This is a long one, but I beg you to read. So I became a nanny in November of 2021 to two kids, a two year old, and a four month old. Now the kids are almost four and two, I adore them with all my heart.
I used to live in the same town as them, and I would watch them mostly without the parents there. Then they moved and so I moved in with them and became a live-in nanny. At first, everything was great. They offered to buy whatever food I wanted, and put my room in another part of the house so I could still have some privacy.
Then, I started taking care of the kids more and more, to the point where the parents only saw the kids for about two hours a day, an hour in the morning and an hour at night. Sometimes, the mom would make me keep the kids up late, just so she could see them for a couple minutes, which I understand but it was hell for me.
The kids started to heavily prefer me, to the point that they would cry if the mother or father took them. I tried to discourage this, but really, what was I supposed to do? The kids didn't know these people, all they knew was me.
Now with this development, things started to go south. The mother began to criticise me for everything I did. Nothing was ever up to her standards. I loaded the dishwasher, well I did it wrong. I did the laundry, it wasn't folded the way she liked it. I brushed their teeth, I didn't do it for long enough. NOTHING I did was right, absolutely nothing.
But whenever she told me to do something different, I just nodded my head and said okay, and I did it differently the next time. Once, I had taken one the kids to do the doctor, and he was prescribed 2.5mls of whatever medicine. When I went to give him his medicine, the mom told me he needed 5mls. No, I told her, it was 2.5, that was all he needed. But she made me give him 5 anyway. The next day, I go to give him 5mls and its, "what are you doing? He only gets half of that."
Now, the mother is policing everything I do instead of just criticising. She's telling me to stop using words like, gross, ew, yucky, disgusting, etc with the kids, because she doesn't like the way they use it (I don't understand what she means by this.) Then, the other day it was 75F outside, I got the kids dressed and the mother insisted they needed a sweater, I told her I'd bring one just in case if she'd like, but she insisted they wear it. They sweated their ass off and I felt like such a jerk for making them wear it.
She also tells me not to allow them to do things, and then she does it with them. I really don't understand this at all. For example, she said to me the other day not to allow them to sit on my lap while they're eating which I totally understand and actually agree with! But the, when one of them asked to see with me, I said, "No, sorry, you need to sit in your own chair while you eat." they walked to their mother and she lets them sit with her!
The mother and father both yell at their kids a lot, they used to smack them too, but thankfully they stopped. A couple days ago the mother legitimately said I need to start yelling at them when they misbehave. This I refused to do. She also calls them names. The four year old she has called, dumb and stupid. She also has told him she hates him and "Fuck you." The two year old she frequently calls a bitch.
The straw that broke the camels back happened this morning. I went to go get the toddler out of her crib, she was crying. I asked the baby what was wrong and went to grab her, the mother told me not to and she wanted to get her from the crib. She proceeded to leave her in there to cry for five extra minutes. When she finally took the baby out, the baby ran to me, and the mother got mad. She then told me not to pick her up eveytime she throws a tantrum. There was no tantrum happening, and for some reason that just royally pissed me off.
I think I need to leave for my mental health, I can't keep living like this. Do I leave? How do I broach the subject? Maybe this is normal behaviour and I'm just crazy. I don't know.

First Chapter/Previous Chapter
Keoki and Eik pulled on the wire as the container was hauled high into the air. Even with the significantly reduced gravity and the block and tackle taking most of the weight, it took considerable elbow grease to get it in position.
He rubbed his eyes and tried to ignore the smell of rotting flesh. He glanced over at his handy work and immediately had to look away. It had been his idea, and when Keoki had begun constructing it, he had believed he would never get off this ship.
Keoki had been so angry when he had done it, but now that the uren were beaten, he could feel a nagging guilt begin to stir in him. Keoki buried it; there would be time for self-reflection later; right now, there was some stuck-up, fat bastard wanting to make his friends into pets, or worse.
Melia, Polumnus and Qerik arrived shortly after they began to haul another container.
“We’ve got to be ready soon. This will probably be the last cargo fall we can prepare,” Keoki explained as his muscles ached under the strain.
“Where are they?” Melia asked.
“Just two doors away. And from what Ha said, they’re almost through the first one, so I told them to regroup with us; they should be here shortly,” Keoki replied as he and Eik tied off the nanotube wire, and they leapt to the ground.
“I would love to see you people in your natural habitat,” Qerik said, astounded by the height Keoki had fallen without injury.
“It wouldn’t be all that impressive unless you were watching the Olympics. Those people can really move,” Keoki said.
“How many traps could you set up?” Melia asked; this was no time for distraction.
“Seven container falls; we’ve also littered spots with shrapnel; probably won’t get through a good boot, but you know every little helps,” Keoki answered.
“We’ve also set up some barricades to funnel them where we want them to go, we tried to make them look as natural as possible, but time constraints and all that,” Keoki added.
“You did well, but I’ve been discussing it with Polumnus and Qerik, and we cannot attack immediately,” Melia explained.
“Why not?” Keoki said, his eyes fixed squarely on Melia, his heart rate increasing and his knees bent slightly, ready to move the instant his fears came to light.
Polumnus noticed the shift in posture and said, “we’re not selling you out; it’s just with this being a politician of a foreign power, we needed to offer them a chance to leave without a fight, something that will hold up in an inquiry or a trial.
Keoki relaxed, though not entirely. He did not fully trust the vo’rul and was conscious that simply giving up him and the obed would be the fastest way to ensure their own safety. He had not been too worried about the uren, they had shot Tres, and he had counted on anger and the desire for revenge to protect him.
After a brief pause, Keoki said, “I see; I believe it would be best if I am the one who talks with them.”
“Absolutely not, you are a civilian, and we will not risk your life like that,” Melia replied instantly, and her tone brooked no argument.
Keoki was human, however, and the tone did not translate along with her words.
“The Senator appears to be a collector of sorts, as far as we can tell. Whether he has deviant tastes or just likes owning stuff, we cannot say, but if I show up, an utterly unknown alien, then he is far more likely to issue a no-fire order,” Keoki explained.
Melia was about to argue; she could not deny that it made a lot of sense. Even so, Melia was unwilling to let it happen.
“No, Keoki, we will handle it; you are not trained in negotiations; I am,” Melia stated.
“You’re trained in negotiations?” Keoki asked.
“It was part of my officer training, yes,” Melia explained.
“Fine, you’re the professional,” Keoki conceded, though he had doubts she could reason with them.
“Just be ready to spring the trap,” Melia said, approaching the door.
“Just don’t stand underneath the containers when they fall,” Keoki replied.
Melia handed Keoki Tres’s side arm before asking, “do you know how to use this.”
"I know enough to shoot it,” Keoki answered, taking the weapon from her.
“Good enough. What about the obed? Can they use them?” Melia inquired.
“Yes, but not very well. They have to use both hands to operate them,” Keoki explained.
“Get ready!” Melia ordered as they heard the unmistakable sound of a welding torch behind the door and bolt cutters shearing through metal.
As Keoki sat beside Qerik in a hidden nook, he asked the vo’rul, “when Melia said she has training, what are we talking about? Master hostage negotiator or a three-hour slideshow seminar?”
Qerik did not reply immediately, and Keoki felt his heart sink.
“The latter,” Qerik answered.
“Oh, goody,” Keoki said, his voice monotone.

