Which came first, the biblical prophecy marking the words of God about the end of the world or the Norse “Legends” of the realm of Scandinavian end times post apocalyptic massacre called the Twilight of the gods Ragnarök?
I am currently reading this Manga called 終末の戦乙女Shūmatsu no sen'otome Or in the American dubbed volumes Record of Ragnarök and analyzed the myths and legends and compared it to our historical findings of research and there’s a lot controversy on how the artists drew their depictions to the gods we humans used to worship….
The Abrahamic God of Israel has been at war with the other pagan idols from foreign pantheons in every nation not to mention I had a vision of the apocalypse!
Before the destruction of our planet Earth begins, my ominous vision had warned me the Statue of Liberty will be torn down to pieces one by one and the mad scientists @the White House have been recreating the mammoths and brought back the dinosaurs to extinction and then finally World War III is the grand finale of our downfall which is why the mark of the beast on the Roman numeral III is the Hebrew sigil for 666 (six hundred [and] sixty-six) is the natural number following 665 and preceding 667. In Christianity, 666 is called the "number of the beast" in (most manuscripts of) chapter 13 of the Book of Revelation of the New Testament.
Feel free to share your side of this controversial debate about Legends behind history….

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where do i even begin with this post. cw for a lot of medical talk and dysphoria discussion, mild s/h discussion
i'm havinf several panic attacks per day the likes of which ive never had before, i will fix my typos and explain to the best of my ability but i'm atruggling to get words out please bear with me and please help if you can any advice is good advice solicited or otherwise. additional context im a UK based trans man under the care of the NHS and pilot gender clinic CMAGIC
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i started nebido on Feb 13th this year, first loading dose. my 2nd loading dose was april 3rd. previously on sustanon 250. seemed fine at first but over the last month i've noticed all my masculinisation reversed. my chest has noticably re-inflated, i'm curvy again in all the disgustingly wrong places, im cramping again what could be my monthly returning, im extremely emotional
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is this normal for loading dose nebido and IS THIS REVERSIBLE?? am i going to get my masculinisation back. will my fat redistribute to the masc way again exactly the way i was before i started nebido. why did this happen so quickly?? im extremely dysphoric qbout my chest getting bigger again and my curves having all come back im DISGUSTED. i feel VILE. i cant escape the physical sensation of my chest being bigger feeling heavier showing more out of my clothes, ive been doing all sorts of unspeakable behaviours on my chest out of unfathomable impulse and i cannot calm myself down or stop feeling them there
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will this all go away and go back to normal if i stick with nebido? will estrogen blockers on top of nebido help me?? ive been crying to all sorts of health phone calls today hoping someone would prescribe something. someone from CMAGIC is talking to their clinical lead tomorrow but ive already been told my shot date cannot be changed under any circumstance and im begging for some kind of emotional relief for the next 26 days of feminine hell.
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does anyone have any sort of information or relief for me bc i'm in an absolute state of disrepair and have been for days. i cant breathe, i cant eat, i cant stop crying or having panic attacks, im hyper aware of my body in ways ive never epxerienced before, i cant do anythjng anymore. i want more than anything to have the body i had in january (sans chest of course, but at least my chest was extremely deflated to the point i didnt feel the need to bind excessivlely and could passively cope)
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and a big one - how LONG will my body take to re-masculinise? it wont be months and months for my fat to redistribute and cramps to go away?? tell me it wont be months and months of living with my re-feminised body before it's fixed. does anyone have any hope for me? thank you sm for your time i really appreciate it

I know you’ll never see this letter, and I suppose I should be grateful for that, but I still feel so stupid for writing it. Stupid because there’s no reason my feelings should be this strong and my heart should hurt this badly. We were only talking for a few short weeks but, man, I fell HARD and I fell FAST. But now it’s all over and I’m left here to pick up the pieces. I’m sure you’re happy with her, and that’s great. I want you to be happy. But I want to be happy too. So, in an attempt to help heal my broken heart, I just wanted to write down (almost) all the things I’ll never get to say:
-When you first messaged me after we matched for the 4th time in as many years, you said “the universe just wants us to be together.” I responded by saying “and who are we to tell the universe it’s wrong?” Well, we called the universe’s bluff and now I feel like I’m the one paying the price for it. You get to move on and fall in love and I get to sit at home, too afraid to go out anywhere in case I run into you. If I need to drive through your neighborhood to get somewhere, I’ll take a longer route just to avoid the possibility of seeing you.
-I still walk the dog on that nature trail and by the park where we had our first date. I feel safe there because you didn’t know it existed before I told you about it, and there’s a very slim chance you’ll ever go back. It’s the dog’s favorite route to walk along though, so I still take him every day after work. But it breaks my heart to be there because all I can think of is you, and our conversation, and the way my head rested perfectly on your chest when we hugged because you’re so tall, and the way your lips felt pressed against mine.
-the dog is on a diet and I hate that every time I feed him, the sound of kibble and chicken falling into his bowl is replaced with your laughter as you said “aww no look at him, he ain’t missing no meals!” He was wary of you, but oddly enough I think he misses you. When we pass by someone on our walks that looks even remotely like you, his tail will wag uncontrollably and he tries to jump on them. He still growls a bit, but he just seems sad when he realizes it’s not you. I do too.
-I hate doing laundry now because doing laundry means I need to open the closet door where the washer and dryer are. The same door you picked me up and pressed me up against, my legs wrapped around your waist, when you did everything you could to turn me into putty in your hands. I want to pull those doors off the hinges so I don’t have to look at them every day.
-You ruined chocolate chip cookies for me. They were my favorite midnight snack and now all I think about is baking late-night, post-sex cookies with you. I’ve been fortunate to live my entire life without any allergies, but now it feels like just one cookie will kill me. Even when I pass by the pre-made dough in the grocery store, I can feel my heart constrict and my throat close up.
-You ruined Star Wars for me. I thought it was so cute how you, a chemistry nerd, never saw the penultimate nerd series. I was excited for our plans to have a movie marathon. I was excited to show you to the galaxy. Now I stop the microwave before the timer hits 0:00 because it sounds like R2-D2 and it makes me lose my appetite.
-I bought new lingerie I was hoping to surprise you with. It arrived in the mail after we stopped talking. I can’t even force myself to try them on to make sure the sizes are correct. They’re just sitting in a drawer with the tags still on, collecting dust. I used to feel sexy and confident in my underwear. Now I feel like a sheepish little girl, too afraid to undress in the locker room before PE class.
-I told you I didn’t want kids, and that only one man in my entire life truly made me consider starting a family, but that he hurt me so badly I was completely sworn off. That was a lie. Maybe not at first, but it became a lie. When I found out you had a kid, after the shock and hurt subsided, after you spoke of how much you love your child, there was a second man I could see holding my child in his arms. You. A gorgeous little creature who would be the best parts of you and me put together. Now I fear that if I ever have children, I’ll resent them because they won’t be half of you.
-I hate that every time I see a car like yours, my heart skips a beat. I almost got into an accident the other day because I thought I passed you on my way into town. I’m afraid to drive now because all I do is look out for your car, wondering if you’re looking out for mine.
-I hate how deeply I care about you, and how I wish you nothing but the purest love and happiness. I hate that I can’t hate you. It would all be so much easier if I hated you. I wouldn’t be hurting so much. I could chalk this all up to the fact that you’re an asshole. A player. You used me and threw me away. But that’s not you. You’re kind and caring and gentle and, if I had only given us a proper chance, I could have known what it would feel like to be truly loved by you.
-I hate that I swallowed my pride and apologized, when I honestly didn’t have much to apologize for, only to be met with silence. My pride was all I had left, and now that’s gone too. And I especially I hate how pathetic and desperate this all sounds. After my last serious heartbreak, I put so much time and effort into myself, and I reminded myself that I am amazing and anyone is lucky to have me. Now I’m back to apologizing for using up oxygen.
-I hate that I believed you when you said you still wanted me, desired me, even though I could feel the distance between us growing larger. And I hate that now you’re so cold, so indifferent. I hate that you act like it was all just in my head. Even if it was, I wish you would just say that instead of leaving me with radio silence. It would be easier to understand that maybe I really am just obsessive or crazy, than to be left wondering how it all went wrong. But I know there’s nothing to wonder about. You said that if you didn’t want to talk to me, you wouldn’t. It appears you are a man of your word. I just wish I took you at your word when I still had the chance.
-You said I don’t know you or understand you, and I hate that you’re right. I hate that you don’t know or understand me either. We never gave each other the chance to. And I hate that we’ll probably never get that chance again.
-I want you to be happy, and I hope she does make you happy. But, like I said, I want to be happy too. I want to be with you. I want to hear your laugh again, see your perfect smile again, hear your heart beat as I lay on your chest again. I want to feel you in me again, holding me tightly. I want to sit on the swing with you, my legs across your lap as I listen to you tell me all your wildest stories. I want to feel your lips press against my forehead as you slip out of bed. I just want to feel like you care again. Even if it was all in my head.
I know we may never speak again, but I want you to know that I will always want you. And I hate that. But I don’t hate you. Not even a little bit.
Yours, always.
Baddie

Chapter 1
In the beginning, Carson said "let there be Protestant superiority." Carson was my hero and the comparison to God here isn't meant to be disrespectful. I would take communion if Carson were god. I'd lick the man's flesh all day and night while the pope sings rebel songs.
This is what Loyalty means to me. You take a man, a strong rugged man, and you lick the shite out of him. You fanboy, Stan and simp for that delicious male embodiment of strength. You tweet about him sticking it to the latte-drinking liberal elites and you never betray your loyalty, unless it's Chris Heaton-Harris, Steve Baker, Boris Johnson, the DUP, the DUP, the DUP and, quite possibly in the future, the DUP.
For loyalty is a complicated mistress. On the one hand, you are superior. On the other, you're a subservient little shit. And you learn quickly to disown any sense of integrity and consistency. But it pays off in the end. You get 60 likes on twitter. You get invited to big fancy conferences and get to wear a suit and tie and nobody cares that you're 4 ft 7 with a tiny shrivelled head, a shrieky voice and you struggle reciting the alphabet. Mummy says I look good in a suit and I like mummy.
As we delve into this virtuous chronicle, you will notice my brobdingnagian vocabulary. I consider myself a wordsmith. I wanted to say big there, so I typed "synonyms for big" into Google and saw brobdingnagian. It is my new favourite word and I'll use it every time something is brobdingnagian. It adds to my smartness.
The reason I need a brobdingnagian vocabulary is because I am a lawyer. The people I represent don't know what to believe about the world, but when they hear "pernicious subjugation" they know I am the real deal. When I show up in a suit with real paper for writing on and saying words they don't understand, they see that loyalists can make it brobdingnagian.
We will talk about Republicans in chapter 6, which is the second chapter because it's important. Here I will explain why I hate them. A warning to the reader, it has proven impossible to portray my hatred of the republicans without the aid of annotated photos of my genitals. A second warning, these images are smaller than real life and no attempt at providing scale references has been made.
Chapter 6
My wee lad is everything to me. No, not my son, my wee orange member. When Republicans laugh at me and my culture, I get a pernicious subjugation of girth...

