18 comments)
  186. Actual_Employment_89 (120 points, 12 comments)
  187. sirtansejuda (117 points, 14 comments)
  188. aryan_gami (116 points, 41 comments)
  189. frikuser (116 points, 22 comments)
  190. padh_le_beta (116 points, 18 comments)
  191. Gusion- (116 points, 15 comments)
  192. Ancient_Scientist_04 (116 points, 7 comments)
  193. fatherless_milf (115 points, 20 comments)
  194. MIHIR1112 (115 points, 9 comments)
  195. Agitated-Detail1466 (115 points, 5 comments)
  196. NightAxeblad3 (114 points, 23 comments)
  197. abhinavred123 (114 points, 11 comments)
  198. dark_king_2002 (113 points, 23 comments)
  199. Mammoth_Attention_73 (112 points, 14 comments)
  200. relevant_juniper (111 points, 22 comments)

Top Submissions

  1. Iconic photos of Desi hip-hop. by adolf-dumblewhore (451 points, 124 comments)
  2. Haath Varti - Kshmr X Mc Stan Out this Friday by ___sohammmm (354 points, 76 comments)
  3. 101% THE BIGGEST!! by GodKodse (323 points, 72 comments)
  4. KARMA - YOUNG GALEECH by M_A_G_M_A (302 points, 274 comments)
  5. Two Tone extended version coming soon ft. Talhah Yunus by Puzzleheaded-Act-10 (290 points, 27 comments)
  6. youngest Indian to feature on Billboard by lolxdmekaisemaanlu (256 points, 47 comments)
  7. Chaar Diwari Moshpit at Pune by Every_Cauliflower_98 (238 points, 30 comments)
  8. Encore abj freestyling on his live today (01/05/2023) by bucck2929 (233 points, 54 comments)
  9. Using AI to make Eminem sing KR$NA's verse in Overdrive by Tusharr7 (227 points, 41 comments)
  10. Yungsta Has Revealed Meen's Artwork by MrKayPavlov (215 points, 35 comments)

Top Comments

  1. 250 points: Harsha_Bhosde's comment in I'm convinced
  2. 233 points: ankubhagat's comment in KARMA - YOUNG GALEECH
  3. 210 points: kshmrmusic's comment in MC STAN, KSHMR, Phenom - Haath Varthi
  4. 184 points: Exotic_Phone2651's comment in Karma - How To Tame Your Beast
  5. 177 points: GantaiREAPER's comment in KARMA - YOUNG GALEECH
  6. 169 points: anujmaral12's comment in Young Stunners - TWO TONE
  7. 166 points: Anxious-Progress3480's comment in Young Galib - Kulfa-Kar-Ma
  8. 163 points: PuzzleheadedCan4466's comment in Why is no one talking about this?
  9. 145 points: slashinghunter45's comment in Ikka announces the release of “RAPMAN” in collaboration with Raj Comics.
  10. 144 points: Final-Sample-'s comment in KARMA - YOUNG GALEECH
Generated with BBoe's Subreddit Stats
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2023.05.31 20:53 Commercial-Chair-987 Red Rocks Show

Red Rocks Show
Is anyone going to the show tonight at Red Rocks?! If so, I’d die to get this book safe. I’d be happy to reimburse anyone… please please please 🙌🏻
submitted by Commercial-Chair-987 to lordhuron [link] [comments]


2023.05.31 17:00 Kay_floweringnow I want to stop hurting. I want to have energy, I want to take risks, I want to be able to survive failure again.

I want to stop hurting. I want to have energy, I want to take risks, I want to be able to survive failure again.
It’s what it is. I know, bootstrap myself into sanity. I wish that was possible. Transitioning is an amazing thing but along the way I’ve also become a lot more aware of the ways I’m broken. Doing the internal work means I’m more aware of my flaws than ever before.
I’m terrified of asking friends for help. What if they reject me? I expect criticism from work, praise makes me uncomfortable. I have a hard time trusting that people like me for me.
Talking with a friend on Instagram last night I found myself telling her all my old stories rather than sharing current experiences. Asked how my weekend was I couldn’t articulate the joy, freedom, and beauty I felt while running the river.
I didn’t mention that I was proud of how I ran the creek line at the Sure-form rapid on the Bottom Bottom Moose. I ran it for the first time in over a year. It’s a class 5 rapid with a shoulder breaking rock at the end that I styled easily. I wish i could express myself with confidence when the pretty girls talk to me.
I worried that I was dominating the conversation, that my kayaking specific language was boring, that I sounded stupid. I was even worried that I wasn’t appropriately gay enough. (It is a male ego dominated sport after all.)
So many of my issues are born of protecting myself from people who let me down through life, parents, siblings, ex, and of course myself. The way I’ve been trying to turn this around is to say the quiet parts out loud. Speak my fears. Talk about my mental health. Talk about sex, emotion, desire and attraction with friends and strangers alike. Talk about the messy details that my upper east side wasp upbringing taught me to closet away.
Transition is a process. I will come out the other side stronger, better and stunningly gorgeous. This hope, and being here for my kids, sustains me. I wish this hope wasn’t so threadbare most days.
See you on the river, Kay.
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