As the door opened, Melia said loudly and firmly, “Parley!”
Several of the Senator's troops pointed their weapons at her. It was an interesting thing to see. The Kireet had two sets of weapons; the first was a rifle, which they aimed by sitting down and aiming the gun with their hind limbs, now unburned by walking. It made the Kireet vulnerable, but their biology limited them; they could not stand upright.
The second was a pair of V.I.-assisted automatic weapons hanging from a harness, meaning the Kireet could lay down considerable firepower.
Luckily the Kireet had sat down before reaching the caltrops, they were well hidden in the gloom, and Melia tried to avoid looking at them, doing her best not to draw the Kireets’ attention.
“Captain Melia,” one of the Kireet said, lowering the weapons of their compatriots.
“Who are you?” Melia asked, her tone neutral, neither aggressive nor compassionate.
“I am Captain Utreka Nor Bar Ioban, of the Grestu Company,” the Kireet explained.
“You’re a mercenary,” Melia said.
“Partially true; I prefer private defence contractor,” Utreka replied.
Melia did not comment on that; call yourself whatever you wanted; a merc was still a merc.
“Well, Captain, could you please explain what you’re doing here after the Senator said you were leaving?” Melia asked.
“Let’s not dance around the trunk Melia; you know why we’re here, now give them to us, and you’ll get to see your home again,” Utreka explained, dropping the facade of civility.
Melia was not too surprised; the mercs were not being paid by the hour and were incentivised to get it done as quickly as possible.
“I have a counter offer surrender, face justice, give up your employer, and you’ll get out of this alive,” Melia stated.
Utreka spoke, and the Kireet raised their weapons. Keoki sighed; they needed to lure them into a trap, not have them fire on Melia immediately.
Keoki came out of hiding and shouted, “time out!” forming the letter T with his hands.
The Kireet paused what they were doing; they were so astounded at the sight of a new alien that they momentarily forgot themselves.
Utreka received a command from the Senator and asked, “who and what are you?”
“I am Keoki, and I am a human,” Keoki replied, looking at Melia. He could only imagine how upset she was with him, but he knew this was the best way to spring their trap.
Utreka got another command and asked Keoki, “what are you doing here?”
“There was an accident with my ship, and I was flung far off course,” Keoki replied, hoping the bastard in charge would get what he was saying and take the bait.
“Why aren’t you wearing a mask like the rest of us?” asked Utreka, instinctively checking his own to be sure it was fitted correctly.
“I am from a world called Earth; I believe you people would designate it a class J planet,” Keoki explained, taking in a lungful of air to emphasise the point.
The Kireet knew that the biohazard was genuine; they had checked it themselves. Another private conversation between the mercenary and the Senator occurred before Utreka said, “The Senator would love to meet with you, Keoki.”
“I’m sure he would,” Keoki said, tapping his head.
“I am inclined to accept the offer, but before I do, they’re something I want to show you all behind those containers,” Keoki added, pointing to the large stack of crates that concealed his macabre art piece.
To the Kireets’ credit, they did not fall for the obvious trap and held their position. As their attention was focused on Keoki, Melia swallowed her pride and slowly made her way to a dark corridor.
“We will have to decline, Keoki; please come with us,” Utreka stated.
Keoki just smiled and began to walk away slowly, his demeanour utterly at odds with the panic he felt.
The Kireet aimed their weapons at Keoki, and Utreka ordered him to stop, but Keoki ignored them.
However, the Gretsu Company did not fire, and Keoki did not doubt that The Senator was giving them orders not to hurt him.
Keoki supposed the Senator already imagined the fantastic enclosure he would build for him.

As he disappeared, Basof demanded that Utreka and his soldier follow after Keoki and bring him back.
Utreka argued, but Basof just offered the man more money, and the mercenary Captian could not argue with that.
Utreka ordered his soldiers to advance with the three on point, backed up by the fourteen behind, with a further thirty in reserve waiting in the corridor.
They did not know how many vo’rul there were, and the human’s capabilities were unknown. So Utreka was playing this safe; he needed enough people to round up the choloshe; the Senator was willing to pay one hundred thousand Pitre for each one brought in alive.
Greed, as usual, got the better of common sense, and as the first three Kireet turned the corner, they froze in their tracks.
“Why are you just standing there?” asked Utreka.
He received no reply.
“Turick, I asked you a question!” Utreka shouted.
Again he received no reply.
Utreka tried to get an answer five more times, but when one of his troops collapsed, Utreka decided that whatever it was, he needed to see it for himself.
In an instant, Utreka understood. The Grestu Company were not good people, and Utreka had ordered more than a few war crimes in his time, but this! This was on a whole other level.
The Zeforo’s crew had never been a concern for them. The uren were just nobodies; their testimony could be easily swept under the rug. Not that Utreka would have spared them, he had a good deal going with the Senator and would not risk for a bunch of smugglers. Utreka would not seek them out, however.
He realised that would not be necessary; the uren were displayed in a grizzly display, broken, eviscerated, flayed and a dozen other synonyms for mutilated.
Sat underneath them, their teeth displayed in a way that could only be described as deranged, was Keoki.
“Do you like my work, mercenary?” Keoki asked.
“Go!” Keoki commanded.
Utreka was inclined to obey; the Senator paid well but not enough to deal with this.
“Bring me that alien, Captain!” Basof ordered; he may have had to endure the delay in his choloshe, but this human was a fine bonus and more than made up for it.
“Grab him!” Utreka ordered.
“YA!” Keoki shouted, and every Kireet halted; they had no idea how such a small person could make a noise so loud.
The Kireet had just raised their weapons when two containers flattened three of them.

Those three Grestu company were probably the lucky ones; their deaths had been swift, almost instantaneous. As the vo’rul opened fire, a few more were brought down by shots to the arms and legs; one was struck in the head, while a second took three plasma rounds to the chests.
As the Kireet scattered for cover, they inevitably ran into the shrapnel, their boots protected them from most of the damage, but a few unlucky sods tripped and were perforated.
One Kireet took cover behind a container before hearing a noise to their right. She had just enough time to look and register a snarling face filled with sharp teeth before her neck snapped and her head torn from her body.
“Ho’opa’i,” Nor said as he retreated to the shadows, his old joints complaining.
Another container fell to the floor, this one did not injure anyone, but it did limit the Kireets’ movement.
Utreka might have been an honorless soldier, but he was not incompetent; he would not have been able to charge the high rates he did if that were the case. He ordered his mercs into a defensible position and signalled the reinforcements to begin flanking the enemy.
Moreover, the Kireet also noticed the other containers suspended in the air and began to shoot at them, bringing them down ahead of schedule and blowing a massive hole in Keoki’s plan.
Though one Kireet did not get an opportunity to celebrate as Keoki emerged from the dark, shot them in the head and retreated.
The tide was turning against the vo’rul, obed and Keoki. Qerik and Melia had both taken a few shots and were forced to fall back. Meanwhile, Keoki and the obed were unable to find any opening to pick off the Grestu.
“Keoki, we need to pull back,” Melia ordered.
“On it,” Keoki replied as he rounded up his friends and told them to retreat to a more defensible position.
As they retreated, they were peppered by fire, but none of them were hit.
“How are we doing?” Melia asked as they sealed the door to the cargo bay.
“Boh took a hit, but her crappy armour sucked up most of it, just a minor burn,” Keoki explained.
“We need a plan B, and we need it fast,” Qerik said, pulling a cabinet from an adjoining room and placing it up against the door. Not that it would do much, but as Keoki had said, "every little helps."
“We can do a fighting retreat, using the corridors as killing fields,” Polumnus suggested.
“Good enough; take positions at the end of the corridor and fire on my mark!” Melia ordered.
They stood there for four minutes without so much as a peep from the door ahead. At which point, Eik tapped Keoki's shoulder and said, “What about other doors?”
“Oh shit!” Keoki said as they were struck by laser fire from the right.

Jackie Jensen, "The Golden Boy", was a superstar athlete in the 1940s who seemed destined for greatness as the heir to Joe DiMaggio... only to be supplanted by a different golden boy, the great Mickey Mantle.
Jensen would eventually live up to the hype, but with the Red Sox -- but his career prematurely because, as baseball expanded to the west coast, his fear of flying made road games unbearable!
The Yankees between 1947 and 1964 were utterly dominant, winning 15 pennants and 10 World Series. And it wasn't just the major league team that was successful. The Yankees of this era were loaded up and down the system, from Rookie ball to their two Triple-A teams!
With such a loaded major league roster, the Yankees had many talented players stuck either on the end of the bench or in the minors who would eventually find an opportunity with other teams, including Bob Cerv, Vic Power, Gus Triandos, Lew Burdette, Jerry Lumpe, Bob Porterfield, and Bob Keegan, who would all be All-Stars with other teams. Clint Courtney would be the 1952 A.L. Rookie of the Year runner-up after the Yankees traded him to the Browns, and Bill Virdon was the 1955 N.L. Rookie of the Year with the Cardinals (and then Yankee manager from 1974 to 1975!).
But the most talented player who just couldn't find the playing time in New York was Jack Eugene Jensen, born March 9, 1927, in San Francisco. His parents divorced when he was 5, and he grew up poor, his mother working six days a week, 12 hours a day. Jensen said the family moved 16 times between kindergarten and eighth grade -- "every time the rent came due."
After serving in the U.S. Navy during World War II, Jensen went to the University of California in 1946 on the G.I. Bill. There he became one of the most famous college players in the country, leading Cal to the Rose Bowl. In 1947, he was the starting fullback as well as the team's top defensive back, and in 1948, he rushed for 1,000 yards and was an All-American.
He also was a tremendous two-way baseball player, pitching and hitting for the Golden Bears in 1947 as the won the very first College World Series, beating a Yale team that had George H.W. Bush playing first base. In 1949, he was an All-American in baseball, too.
His blond hair, good looks, and athletic accomplishments earned him the nickname "The Golden Boy."
Halfway through his junior year, Jensen left Berkeley to turn pro. Jensen would later say he couldn't risk playing a career-ending injury playing for free while teams -- baseball and football -- were trying to sign him to big-money contracts.