Written by Russell Kirkland
This discussion of "Taoism" in classical China will begin with the observation that there was actually no such thing, at least not in the sense that is commmonly accepted among non-specialists. Both in Asia and in the West, many scholars, and their students, have ignored the many advances in Taoist studies since the 1970s, and have continued to cling to outdated stereotypes of what Taoism was/is. In particular, they often cling to simplistic notions about "philosophical Taoism" that now seem unable to withstand critical analysis, in light of recent advances in textual and historical research. The concept of "philosophical Taoism" is, to a large extent, a modern fiction, which has been developed and embraced by people around the world for specific and identifiable social, intellectual, and historical reasons.
Current research reveals that the so-called "Taoist school" of classical times was actually "a retrospective creation": it began as the reification of a Han-dynasty bibliographic classification, and it took its present form in post-Han times, i.e., in the third century CE.
The importance of these facts is that we need to press non-specialists to re-evaluate their commonly accepted ideas of what "Taoism" is. For most of this century, there has been nearly universal agreement among philosophers, historians, and the general public — in Asia and in the West — that "Taoism" could simply be equated with a set of ideas that are embodied (or are perceived to be embodied) in the Tao te ching and the Chuang-tzu. Current research has begun to demonstrate that that common understanding is far too simplistic.
To begin with, it is now clear to most specialists that those two texts were not, in fact, the expositions of two great philosophers, but rather the product of a prolonged period of accretion. That is, each contains ideas from a variety of minds generations or even centuries apart, not to mention different geographical regions. The Chuang-tzu probably originated in scattered jottings of a man named Chuang Chou ca. 320 BCE, and was developed into its present form over the following 500 years. The earlier layers of the Chuang-tzu were apparently composed by someone who had never seen the Tao te ching. For its part, the Tao te ching dates only to around the beginning of the third century BCE, i.e., to several decades after the Chuang-tzu began to be compiled. But once again, there is no evidence that the Tao te ching's compilers were aware either of the ideas of the fourth-century writer Chuang Chou or of the text that eventually came to bear his name. Though the provenance of the Tao te ching is still the subject of debate, one current line of research suggests that it may have emerged from the re-working of oral traditions of a community in the southern state of Ch'u. So far, research has been unable to shed virtually any light upon the identity of its compiler or redactor. And I certainly do not expect to establish that identity here. But what is, in fact, possible is to examine possible evidence of that redactor's familiarity with another ancient text, a text of which few today — even among scholars of Chinese thought or religion — have ever heard. That text is a brief work, about one-half the length of the Tao te ching, entitled the Nei yeh (or "Inner Cultivation").
There is little doubt that the Nei yeh is several generations older than the Tao te ching. It seems to date to some time in the second half of the fourth century BCE. That is, it may have been compiled by a contemporary of Chuang Chou, though again there is virtually no data as to the compiler's identity. The Nei yeh fell out of general circulation when it became incorporated into a larger collection, the Kuan-tzu, sometime before the middle of the second century BCE. After that, it was seldom noted by Chinese scholars or philosophers until the 20th century, and even today its thought and significance have barely begun to be explored.
For instance, though it has never, to my knowledge, hitherto been noticed, the influence of the Nei yeh on Chinese thought was profound and extensive. For example, it is here that one first encounters comprehensible references to the personal cultivation of such forces as ch'i ("life-energy"), ching ("vital essence"), and shen ("spiritual consciousness"). The cultivation of such forces became a central theme in certain versions of modern Taoism, as well as in Chinese medicine. But there is also evidence that the Nei yeh may have profoundly influenced the Tao te ching. In this essay, I attempt to identify basic thematic differences between the Nei yeh, the Chuang-tzu, and the Tao te ching, and to suggest certain interpretive strategies for understanding the relationship among them.
The primary difference between the Nei Yeh and the Tao te ching is signalled by the title of the former. Nei means "internal," and in ancient times yeh meant in one sense "cultivation/production" and in another sense "what one studies." Thus the work's title refers directly to "Inner Cultivation" or "Inner Development." Its contents provide the reader with instruction and advice for applying oneself to a task involving what is inside oneself. That is, it teaches the reader how and why to practice certain specific forms of biospiritual cultivation. In fact, unlike the Tao te ching, the Nei Yeh is concerned with virtually nothing else besides biospiritual cultivation.
The Teachings of the Nei Yeh
The teachings of the Nei Yeh are quite distinct from the ideas that most non-specialists associate with "philosophical Taoism." Its teachings will sound more familiar to people acquainted with the traditions of modern Taoism that focus on the cultivation of ch'i. The Nei Yeh indeed begins with the assumption of a powerful salubrious reality called ch'i, "life-energy." In the Nei Yeh, ch'i is present both within all things and all around them. Within each being, ch'i is centered in the "essence," ching — which Roth describes as "the source of the vital energy in human beings [and] the basis of our health, vitality, and psychological well-being." But the central focus of the Nei Yeh's teachings have to do more with how the individual manages his/her hsin, the "heart/mind." The "heart/mind" is the ruling agency in the individual's biospiritual nexus, i.e., in the entire personal complex of body/mind/heart/spirit). The Nei Yeh's principal teaching is that one should make sure that one's "heart/mind" is balanced and tranquil, without excessive cogitation or emotion. If one can maintain a tranquil "heart/mind," then one will become a receptor of life's salubrious energies, and will be able to retain them; without tranquility, those healthful energies will leave, and one's health, and very life, will become threatened.
In the Nei Yeh, the specific nature and identity of life's desirable energies are still some-what vague. One key term that it uses is shen, "spirit" or "spiritual consciousness." "Spirit" involves perception and comprehension: it is the basis for all higher forms of awareness. According to the Nei Yeh, the practitioner must align his/her biospiritual nexus with the unseen forces of the world in order to attract "spirit" and receive it into one's quietened "heart/mind." One's ability to succeed in this endeavor is called te. Te has often been dubbed a key concept in "philosophical Taoism," but the meaning of the term in the Nei Yeh hardly resembles any of the common descriptions of the term as it is used in the more familiar Taoist texts. In the Nei Yeh, the term te does retain the generic meaning of "the inner moral power of an individual," and even the archaic (Shang-dynasty) concept of te as "a proper disposition toward the unseen forces." But here, te is clearly not a force that is intrinsic to our natures, as many modern descriptions of Te in "philosophical Taoism" would have us believe. Rather, te, like "spirit," is something that we acquire when all elements of the body/heart/mind are completely peaceful and properly aligned. Here we can discern the full meaning of the traditional Chinese explanation that the word te meaning "inner power" may be understood in terms of the homophone te which is the common verb in both classical and modern Chinese for getting or acquiring. In the Nei Yeh, te may be termed "the acquisitional agency," for it is not just what we attract and receive, but that whereby we attract and receive the higher forces of life (e.g., ch'i and shen). What is more, in the Nei Yeh one is told that one's te is something that one must work on each and every day. (Once again, such teachings vary widely from the concept of what Te means in common notions of "philosophical Taoism.") The practitioner builds up his/her te by practicing daily self-control over his/her thought, emotion, and action. One who succeeds at these practices can become a sheng-jen, a "sage." The "sage" is described as being "full of spirit" and "complete in heart/mind and in body."
One might well ask what role the concept of tao plays in the Nei Yeh. The way the term is used in the Nei Yeh does not always coincide with the way it is used in the more familiar texts. In the Nei Yeh, the term tao is actually quite vague: it is sometimes used rather indiscriminately to refer to the salubrious forces of life that the practitioner is working to cultivate. For instance, one passage reads as follows:
The Way is what infuses the structures [of the mind] yet men are unable to secure it. It goes forth but does not return, it comes back but does not stay. Silent! none can hear its sound. Sudden! so it rests in the mind. Obscure! one cannot see its form. Surging! it arises along with me. We cannot see its form, we cannot hear its sound, yet we can put a sequence to its development. Call it "Way."
One also encounters a line that is virtually identical to passages in the Tao te ching: "What gives life to all things and brings them to perfection is called the Way." But otherwise, the term tao is seldom identified in the terms that are familiar to readers the Tao te ching or the Chuang-tzu. In the Nei Yeh, the term is generally used as an equivalent of its technical terms for the spiritual realities that the practitioner is being instructed to attract and retain by means of tranquillizing the heart/mind.
Thematic Contrasts between the Nei Yeh and the Familiar "Taoist Classics"
Clearly, the Nei Yeh has a specific and identifiable focus, articulated in terms comprehensible to the careful reader. But it is also clear that if we are intellectually honest, the teachings of this text are quite distinguishable from those of the more familiar texts of classical Taoism. For instance, while terms like te and tao appear frequently in all the texts, they are used in different senses in different texts, as well as in different passages of the same text. Neither term is thus a "basic concept" of some general philosophical system: each term carried a variety of meanings among the people who developed "Taoist" ideas across ancient China. We should thus beware the common tendency of assuming that certain teachings of the Tao te ching and Chuang-tzu were in any sense representative of a coherent ancient Chinese school of thought, much less normative for identifying "Taoist" beliefs and values in general.
Secondly, it should be noticed that the portrait of the Taoist life in the Nei Yeh is in some ways quite dissimilar to that which we generally encounter in the Tao te ching and Chuang-tzu. For instance, the key to life in the Nei Yeh is one's diligent effort to attract and retain spiritual forces named ch'i, ching and shen. While each of those terms does occur here and there in both the Tao te ching and the Chuang-tzu, seldom in those texts do we find the specific teachings that are so basic to the Nei Yeh.16 In particular, it is hard to think of passages from either of the more familiar texts that suggest that the thing called tao is a force that can come into or go out of a person, or that one it is necessary to engage in specific practices to get the tao to come or to keep it from going away.17 In the more familiar texts, the term tao generally seems to suggest a universal reality from which one can never really be ontologically separated.
In addition, the practices commended in the Nei Yeh are much more clearly physiological in nature than we are accustomed of thinking of Taoist practice as being. Indeed, one of the reasons that some of the teachings of the Tao te ching have become domesticated in Western culture is that the public believes those teachings to involve no regular, definable practices that involve one's physical existence. According to such beliefs, the Taoist life is essentially stative: it never involves specific practices that carry historical or cultural baggage, and certainly never involves any work.
It should also be noted that the Nei Yeh never presents the spiritual life in terms of "practicing wu-wei." Here, the Taoist life is not a stative life of "just being," or of "being spontaneous," but rather a very active life of specific practices, practices that must be carefully learned and properly performed if one is ever to come into possession of such elusive forces as tao. In this framework, the Taoist life involves personal responsibility, dedication to a life of constant self-discipline, and conscientious daily practice. Moreover, this practice involves the purification and proper ordering of one's body as well as one's "heart/mind." It would be excessive to say that the Nei Yeh teaches a "Taoist yoga," but it clearly does assume that the spiritual life involves practices that also have physical components, even extending to moderation in eating. I thus refer to such activities more broadly as "biospiritual practices."
Neither the Tao te ching nor the Chuang-tzu are so clearly focussed upon biospiritual practices. While they do contain passages that allude to such practices, their writers (or at least the editors) have many other teachings to convey, teachings that are generally absent from the Nei Yeh. For instance, as Rickett observed long ago, the concepts of yin and yang are nowhere seen in the Nei Yeh. Modern beliefs egregiously exaggerate the centrality of those concepts in the Taoist tradition. In reality, the concepts of yin and yang were never specifically Taoist. The terms do appear in the Tao te ching and the Chuang-tzu, though in quite minor roles. But the world of the Nei Yeh is a world quite devoid of yin and yang.
Other differences between the Nei Yeh and the more familiar texts seem not to have been remarked upon by other readers. For instance, there are few teachings in the Nei Yeh involving issues of government. Though modern conceptions commonly associate Taoism with the life of the individual rather than with social or political concerns, such was never really the case. Social and political concerns always played an important role in Taoism, from classical times into the later imperial period. The Tao te ching, for its part, contains dozens of passages discussing the problems involved with ruling a state. Indeed, some respected scholars have long characterized the Tao te ching as "a handbook for rulers." Such a characterization is actually something of an exaggeration, but the point here is that the Nei Yeh displays little interest in issues of government.
In addition, the Nei Yeh differs from both the Tao te ching and the Chuang-tzu in that it never critiques or ridicules the beliefs or practices of Confucians. Once again, there is a common misconception that "Taoism" arose as a reaction against Confucianism, and that Taoists always clearly differentiated their teachings from those of the Confucians. However, there is nothing in the Nei Yeh that criticizes Confucian teachings. In fact, there are clear and unmistakable continuities between the teachings of the Nei Yeh and certain elements of the teachings of the 4th-century Confucian known as Mencius. What is missing from the Nei Yeh is the Confucian emphasis upon saving society by reviving within one's personal life the principles of proper moral/social behavior known as li. The reader of the Nei Yeh is taught how to align him/herself with the forces at work in the world, because doing so is necessary for one's personal well-being. There is little trace of a belief that one is responsible for changing society. On the other hand, those who held such beliefs are neither faulted nor mocked. So while sections of both the Tao te ching and the Chuang-tzu were composed by opponents of Confucianism, such sentiments are not found in the Nei Yeh.
Another theme conspicuously absent is the idea that the ideal society is a small-scale community without civilized technology or complex socio-political institutions. That idea is most familiar to the modern audience from the 80th chapter of the Tao te ching, though there are other examples in the Chuang-tzu. Several scholars have recently begun referring to such ideals as a distinct "phase" or "voice" of early Taoism, to which they refer as "Primitivist." But as some of those scholars have already noted, the Nei Yeh is completely devoid of such ideals. Thus, the Rousseau-esque idea that Taoism consists of a rejection of civilization in favor of simpler ways of living is inaccurate. It would seem that a person could follow the teachings of the Nei Yeh within nearly any social context, and that it never occurred to the text's compilers that any one type of social setting might be preferable to any other. The Nei Yeh does not, therefore, provide the antidote to the Industrial Revolution that Westerns have sometimes claimed to find in "philosophical Taoism."
So if we have here a form of Taoism that is fundamentally disinterested in social issues, would it be correct to say that it is basically more concerned with our place in the universe? Well, in a certain sense, yes, but it is important to note that the Nei Yeh is also unconcerned with many of the cosmological issues with which modern readers are often so fascinated. For example, there is no real discussion of cosmogony in the Nei Yeh. Other Taoist texts sometimes discuss the origin of the world, in terms that sometimes seem to combine poetry with philosophy. But the Nei Yeh contains no such passages. It alludes to no "Non-Being" from which "Being" comes, and it posits no eternal reality ontologically prior to, or separate from, the present world — no "noumenon" to contrast with the "phenomena" of life as we know it. The closest thing to a cosmogonic passage in the Nei Yeh would seem to be its opening lines:
[The vital essence (ching) of all things — This is what makes life come into being: Below, it generates the five grains, Above, it brings about the constellated stars. When it flows in the interstices of Heaven and Earth, It is called "spiritual beings"; When it is stored up inside [a person's] chest, He is called "a sage."]
But here we are clearly dealing with a life-force that operates within the world, a force of generation that is spiritual in nature, and can be localized either within independent spiritual beings or within a person who successfully collects and stores it. But there is no suggestion here of any noumenal reality that has an ontological existence separate from the reality of which we are all a part. "Being" does not come from "Non-Being," and the composers show no interest in constructing any cosmological theories. These facts are brought home most clearly when we encounter the term tao in the text, for as noted earlier, in the Nei Yeh the term tao clearly refers to a transient reality that a person needs to attract and to retain. It is not some universal transcendent that one attains by developing some "mystical gnosis" qualitatively distinct from normal experience.
Nor is there any discussion in the Nei Yeh of the theme of "change." There is little trace, for instance, of the notion that there is un unchanging cosmic force beyond the world of change. Nor is there a poetic image of a sagely person who blissfully flows or drifts along with life's ongoing processes. The latter idea may be present in passages of the Chuang-tzu, but there is nothing like it in the Nei Yeh, any more than there is in the Tao te ching. In the Nei Yeh, one neither transcends change nor adapts to it: there is, in fact, no mention of life as a process of change or flux. Rather, the Nei Yeh teaches that there is a salubrious natural force, or set of forces, that are elusive: they are not ephemeral — they are enduring — but they do not stay in one place unless a person has transformed him/herself into an efficient receiver and receptacle for those forces. A good analogy for them might be radio waves, which are constantly flowing around and through us, but can only be held and put to use by a device that is properly tuned. To extend this metaphor a bit more, the Nei Yeh seems to suggest that we are radios that were all properly designed, and were originally fully functional; but now we experience interference in the form of excessive activity in the heart/mind, and we need to re-tune ourselves to eliminate that interference and begin functioning properly again. For these reasons, it would be correct to say that the Nei Yeh requires self-corrective activity, just as the other Taoist texts do, but that the Nei Yeh's model for understanding and practicing self-correction is fairly unique.
The Nei Yeh also gives the lie to yet other misconceptions of Taoism, including some held by thoughtful philosophers. One such misconception is that Taoist teachings are deeply iconoclastic, antinomian, even revolutionary. According to this view, the basic thrust of Taoism is to jolt the individual into a realization that he/she should reject traditional beliefs and values, condemning them as the artificial constructs of an oppressive society. This interpretation of classical Taoism is not just the conceit of 1960s Hippies who saw it as a condemnation of "establishment culture." Generations of Westerners — Americans in particular, perhaps — have read the Tao te ching, and parts of the Chuang-tzu, as a post-Enlightenment gospel of individual freedom, freedom from the uncomfortable aspects of "Society" in general, and of Western culture in particular.
One version of this modern concept of Taoism can be seen in certain recent analyses by the respected philosopher Chad Hansen. Hansen seems to perpetuate the notion that Taoism is essentially an attempt to undermine acceptance of "convention." He argues that the Tao te ching and Chuang-tzu both begin from a "linguistic skepticism (which) arises against a background assumption that language is a social mechanism for regulating people's behavior." Speaking of the composer of the Tao te ching, Hansen says, "His political and practical advice is almost invariably the reversal of conventional political and moral attitudes. He reverses conventional values, preferences, or desires..." Why? "All learning of distinctions comes with dispositions to prefer one or the other... (But) trained discriminations are not a constantly reliable guide to behavior. Culturally motivated preferences based on those distinctions are, on the whole, unreliable. And they control us in insidious, unnatural ways." While Hansen may be partly or wholly correct in his assessment of the role of culture in forming individuals' dispositions, it is dubious whether that assessment was present in the minds of the Taoists of classical China, particularly in the mind in the compiler of the Tao te ching. Most of Hansen's "Daoist theory of knowledge" is woven from certain themes in Chuang-tzu, where such issues do indeed seem to be addressed. But such intricate treatment of "knowledge," "language," "convention," etc., are not found in the Tao te ching, which addresses concerns that are quite distinguishable from those of the compiler(s) of the Chuang-tzu, especially a variety of moral and political concerns. And in the Nei Yeh, there is no trace of any critique of the relationship between culture and knowledge or desire. The Nei Yeh does not critique "conventional society" and urge us to reject it, nor does it critique language, nor does it urge us to beware socially-inculcated valuations.
There are yet other distinctive features to the teachings of the Nei Yeh. For instance, unlike the Tao te ching, it has nothing to say about issues of gender. There are several passages in the Tao te ching that commend a "feminine" attitude or behavior, such as humility or yielding. Such passages appear to imply that what is wrong with our normal attitudes and behavior is that they are excessively "masculine." Such ideas, however, are seldom seen in texts like the Chuang-tzu, and they are likewise absent from the Nei Yeh. The compilers of the Nei Yeh do teach that there are attitudes and behaviors that we should forego, but there is no gender imagery associated with them.
In this connection, one might ask whether the three texts share the same intended audience. Were any or all of them intended specifically for men? Well, one may infer that when the reader is given advice presumed useful for achieving political goals, the reader was presumed to be male, since, in ancient China, political participation by women was not an option (except for a spouse or immediate family member of a man who held a position of authority). As mentioned earlier, the Nei Yeh is comparable to most sections of the Chuang-tzu in that the reader is seldom assumed to be someone attempting to engage in political rule. It is also true that in ancient China women seldom achieved literacy, so one could argue that any written text was intended only for men. But such reasoning ignores other possibilities, such as that of a family or group that included both men and women, all interested in learning how to live from a text that few of them could actually read themselves. One should also note that the Nei Yeh (like much of the Tao te ching) is composed largely in verse, and that some scholars believe that certain sections "may have been borrowed from some early Taoist hymn."28 We must bear in mind that though ancient China did produce some written texts, it was still largely an oral society, in which most people of either gender acquired and dispensed information and advice primarily, if not exclusively, by word of mouth. The Nei Yeh is almost certainly a text containing teachings that originated in an oral tradition. And there is little in the content of those teachings that would seem to be either more or less practiceable by members of either gender.
Another distinctive feature of the Nei Yeh is that it seems to lack the idea of "Heaven" (T'ien) as a benign guiding force in life. Both the Confucians and the Mohists shared some version of that idea, reflecting more generally held beliefs that dated back to at least the end of the second millennium BCE. Today such ideas are not generally associated with Taoism, for Taoists, by modern definition, believe in an impersonal reality called "Tao" that transcends all other realities, including "Heaven." Such is not entirely the case, of course. Several chapters of the Tao te ching speak of "the Way of Heaven" (T'ien-tao or T'ien-chih-tao), a beneficent force that seems to have will as well as agency. But there is little trace of such ideas in the Nei Yeh.
Finally, we should address the issue of morality. Are the teachings of the Nei Yeh concerned solely with internal self-cultivation? Is there any evidence that the practitioner is ever to give any thought to anyone other than him- or herself? This is a key question, because virtually all modern interpreters, Chinese and Western alike, have accused Taoism of being inimical to the idea that a person should be concerned about others:
{Taoism pictures the person as a wanderer in the void, and perceives his happiness to lie in drifting with the stream, unanchored by the network of demands and responsibilities....[In Taoism, the] happiness one is concerned with is one's own, logically independent of the happiness of others....[The] follower of the Way is necessarily a loner....}
Elsewhere I have attempted to demonstrate that such accusations are wholly inaccurate, at least in regard to the Tao te ching. That text enjoins the reader to practice "goodness" (shan), which involves extending oneself toward others impartially so as to benefit them. In the Tao te ching, the Taoist life is one in which one achieves self-fulfillment as one is selflessly benefitting the lives of others.32 Do we find such ideals in the Nei Yeh? I can find little evidence of them. There are a few passages for which one might be able to make an argument that the reader is to think of providing benefits to others, but none that seems clearly to express such ideals. Certainly, as compared to the Tao te ching, the Nei Yeh lacks any clear moral concern, and does in fact give the overall impression that "the happiness one is concerned with is one's own."
Conclusion
It is clear that the Nei Yeh is quite distinct in content from either the Tao te ching or the Chuang-tzu, despite the texts' many similarities. The Nei Yeh, we should recall, was earlier than the Tao te ching, and could even be interpreted as an example of "the earliest Taoist teachings." The Tao te ching shows clear evidence that its compilers were deeply concerned with the social and political issues that concerned members of other schools of thought, particularly the Mohists and Confucians. One could thus reasonably even characterize the teachings of the Nei Yeh as "original Taoism," and the teachings of the Tao te ching as "applied Taoism." Though the Tao te ching may have, in some sense, emerged from the same general tradition that produced the Nei Yeh, its compilers were interested in the issues of living in human society as much as, if not more than, they were interested in the practice of "inner cultivation." Further attention to the differences among the assumptions and concerns of all these texts should provide greater insight into the divergent communities that produced such materials, and of the divergent models of the Taoist life that they envision.