"There was a money tree growing in my backyard. Why shouldn't I pluck off the dollars when I wanted to?"

Jensen considered a number of offers, including from the Yankees, before signing a three-year, $75,000 contract with the Oakland Oaks of the Pacific Coast League. Jensen said he thought he'd face better competition in the Pacific Coast League, the top minor league of the era, than he would at the bottom of the Yankee farm system. He was right about it being more of a challenge -- he hit an unimpressive .261/.317/.394 in 510 plate appearances with the Oaks.
At the end of the year, the Oaks sold his contract (and that of Billy Martin, another Northern California kid) to the Yankees.
That same year, Jensen married his high school sweetheart, Zoe Ann Olsen, an Olympic diver. (By age 18, she had won 14 national diving championships and a silver medal in the 1948 Olympics.) "Together they looked like a Nordic god and goddess," Sports Illustrated reported. Nicknamed "the sweethearts of sports," they were the Dansby Swanson and Mallory Pugh of their era. More than 1,000 people attended their wedding.
Jensen would start the 1950 season not in the minors but in the Bronx. He joined the Yankees in a time of flux. They though they'd won the 1949 World Series, the Yankees knew they had to make some changes, with 35-year-old Joe DiMaggio nearing the end of his career. And their heir apparent was not Mickey Mantle -- at the time an 18-year-old shortstop playing in the Class C league, the equivalent of A-ball today -- but the 23-year-old Jensen.
But Jensen disappointed, hitting just .171/.247/.300 in 70 at-bats, and only starting in 13 games. Watching from the bench most of the season, Jensen would later lament the lost year of development, saying he'd have been better off playing every day in the Pacific Coast League.
The Yankees won the pennant for a second straight year, and in the World Series he once again was left on the bench. His only action was as a pinch runner in Game 3 as the Yankees swept the Phillies. That "Moonlight Graham" appearance would be his only taste of the post-season in an 11-year career.
The following year would be DiMaggio's last, and Mantle's first. Jensen began the year as the Yankees' starting left fielder and proved he belonged, hitting .296/.371/.509 through the end of July... and then, shockingly, was demoted to Triple-A and replaced with previously forgotten Yankee Bob Cerv.
I can see why they called up Cerv -- the University of Nebraska stand-out was tearing up Triple-A, leading the American Association in batting average (.349), home runs (26), triples (21), RBIs (101), and total bases (261) -- but why demote Jensen, who had a 140 OPS+ in the majors? Maybe the Yankees felt the brash 23-year-old needed to be taken down a peg. In any event, Cerv hit just .214/.333/.250 in August and was sent back to Triple-A, but Jensen also was left down there. He hit .263/.344/.469 and was recalled after the Triple-A season ended, only getting into three games (he went 3-for-9).
Mantle, too, had started the season with the Yankees, and after hitting .260/.341/.423 through the middle of July, was sent down to Triple-A. But he hit .361/.445/.651 in 166 at-bats, and unlike Jensen was back in the bigs by August 24. He would play pretty much every game the rest of the season, hitting .284/.370/.495 in 95 at-bats.
The torch had clearly been passed -- Jensen was no longer the heir apparent to DiMaggio. In the World Series that year, Mantle was the starting right fielder, and Jensen wasn't even on the post-season roster.
Jensen was so disappointed with how the Yankees had treated him in 1951 that he talked to the San Francisco 49ers about switching to pro football, but ultimately decided to stick with baseball.
Never shy about what he said to reporters, Jensen told The Sporting News on October 24, 1951:

"I felt so badly about the treatment that I received from the Yankees that, although I was in New York at the end of the season, I didn't feel like sticking around to even watch the club play in any of the World's Series games."
"I do not feel the Yankees were justified in sending me to the minor leagues. When I was shipped to Kansas City, I was doing as good a job as any Yankee outfielder and better than some of them. I was hitting .296, which was ten points better than Hank Bauer and 30 points better than Joe DiMaggio, Gene Woodling and Mickey Mantle. Yet Casey Stengel didn't give me the chance I felt I deserved."

Despite blasting his manager in the press, Jensen was still the property of the Yankees. That off-season, teams were circling, hoping to pry away the talented but disgruntled outfielder. There were newspaper reports of offers from the St. Louis Browns, the Detroit Tigers, the Philadelphia Athletics, the Washington Senators, the Cleveland Indians, and the Boston Red Sox -- with one rumor being Ted Williams to the Bronx in exchange for Jensen and several other players. (A Red Sox scout called the rumored deal "a lot of hogwash.")
Sportswriters spent the off-season speculating whether DiMaggio would retire, and if he did, whether Jensen or Mantle would take over as the center fielder, as there were still concerns that Mantle, who had hurt his knee in the 1951 World Series, wouldn't be fully recovered by the start of the season.
On Opening Day, April 16, 1952, it was Jackie Jensen in center and Mickey Mantle in right. Jensen went 0-for-5 with a GIDP; Mantle, 3-for-4 with a double, a walk, and a stolen base! Seven games into the season, Jensen was 2-for-17 (.118) and found himself on the bench. He'd never play for the Yankees again. On May 3, the Golden Boy was traded to the Washington Senators along with Spec Shea, Jerry Snyder, and Archie Wilson in exchange for Irv Noren and Tom Upton.
In two years with the Senators, Jensen hit an impressive .276/.359/.407 (112 OPS+), but the team was terrible, and Jensen wasn't happy. Still just 26 years old, he later said he had almost quit after the 1953 season... particularly after a harrowing flight to Japan for a series of exhibition games with a squad of All-Stars that included Yankees Yogi Berra, Eddie Lopat, and Billy Martin. That experience gave Jensen a lifelong fear of flying, a phobia that became so intense eventually he could only fly with the help of sleeping pills... and a hypnotist!
He might have quit if not for the trade on December 9, 1953, that sent him to the Boston Red Sox for pitcher Mickey McDermott and outfielder Tom Umphlett. He was homesick, he hated flying, and he now had two little kids at home. Red Sox general manager Joe Cronin convinced Jensen to come to the Red Sox, telling him that Fenway Park was tailor made for his swing. Cronin was right: Jensen was a career .279/.369/.460 hitter, but .298/.400/.514 at Fenway.
It was in Boston that Jensen finally lived up to the hype, becoming a two-time All-Star and winning the A.L. MVP Award in 1958 and a Gold Glove in 1959. During his seven seasons in Boston, he hit .282/.374/.478 in 4,519 plate appearances. In his MVP season, Jensen hit .286/.396/.535 (148 OPS+) with 31 doubles, 35 home runs, and a league-leading 122 RBIs. During his peak with the Red Sox, 1954 to 1959, Jensen's average season was .285/.378/.490 (127 OPS+) with 28 doubles, 26 home runs, 111 RBIs, 14 stolen bases, and 3.6 bWAR. During those six seasons, no one in the American League -- not Mickey Mantle, not Ted Williams, not Al Kaline -- had more runs batted in than Jackie Jensen.
Of course, Mantle was the far better player -- even in Jensen's MVP season, Mantle had more runs, hits, home runs, walks, and a 188 OPS+ -- but Jensen's 127 OPS+ between 1954 and 1959 would have been an upgrade over the aging Hank Bauer's 110 OPS+ in right or the left field merry-go-round of Norm Siebern (113 OPS+), Irv Noren (107 OPS+), Enos Slaughter (103 OPS+), and previously forgotten Yankee Hector Lopez (101 OPS+). Casey Stengel would later say the Jensen trade was the worst one the Yankees had made while he was manager.
Despite his success, Jensen was sometimes booed by the Boston fans, just as they sometimes booed Ted Williams. There even was an article in Sport magazine, "What Do They Want From Jackie Jensen?", taking Red Sox fans to task for their unreasonably high demands from the Golden Boy. In 1956, in a game at Fenway Park against the Yankees, the hometown fans were razzing Jensen so much that teammates had to restrain him from going into the stands after a fan. Later that same game, Williams misplayed a wind-blown fly ball from Mantle, and the fans booed lustily. The very next play, Williams made a leaping catch at the scoreboard to rob Yogi Berra of a double. But Williams, still furious, spit into the crowd. He was later fined $5,000.
And Jackie was unhappy to be away from home. He and Zoe Ann had bought a house near Lake Tahoe, where they could both ski and golf year-round, as well as hit the casinos. They also had a home in Oakland, and a restaurant there, and each year Jensen hosted a pro-am golf tournament. But the marriage was struggling. Zoe Ann, once nationally known for her Olympic exploits, was frustrated to be a stay-at-home mom in the shadow of her famous husband, and Jackie became angry if she engaged in her favorite outdoor hobbies, suspecting there were men around.
Jensen's fear of flying also had become even more intense. Sometimes he was so drugged up that he had to be carried on and off the plane, fueling rumors that he was a drunk. Other times he took trains or even drove while his teammates flew.
Once again Jensen was talking about retirement, and in Spring Training 1957, the Red Sox allowed him to train with the San Francisco Seals, Boston's Triple-A team, rather than having to go to Florida. But he was still miserable. That year, he told Sports Illustrated:

“In baseball you get to the point where you don’t think you have a family. It just looks like I’m not built for this life like some ballplayers. You are always away from home and you’re lonesome, and as soon as I can, I intend to get out.”

The 32-year-old Jensen announced his retirement after the 1959 season, and he spent 1960 home with Zoe Ann and their children and running his restaurant. But he returned in 1961. After hitting just .130 in April, Jensen took a train from Detroit home to Reno, determined to quit once again. After a week away, he rejoined the team and had six hits in his next 10 at-bats. By the end of the season he was at .263/.350/.392, and this time he quit for good.
After leaving baseball, Jensen invested in real estate and a golf course, but lost most of his money. He then got a job working for a Lake Tahoe casino, was a national spokesman for Camel cigarettes, Wonder Bread, and Gillette, and even tried selling cars. Ironically, Jackie found himself on the road almost as much as he had been as a ballplayer. In 1963, he and Zoe Ann divorced, remarried, and then divorced again.
In 1967, Jensen became a TV sportscaster, married his producer Katharine Cortesi, and eventually teamed up with Keith Jackson calling college football games for ABC and a college baseball coach, first at the University of Nevada-Reno and then at the University of California, and he managed the Red Sox team in the New York Penn League in 1970. In 1977, Jackie and Katharine moved to Virginia and started a Christmas tree farm while he coached baseball at a military academy. About five years later, on July 14, 1982, he died of a heart attack at age 55.
You Don't Know Jack(ie):

• How good would Jackie Jensen have been as a Yankee? Maybe not great. He was a career .279/.369/.460 hitter, but just .238/.326/.398 at Yankee Stadium, which -- especially in that era -- was famously death on right-handed batters. Fenway Park was much more to his liking!
  
• Born in San Francisco in 1927, it's no surprise Jensen's favorite player as a kid was Joe DiMaggio, who made his debut with the San Francisco Seals when Jensen was a 5 years old. When Jensen made his major league debut, on April 18, 1950, DiMaggio went 3-for-6 with a triple in a 15-10 win over the Red Sox. Two weeks later, on May 3, Jensen made his first start, playing left field and batting second, and DiMaggio was in center and batting fourth.
  
• Jensen wore #36 at Cal. When he came up with the Yankees, he was first issued #40, then switched to #27, and finally to #25. (With the Senators, he wore #8, then #4; in Boston, he first wore #30 but primarily wore #4.) Currently, #40 is worn by Luis Severino. Other famous 40's include Chien-Ming Wang (2005-2009), Andy Hawkins (1989-1991), and Lindy McDaniel (1968-1973). #27 has been worn by Giancarlo Stanton since 2018; prior to him, it was worn by Austin Romine (2016-2017). It also was the number worn by Bob Wickman (1993-1996), Butch Wynegar (1982-1986), and Woodie Held (1954-1957). Gleyber Torres has worn #25 since 2018; it also was worn by Mark Teixeira (2009-2016), Jason Giambi (2002-2008), Joe Girardi (1996-1999), Jim Abbott (1993-1994), Tommy John (1979-1989), and Joe Pepitone (1962-1969).
  
• Jensen is one of six major leaguers to graduate from Oakland High School, but the only Yankee. Cal has sent 83 players to the majors, including twenty Yankees -- most notably, early 1990s pitcher Chuck Cary, 1930s infielder Lyn Lary, and 1990 A.L. ROY runner-up Kevin Maas.
  
• The Yankees during spring training in 1951 tinkered with the idea of using Jensen into a pitcher. Jensen had been a star pitcher at Cal, including pitching in the 1947 College World Series, and had pitched in a winter league that off-season. But he was bombed in a handful of spring training innings -- while crushing as a hitter -- and the Yankees decided to leave him in the outfield.
  
• College teammates said Jensen wasn't afraid of flying at Cal. His second wife Katharine said the phobia came from a near-miss experience on a flight early in his baseball career -- he looked out the window and saw another plane coming straight at him! The two planes managed to avoid each other, but he was never comfortable on a plane again.
  
• Billy Martin, who also had grown up in Northern California and was Jensen's teammate on both the Oakland Oaks and the Yankees, was merciless when it came to teasing Jensen about his fear of flying. In 1953, on a flight from Okinawa to Honshu to play a series of exhibition games in Japan, the plane ran into a bad storm and was bouncing pretty hard. Jensen, who wouldn't get on a plane without the help of tranquilizers, was blissfully sleeping through the turbulence. Martin found a lifejacket and put it on, then stood over Jensen and shouted "We're going down!"
  
• Arthur Ellen, a hypnotist that Jensen had used to try to cure his fear of flying, believed Jackie wasn't aerophobic at all. It was really a fear of losing his family. "Subconsciously, it developed as a good reason to leave the Red Sox and go home," the hypnotist said.
  
• Jensen is featured prominently in Norman Rockwell's famous 1957 painting, The Rookie. Jensen is the one seated on the bench tying his shoe in the middle of the painting. Standing behind him is Ted Williams, and sitting on the bench next to him is pitcher Frank Sullivan (#18). Wearing the catcher's mitt in the foreground is Sammy White, and the player with his hand over his mouth to the far right is Billy Goodman. Jensen, Sullivan, and White had gone to Rockwell's studio in Massachusetts to pose for the painting; the images of Williams and Goodman were based on photos. The shirtless player was one of Rockwell's assistants, and "the rookie" holding the suitcase was a local high school student!
  
• Boston sportswriters named Jensen the team's MVP in 1954, when he hit .276/.359/.472 with 25 home runs and 117 RBIs. I guess they were tired of giving the award to Ted Williams, who hit .345/.513/.635 that year, albeit in just 117 games as he had broken his collarbone in spring training. Williams didn't qualify for the batting title that year because he had only 386 at-bats... mostly due to his league-leading 136 walks. The rule was subsequently changed from at-bats to plate appearances.
  
• After Jensen was acquired by the Washington Senators, manager Bucky Harris -- who managed the Yankees when they won the 1947 World Series -- pulled him aside and told him he was the right fielder and he'd hit third. "No pep talk, no nothing, but he made it sound like I was the right fielder and third place hitter for a long time to come," Jensen later recalled. "It made me feel good." The 1950s Senators had a number of ex-Yankees and several of them told reporters that Harris was a much more low-key, hands-off manager than Casey Stengel, and Jensen agreed. "With Stengel it was always 'watch for that curve ball' or 'watch for that change up'," Jensen said. "Bucky leaves you on your own up there." But Jensen would later say Stengel was the smartest manager he'd ever had.
  
• Stengel obliquely mentioned Jensen in his famously long, rambling testimony before the Senate Anti-Trust and Monopoly Subcommittee on July 8, 1958. Asked about legislation that would exempt baseball from federal anti-trust laws, Stengel said about 7,000 words without really saying anything. The hearing was held the day after the All-Star Game -- the Stengel-managed A.L. All-Stars won, 4-3 -- and in the American League starting lineup were Jensen and two other ex-Yankees, Bob Cerv and Gus Triandos. Stengel was asked if the Yankees were going to continue to "monopolize" the World Series, and his confusing answer: "Well, I will tell you. I got a little concerned yesterday in the first three innings when I saw the three players I had gotten rid of [Jensen, Cerv, and Triandos] and I said when I lost nine what am I going to do? And when I had a couple of my players I thought so great of that did not do so good up to the sixth inning I was more confused but I finally had to go and call on a young man in Baltimore that we don't own and the Yankees don't own him and he is doing pretty well and I would actually have to to tell you that we are more the Greta Garbo-type now from success. We are being hated. I mean from the ownership and all we are being hated. Every sport that gets too great or one individual -- but if we made twenty-seven cents and it pays to have a winner at home why would you have a good winner in your park if you were an owner? That is the result of baseball. An owner gets most of the money at home, and it is up to him and his staff to do better or they ought to be discharged." After befuddling the committee with answers like that for 45 minutes, Stengel was excused and Mickey Mantle called upon. His opening statement: "My views are just about the same as Casey's."
  