Chapter 19

A short one to finish off the Book, putting everyone into/approaching their final places before the climax. Some good characterization occurs, and we get a title drop of sorts!

Epigraph

A poem titled Old Temple, written by Sivyn Stor (B. 1022) While I am well aware of the timeline shenanigans going on, that the author was born over 140 years ago is significant for reasons I'm about to get into. The text of the poem seems to pretty clearly refer to the K'Rul temple and K'Rul himself (although I believe the Maker of Paths title is new to me) yet the events, someone dying within the Old Temple and their blood being drunk by the stones, occur well after the expected lifespan of whomever wrote this. In a world where mage lifespans seem elongated and other races live who-knows-how-long, this is less of a big deal, but if we assume this text was written prior to Ch. 5, then K'Rul was being dishonest regarding how long it had been since he'd received blood. Just something to think about.
Now, regarding the "Maker of Paths" title, that seems more significant. If K'Rul is the "Maker of Paths" then that could mean one of two things in my mind. Either he's some god of fate, which could work considering his actions in the story, or he's something far scarier. The first time we're introduced to Warrens in this story is when Paran's internal narration refers to them as the "secret paths of sorcery." If K'Rul is the Maker of those Paths... This again gels with his previous actions, as I'd noted that odd joke he cracked, where the creation of Silverfox's body was "unknown to any man ... Including myself." He then immediately clarifies that "this sorcery belongs to the Moon." If he's some Mystra analog then that whole interaction makes sense. While that particular interaction stuck out to me because I considered it evidence for my "K'Rul is Hood's predecessor" theory, given that neither of my interpretations for the "Maker of Paths" title fit that, and this fits better I might jump ship on that prediction. That Darujhistan, a city founded on a rumor hunted after by power-hungry mages, would erect a temple to the guy would make sense in this paradigm as well.
Additionally, if I'm correct regarding K'Rul's impending fight with the Jaghut Tyrant, then him being either a deity of Fate or Magic makes this a really bad thing.
One last note: the author mentions that K'Rul was "never so thirsty//in youth..." but I'm not sure what to make of that aside from noting it.

The Chapter Itself -

Begins with Crokus chafing against his protections. Meese refuses to tell him who or what is protecting him for reasons that are not explained and leaves to find Irilta. Once alone, Apsalar asks Crokus why he killed a guard. He decides to spare her the knowledge that "she" was in fact the one who killed them. Crokus, knowing that none of this adds up, decides immediately to leave, and Apsalar agrees to go with him. He wants to speak with Challice once they've successfully hidden, despite believing her a traitor. Ah Crokus, a boner head to the last.
Serrat, meanwhile, has finally tracked Younghand to the Phoenix Inn and prepares to strike once the lad climbs to the rooftop. She's beaten back by an invisible assailant. Either Oppon's breaking cover to hedge everything on their last tool, (and to not die by Dragnipur), or something else odd is going on. This is her last attempt we know of this chapter. Crokus gets a brief sense that something just went down but discards the sensation. Apsalar climbs up as well, and they leave for the old K'Rul Temple.
Murillio, meanwhile, waits for news on whether or not his friends are dead. If Coll lives and Rallick dies, then he'll avenge both friends by taking on Councilman Orr himself. So I guess the plan was to challenge the Councilman to a duel? Kill him in the open, publicly destroy the Lady's allies, and begin the process of restoring Coll? Not a terrible plan, it's quite good, in fact, just a bit underwhelming if that's it. He wonders how the Eel knew of the scheme and why they elected to meddle within it, and begins speculating along similar lines as myself. Rallick Nom scrapes against the door and barely drags himself in. Rallick disapproves of Murillio taking his roll over, and while being inspected, reveals nothing other than an old scar. Some sort of healing factor produced by the powder? The powder itself has evidently been absorbed, and Murillio's scrutiny satisfies the audience that K'Rul didn't pull a Sorry. Murillio goes to confront Kruppe, the supposed Eel. Now that I think about it, the anti-magic powder likely shielded Rallick from any divine intervention (if it was even attempted). Whatever the effect on Nom was, it saved his life, let's just hope he didn't get any magic cancer.
... The powder is Otataral! I literally just put that together now. I was about to make a passing comment about how the side effects might explain why alchemists don't mass-produce the stuff, then it hit me. It's not made, it's a rare substance with an intrinsic effect, a rust-colored metallic substance with an intrinsic AoE anti-magic effect. We've seen this elsewhere and it's name is Otataral. Lorn even mentions the effects long-term Otataral exposure has had on her in this same chapter. It's not mass-produced because it's rare. I'm fairly certain this is where Erikson wanted the other shoe to drop for the reader, and if so, well done sir! I've been played expertly. This raises several questions, how does a Darujhistan High Alchemist have a substance which is apparently strongly associated with Malazan? and why would Baruk give out his supply in a consumable form to an employee? How big was the job RN did for him where that was adequate compensation? Who knows! Perhaps he's "anathema to sorcery" himself now? Back to the narrative...
Kruppe is in Baruk's study, waiting on his master to say anything after nearly an hour. The debriefing has long since ended, and the alchemist is in deep thought. He pleads with the man to let him go and enjoy the simple, humble pleasures of life and is interrupted for his troubles. Baruk reveals his correspondence with Circle Breaker, and his growing inclination to break the man's anonymity to find the Eel. Kruppe informs him that it will not be necessary, that he himself can contact the Eel and deliver a message, getting a response by tonight. Has Baruk figured it out? The roadwork clue was a pretty big tell, and someone who knows as much about Kruppe as the High Alchemist does should be able to put it together. Regardless of whether Baruk knows or not, the charade ends tonight. (I think..)
After being further caught up by Whiskeyjack, Paran comes to a realization, the Bridgeburners are here to claim Darujistan not for Malazan, but for Onearm. They'll act as terrorists, and Dujek will waltz in and establish a new peace, with the resources for resisting Laseen and Caladan Brood's descending armies. Whiskeyjack offers one correction, they don't care about Laseen. She's about to lose both major fronts to her conquest in a matter of days. It's the Pannion Seer who's the real threat. Evidently, there are rumors about this guy and his impending genocide will make the Imass' Jagut wars seem quaint. So nice to find out about him 400 pages in, lol. The BBs leave the Captain with Coll to make one final sweep for any sign of the Assassins Guild and carry out their roadwork scheme.
Lorn and Tool emerge from the barrow, Lorn has mostly healed, because Otataral provides a healing factor, and prepares to leave with the Finnest. Tool renounces his old name, and once again invites Lorn to accompany him once his own journey is done. The Adjunct leaves, her old reservations suppressed by her sense of impending duty. She regrets losing Paran, because apparently everyone is thirsty for the guy, and anticipates killing the Rope. With all this at stake, the Adjunct gallops off towards Darujhistan, a dazed Jaghut Tyrant behind her, rousing in response to the theft.
The chapter ends with Crokus and Apsalar, they've reached the temple, and begin ascending its steps. Crokus mentions offhandedly that the Elder god has been dead for thousands of years (please ignore my timeline grumbling) and encourages Aps into the structure. Her eyes adjust supernaturally well, her time under the Rope evidently providing her some residual benefits, such as darkvision. She mentions that there's a story painted along the wall, but we don't get to see what it is. They notice the blood, then once on the roof, the body. Crokus' dismissal of her concerns is an interesting touch, because of course, to him she's "only a girl" or some such nonsense. While I was worrying my credit to Oppon for K'Rul's awakening was misattributed, or perhaps overstated, the fact that both deaths upon the stones roughly coincided with the Coin Bearrer's arrival, I'm increasingly certain that Oppon is the one arranging this.
They worry about the body and the assassin's war, but Apsalar asks him to look at the moon. He petulantly looks at Moon's Spawn, noticing a reddish glow, and five winged shapes leaving for the Gadrobi Hills. Anomander Rake has moved, calling the dragons of Moon's Spawn (of which he may or may not be one) to respond to the Jaghut threat. Aps asks if he's seen the oceans, Garllin's Sea, along the moon. According to her, there's a series of underwater Gardens of the Moon, where after some eschatological event, mankind will live in peace. Its a haunting story, and one which Crokus is enamored. Or perhaps, enamored by the silhouette in front of him. Despite his pointed ignoring of her, his constant momentary lapses and noticing her long, dark hair and her deep, brown eyes have finally overwhelmed his reticence. "Why not?" he asks himself.
Crokus, as much as I begrudgingly love you, she deserves better.