• Casey Stengel later said Jensen plus Spec Shea, Jerry Snyder, and Archie Wilson to the Senators for Irv Noren and Tom Upton was the worst trade the Yankees made during his tenure. But in reality it was pretty much a wash for the Yankees. Jensen, in two seasons, would be worth 4.9 bWAR for the Senators before being traded. Shea, a right-handed pitcher who had been an All-Star with the Yankees as a rookie, pitched four years in Washington and was worth 2.9 bWAR. Snyder was a good-glove, no-hit infielder worth -0.1 bWAR in seven seasons with the Senators. (You must have a really good glove to last seven seasons with a 55 OPS+!) Wilson, at one point seen as a good prospect but now a 28-year-old minor league journeyman, only played 26 games in Washington before being traded. In exchange, the Yankees received the 27-year-old Irv Noren, an outfieldefirst baseman who played five years in New York and was an All-Star in 1954; he was worth 7.9 bWAR, making the trade essentially even by bWAR. (The other player the Yankees received, minor league infielder Tom Upton, never made it back to the bigs.) Prior to the 1957 season, Noren was traded to the Kansas City Athletics as part of a monster 13-player trade that included Clete Boyer, third baseman of the early 1960s dynasty!
  
• The two players Washington got from Boston for Jensen, Mickey McDermott and Tom Upton, were both future Yankees. McDermott was a left-handed pitcher whose father, Maurice McDermott, had played in the minors with Lou Gehrig. Mickey was just 25 years old at the time of the trade but had been in the majors for six seasons, going 48-34 with a 3.80 ERA (114 ERA+). In two years with the Senators, McDermott went 17-25 (but with a 3.58 ERA), then prior to the 1957 season was traded to the Yankees as part of a seven-player deal; he went 2-6 with a 4.24 ERA as a swingman, and closed out the Game 2 win in the 1956 World Series. After that one season in New York, he was part of the trade with the A's that brought back Clete Boyer.
  
• Umphlett, a 22-year-old infielder, was traded back to the Red Sox in 1955, and then the Red Sox traded him to the Yankees in 1962 for infielder Billy Gardner. He would spend 1962 and 1963 in Triple-A for the Yankees, then ended his career in the minors with the Minnesota Twins -- the team that had been the Senators until 1961.
  
• In 1956, the anthology television show Cavalcade of America had an episode called The Jackie Jensen Story. Jackie had a cameo as the adult version of himself, but the 30-minute episode was focused on Jackie's teenage years and the influence of his middle high school coach, a man named Ralph Kerchum who became a father figure. The coach was played by Ross Elliott, a Bronx native whose most memorable role might have been as the director in the Vitameatavegamin episode of I Love Lucy.
  
• Jensen's MVP in 1958 broke a string of four straight MVP awards for Yankees -- Yogi Berra in 1954 and 1955 followed by Mickey Mantle in 1956 and 1957. Nellie Fox of the White Sox won it in 1959, and then the Yankees won it four years in a row again -- Roger Maris in 1960 and 1961, Mantle in 1962, and Elston Howard in 1963. Then a long drought -- the next Yankee to win it would be Thurman Munson in 1976.
  
• Going by bWAR, Mantle should have won it a third straight year in 1958 -- his 8.7 bWAR led the league, followed by Frank Lary at 6.7 and Al Kaline at 6.5. Jensen's 4.9 was 10th that year. Of course, they didn't have bWAR back then!
  
• Jackie won a Gold Glove in 1959; it was just the third year of the award's existence, or he might have won more. "Right field in Boston is a bitch, the sun field, and few play it well," Ted Williams said. "Jackie Jensen was the best I saw at it." Jensen was renowned for his throwing arm -- he twice led the league in assists, and twice led the league in double plays as an outfielder. One Yankee scout said he had the best arm he'd seen since previously forgotten Yankee Bob Meusel, usually said to have the best cannon in baseball history until Roberto Clemente came along.
  
• Jensen was well known for his brashness, especially compared to Mantle's aw shucks attitude. Mantle, asked if he thought he could beat out Jensen to replace DiMaggio in center field, humbly replied that there were three positions in the outfield and he hoped to win any one of them. Jensen, on the other hand, vowed he'd "out-run, out-hit, and out-throw" Mantle, an arrogant answer that didn't go over well with teammates. Joe DiMaggio, asked what he thought of the duel for his old job, quipped that Mantle was "out-quoting" Jensen.
  
• When Mantle was asked what he thought about Jensen's quote, he replied: "I don't know what to make of that guy." Jensen would later say he was misquoted, but reports of his cockiness would follow him throughout his Yankee years. Later in life, Jensen said people mistook his shyness and anxiety for arrogance and rudeness.
  
• According to Sports Illustrated, Jensen is the only player to have played in the East-West football game, the Rose Bowl, the World Series, and the Major League All-Star Game. I'll take their word for it!
  
• As a freshman at Cal, the first time Jensen touched the ball -- on a punt return -- he ran it back for a 56-yard touchdown. Cal quarterback Charles Erb said they'd never seen anything like it. "He was all over the field, dodging and leaping over guys. The rest of us just stood there on the sidelines with our mouths open. Finally somebody said, 'Who in the hell is that guy?' "
  
• Jensen is one of two "forgotten" Yankees in the College Football Hall of Fame -- the other is 1960s catcher Jake Gibbs. (Other Yankees in the College Football Hall of Fame include John Elway, who was in the Yankee minor league system before joining the Denver Broncos, and Deion Sanders, who was on the Yankees in 1989 and 1990.) Jensen also is a member of the Cal Hall of Fame, the Bay Area Sports Hall of Fame, and... ugh... the Boston Red Sox Hall of Fame.
  
• Despite his speed -- Jensen led the league in triples in 1956 and in stolen bases in 1954, and was in the top five in stolen bases in six seasons -- Jackie also was prone to grounding into double plays, leading the league in 1954, 1956, and 1957. His 32 GIDPs in 1954 was the major league record until Boston's Jim Rice hit into 36 in 1984, which is still the single-season record. Rice also had 35 in 1985. Jensen's 32 is tied for third with four others. The most by a Yankee? Dave Winfield with 30 in 1983, which is tied for 14th.
  
• Jensen lost most of his baseball earnings through a series of bad investments. His ex-wife, former Olympian Zoe Ann, later became a blackjack dealer in Reno to pay the bills.
  
• Jensen had four appearances on the popular show Home Run Derby, and set a record for most home runs in one match when he defeated Ernie Banks, 14-11, in Episode 24. The 25 combined home runs also was a record. He took on Mickey Mantle in Episode 3, with Mantle winning, 9-2, then defeated Rocky Colavito, 3-2, in Episode 25. He rematched against Mantle in Episode 26, with Mantle winning again, 13-10. Jensen set another record in that contest when he became the only player to hit four home runs in a row, and then a fifth home run in a row. That episode was supposed to be the season one finale, but it turned out to be the last episode of the series: The show's host and producer, Mark Scott, died of a heart attack at age 45, shortly after the last episode aired, and two months later the show's 64-year-old director Benjamin Stoloff also died. Rather than replacing them, the show was cancelled.
  
• Jensen's last game came against the Yankees, on October 1st, 1961, at Yankee Stadium. He appeared as a pinch hitter and popped out to shortstop Tony Kubek. In the 4th inning of that game, Roger Maris hit his 61st home run, breaking Babe Ruth's single-season record!
  
• Jackie and Zoe Ann had two sons, Jon and Jay, and a daughter, Jan. Jay's son, Tucker Jensen, was a pitcher in the Blue Jays farm system in 2011 and 2012.
  

In 1958, Jensen told Sports Illustrated that the biggest thrill of his career wasn't being an All-American or an All-Star, it wasn't winning an MVP or a World Series. "The biggest is having played in the same outfield with both DiMaggio and Williams."

Hello friends. I passed my first kidney stone last Friday (5/26). Definitely would have rather given birth again. I was walking from one part of our property to the other when I was just hit with sudden back and flank pain. Tried to work through it, but once the urge to vomit kicked in I knew we were in trouble. Got to the ER at 7:30pm and was out by 12:30am which was honestly a miracle. I passed the stone (now named Frank), right before we left. The CT scan DID NOT show any friends of Frank.
🪨 Questions 🪨 I took it easy Saturday and Sunday but was back into life by Monday which may have been too soon. How long before y’all feel like you are 100% back to normal? I feel like I should have maybe rested more…
Because I still have lingering on and off flank tenderness. I know the ureter showed inflammation on the CT. Is this normal/have y’all experienced this post stone tenderness? I’m also peeing more, but no burning. It feel like when I had interstitial cystitis, just annoyance.
Intermittent nausea, could be from the Bactrim 🤢 could also be from vomiting for the first time in 12 years.
I was definitely full body tense for four of the five hours, the only comfortable position was kneeling beside the hospital bed slightly pushing up off the mattress to alleviate Pressure on my right side. So I’m curious how much of this is stored trauma and tension.
There was no blood in my urine, no bacteria, culture came back clean. There was honestly nothing leading up to this moment just BAM. Welcome to labor.
I have a urology appointment on Monday but I’m trying not to let my health anxiety get the best of me between now and then. I have hydrocodone and flomax in case it happens again, but even with those tools on hand it’s not enough to curb the fear of spontaneous birth 😂
If you made it this far, thanks. 🥺❤️

This is dramatic, I know. I have been single for over 4 years. I'm almost 97% sure my ex bf was talking to other women online, possibly flirting and other things. Anways, I talked to guys off dating apps and even got my first number last weekend. Thought I hit the jackpot of meeting all sorts of men, and when I got the number I felt like "oh hey, maybe you arent as bad as you make it seem" never once has this guy given me a compliment, he told me I was "nice". He was drunk when he got my number, so the thought stands. Maybe he found me attractive when he initially met me, but then had second thoughts when he met me for a date when he wasn't drunk like I looked better when he was drunk. I still found him insanely attractive when i met him. He was "surprised" I had met him go to lunch. He said how the other females he met were flakey. He did pay for me, and we have been texting but yesterday I didn't hear from him. And whenever I do hear from him, it's hours and hours apart.
I've been talking to a few other guys whom the distance is far enough away that they don't want to travel that far. I asked a guy to get food, and he said, "I would, but the distance is too much," so why continue talking to me?
It hurts because I've seen men travel hours every weekend to see their significant other. My brother drives 2 hours to see his girlfriend every Wednesday and weekend.
When I went on that "date" I complimented him (not too much, just gave him compliments) and I know people are weird sometimes about compliments but I feel like if he was interested he would've said "you look amazing".
I sometimes feel that if I lost weight, I wouldn't have to deal with this. It really sucks, and knowing you're good enough to send selfies to or for a limited amount of time to chat or for sex, but to want a relationship with me is Ludacris. I am about ready to give up. It's gotten to the point where I don't believe in love, I actually never did, but I had carried hope there for a while.
It really seems like no one else around me has any issues besides me and the plus-size women.

In some ways, illnesses are like humans.

1. A disease possesses human attributes, such as a mind, spirit, emotions, will, wisdom and compassion. One should have an attitude of healthy respect and reverence towards diseases. One should be grateful for diseases instead of treating them with neglect and defiance.
   
2. Diseases have consciousness and feelings that deserve a lot of tender loving care. They should not be considered as toxins to be quickly eradicated.
   
3. Killing a disease is taking a life with real karmic consequences.
   
4. Diseases are signs of disharmony and harbingers of death. Even so, they must not be killed, but treated tenderly. (If we take lives for our own benefit, we hurt both ourselves and others. This is true of literal and figurative killing. For instance, if we cling to powerful negative emotions, it is akin to suicide. If we lose our tempers and become enraged at our friends and family, it is akin to murder. By attempting to eliminate diseases, we are killing the benevolent gift of Heaven and Earth and offending the messengers of King Yama, the Lord of Death.)
   

Suggestions:
I. Accept Diseases 1. Diseases are no ordinary visitors. We do not encounter them by mistake. We must be diligent in serving them.

1. Diseases are an admonition from Heaven and Earth, an extremely kind and benevolent gift. Should we disrespect or disobey them? Initially, Heaven and Earth instruct us through the wordless teachings of natural law, but we fail to grasp the message. Then, saints and sages instruct us through oral or written teachings, which we fail to heed. After experiencing all manner of privations and adversity, we remain ignorant and impenitent, blind and deaf to the warning signs around us.

Thoroughly frustrated by our ignorance, delusion and obstinacy, Heaven and Earth must send diseases to get our attention. As mentors with great compassion, diseases inhabit our bodies while offering instruction and exhortation to us. After the fashion of concerned and loving parents, Heaven and Earth instruct by example and lectures before resorting to corporal punishment for their naughty children. As the saying goes,” spare the rod, spoil the child”. Being unaware of this grand drama, a patient may fear and detest his diseases and, in the process, reject the great benevolence and love of Heaven and Earth.

1. As messengers of King Yama, diseases are worthy of awe and respect. We mustn’t offend or challenge them. Serious diseases are senior messengers of King Yama. If we ordinary beings set our minds on killing diseases instead of repenting and acting virtuously, aren’t we being foolish and arrogant?
   
2. According to the Buddha, diseases are the consequences of one’s own bad karma (moral defects and misconduct). Therefore, one’s moral action is of paramount importance in healing diseases, while conventional medical care plays a supporting role.
   
3. It’s best to submit to diseases willingly. If we can’t do that, we should try to accept diseases with equanimity. Enduring a disease grudgingly is no good at all.
   

II. Ask Diseases Questions 1. We should earnestly ask our diseases questions: Who are you? Why did you come to me? What advice and teachings do you want to give me?

1. Complex and rare diseases, or acute and severe sicknesses, are usually the result of mistreating other sentient beings. Buddhists refer to these as karmic obstructions. In this instance, diseases are aggrieved victims or karmic creditors who will not relent until satisfied.

3.If the elements of earth, water, fire and air fall out of balance and the five elements of traditional Chinese medicine are disordered, medical doctors may diagnose a sickness. In such cases, the diseases are the messengers of Heaven and Earth. When the patient acquiesces to the disease and allows nature to heal it, the Yin and Yang (the duality of two opposing forces in the natural world according to Chinese philosophy) will then reach equilibrium. This will please Heaven and Earth and restore the patient’s health.

1. All human beings create karma and go against nature. Many are impenitent, refusing to express contrition for karmic obstacles. Such hard-heartedness results in ill health or other misfortunes. The karmic illnesses of the habitually impenitent, without proper care and repentance, provide the opportunity for more evil karma to accrue. Therefore, one must utilize both moral rectitude and proper healthcare to treat diseases.

III. Console Diseases. 1. If diseases afflict us due to karmic debt, we should feel shame, confess, and repent our faults.

1. If diseases afflict us as messengers of Heaven and Earth, we should confess our faults and show remorse, being respectful and grateful for the affliction.
   
2. We know that our illness is due to our evil karma (wrongdoing). (The above attitudes will help console our illnesses.)
   

IV. Resolve Diseases 1. If diseases afflict us due to karmic debt, we should give them merits and even our very lives. We should recite Amitabha Buddha’s name single-mindedly, seeking rebirth in the Pure Land rather than desiring recovery in the Saha world.

1. If diseases afflict us as messengers of Heaven and Earth, we should strive to maintain the balance between Yin and Yang for good health and re-examine our lives.
   
2. Whatever kind of disease afflicts us, we should always recite Amitabha Buddha’s name and embrace a vegetarian diet, submitting to the way of nature with a keen sense of letting go. We should obey the doctor’s instructions for healing and recovery, while practising Amitabha-recitation and cultivating sound morals. If these steps fail to avert death, we should suffer no pangs of regret. Killing the diseases would only augment negative karma; the circumstances would progress from bad to worse, from serious illness to sudden death. Our mistakes and bad karma would be multiplied, leaving us in abject misery and regret.
   
3. We should aspire to take an active (instead of a passive) role in our spiritual well-being. We should desire nothing and fear nothing. Heeding the lessons taught by disease, we should vigorously cultivate a clear conscience and karmic wellness, instead of mere physical healing.
   

V. Express Our Gratitude to Diseases 1. An illness is a benevolent teacher, imparting valuable lessons in life. It enables us to re-examine our values and lead a more enlightened life.

1. Shakyamuni Buddha taught us that birth, aging, sickness and death are among the many sufferings in life.
   
2. Disease is the fiery crucible of Heaven and Earth, which humbles the arrogant, disciplines the unruly, enlightens the fool and melts the heart of the brute.
   