Book 6: The City of Blue Fire

And there goes another one. Pretty much all buildup and consolidation of the key players. Ready for the catastrophic night of the Fête.
The Bridgeburners are readying their plans with the Moranth munitions, a large set of which are stationed outside the room where Baruk and Kruppe are about to meet. While Paran has promised to stand aside, I doubt that'll hold. Chance remains with him, and the Adjunct has much to answer for.
It seems Anomander Rake is indeed going to meet the Jaghut Tyrant head-on, or perhaps attempt to kill it off before he's fully awake. Either way, fireworks are about to go off. Lorn, meanwhile, is doing what she can to lead the Tyrant towards Rake, so we'll see what happens once the Adjunct crosses paths with the dragons. It'll also be interesting what effect the separation between the Finnest and its owner will have.
The Eel is preparing to out himself, I think, and what interactions he and the High Alchemist will have with the BBs remains to be seen. It might be good to clue them into the whole apocalyptic genocide brewing down south.
The Fête is tonight. Turban Orr, if things go well, will die. I suspect things will go poorly if Oppon has anything to do with it. That Book 7 is named after the event implies as much. Crokus intends to speak with Challice, who will be attending the event herself, that the Coin Bearer will be present, after hanging out in the Temple of a revived Elder god, in a space under an Oppon-influenced plan, bodes ill.
Caladan Brood marches south, Pale is coming apart at the seams. Dujek prepares one last gambit to gather resources to stop the monster far to the south who threatens the world.
Much of this was rooted in events well before Book 6, but I could have never guessed the shape of it all 3 chapters ago. I'm excited to watch as things twist even further, as this all slowly, inexorably, unfolds...

My mother struggled with mental illness for 13 years. She moved out of her home shared with my Dad and suffered several arrests, psych hospital stays, etc. during that time. A few years ago, I started seeing dementia symptoms in her too. Word searching, slurred speech, losing things, etc.
In Sept of 2022, her home burned to the ground - luckily she was not in it.
But we were at a crossroads that she could no longer live alone and she was diagnosed with dementia and placed in memory care in early October. She was placed on meds for the mental illness; and honestly was more "with it" than I'd seen her in years. We actually talked briefly about moving her to assisted living rather than MC as her capabilities were far higher than the other residents she lives with.
Fast forward to now, her speech has almost disappeared. She is pretty much incontinent, can barely walk and doesn't communicate much at all. I think she still recognizes me and my son and definitely my Dad. She was still eating on her own with some prodding.
10 days ago, she put on a shirt like pants at her community and fell - bruised knee. The doctor stated she has to be in a wheelchair for 10 days.
The MC center called yesterday and said she won't get out of bed and won't eat or drink anything or take her meds. My Dad went to see her and got her to drink some Boost and Gatorade, but she didn't say much and wouldn't get out of bed. The nurse is supposed to visit her today.
Is this a side effect of the injury/being in a wheelchair? My mother gets really attached to a particular idea and I wonder if she thinks she can't move because of the wheelchair when she really can. The refusal of food/water is what's really bothering me.
Is this the beginning of the end? Or something we can work through that is transient.
The place where she stays isn't being as proactive as I would like and I'm tempted to have her taken to the hospital - but if this is the end, I'm not sure she'll ever come out of the hospital. As her co guardian, I feel responsible to be as proactive for her care as I can.

First / Previous / Next
Ava bows dramatically, "Of course, Empress. Anything else while I'm over there? People are starting to worry about you, so I fear that they might just leave you."
I blink. Leave me? Abandon me here and go?
You're Empress now. They fear your power and what you will do. Some people there also fear you giving them orders.
But, it's not like I'd give them a bad order, or something I wouldn't do myself.
Despite what Ava - pardon us - Builder Ava says, a majority of people do not like to be ordered around.
Hmm. This is becoming more than I thought it would be very quickly. If they leave, then there goes our best ship and best way to traverse the gates. Coming in, it didn't look like the ships docked here were moving anytime soon and Ottarn's ship is proving that. We need ships.
"Ava. I have an idea. When you go back to FarReach and see if anyone else - human or K'laxi - is willing to come with you. Don't tell them we want to make them builders, but don't like, deny it either. We're going to need more help here than just the two of us." I see her face fall a little, uh oh. "But uh, you're still the first, and you're still my right hand, you'll hold a special place." That perks her up a little bit.
"We need a ship. I'm worried that FarReach might leave. See if you can get a duplicate of FarReach's printer database. She should have plans in it to make just about anything we need, up to and including a wormhole generator and Stardrive."
Ava gasps. "we're going to make our own ship? But, we don't know any AIs."
I nod. "We will have Builders though. If they can become starbases, I bet they can become starships. Plus, Venus doesn't use them, so I know it's possible."
At the mention of Venus, Ava raises her eyebrows. "You're not thinking of reaching out to Venus are you?"
I try and make a noncommittal gesture. "Well, they are the official government in the inner Sol system. And they are experts in doing things without AI help."
Ava is firm. "They're assholes Melody. They treat everyone not from Venus with no respect. They don't even think AIs are people."
Ugh, she's right. We can't reach out and contact Venus. If we did, we'd be seen by everyone else in human space as throwing our lot in with them.
Okay, we'll do it on our own. People over here have been in space for a long time, they know how to make starships.
Yes, but why are their engines so weak? Why did they never learn how to use a wormhole generator? They're ossified. They have no flexibility.
Well then, it's time for us to do some stretching exercises and see if we can get some flexibility back in place over here.
"Ava thank you, you're right. No Venus. We'll do it on our own." Ava beams at the compliment. "They must have a printer here. So we'll see if FarReach will let us duplicate their database and we'll build our own ship. We'll start small, a Frigate or something, no need to go nuts and make a Starjumper or Dreadnought right off the bat."
Ava smiles. "Wonderful. I think that's the right plan. I'll head over to FarReach, get your coffee, see if anyone else wants to join us and grab a copy of the database. Back in a few!" She reaches up and kisses me on the cheek before she leaves. My hand reaches up to touch the spot as I watch her leave. What was that?
She understands what it means to be the right hand to an Empress.
What it means to be an Empress? I look around the throne at all the empty seats in the gallery, the empty floor far below me, the wall blocking me off from the rest of the Reach. This will not do. If I am to really be Empress, I cannot rule from the rear. Where nobody sees me. I need to be... visible.
I stare at the huge, closed off opening to the Throne, and the paltry doorway I made just an hour ago. That won't do. Nobody can see me, can worship me from such a tiny door. I concentrate and think how it's supposed to look.
Grey fog boils and flows across the floor from behind me and down the stairs, flowing towards the wall. Making a change this large is tiring, but on the Throne I feel like anything is possible. More and more fog appears and climbs the wall at the far end of the room, and starting from the top, the wall starts to disappear. Working on a atomic level, the Nanites are disassembling the wall, turning some of the matter into more Nanites, and the rest becoming dust.
About halfway through the opening of the wall, I can hear a commotion outside. It's probably surprise at such a large wall being taken down without any heavy machinery. I guess it could also be people worried about the blast of fresh air and the improved environmental settings I just activated. I hope the vendors in front of the wall are able to move out of the way without being injured. I have already decided that if they lose any equipment I'll reimburse them personally. Nobody should be punished for me making sure that I am more visible.
Nobody who doesn't deserve it, at least.
I mentally roll my eyes as I can feel the Nanites nodding sagely.
As the wall comes down, I begin to see it. A crowd has formed outside the wall, and... yes I can hear the same singing I heard the first time. This must be The Smell of Soil after Rain's work.
The wall fades entirely, and I'm able to look down the Promenade of the Starbase. It really is an excellent view. I'm able to look all the way down to the administrative offices and over to the docks. As people come streaming in, they're still singing. I raise the lights in the Throne brighter and illuminate everything just to the point of being painful. They're not the only ones who can put on a show.
Rain's congregation barely fills out the entrance, let alone the lower galleries, but as they come in, more people from around the Starbase follow.
Everyone likes a show.
I decide to play it up. I've heard it enough that I know the basic beats of the song. As it reaches its crescendo, I stand and spread my wings wide.
The crowd erupts.
"People of Reach of the Might of Vzzx! After too long, your Builder, your Empress has returned! I am Empress Melody Mullen the First and I am here to help you become who you are meant to be. Who we are meant to be. No more will we cower in our starbase in our single system. We were an empire once, and will be again!"
They're chanting my name now. I have to admit, this is pretty great. I cast my gaze down and see Rain watching the speech. I wonder how I'm able to pick out individual people in the crowd so easily now?
"The Smell of Soil After Rain! Approach me!"
Bounding up the stairs, Rain is practically floating. They are rapturous. As they near me, they get down on their knees and bows, their head touching the floor.
Everyone in the crowd behind them follows.
"Rise."
He stands, practically vibrating with anticipation. There must be come kind of tech in the room. I don't need to shout, but the sound still has a nice, regal echo about it. "The Smell of Soil After Rain. You were the first. The first to recognize what I was, the first to see me for what I truly am. For that, you shall be rewarded." I reach a hand out and touch their shoulder. The crowd gasps as the white vestments turn royal blue.
"You are now Bishop for Reach of the Might of Vzzx. You will be the head of all the congregations here and you shall be responsible for making sure that I am worshipped correctly. Your first act is to call all the congregations here. We shall meet tomorrow to begin my reign properly. I will declare a celebration and will hear the pleas of my people. Let them know that should they so desire, they may petition me."
He turns and faces the crowd. I incline my head gently towards him, and in response, the crowd kneels to him. Clearly, his head is swimming. "Rise my flock!" He says to the gathered crowds. "The Empress has given us an order. Come, let us go spread the word so that tomorrow we can finally have our prayers answered."
Cheers and more singing. erupts from the crowd. In the time it took me to give my little speech and elevate Rain, the crowd doubled in size.
Rain turns back to me, and I lean in close to them and whisper. "Prove to me you're worthy of this elevation. Do not fail."
Their head jerks back, and their feathers ripple in surprise. Eyes wide, they nod, and swallow. I have taken all their joy of the elevation and turned it to fear.
Like I said, Great Empresses are feared and loved in equal measure.
I gently send him down the stairs, and before he reaches the bottom, his congregation picks him up and carries him on their shoulders out of the room. Presentation over, the crowd begins to leave.
I stand up. You wouldn't know it from looking at it but the Throne is surprisingly comfortable. Still, I was sitting quite a while. Ava hasn't returned either, so I don't really know what to do. I guess I should head back to FarReach and see what's going on.
I don't particularly want to be mobbed while I make it back to the dock, so I turn the crown and wings off. Huh, I am getting better at affecting the world around me.
I walk down the side of the stairs so it's not completely obvious, and I leave the throne room and walk towards FarReach. As I go, I hear Rain's congregation rush around, spreading the word. Some people are amused and tolerant, some tell them to leave and stop bothering them, and others are surprised and excited.
As I approach the dock, I see Ava. She's running towards me with a worried look on her face. Behind her, Omar and Um'reli are following behind looking confused and worried as well.
And she has my rifle on her back.
Ava sees me and waves "Melody! There's a problem!" I rush up to them. "What's wrong Ava? Hello Omar and Um'reli, why are you here?"
"That's just it Melody. FarReach declared Captain Q'ari unfit. She has assumed command of the mission and has stated that they're going home! She's disconnected from the umbilical and left!
What.
"What? Unfit? How come?"
Omar answers this time. "So, have you noticed how whenever anyone is around you, they are awfully chill about how you're now a God Empress who can not be disobeyed if you use your new creepy voice?"
My face said it all apparently. No, I hadn't noticed.
Omar nods. "Well, yes, that's what happens. You are giving off some kind of 'don't worry about it' field when around folks, and when you leave, it wears off. Captain Q'ari didn't... take it well. Dr Irenieum locked her in her quarters. Mei'la and Fer'resi also were pushing for us to leave."
"With me?"
Omar gives me a look. "That was not considered. Everyone figured you wouldn't leave. Ava showed up and said she's a Builder now too, and asked all of us if any of us wanted to stay with you and her to help rebuild the empire. She also grabbed your coffee stuff-" Ava holds up a bag, and smiles "-and said you asked for a copy of the printer database?"
"That's right. We're going to need our own starship. The ones that are here aren't very good, given that Mariens - Ottarn - who is trying to run in one that is practically leaving at a walking pace. I wanted a copy of the printer database so we could make our own Starships."
I look at them again. "So, if you're here then... you're in?"
Omar shrugs. "I didn't have anything going for me back home. Spouse died a few years back, we never had kids, I re-enlisted just for something to keep my mind off things. Staying out here is something new and different at least. I've never been this close to a God Empress before. Also, when Ava said you wanted a copy of the printer database I figured you'd need an operator. I bet you can't run a printer and I don't know how well anyone here would do."
I walk over and give him a hug "Oh Omar. You're welcome with us. Always." I kiss him on the lips and he jumps back. "Woah Melody! you're nice and all, but I'm not into most women like that."
I lean back in shock. "Oh no, no, I'm sorry Omar, that's the easiest way I can give people Nanites to make them a builder. I apologize! I should have asked first! I'm so embarrassed."
"It's okay Melody, but next time warn a person."
I look over at Um'reli "What about you? Why do you want to stay? I thought a bunch of K'laxi feared me because of that old religion."
She scoffs. "Not all of us Melody. I'm an atheist, always have been. Most of my familial group is. Ava explained what was going on, and how you had said you didn't want just humans to be Builders-" I glanced over at Ava and she winked "-and thought that you were right. There was no reason that we had to sit by and be a client species if we were being offered a partnership." Um'reli looked at me carefully. "It is a partnership, right?"
I nodded. "Yes, of course. I can't do it on my own, and the K'laxi have been our friends for centuries. I'm not about to say that you are our friends but now you're a client group too. I'm the Empress, but you can be a Builder as well."
Um'reli smiles. "Thanks Melody. So... kissing?"
"Just a quick peck. The Nanites say it's the fastest way to give you some. If you don't want to, we can find out if there's a different way."
"No, no, it's it's fine..." Her fur ripples a blush. "Are you sure Ava won't be jealous?" Um'reli laughs.
I laugh too, but Ava just chuckles politely. I look over and Holy shit, she is jealous. I pretend I didn't notice and bend down and give Um'reli a peck on the mouth.
"Okay, it'll take about a day for the Nanites to grow and reproduce until you have enough to be able to do stuff like me. The language processing comes fastest though, that one should be working at least a little bit in a few hours."
Ava comes forward and hands me my rifle. "I know you didn't ask for it, but... I know how much it means to you."
I can't believe she thought of me enough to bring me this. It's so thoughtful.
"Thank you Ava, it's incredibly thoughtful of you to do that." I go in for a hug, and she turns my face and gives me a kiss too. I shrug mentally and kiss her back.
After, I lean back and ask "How did you get this?"
"Oh While Omar and Um'reli were getting their things I was waiting by the airlock and realized that you still had your rifle in the locker. I touched the panel and it popped open! I grabbed it and then Omar and Um'reli appeared and we left quickly."
I was shocked. Nobody should be able to open those lockers.
Builders can. She probably just thought really hard about being able to please you.
I look at my new team. It's just the four of us, but I'm hopeful that we can do great things.
Omar looks around the dock and then back at me. "So, uh Melody, where do we sleep?"
Shit.
First / Previous / Next

22M, 5'8", 150 pounds, sedentary male but I weightlift ~5x a week and regularly consume whey protein.
To the best of my knowledge, I don't have any urinary incontinence, nor increased urinary frequency/urge. The first time this happened was about 2 years ago. I begin urinating just fine, the stream stopped naturally, and it felt like I was finished. As I walk away and leave the restroom, I noticed, minutes later, that my underwear felt wet, then I realized that more pee came out. Since then, this has happened every time I pee, but I randomly figured out that after I "finish" peeing, I can cross my legs from a standing position and squeeze them together to force out the remaining urine; no leakage afterwards. It doesn't feel like I'm peeing though, so I'm guessing the residual urine has already exited my bladder and gone past the sphincters; maybe the leg cross/squeeze puts enough pressure somewhere along the urethra to squeeze the rest of the urine out. Sometimes, if I do not force out the residual urine, I feel pain in my penis. I did some research on the internet, which generally says that pelvic floor exercises would help/solve this.
I saw a doctor for this problem last year, who ordered labs (urinalysis, PSA, CMP, CBC, STDs) that came back WNL, so he basically just ignored it and said it's not a big deal. I changed my PCP and brought it up during my first visit with him a few months ago, and he basically did the same thing with same results. Current doctor said he doesn't think a urologist referral would be necessary unless my PSA was abnormal, so I'm taking his word for it, but I'm still concerned. What's wrong with me?

I never have good dreams, only bad ones, and I’ve just come to accept that. But about a month ago I had a horrible nightmare about my nephew and his wife. In reality, they recently got married, and I just love the two of them so much, I’m so incredibly happy for them and proud of the life they’ve created together. In my bad dream though, they got married and then I found out about a week later that she kílled herself the day after the wedding. So here was my nephew now all alone, with everyone asking him how the honeymoon was and congratulating him on the wedding not knowing he’d lost the love of his life immediately after the best day of his life.
I woke up feeling so incredibly sad and heartbroken. I spent the next 2 days basically sleeping or crying in bed while my family was at work and school. I felt so sick and depressed.
I am used to my bad dreams being very realistic and sometimes affecting my mood throughout that day. But I have never had one affect me like this one. I can’t shake the fact that it wasn’t real. If anyone mentions her name, I immediately think how sad it is that she’s gone and how heartbroken my nephew must be. When I get a text from her, it literally shocks me for a second because it feels like a message from someone who isn’t alive anymore. I just glanced over to my side table and saw a Polaroid of them from their stop at Five Guys in their wedding attire, and immediately, I teared up and got so sad before reminding myself that she is very much alive and they’re living their happiest newlywed lives.
I don’t know how to get past this. I didn’t tell anyone about it until recently when I finally told my husband why I was in such a funk. That’s the first time I’ve ever stayed quiet about a bad dream I had too. It just felt too real and sad to share. I’ve tried texting my nephew and his wife here and there just to remind myself they’re okay, but it’s not working. And obviously I don’t want to tell her about this dream, I’m not sure that talking about it with her would help me get over it. I don’t think about it as much as in the beginning, but it is immediately my first thought if I hear or see anything about either of them.

The title itself embodies the way in which Travis describes his rise to fame, as well as the lifestyle that got him there; rebellious, chaotic, wild. Not only this, the word ‘rodeo’ is an homage to Travis’s home city of Houston Texas, and is used to personify the out of control nature of Travis and his journey.
Pornography:
The opener describes Travis’s mindset before the fame, “A young rebel against the system, refusing to conform or comply to the ways of authority”. In this track we see how ambitious and determined Travis is to make it to the top, however, he is still young, naive, and immature, as connoted by the title, ‘Pornography’.
Oh My Dis Side/3500:
‘Oh My Dis Side’ and ‘3500’ are both bona fide trap songs that portray the setting in which Travis grew up in. He recounts the “late nights” and “street life” in H-Town as drugs, violence, and partying become more and more heavily involved in his life.
Wasted:
Throughout the 4th track ‘Wasted’, Travis continues to describe his immature, irresponsible lifestyle. He also notably emphasises how much he is willing to sacrifice in order to achieve his goal, “I‘ve been grinding, slaving overtime since I was a fan”.
90210:
‘90210’ acts extremely importantly as the turning point of the album. In this track, Travis depicts his transition from life in Houston Texas, to his new life in LA. He has taken the biggest risk yet in search for wealth and fame, and finds himself in an unfamiliar setting with no idea what the future holds. This atmosphere is captured perfectly by Kacy Hill’s eerie vocals. Travis in the first half of the track talks about feeling home sick and being lost, in the second half however, he basks in the glory of finally making it and realising his dreams, “She love me I done made it”. Beverly Hills, area code 90210, is an estate in LA known for it’s wealthy inhabitants.
Pray 4 Love:
On the sixth track, ‘Pray 4 Love’, we see Travis beginning to settle into this new lifestyle, he is still feeling homesick and feels somewhat over his head but recognises the sacrifices he has made to get to this point and must carry on. The title shows that Travis is hoping the industry and those around him act in his favour instead of against him as he becomes more successful, “They don’t wanna see us win”.
Nightcrawler:
By ‘Nightcrawler’, Travis has fully indulged himself. His dreams of partying, fame, and the lavish LA lifestyle have become reality, and he has fully embraced it with no holding back, “Order more bottles, order more models”.
Piss On Your Grave:
On the heavily rock influenced ‘Piss On Your Grave’, Travis, together with his mentor Kanye West, go all out telling the world, and everyone who doubted them, that there is nothing that can stop them now. Travis also makes it very clear that he is done with scumbag executives who try to hold him back, or any fake people trying to use him as he starts to make a name for himself in the rap game.
Antidote:
In ‘Antidote’, Travis finally feels entirely immersed and part of the culture, the lifestyle, and the area, “Poppin’ pills is all we know, in the hills is all we know”. He also starts to establish a trustworthy inner circle as he relentlessly parties in LA, “It’s low-key at the night show”, “It’s lit at the night show”, “Everything can happen at the night show”.
Impossible:
Now living the highlife, Travis touches on the downside of fame and success on ‘Impossible’. He describes feeling alone, longing for true love, and escaping fake friends. Use of the word ‘impossible’, is widely considered to be referring to Travis’s yearning for a girl. However, it could be alluding to his desire to change the world with the music he makes, which feels to him like an impossible task at times.
Maria I’m Drunk:
Following a similar theme, on ‘Maria I’m Drunk’ Travis craves the real, genuine pleasures he experienced in his earlier life, while using the juxtaposition of weed and alcohol to display the disparity within the lifestyle he has adopted. In part 1, ‘Maria’, he searches for affection and lust, “Calling for Maria, Lost without Maria”. In part 2 however, ‘Drunk’, Travis, with features from Young Thug and Justin Bieber, talks about taboo pleasures such as alcohol and girls that he enjoys otherwise, displaying the contrast within his lifestyle, “Drinkin’, sippin’, slow”.
Flying High:
On ‘Flying High’, Travis puts these feelings behind to savour what he has achieved by chasing his dreams of stardom as he enjoys the glory that comes with it. He feels on top of the world as he cements his name at the top, “If you ain’t up on my level, disappear, please don’t reply”.
I Can Tell:
‘I Can Tell’ is Travis reflecting on his come up, and career thus far. This shows how much he has matured on his way up through the music industry. He recounts how he started making music as a kid, “It all started in the basement”, and everything he had to go through to get to where he is now. In other words, he’s had the experiences, and has come out on top to “tell the tales”.
Apple Pie:
The last track ‘Apple Pie’ shows Travis letting go of everyone/everything he used to depend on. He has escaped the shackles of his humble Houston beginnings, “Made it from the spot straight to Quintana”, created a name for himself, and is in the process of leaving behind a legacy. He is somewhat nostalgic about this as he remembers the comfort and simplicity of his old lifestyle, but recognises he is on the right path now, he is taking things into his own control and writing his own destiny, “I need my own pepper please, my own legacy, my own remedy”. T.I’s final spoken word contribution encompasses the concept of the boundary breaking debut album, “Will he make it? Was it worth it? Did he win? Will he survive? The Rodeo”.
‘Rodeo’ sees Travis Scott approach the trap genre with abundant creativity and innovation. This album changed hip hop forever, and is to this day one of the most progressive and groundbreaking pieces of concept art ever made that continues to inspire and influence all of hip hop today. The End.
P.S. Some of this is probably/definitely complete bs lol so don’t take too seriously. I highly doubt Trav put this much thought into the story of Rodeo but still a cool way to think about it imo.