3. Our own illness should make us empathetic towards all those who are also suffering from illnesses around the world. May we, and all the world’s afflicted, experience an end to suffering.
   
4. Periods of illness are times of golden opportunity - favorable karmic conditions in which we recite Amitabha’s name single-mindedly for rebirth in his Pure Land. In this Land of Bliss, we will be free from all sufferings, including birth, aging, sickness, death and ignorance, and enjoy a robust Dharma body with infinite light and infinite life.
   
5. Business travelers eager to embark on their journey at daybreak are delighted to hear the cock crow. Similarly, practitioners who aspire for rebirth in the Pure Land are happy to find themselves ill.
   

VI. Clear Up Common Doubts 1. When they first arrive, diseases are like visitors at the door. If they are forcibly rebuffed at the front door, they will stealthily gain entry by the back door.

1. Sometimes, an illness only leaves us after we have paid for our karmic debts by, say, destroying furniture or other belongings, or suffering financial loss or bodily harm. In this way, our karmic creditors are mollified.

-- Master Jingzong (English translation by Foying, edited by Jingxin)

My dog is 12 year old she is a maltese and I had her since I was 7 today we found out she has tumor of the adrenal gland and that is whats been causing her kidney and liver faliure, along with other problems.
If I could go back in time I would take her out more and walk with her more and not be afraid if some other dog would attack her, I would train her out of her seperation anxiety so she wouldnt worry when somwone is not home, I would give her only vetenerian foods or cooked meals with out any artificial treats or human food especially those little sausages she loved so much bc I think that is the reason she has tumor and kidney faliure, I would give her only distilled water so she wouldnt have teeth problems, and I would never yell at her or scould her she! She is my/our little angel and now I/my family have to live with a fact that she will be gone soon.
I love her so much to the point where I would take my kidney or liver to help her, we did everything to help her and she deservs every coin we spent on her bc she gave us so much love so much happines and so much life, she helped me trought my deppression trought my anxiety she is the reason I am here and I will love her as long as Iam alive, this dog this little baby is the biggest hero there is and her name is Zvončica (Tinkerbell)🤍.

My sister and I have been close all our lives (66 and 68), but I am just realizing that we are close due to the high level of placating I do. She will snap at me, correct me, give me the silent treatment, and once, even hung up on me. I have never done any of these things to her because I know, by her own admission, that she thinks the world thinks she is stupid. When these things happen, I am generally the one to smooth things over and make amends for things I really didn't do. However...
Tues night, she texted "Did you get a call from D?" (D is another sister who rarely calls us). Me: No Sis: Did she leave msg? Me: I said I didn't get a call. (I could have left off the "i said" part.) Sis doesn't reply. An hour later, I discover I did miss 2 calls from D. I text: Sis : I did get a call from D, no message tho. Sis doesn't reply.
In the morning, I call D and am told that there has been a suicide in her extended family. While still on the phone with D, I text sis: Have you spoken to D? Its bad news. Sis doesn't reply. D tells me she has already spoken to Sis the night before, so I text: D told me you two have spoken. Sis doesn't reply.
A couple of hours later, I text Sis again and say I am going out and does she need anything (she doesn't drive). No reply. On my way back from my errands, I call her to see if she needs anything and my call goes to voicemail.
The day ends and I haven't heard from her...and I have decided that I am not going to be the one to break the silence this time. We have family members in REAL PAIN, and I just have no desire to spend energy making sure Sis feels good about herself.

Background:
I haven't been active here in a long time. I recently ordered some stuff, some psychadelics, some 3fa, some 6apb, stuff to have a fun summer :) . I am mostly a stim/psychadelic guy (got adhd, so also got a methylphenidate prescription) and I also smoke quite a bit of weed (although with the occasional multi-month breaks). I have a supply of phenibut, to make some nights easier on my social anxiety (I also have asperger's.. ) and I like to take 300-400mg phenibut before tripping as it eliminates the tough come-up I always experience and pretty much eliminates the possibility of a bad trip for me.
That being said, I also have some (past) experience with benzo's, I used to like etizolam as the occasional anxiety-killer and potential trip-killer or as a sleep-aid after stims. I have bought clonazolam ONCE, I had 0.5mg pills, took half a pill (.25mg) 2 times and the third time, I took a whole one. After this I flushed all the rest I had through the toilet as in IMO (this is personal, don't hate me, maybe you can use it responsibly and react fine to it.. I don't) this was the most evil hard and dangerous drug I ever took, the insane amnesia and lack of self-control was just too much, I woke up with the lights on in my room, stuff all over the place, clothes, blanket on the ground, just totally passed out and groggy af, couldn't remember shit (and I usually remember EVERYTHING, even after a liter of vodka, the memories might be hazy, but I remember EVERYTHING people said and what I did..)
After this, since etizolam was no longer available I only ever did pyrazolam, which was nice, really one of the best benzo's imo in terms of functionality, anxiolysis and sedation, but also a bit too strong for my liking and I noticed the addictive tendencies kick in, I would use it more and more frequently, whenever I felt like I couldn't sleep or if I hand an anxiety attack, I took it. Never went to high doses (highest ever was a whole 3mg pill). But still, found the drug a bit nasty (like all benzos) and I am very sensitive to GABA-withdrawals (as in, I am very sensitive to rebound-anxiety, I already am the anxious/stressy type.. when benzo's or alcohol wear off, the next day(s) this is amplified). When I ran out, I decided to never order RC benzo's again and if I can't sleep after stims or psychadelics to just deal with it and accept a sleepless night, this would also make me more careful about deciding to use stims (since I would know I wouldn't have an "undo" button and still sleep) and not lure me into benzo-dependence.
Set-up and setting:
Now with my order I selected to get a "free surprise sample", this happened to be a 5mg norflurazepam pellet. The vendor also sells 10mg pellets, so I suspect maybe a 5mg got switched for 10? but let's assume not.. (the vendor is trustworthy overall)
I am currently writing my final master's thesis and am going through A LOT of stress and I read some reports that this wasn't too strong of a benzo and quite functional in low doses with a long half-life, providing prolonged anxiolysis. I had taken some regular methylphenidate (concerta) and 4fmph throughout the day for productivity and was a bit nervous/anxious and felt like I could use some anxiolysis to continue writing and it would also help me to sleep after (I took the 4fmph a bit too late in the day). So I decided to take half the pill, only 2.5mg. According to online reports, this should've been very low and subtle/productive, so I didn't expect a real effect aside from calming my nerves
Now I must admit, my gaba-tolerance has gotten pretty low, I've always had a high natural alcohol-tolerance (without necessarily ever drinking frequently, downers like alcohol are not my DOC), aside from the max 400-600mg/week phenibut, I haven't used any gaba-drugs for months (not even alcohol). Also since about 5months I take bupropion daily for depression/adhd/motivation. This is a known strong CYP2D6 inhibitor, so this could also play a role in what I am about to say
However, wtf.. I am now convinved all the reports on this substance were written by people with considerable benzo-tolerance. After 1h I SERIOUSLY felt the effect. Not debilitating, but definitely sedating and interfering with my "clear mind", I tried to continue being productive, but quickly noticed I was constantly making mistakes and my attention span was gone. I decided to play some video-games and noticed that my reaction time (I am usually VERY fast) was all over the place..
I decided to give up for the day and go to sleep early, since I wasn't gonna be productive anymore anyways I rolled a spliff with 0.1g of weed and smoked a bit, turned on a movie, then went to sleep early. Now I slept for 10+h, took my concerta and bupropion (both stimulants!) and I STILL feel the benzo working. Not debilitating, no slurred speech or wonky reaction time or smt, I am pretty convinced that I could safely drive a car if needed (however you never know, sobriety delusions are a thing..) , but I definitely feel somewhat sedated still. This is 16+hours after taking it.. Will report back in the comments how long it lasts, but am considering just overpowering it with a crap ton of 4fmph right now, just to get myself productive again..
For anyone without benzo-tolerance, please start at less than 2.5mg. Especially if you want to be productive and just get anxiolysis, go for 1mg. DON'T believe those reports saying that 5mg or more is a functional dose if you don't have benzo/gaba tolerance