Intro
We're working on a new MUD called Song of Avaria, using Evennia as a base code. Hopefully, the game will be opening for a public alpha six months from now: January 2024. This is the sixth in a series of showcases to display the features of our game. In order to properly exhibit the purpose of Song of Avaria, which doesn't quite fit into the existing molds, we're going to demonstrate gameplay by focusing on the story of a character: Emmaline.
Chapter 1: CHARACTER GENERATION
Chapter 2: ARRIVAL
Chapter 3: STORY
Chapter 4: THE POETS' GUILD
Chapter 5: LIVELIHOOD
Cool News! A professional web developer who focuses on accessibility took a very thorough look over our site and game, and gave us a great deal of feedback that was incredibly helpful in making the game more accessible to vision-impaired players. Color themes are configurable now; the default one shown here is called "high-contrast". If anyone prefers the old "muted" one, they can switch to it in the settings. We've also added more text-based indicators of things like general wellness and roundtime in the game prompt, or asterisks as delineators for different sections of text, and more quick individual checks on metrics such as encumbrance, armor value, stats, skills, et cetera. Turning Evennia's native screenreader option on (during account creation, or through settings) will now ensure that a visually-impaired person gets a more tailored and comfortable experience. We're looking forward to learning more about accessibility from players in the future, and always hoping to improve the experience for any player.
Chapter 6: COMBAT
In our last chapter, Emmaline was inducted into the Poets' Guild, which allowed her to take up a job as a Poet at Harmony Hall. Because of that, she's able to easily make her rent and even bought an oud to improve her stringed instrument skills. Here, she's sitting in the garden of the Poets' Guild and playing her oud. Instruments can be played with a variety of commands, from POUND to STRUM, and each type of instrument will tend to make their own set of noises if played well (or other noises if played badly).
Some instruments (large bells, for example) can make quite loud sounds that will resonate over a number of rooms, much like a shout does. This oud is comparatively quiet. And while an instrument may have its mechanical play command, this is mostly intended for flavor and explorative play rather than as a real roleplay tool -- because it's always much more fun to emote the full expression of your character's music! Of course, one should strive to stay within realistic parameters in terms of describing their playing in relation to their mechanical skill level.
At the bench in the garden, Emmaline plays her oud using the STRUM, PLAY, and TWANG commands. She then simply emotes playing a more complicated melody.
As we play the oud, we can see that Emmaline is relatively skilled at stringed instruments, as the sounds she is making are nice rather than jarring or discordant.
Djafira, the other newly inducted Poet whom we got to know over the last two posts, arrives and comes over to sit on the bench next to where Emmaline is playing. Because Emmaline does not trust the other woman, Djafira incurs roundtime by coming closer to the bench, which is Emmaline's own current vicinity. Roundtime is the convention we use to refer to the fact that some actions take time to complete, and thus you cannot execute another similarly time-consuming action until finished with the first. Djafira might be able to move close to Emmaline, but she cannot perform another action until her roundtime ends. This gives us the chance to move away quickly if we felt that Emmaline did not want to allow Djafira near her. But for now, we'll stay cautiously nearby and see what Djafira wants.
Djafira comes along. Her tells are shown in a brighter red, and she certainly seems to be acting off. She gifts Emmaline a pair of nice sandals by way of apology...
When someone gives you something, unless you trust them to a high degree, you will always have the chance to either ACCEPT or REFUSE the gift. Items can also be TOSSed, and if not caught in this instance (or dodged), they will just bonk off you and fall on the ground.
Since Djafira is trying to apologize for her past enmity, Emmaline accepts the gift. She is still a little suspicious though, because she can see Djafira's tells, and the other woman doesn't truly seem very apologetic. Djafira also asks Emmaline for a favor: she's feeling a bit under the weather, and needs Emmaline to go to a tavern called the Breaking Wave and recite a poem there. She passes over a piece of paper on which the poem is written.
Emmaline agrees to do this favor, puts on her new fancy shoes, and takes the paper.
As a side note: Many of the interactions you see from this point on are with automated NPCs that are operating off the logic in their own behavioral code. We have gone to some lengths to make these behaviors seem relatively organic, but only to the extent that this allows a player to suspend their disbelief in regards to the fact that NPCs are different from PCs. Our NPCs do not possess any real artificial intelligence -- not even to the degree of ChatGPT. They have certain behaviors, tendencies, phrases they might respond to, routines and home turf and activities they may habitually undertake, but they are still just traditional game NPCs. We are still at work adding in more behavior types for NPCs and refining their actions to be more sensible and characteristic.
Back in the story: By the time Emmaline is able to get around to the favor Djafira asked of her, it's late in the evening after sunset. Djafira provided some loose directions to the White City (which would be: "through the pillar-flanked gate north of the Plaza of the People"), but Emmaline soon finds that this particular neighborhood is a confusing maze of a place. Even the overheard ASCII map is intentionally not much help in some of the individual neighborhoods of Omrazir. It is purposefully not too easy to stumble off the main roads in the city, to keep new players from accidentally stepping into an area that may be dangerous.
When someone gives you something, unless you trust them to a high degree, you will always have the chance to either ACCEPT or REFUSE the gift. Items can also be TOSSed, and if not caught in this instance (or dodged), they will just bonk off you and fall on the ground.
Since Djafira is trying to apologize for her past enmity, Emmaline accepts the gift. She is still a little suspicious though, because she can see Djafira's tells, and the other woman doesn't truly seem very apologetic. Djafira also asks Emmaline for a favor: she's feeling a bit under the weather, and needs Emmaline to go to a tavern called the Breaking Wave and recite a poem there. She passes over a piece of paper on which the poem is written.
Emmaline agrees to do this favor, puts on her new fancy shoes, and takes the paper.
As a side note: Many of the interactions you see from this point on are with automated NPCs that are operating off the logic in their own behavioral code. We have gone to some lengths to make these behaviors seem relatively organic, but only to the extent that this allows a player to suspend their disbelief in regards to the fact that NPCs are different from PCs. Our NPCs do not possess any real artificial intelligence -- not even to the degree of ChatGPT. They have certain behaviors, tendencies, phrases they might respond to, routines and home turf and activities they may habitually undertake, but they are still just traditional game NPCs. We are still at work adding in more behavior types for NPCs and refining their actions to be more sensible and characteristic.
Back in the story: By the time Emmaline is able to get around to the favor Djafira asked of her, it's late in the evening after sunset. Djafira provided some loose directions to the White City (which would be: "through the pillar-flanked gate north of the Plaza of the People"), but Emmaline soon finds that this particular neighborhood is a confusing maze of a place. Even the overheard ASCII map is intentionally not much help in some of the individual neighborhoods of Omrazir. It is purposefully not too easy to stumble off the main roads in the city, to keep new players from accidentally stepping into an area that may be dangerous.
The overhead map does not show the exit into the White City, but once you go past, you can see the map of the White City neighborhood. (Note: I took this snip on an admin account, because I added this retroactively after the main events of the chapter! That is why you see room numbers. Please ignore.)
Finding a fallen stele, Emmaline stands on top of it for a better view of the area. She tries to get her bearings, but it's still difficult to tell exactly where she is. This part of the city legitimately seems decrepit and broken down...
Maybe it's not such a good idea to wear expensive clothes here? Just as Emmaline is having that thought, a random event occurs. Random events are coded events that happen in rooms when PCs are present. Most of the time, it would be something simple and harmless like an atmospheric room echo, but sometimes -- if the situation is right, and the PC seems otherwise unoccupied -- the random event will be more serious.
Emmaline goes to stand on the stele and look around thoughtfully. A \"somewhat lofty tough\" appears, looking furtively at her and subtly touching his knife...
This time, it's very serious. Emmaline is in the White City, a desperately poor and virtually lawless district of Omrazir. Part of the difficulty in navigation here is attributable to the fact that this area is not meant for the inexperienced and unfamiliar. A small gang of thugs is approaching Emmaline, attracted by her expensive fripperies and apparent vulnerability. Combat is initiated -- they are clearly attempting to mug her. This mugging is an automated random event generated by the interplay of conditions.
Somewhat confused, Emmaline takes her time awkwardly shufflng and then backs away as the thugs begin to close in. She does not depart quickly enough, and a physical altercation begins.
Distance from others in a fight can affect a variety of things, such as the accuracy and damage of certain attacks, or whether some aggressive abilities can be used at all. There are five ranges of distances from another PC. The first is immediate vicinity, which would be in direct contact with them. Then comes general vicinity, which would mean at the same "place" in the room as them. Next there's location, which would mean being in the same room as them, but not necessarily at the same place. Lastly, there is near line-of-sight (one room away) and distant line-of-sight (two rooms away).
Because these ranges can be quite important strategically, there are many ways to change the distance between yourself and an opponent. You can RETREAT or CHARGE in a direction, you can PUSH people or PULL them, you can TACKLE them, GRAPPLE, or DRAG them. You can move your own self from one place to another, or simply DISTANCE an opponent by moving away.
In the beginning, Emmaline attempts to avoid an altercation by quickly edging away from the incoming locals. However, it doesn't quite help -- they've set determined eyes on her nicer things, and she doesn't belong in this neighborhood.
When combat starts, there is a "Writing Break" that allows the PCs involved to type an emote and/or consider what their character would do in that situation. While immersive method acting is of course our favorite style of roleplay, the out-of-character panic that can often accompany in-character physical conflict can sometimes impact roleplay in a negative fashion. In order to avoid that, combat in Avaria is peppered with "Writing Breaks" every time that anything notable happens: such as the initiation of a fight, a strong blow being dealt, first blood, an attempt to flee, any involved combatant falling to the ground, and so on. Note also how the prompt has changed to display more information.
Holding her oud, Emmaline has the sudden idea to attempt to dissuade the muggers through music. Last chapter we explained the concept of "Grounding", where most people who are still "grounded" in accepted reality know about and accept some types of magic, and might be wary of witches and sorcery, but dismiss a great many other kinds of magic as a fabrication or just something totally unlikely to happen to them. Emmaline hasn't completely lost her grounding yet, as we can see when we check the MAGIC command -- so the idea to play music would still be a rather goofy one in her mind.
Using the REMEMBER command, we roleplay Emmaline having the idea to sing a calming tune. Sometimes in time-sensitive situations a player will not have the time to express the character's inner dialogue, but that is why we have writing breaks in combat, so that such expressions feel calmer and more doable. Checking the MAGIC command shows that Emmaline still doesn't quite believe in her own magical potential.
Regardless, this is what she tries to do -- she's desperate enough to try anything. Using her sonomancy ability to project a calming tone, Emmaline begins to sing and play her oud.
Emmaline starts to focus on using a calming tone. She still hasn't said anything with this tone, and she rationalizes it in her mind (using the THINK command) as just thinking maybe the thugs would prefer to hear music than mug someone.
In addition to using a calming tone for her song, Emmaline also makes sure to adopt a defensive stance. It's possible to change a character's stance in and out of a fight, and each stance has its own strengths. Using a defensive stance enables someone to do a better job of dodging and blocking.
We also check our TENDENCY here: most games, especially DIKU-based RPIs, have fights that progress in a more automatic fashion. If you prefer that style of gameplay, you can set your character's tendency to be one of a few choices: fight, flight, or freeze. The "measured" tendency seen here is the default: if you have not input a specific command and it is your turn to move, you will just wait. If you had selected, for example, "fight" as a tendency, you would automatically perform a fighting move based off coded tactics similar to the NPCs.
Taking a defensive stance with the STANCE command causes the next three attacks to miss. Unfortunately, Emmaline's song doesn't seem to be as effective as her stance is.
The muggers don't seem to be affected much by Emmaline's song. This is because her very low sonomancy skill, her voice stat, and her will dice roll didn't outweigh their (likely entirely grounded) magic resistance. Dice rolls happen behind the scenes relatively often, and while there is a configuration setting that can be toggled to show combat dice rolls, it is turned off for the sake of immersion in Emmaline's case. These rolls incorporate stats (such as Voice, Resonance, Will, etc) and skills (such as Vocals, Sonomancy, Gnosis, etc). Other factors moderate the dice rolls, like stances, a character's general state of health, range, positions, and so on. At least, thanks to Emmaline's stance, she is able to avoid a lot of damage from the muggers' reckless attacks.
It might be a good idea to flee, but it can be difficult to get away when your opponent is right next to you -- if they're aggressive, then they will have a very good chance of blocking your escape route. Looking at the COMBAT display will give you a good overall view of your general combat metrics, including who else is in your vicinity. These different metrics can all affect the outcome of a fight in various ways.
Checking COMBAT shows us Emmaline's combat situation: she is mostly doing alright, for now. Two people are attacking her, she is upright, near the exit to go back to the square. She does have a nick on her right hip, but it's not bad enough to really affect her state.
The prompt can also be configured to display many of these metrics. Shown here is the default combat prompt. When the fight was initiated, our regular prompt shifted to the combat version that shows stars and dashes as a small action bar. For visually impaired players this is not very helpful, so if someone has turned on the screenreader, the default prompt will give a health percentage readout and only show important alerts.
Anyway, Emmaline really wants to escape! So, she tries to push one of her opponents away. Actions performed during combat take roundtime. If you want to plan your next move, you can queue up a second move if you're already in combat.
Emmaline has a chance to make another move -- if your combat roundtime completes and you don't have another move queued up, you'll see this message. She tries to shove away one of the toughs, and he rushes straight back at her in a tackle.
SHOVE is one of the many commands useful for strategically changing positions in a fight. Emmaline manages to push the mugger away from her place in the room. She's standing as far from the stele as possible, hoping to go back out to the square -- but the mugger uses TACKLE to close the distance again very quickly! Bad timing.
Now, three muggers came out of the alleys surrounding Emmaline. So far, the third has just been watching, but now he breaks into the fight as well. A new person joining the fight will trigger a writing break, to allow players time to emote. Sometimes these writing breaks may feel like they last too long, while other times they may be too short for you to write the kind of emote you want.
We use WAIT to extend the writing break so that we can finish writing our emote, and then CONTINUE when we're done. Emmaline tries to sing some more, and again it's not effective, and then her calming attunement fades. She isn't strong enough this tme to shove away one of the goons. A stab connects with a solid whack against her kaftan.
You can input WAIT to extend the writing break (once per break per person), or CONTINUE to end the break and go on with the fight (if everyone has opted to continue). We wanted to write an emote during this break, considering that Emmaline has a nick on her hip from the knife of one of the muggers, and we didn't have enough time to act this out. Since all these opponents are NPCs, they will automatically follow the cues of the PCs in the fight and either try to wait or continue depending on the PC's input.
Although we have plenty of time to write what we'd like, it doesn't appear that the fight is going very well for Emmaline. She's not strong enough to shove away a goon, her calming tone has faded without any success, and one of the toughs tried to stab her right in the heart! Thankfully, her well-made kaftan helped to turn the blow into something less catastrophic. Raiment items can get in the way of attacks to covered body parts, and divert some of the damage to themselves. Different equipment types can divert more damage or stand up to damage better, depending on their material.
Maybe there's something else we can do...
Checking COMBAT MOVES provides a readout of the moves that Emmaline can execute at this time. Roundtimes for combat moves are relatively long compared to some games, so that players can use human strategical thinking to plan their next move and understand the flow of combat easily.
We can look to see what moves might be available to us in a fight, depending on the weapon we're wielding and the abilities we have, by checking COMBAT MOVES. It doesn't seem like Emmaline can do much right now beyond punching or kicking. But what if she wants to whack people with her oud? She can do that much at least. Any wielded object can be used to WHACK someone... but the reason that "whack" doesn't show up in her list of available combat moves is because she isn't actually wielding the oud, she is currently only holding it. Shifting her grip will take a moment - costing her a turn in combat, and causing a short delay before her next move (though we can still freely input the command, and have it executed when our combat roundtime completes).
Emmaline wields her oud. This allows her to whack with it (using the WHACK command), and also use it to parry (automatically, using a dice roll behind the scenes based on her stance and parry skill level).
When using an attack in a fight, such as PUNCH, KICK, or WHACK (or other attacks using weapons or abilities, like the SLASH and STAB used by the muggers) you can specify a particular body part of your opponent to aim for. You can also substitute the generic attack emote with a custom-written emote of your own.
Here, Emmaline tries to WHACK the TOUGH IN THE HEAD, while substituting a more flavorful emote for the generic one. She lands a decent blow! Unfortunately, she's surrounded. One minstrel using a musical instrument as a weapon can't honestly defend against three seasoned street bandits.
Having suffered a couple of unlucky hits, Emmaline drops to her knees. Even her kaftan has been ruined by the damage it has taken. Trauma is the metric that governs how injured a character has become. It can cause a character to collapse, like Emmaline has here. The "traumatized" alert will show up in the prompt after Emmaline is struck that hard, signifying that she's in very bad physical shape.
Emmaline is tiring against three opponents, and ends up falling with a heavily bleeding wound.
Sadly, Emmaline is not a strong enough fighter, and certainly not advanced enough in bardic magic, to put a stop to this altercation. She tries to get back up in order to flee, but immediately gets knocked down again. Being on the ground, she then tries to crawl away. But crawling takes a bit of time, and time is something she doesn't have enough of. The next strike not only knocks her out, but... she's dying.
Emmaline tries to get up and is knocked down again. She tries to crawl away but the next stab of a knife knocks her out... and, in the eyes of onlookers, kills her. It's not all that common for a blow to both knock someone out and kill them at the same time, but it's possible.
Bleeding as she is and in a hostile and unfamiliar environment, the most likely scenario is that Emmaline is going to die. A player with a character in this condition can still get a (dimmer) sense of what is happening in the room, and is free to write emotes or dreams... but an unconscious character still takes some time to be able to wake up. Some don't wake up at all.
The muggers take Emmaline's fancy clothes and any valuable possessions, leaving her penniless in her raggedy shift. We just got that oud! How disappointing. It's natural to feel a little bit of emotional crossover in immersive roleplaying situations like this, but it's also important for players to be capable of retaining perspective. We want to be clear about where we fall on the consent spectrum so that potential players can understand whether they might enjoy the game or they might not. Some loss is inevitable when there are in-character consequences for conflict and decisions. The game is mostly non-consent in terms of these kinds of consequences, but this also means there can be a lot of engaging story outcomes as a result. We don't want these to truly function as punishments to the player rather than to the character, though they might sometimes feel like setbacks. But it's helpful to keep in mind that every setback can be an opportunity for an inspiring narrative.
A dim sense of the world beyond her lack of consciousness shows the muggers backing off after taking Emmaline's valuables. If anyone spoke, we wouldn't be able to see what they were saying. But, we're able to send emotes in this state.
No matter the conflict, character death -- which is generally, though not always, the ending to a character's story -- must usually be consented to in order to happen. When a character "dies", if there is any chance at all that they might miraculously survive, the player will get the choice to either CLING to life or DIE, by entering those commands.
In this scenario, it might be realistic for Emmaline to die. But that would be an unsatisfying end to her story, and that's not what we want. The choice is in our hands, and we CLING to life.
The muggers have all departed. It's a hot night. Emmaline clings to life, using the CLING command.
Choosing to die moves characters on to the next world (to become a ghost, and go to the Otherland). Clinging to life allows the dying to continue living, but they will likely be handicapped in one way or another. It may be possible to eventually cure a handicap through stories involving magic or the supernatural, or the long-term efforts of an outstandingly skilled healer. But these consequences are generally impactful and lasting enough that should a character engage in risky behavior, repeatedly having near-death experiences and clinging to life, their story will involve the realistic outcome of their becoming a person who has somehow survived but is broken in many ways. Ultimately, this helps address the potential issue of long-term players becoming nearly invincible in the setting -- while simultaneously providing an opportunity for players who prefer to roleplay character stories comparable in length to a real lifetime, where a player may never see their characters actually die.
For those who do wish to roleplay through the meaningful death of a character, there are still a few different paths they can follow. The character can continue existing as a ghost, or as a distant memory in the Otherland, or they can pass on into the inaccessible final mystery of the afterlife. Reaching these stages of the afterlife can be accomplished by using the MOVE ON command, progressively bringing a spirit through each of these phases of existence until at the very end the character is deleted from the game database. Should one never wish their character to complete the process of moving on, however, they can continue to exist indefinitely in Avaria's Purgatory: the various realms of the Otherland, which can potentially be accessed, with great effort and skill, through the dreams of the living.
The purgatory states can soften the blow of losing a beloved character, and even provide some additional plot twists for both that character and their surviving friends and enemies. The end of a character's story may be a real tearjerker, but hopefully in a good way, not as a traumatic and wrenching blow to the gut. We don't want to brutalize the emotions of any player -- the intention is that playing a game should be an enjoyable experience, with closure in the ending and a feeling of contentment for a story well-played.
But what this ultimately means for Emmaline is that she cannot escape her altercation with the White City thugs scot-free. She is still in a very perilous situation. As we mentioned above, sometimes the injuries that have the ability to cause death can also create severe permanent handicaps in those who choose to live, which might manifest as stat debuffs, loss of limbs, persistent illnesses, and other such tangible physical consequences. Despite clinging to life, Emmaline is unable to return to consciousness immediately. She may very well simply bleed out again.
If we quit the game, she won't die while we're disconnected... but it's still a cliffhanger! Stay tuned for Chapter 7, where we'll showcase healing and further intrigue.

 Stasis 2.0 Base Kit 

Crystalline Armor - Collecting a Stasis Shard grants a stack of Crystalline Armor. The buff stacks up to four times and lasts for twenty seconds, the duration is refreshed by collecting Stasis Shards. Each tier of the buff grants 10% Damage Resist, stacking up to 40% damage resist. (This appears visually on the character model, works like woven mail in pvp, and stacks with other DR)
Stasis Shards - Grant 10% melee energy. (Five-second internal cooldown)
Shatter - Damage increased by ?%. (Tbd by people with the numbers)
Fragments
Whisper Of Refraction - Defeating slowed or frozen targets grants you class ability energy and spawns a Stasis Shard. (Higher tier combatants create a max of two Shards, only triggers for this fragment, rewarding higher combatant defeats)
Whisper of Shards - Shattering a Stasis crystal spawns a Stasis Shard and temporarily boosts your grenade recharge rate. Shattering additional Stasis crystals increases the duration of this benefit. +10 Resilience.
Whisper of Rending - Kinetic weapons do increased damage to Stasis crystals and frozen targets. After being in combat for a brief period of time your weapons have increased recoil control and movement speed while aiming down sights.
Whisper of Impetus - Damaging targets with a Stasis melee reloads your stowed weapons and grants you a temporary boost to weapon-ready speed as well as causing your next stasis weapon final blow to spawn a Stasis Shard.
Whisper of Torment - You gain grenade energy each time you take damage from targets. +10 Discipline
Whisper of Rime - Collecting a Stasis Shard restores 10% of your max health. Freezing a target creates a Stasis shard.
Whisper of Chains - While you are near frozen targets or a friendly Stasis crystal, you take reduced damage from targets. +10 Recovery. (DR value down from 40%-30%)
​
​
Crystalline Armor would play into the fantasy of a tanky high CC fantasy that Stasis could fit, a lot better than Strand.
According to the other Stasis reddit posts I have read; Stasis Shards need the same treatment as void breaches and firesprites. It's too much to give up a whole aspect for them. (In my opinion)
Hunters Grim Harvest will now appear in an even better form in just a fragment, with Whisper of Refraction.
Titans Tectonic Harvest will appear also with a better form in Whisper of Shards.
Finally, Warlocks Glacial Harvest will be better (Not counting that it's probably the best Harvest) with the Whisper of Rime.
Just to compare this to something like Solar, which is all about scorching, Ember of Sear can spawn firesprites by defeating scorched target, much like these can with all phases of stasis key words.
Oh, and while we are at it, revert the nerf to renewal grasps, for pve.
For some of my other Ideas, I was cooking up a new warlock stasis super.
Winter’s Silence - Summon a giant architectural pillar of Stasis Matter that lasts 45 seconds releasing pulses of stasis matter that freeze all nearby combatants in a ginormous radius. Before it denigrates it releases one final pulse that shatters.
​
Woven mail will probably get nerfed along with suspend, so stasis could bounce back without any changes.

Preface: first anaphylactic reaction in ~2017, ended up in ER wit face/throat swelling, severe diarrhea, full-body hives; all of this starting 4-5 hours after last meal. ER doctor assumed bc last meal contained shrimp that it must have been an allergic reaction to shrimp despite having had shellfish in my diet since young childhood (I'm Asian, some form of shellfish is in literally everything). A few months after, very very stupidly had some shrimp without any reaction - not even a mild one. Felt safe, so continued to have shrimp, shellfish, and other seafood without any issues afterwards until recently.
Medical history/issues: hypothyroidism, PCOS, migraines (no known cause, since high school). Dx'd ADHD and ASD, on medication (Vyvanse) for ADHD as well as Levo for hypothyroid. Caught COVID 3-4 times between 2019 to 2020 (sadly not joking), 3/4 times were confirmed via PCR or antigen testing, fourth suspected but not tested. Masked and was vaccinated & boosted but alas...the germ had gotten so brilliant (lol)
Bg info: Current diet is mostly comprised of meat (chicken > beef >>> pork), white rice, vegetables (peas, lettuce, cabbage, carrot, corn, soy sprout, spinach, bok choy, garlic). Seasonings are exclusively salt, sesame oil, and/or soy sauce - experimenting with miso paste at the moment as I've had intermittent issues with it. I don't use herbs or spices. I cook most meals from scratch and don't eat out. If I don't cook, my "cheat" foods are usually Lunchables Turkey & Cheddar (shoot me) or Special K + fairlife or soy milk. For the most part I have fairly bland taste, thankfully. I don't touch seafood period anymore.
Timeline:

2020

• Officially began having chronic issues with allergies
  

  Shellfish suddenly began giving issues (facial swelling, lip tingling, hives, GI symptoms) which was unusual, but given that I technically was supposed to have a "shellfish allergy" not shocking. PCP rightfully scolded me for continuing to eat a "known trigger" and explained how stupid that was, I quit eating shellfish and cut out possible cross-contamination.
  

• No issues yet with non-shellfish
  

2021

• Mystery, non-shellfish reactions begin
  

  Begin reacting to non-shellfish foods that were previously safe. Oddly, these reactions are not consistent. One day I might fix a bowl of fresh strawberries as a treat and find that after eating just a couple, my torso is covered in hives but then the next week I'm fine. One day I could eat mushroom risotto safely, and the next I eat japchae that has mushroom in it and have hives and diarrhea. Sometimes I might even get a reaction just by sharing utensils/cups with someone who had eaten something. Ex: I was on a mini road trip with my brother who had eaten eel and drank from his straw, and to my surprise found myself itchy all over and suddenly having throat tightness/hoarseness...even though when I've eaten that same eel dish before, I've had no problems. Note that at this point I'm making all my meals at home from scratch and that my family is eating most of their meals at home as well, and that there is no shellfish at all at home (nor shellfish in cooking sauces, etc.)
  

• Start having odd non-food reactions as well
  

  Sometimes find that, although this might just be a psychological reaction, just smells can set me off. When I go through the seafood section of Asian food markets, for instance, I sometimes get hives down my back and throat tightness. Strong spice smells sometimes set me off too. Being in the vicinity of dogs, even just being in the same waiting room sat quite far apart, makes me puff up/teary/sniffly/etc whereas prior it might have just made me a bit sneezy. The severity seems to really vary on the day and the dog(s).
  

2022

• Reactions ramp up in severity. Throughout 2022, I end up in the ER five times after using my epi pen, one of those times after having to use both of my epi pens. Up until 2021 I'd never even had to use my epi pen once
• Around early part of mid-2022, the allergist PCP referred me to finally has an opening. She suspects alpha-gal at first and does skin tests and bloodwork. Both show NO food allergies whatsoever and alpha-gal is ruled out. At this point she tells me she is considering possibly a mast cell disorder, immune disorder, or something called idiopathic anaphylaxis (IA) and has me do a 24hr urine panel and wants to do a follow up to test for environmental allergies. We discuss my anaphylactic reactions and how to manage them safely and efficiently, with the caveat that she reminds me (wisely) that Benadryl doesn't stop anaphylaxis.
• Urine panel comes back within normal ranges. Unfortunately this allergist is pretty booked out so it takes literally months between appointments. For now she tells me to continue to avoid shellfish but that's about it.
• Over the rest of the year I tinker as reactions pop up (a LOT) and find that Benadryl works for anaphylactic reactions if I catch them early.
• I go on vacation with my family to Canada in Sept, where I have an anaphylactic reaction to a smoothie :))) Benadryl doesn't do anything here, unsure of if I missed the signs (I was way blindsided here). I end up in the ER and get gobsmacked by a 9k bill. This gets whittled down to 1k. Yay! After I get back to ✨the States✨ my doctor has me put on steroids and twice daily Zyrtec and Allegra until my next allergist appointment, which isn't until Feb 2023.
• As 2022 winds down, I'm getting proper scared to eat. I try keeping food logs, I try low-histamine diets and they seem to help but don't fully eliminate the symptoms.

2023

• Allergist has a situation that requires the appointment to be pushed to May. I'm still on the twice daily double dose of antihistamines, and still getting random hives and reactions to food that I shouldn't be having. I gave up on the low histamine diet around March but tried to keep note of the weirder reactions/patterns that I spotted.
• (May - we are here!) Finally got in. We discuss the food log which seems to be basically trash for all the good it does (as she puts it, there is no discernable pattern). She does follow-up testing for environmental allergies "just in case" and finds mild dust mite and dog allergies but only through blood work. Otherwise my blood work is, again, normal. Total IgE was at 162.0 IU/mL, with the standard range being 0.0 - 100.0 IU/mL. She put a note on my chart that said "Your tryptase level, inflammatory markers, complete blood count were all normal" and settled on a diagnosis of IA for now and suggested Xolair as a treatment plan, which I am now looking into. She also did offer to have me to set up an appointment for a food challenge for foods I felt unsafe trying by myself which I am planning on scheduling hopefully soon (if she has any openings) to try to fully rule out food allergies.

Odd Reaction Notes (dunno what to call this, most of this is just a page in my notes app for my allergist lol):

• happened just once but had leftover dakjuk (chicken porridge) with family which I normally don't do as I tend to skip leftovers and my face swelled up. The rest of family was totally fine though
• I tend to have more reactions in general on my period, and they tend to be worse
• reactions usually are related to eating food but not always? (smells are another consistent odd trigger)
• often have issues with heat, though that can also be a sensory issue for people on the spectrum so idk
• after hot showers often get tingling/prickling/itching all over and very flushed feeling in the face and ears regardless of where I shower (even in other people's showers, hard/soft water, whatever soap I use, etc). idk if this is normal? not as bad with lukewarm or cold water
• had a very bad reaction (was one of the times in 2022 that landed me in the ER) after spending a very long, hot, stressful day at the zoo which is one of the rare outliers in terms of anaphylaxis that had no ties to food triggers. Still not sure what triggered me here and neither is my allergist. The heat? The smells? An animal? Walking uphill for hours? The stress? A combo of the above??? Haven't noticed any similar reactions after working out so fingers crossed that was a fluke

Symptoms:

• General fatigue, I get about 6ish hours of sleep at minimum but usually still feel quite tired. If I let myself sleep "to maximum" (+10hrs on days off) I still feel wiped and tbqh I have no good reason to
• Hives (most often on my face, and then my back for whatever reason - my first thought was an allergic reaction to soap or detergent or sheets but changing these hasn't helped and it's been consistent across moves and while staying over at friends' places. occasionally spreads through rest of torso. I've almost never seen them on extremities, and only a couple times seen them on my thighs when coming home after being out in negative temps in the winter)
• Itchiness
• Rashes
• "Tingling"/shivering/shaking? Idk how to word this. This only happens during the severe reactions but it's uncontrollable and almost like when you're very, very cold. When it gets to this stage I usually am having trouble breathing and need my epi pen
• Swelling (again most often on my head area - if not my face, it's my throat...rip)
• Random nausea, doesn't seem to be tied to being on my period or eating/not eating food
• (moreso in the past year) often feeling oddly weak, particularly in my extremities. Hard to describe but it's like the feeling the day after you've had an insane workout except I haven't had the workout. On bad days I have trouble doing stuff like showering because I can't hold "heavier" things like the soap well, for instance, or I find my (13lb) cat too heavy to lift. But most days I'm fine. It just worries me that there are even days that bad :(
• migraines (unsure of if this is related to the "IA" or not, as this has been a thing since high school)

Some Foods I've Reacted To (Intermittently):

• Fresh strawberries (which I've eaten a gazillion times and been fine, but have read are high in histamine so try to avoid...sadly these were a favorite treat of mine 😭)
• Fresh grapes (another favorite treat, and one that confuses me as I've read they're actually supposed to be low in histamine???)
• Fresh watermelon (another another favorite treat...I fkn love fruit gd. Anyways this is one that I've seen conflicting info about, but isn't supposed to be particularly bad? At worst it's been labeled a histamine liberator, and the day I reacted when I ate it I hadn't eaten any high histamine foods)
• Seafood/shellfish
• Some fruit juice (can't remember what it was, but I think it was a citrus juice blend? Either way it was fine one time I tried it and not fine the next time, so I never tried it again)
• Fresh cherries (again another treat which I loved loved loved. This one consistently kept setting me off so I had to cut it out. They're supposed to be safe I think? But sources seem conflicting)
• Chocolate (seems to vary, but I don't eat much choco anyways so I don't get to test it out often)
• Energy drinks (I only drink Zero Ultra fwiw and at most a can a day. I do notice that sometimes on days I have a can, that it does set me off. Other days it seems to be fine, and then other days still it just seems to lower the threshold so to speak? Dunno if there's much basis for that scientifically but that's how it feels)
• Tomatoes (sometimes causes weird tingling in the lips/tongue)
• Seaweed (sadly...doesn't seem to matter the sort, whether it's used in soup or eaten plain with rice, etc. It all sets me off)

Phew. Sorry for the insanely long post. I'm at my wits end. It's been coming on three years now that I've been trying to get to the bottom of this and my allergist seems to be at the end of her rope too which honestly scares me a bit.
I'll admit that I've been extremely stupid about my "allergy" in the past (obviously if you're allergic to a thing, don't eat the damn thing!!!) but knowing now that I apparently have no food allergies, I feel like an idiot for the trouble my family has gone to in avoiding shellfish for my sake (especially with how hard it is to do that with Asian food). My family won't even eat it outside by themselves because of how severe my reactions have been the past two years. It feels really bad to think that all this stress and caution could've been for nothing.
I also feel so confused, because if I have no food allergies...why on earth am I reacting to food? Why are my reactions to food so inconsistent??? I don't know of anybody with food allergies whose allergies come and go. When I read the description of mast cell disorders or histamine intolerance, they seem to line up more or less with my symptoms, but having the test results come back negative and having inconsistencies with the low histamine diet does make me pause.
If it weren't for the fact that my reactions result in physical symptoms that are externally observable (hoarse voice, hives, swelling, low BP on monitor, etc.) I'd think this was all in my head/anxiety/panic attacks at this point. With my blood work and skin test results, it scares me that my allergist may just leave it at IA which doesn't answer anything for me. The way she explained it is that there isn't any known trigger (hence the "idiopathic" bit) which is 1000000x worse to me than any allergy.
To my knowledge IA isn't "supposed" to be tied to food-related triggers but what worries me is that, increasingly, my reactions aren't food-tied. But it does give me a (messed up?) sense of hope that much of my reactions do seem to be related to food and specifically eating it, so it might just be an allergy to something I don't know yet (🤞)?
I'd appreciate your input at all. Thanks for reading this huge wall of text :")

Basics

This is for a novel I am writing. I have no idea how to write a battle scene, well I do kind of. I just always play D&D with my husband to do the battle and write from there. So everything in this game will be my intellectual property for my novel. But to thank everyone, you will all be listed in the credits at the back of the book. I'll reach out to you on discord at that time to get the name you want to be thanked under. This also could make way for more games in the future. I am halfway through book one and decided the prologue's will all show the evil Gods backstory, the moment that will happen in this war, where my Villain ie my PC will slaughter a whole bunch of powerful Gods, then be told how powerful of a warrior he is by one of the level 9 Gods, a God he has looked up to all his life, is the setting point for what makes him who he is now. So just be warned, that scene will come. You are free to play your characters as they see fit, the only thing I ask is you look up different native american names or words to name your characters. That is the general language I am using to name these Gods. I'm writing the first prologue of seven prologues for my seven book epic high fantasy novel where the evil chaotic God, Asgahni (cherokee for evil according to https://www.cherokeedictionary.net/). The naming conventions and the words sound so regal to me, and what I imagine for Gods. Also, since so many American place names come from Indigenous words, I feel they're easier to pronounce.
Lots of homebrew radiant powered weapons will be homebrewed into your inventory, so you'll need to be able to add yourself to my campaign on D&D Beyond. We will be playing on Roll20 and talking on Discord during the game and talking on Discord prior to the game. I'm looking for experienced players (played in a minimum of five battle heavy games before, preferably have been playing regular for a year or more). This is not a 20 person party, this is twenty characters split between two teams and fighting against each other, I will be playing my character [level 6] whose back story it is, plus I will be adding a really high powered player on his team for the story. If anyone backed It's Tough to be a God on kickstarter, those are the rules we will be using to build these characters off of. Since I'm assuming most people do not have the book, I will be editing a lot of your pages to power you up to God level.

Recording

The entire session will be recorded so I can write the prologue later, this recording will go nowhere beyond me! So if you are not comfortable being recorded, do not apply. But just keep in mind, I will be the only one who ever hears this recording. Players my ask for it if they want, they will only be given it if every player decides they are comfortable with that. Screen recording of the roll20 screen will be taking place as well as voice recording.

Races

• Aarakocra
• Bugbear
• Centaur
• Changeling
• Dwarf (hill, mountain, and duergar)
• Elf (high, wood, eladrin, pallid, dark/drow, sea, shar-kai)
• Firbolg
• Genasi (air, earth,wind, fire, honestly if you have a homebrewed version of this you'd like to use, just show it to me cause I'd be down to get some more versions of this in my game)
• Gnome (rock, forest, deep)
• Goblin
• Goliath
• Hal-elf (regular, drow, aquatic, high, wood)
• Half-orc
• Halfling (lightfoot, stout, ghostwise)
• hobgoblin
• human
• kenku
• Kobold (but like we'll be fighting in the sun, so probably a bad choice if you want to actually play and not be blinded)
• lineages (hexblood only one allowed for this game)
• Lizardfolk
• Minotaur
• Orc
• Satyr
• Shifter
• Tabaxi
• Tiefling (normal, variant feral, variant)(I also have a homebrew half tiefling I made as a subclass for barbarian for one of my players if you want to add that to any other race also, you can stylize the character exactly as you see fit, horns, tail, cloven feet, whatever you want as long as it looks badass)
• Tortle
• Triton
• Yuan-ti

But! If you have something you really want to be (besides warforged) bring it up to me and we'll discuss. This is just all I own that I'm willing to have be in this game.

Classes

The only non normal one I have is Blood Hunter, which I'll definitely allow, I've never seen it in action, I only ask that if you choose it (since we're at level 20) that you either find some time to familiarize yourself with it or that you have played it before for more than three sessions. If you have another class I've never heard of and want to play, just bring it up to me and we'll discuss it.

Abilities

No need to roll abilities, they all start off at certain levels depending on the book, but there is some room for play. At least three stats will be set at a certain point depending on the book, and then you'll discuss how you want to roll play to set the other three somewhere between 14&22.

God Levels

There are levels one through ten. I'm looking for a mix of levels 6 through eight, with one or two level nines. These will influence your stats and powers. But in a war, not everyone is evenly matched. Since I know everyone is going to probably want to play the higher characters, it will be on a first come first serve basis. But hey, even if you don't get to play as a higher level God, you're still playing in a war amongst Gods, as a God. That doesn't come along very often.

Backgrounds

You're all going to have the same background- that you were raised as a God amongst massive wealth, everyone will roll a d20 though to decide how many worshipers they have in this world. All of you were raised in a world where throughout childhood you were taught many different things Gods need to know, like how to create humanoids, and how to create landscapes like mountains and seas.

What are you a God of?

That's up to you! Everything except for war is on the table. But, also, first come first serve.

The World

Welcome to Eria Asomia. It is the oldest planet in the Casideous Nebule. It is filled with every type of feature included in earth as well as most fantasy things. It's beautiful. The climate is based off of earths climate. I'm almost done with the map (my book is set on the planet a family of Gods-my character I'm playing- fled to to escape the war and its aftermath as my characters older brother started the war to overthrow his father as the extreme God, then everyone picked sides). This is a high technology world. Think like the ideas of technology in the Jetsons but with a modern polish on it. Great big gleaming metallic airships in every color. The whole entire world is a communist society enforced by the Gods. The people have never known different, so they are happy how it is. These people are like extremely, weirdly, happy. And the Gods are now letting them be slaughtered as battle springs up all around their homes. So the humanoids are at shock over everything going on. One or two might run into the battle field, what you do with that is up to you. There will be no judgement for any evil or good actions, this is war!

Dying

If you die, before the break at two hours, you can rebuild your character and during break I can populate it with the right stats and magic items and you can rejoin. If we end up going into a second session, and you died during the second half of the first session, you can make a new character and I can do the same thing. I want everyone to be able to enjoy this as I will, despite the fact that I will be taking detailed notes.

Blood & Gore

Topics that this game will include:

• blood
• broken bones
• gore and guts
• possession
• natural disasters
• war

Topics this game will not include:

• sex of any kind
• romance of any kind
• rape/sexual assault
• suicide
• mental illness (other than sociopathy, that's on the table)
• homophobia (in this world there are all types of genders, and men, women, non-binary, gender fluid, etc. can all give birth, from any type of gender)
• prostitution, slavery, trafficking,
• genocide
• xenophobia, racism

To Apply

Fill out this APPLICATION and message me on discord at KieraJacque#7621 with the completed application. Talk to you all soon!

 Stasis Improvements Base Kit 

Crystalline Armor - Collecting a Stasis Shard grants a stack of Crystalline Armor. The buff stacks up to four times and lasts for twenty seconds, the duration is refreshed by collecting Stasis Shards. Each tier of the buff grants 10% Damage Resist, stacking up to 40% damage resist. (This appears visually on the character model, works like woven mail in pvp, and stacks with other DR)
Stasis Shards - Grant 10% melee energy. (Five-second internal cooldown)
Shatter - Damage increased by ?%. (Tbd by people with the numbers)
Fragments
Whisper Of Refraction - Defeating slowed or frozen targets grants you class ability energy and spawns a Stasis Shard. (Higher tier combatants create a max of two Shards, only triggers for this fragment, rewarding higher combatant defeats)
Whisper of Shards - Shattering a Stasis crystal spawns a Stasis Shard and temporarily boosts your grenade recharge rate. Shattering additional Stasis crystals increases the duration of this benefit. +10 Resilience.
Whisper of Rending - Kinetic weapons do increased damage to Stasis crystals and frozen targets. After being in combat for a brief period of time your weapons have increased recoil control and movement speed while aiming down sights.
Whisper of Impetus - Damaging targets with a Stasis melee reloads your stowed weapons and grants you a temporary boost to weapon-ready speed as well as causing your next stasis weapon final blow to spawn a Stasis Shard.
Whisper of Torment - You gain grenade energy each time you take damage from targets. +10 Discipline
Whisper of Rime - Collecting a Stasis Shard restores 10% of your max health. Freezing a target creates a Stasis shard.
Whisper of Chains - While you are near frozen targets or a friendly Stasis crystal, you take reduced damage from targets. +10 Recovery. (DR value down from 40%-30%)
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Crystalline Armor would play into the fantasy of a tanky high CC fantasy that Stasis could fit, a lot better than Strand.
According to the other Stasis reddit posts I have read; Stasis Shards need the same treatment as void breaches and firesprites. It's too much to give up a whole aspect for them. (In my opinion)
Hunters Grim Harvest will now appear in an even better form in just a fragment, with Whisper of Refraction.
Titans Tectonic Harvest will appear also with a better form in Whisper of Shards.
Finally, Warlocks Glacial Harvest will be better (Not counting that it's probably the best Harvest) with the Whisper of Rime.
Just to compare this to something like Solar, which is all about scorching, Ember of Sear can spawn firesprites by defeating scorched target, much like these can with all phases of stasis key words.
Oh, and while we are at it, revert the nerf to renewal grasps, for pve.
For some of my other Ideas, I was cooking up a new warlock stasis super.
Winter’s Silence - Summon a giant architectural pillar of Stasis Matter that lasts 45 seconds releasing pulses of stasis matter that freeze all nearby combatants in a ginormous radius. Before it disintegrates it releases one final pulse that shatters.
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Woven mail will probably get nerfed along with suspend, so stasis could bounce back without any changes.

I was once the legendary red dragon who stood at the top of the world. For thousands of years, my brethren have been murdered by humans and the desire for revenge slowly turned into my only mission in this world! However, I failed. On the day of the decisive battle against human beings, I died with hatred in my heart… if there is an afterlife, I will definitely avenge my kind. If there is an after ... Read Evil Dragon Is Reincarnated! Revenge Begins at the Age of Five! - Chapter 21 - MangaPuma. Read more at https://mangapuma.com/evil-dragon-is-reincarnated-revenge-begins-at-the-age-of-five/chapter-21

If you're still in search of inspiration for your upcoming summer vacation, this article is here to guide you. Whether you're traveling with friends or your significant other, planning the perfect couple's vacation outfits can be a challenge. But fear not! We have curated a list of trendy summer outfits for both men and women that will not only keep you comfortable but also ensure you capture Instagram-worthy moments throughout your trip. So, pack your bags, get ready to explore, and let these stylish outfits make your vacation dreams come true.
Tips for Packing Efficiently:
Before we dive into the couple's vacation outfits, let's start with some tips to help you pack efficiently:

1. Check the weather forecast and pack accordingly.
2. Opt for versatile pieces that can be worn in multiple ways.
3. Organize your accessories based on your outfits.
4. Pack classic items like blue jeans or white sneakers that can easily be mixed and matched.
5. Choose comfortable footwear such as slip-on shoes, flip-flops, sneakers, or sandals.
6. Stick to outfits you've worn before and feel confident in.
7. Keep light outerwear handy for unexpected temperature changes.
8. Create a packing list to ensure you don't forget anything.
9. Categorize your outfits based on different occasions.
10. Don't forget to pack extra innerwear and swimsuits.

Now that you're ready to pack smartly, let's explore the couple's vacation outfits that will make your suitcase complete.
Denim All the Way:

1. Denim is a versatile and essential choice for any vacation. For women, a pink sleeveless crop top from Ginger paired with lavender high-rise flared jeans creates a stylish summer ensemble. Men can opt for a comfy cotton t-shirt from Fame Forever featuring a Sun Day typography print, paired with white slouchy fit jeans from Forca.

Summertime Shorts:

1. No beach vacation is complete without a pair of shorts. Women can go for Ginger's sage green elasticated shorts, paired with a blue polka-dotted tee for a casual and trendy look. Men can choose Indian Terrain's mint green shorts paired with a light blue t-shirt from Fame Forever, featuring the word "Unwind" across the front.

Beach Ready:

1. Beach-ready outfits are a must for any seaside getaway. For women, a stunning olive green skater dress from Faballey with square neck and floral motifs can be dressed up or down for various occasions. Men can opt for a white half-sleeved tropical print shirt from Flying Machine, paired with beige elasticated sports shorts from Puma for a stylish and comfortable beach look.

Vacay Date Night:

1. For a special date night, women can go for Code's elegant white A-line dress with Schiffli detailing, a tie-up waist, and a V-neck. Men can try Code's cool white linen shirt paired with light grey checked casual trousers from Jack & Jones for a smart and minimalist look. Complete the outfit with clean white sneakers.

Festive Party:

1. If you're attending a desi party during your vacation, embrace ethnic summer wear. Women can opt for Indya's cheerful yellow sleeveless top with embellishments, paired with a blue and yellow color-blocked A-line skirt adorned with bold prints. Men can slip into Melange by Lifestyle's yellow kurta featuring a band collar and floral embroidery, paired with soft blue pyjamas or white straight pants.

With these five stylish couple's outfits, you're well-prepared to elevate your summer vacation vibe. Remember to pack smartly, choose versatile pieces, and enjoy capturing unforgettable moments in your trendy ensembles. Whether you're strolling along the beach or having a romantic dinner, these outfits will make your vacation all the more special. So, get ready to create lasting memories and turn heads with your impeccable style choices.