I (F33) love my partner (M44) and he’s accepted me and my 3 kids in a very caring way but I am unsure if I’ve overlooked the importance of certain issues and would like to know if any of them are correctable so that we might move forward to marriage.
My partner and I made our relationship official over a year ago. I could tell he was very much into his work and used to living his bachelor lifestyle. We dated, developed strong feelings for one another and got serious, he met my kids, we talked future.
Everything was great although there was stress because he stepped up to fill his manager’s (we’ll call him Sam) role as a way to expedite his career advancement-advice from Sam’s boss (we’ll call her Trish). On rare occasion he was a bit flakey -making plans and then not following through or forgetting- but we talked about it and it seemed to improve. After months of dedication he was not offered the job by Trish who said her hands were tied.
Trish and Sam both followed a mutual colleague to another company and soon my partner followed. We went long distance at this point but he instantly became consumed with work. Sam eventually started having issues at work with people not liking the way he did things and my partner stepped in to help.
Soon, Sam went on various trips and medical leave and my partner was directed by Trish (Sam’s boss at this company too) to fill the role as a way to expedite his career advancement. My partner did this for months and it weighed on our relationship. We planned for me to move closer to him with my kids and join the company as well. Trish then advised against me joining so it suddenly was no longer on the table in his eyes. I found a good paying job at a different company down the street and my kids and I moved into our own place, closer to him in this other state. It took about 6 months but we finally got settled in and I told him I was done moving and wanted to set down roots here. Our plan was to finish out our leases and then get married and all live together.
The flakiness returned in multiple ways this time: through being unable to follow plans because work got in the way, not being present (on company phone or talking calls), to saying he was staying late at work when in reality he had a networking dinner to go to and tried to omit it not knowing a mutual friend had mentioned it to me. The relationship issues caused by work continued to the point where I would cry regularly about his priorities, him not showing up for us in various ways and our my concerns for our future.
He continues to give this role all he’s got for more months, saying that focusing on his career now will pay dividends. In the meantime I start to notice his bad habits increase in frequency; nose picking, poor dental hygiene, not taking showers at night, skipping meals while at work, speaking badly about people because Trish thought it was funny and being dismissive of the issues I’d bring up to work through.
When it came time, Trish again had her hands tied and my partner did not get the role. Now he is sad, crying, feeling let down and overlooked. He seems to be expressing some of the same hurts through all this that I had when talking to him about how he put work above our relationship. I’m sad to see him like this but I do want to help him.
At this point Trish gave someone else the job and spoke to my partner about other roles like this one at sites that are in other states. I told him I felt I could never sacrifice enough for him and his career, reminded him that I also have ambitions and wasn’t sure he’d do the same for me and said I did not support another move.
He was upset and feeling unsure of what his next steps could be but then asked me how I felt about him asking Trish for a corporate role where he might travel two weeks of each month and not be connected to a specific location along with having more separation between work and home. I reminded him that we spoke about having children and of my expectation that someone would be in the trenches with me on the daily.
I don’t care about work or our income more than our family life and I feel like I need him to lead whatever family we are going to have with those same values. I don’t want to turn away from him but I don’t know if I see the same future we spoke about or even one where I would have a husband who puts me ahead of himself the way that I do or father who is there for his children at the end of the day.
How can I help him? How can our relationship progress/survive?
TL;DR Partner puts work first. Correctable? Do we still have a future?

I (34m) recently reconnected with a childhood friend (34f) of mine from elementary school through tinder. She was my favorite friend from those early years, we lived across the street from each other. Even my very first memory from my very first year of school is of her. She moved away sometime after fourth grade.
She wasn't just some random girl I fell for, she was one of my best childhood friends. A part of who I am today.
We connected quickly, sparks flying in text, and decided to move it to instagram. She was very enthusiastic in meeting me and we set up a date. I picked her up from her home and we went for a walk in a park with my dog. It was unbelievable how much we had in common, from interests to values. It was too good to be true. After the walk I casually mentioned I had placed a reservation at a restaurant near her. She was happy to extend the date so we drove to her place and walked to the restaurant. Ended up being a 4hr date, felt fucking magical. At the end of the date we hugged and she suggested we meet again next week.
The next few days I text her once a day, but I get this dreadful feeling I've felt before. She was pulling back, not being as responsive as before.
Finally she texts me this: "I've been thinking and need to say it out loud. Two things that I feel are semi red flags. First you said on your tinder profile you're not sure if you want kids. I had to end my last relationship because of this and I don't want to go through it again. Second, we are at nowhere at the same place in life. I'm completely done with my backpacking trips and ready for the next chapter of my life."
Now, I want to travel more but I exaggerated my desire a bit to, not really impress her, but express my adventurousness. But I'm never going on a long backpacking trip at this point tbh. And regarding kids, I was not being honest/accurate on tinder. I want a family more than anything in this life. (I've learned my lesson, I thought for some reason it would push girls away, and boy was I fucking stupid, ofc it pushes girls away but those are not the right girls for me) I explained both to her in text.
And just to be clear, I really want a committed relationship and a family more than anything.
I double texted a few hours later, thanking her for the date and telling her I hope we could still be friends. I thought this text might give her a way out, if she really wanted out.
Then my dumb ass triple texted her at 2am because I was having an anxiety attack like I've never had before. It felt like I was drugged up, I have never experienced something like this. My text was: "I can't sleep because of how dumb I was to not be honest. I want a family with the right girl, and I believed it might be you. It would take priority over all dumb travel plans. Sorry for opening up like that, I feel like a total idiot."
She did not log into ig for about 2 days after she sent me her message and so didn't read any of my messages until then.
She finally replied "Sorry, I had a bit of a breakdown. I think I'm not ready yet, I think I need a bit more time before I can continue. Thanks for the evening though, it was very nice. Can I maybe contact you later when I'm feeling better."
I would have taken it as a rejection if she hadn't added that last line "can I maybe contact you later when I'm feeling better". I don't understand why she added that line if she was rejecting me.
I replied of course, and that she should take her time.
Two weeks pass, and my anxiety and depression is killing me. I decide to send her a message saying "Hey, how are you feeling? I know it's not been long, but I just wanted to check up on you. I want you to know I fully understand if you are healing and need more time. Emotionally I am ready to try to build up a relationship and would be more than happy to meet you again if you feel the same."
She read the message. 3 weeks have passed since then.
My mental health has plummeted. I continued talking to and dating other girls, because I know I can't just stop and wait for her, because I don't even know if she'll reach out to me again. But all I can think about is her. And that is not fair to other girls I'm dating. If she reached out I would drop all other girls.
Am I out of line here thinking there is still a chance? Wtf do I do? I am trying to move on but I just can't because there is still this tiny hope. I've kinda just accepted I have to live with this crazy anxiety for the foreseeable future because wtf am I supposed to do? I can't force myself to forget her, I've often thought of her before we reconnected. And I can't just go to her house and demand an answer, that's fucking stalker territory and I would just selfishly be making this about me when she clearly expressed she was still processing her previous breakup.
Back in my mind I fear she was rejecting me and is seeing other guys. But I can't reach that conclusion because of our history and the last thing she said to me.
Ultimately I will need an answer though. This is not your typical ghost story so don't tell me I have my answer if she never contacts me again. We were friends. I wanted to regain my childhood friend even if a relationship would not work out. I feel as if I lost my friend all over again, and that is the worst part.

It's Wednesday and you would be surprised how long it took me to realize that the majority of watches released yesterday were actually Swatch Group. That Tissot has me spending money.

What's new

1/
Tissot Releases The Best Summer Watch Of The Year, The Forged Carbon Sideral
The late 60s and 70s are arguably the golden age of watch design. It’s the time when watches stopped being elegant personal timekeeping devices and became tools. Or, at least, gave the illusion of being a tool watch so you could look like a badass on the beach. It gave us luxury sports watches like the Nautilus and Royal Oak, gorgeous chronographs from Heuer and dive watches from the likes of Blancpain and Rolex. It was also the the time of experimenting with materials and Tissot used their Sideral to do so. Since it’s supremely cool today to revive funky vintage watches, Tissot is now bringing back the Sideral, also experimenting with new materials, but this time with forged carbon.
The late 60s version of the Sideral was the first watch to ever use a monobloc fibreglass case. Two years later, the Sideral S was introduced, a sportier take on the concept with a now famous yellow rubber strap and different fastening system.
The new version retains a lot of the aspects of the original, but updating it for the age it’s made in. It retains the barrel shape of the case made of forged carbon fibre and stainless steel that measures 41mm in width and 46.5mm in length. You can get the watch in three colors, and while the black & yellow and black & grey models show the natural colours and pattern of the forged carbon fibre, the black & blue one comes with blue flakes embedded into the material. The unidirectional rotating bezel on top is fitted with a black insert and a graduated regatta scale in white. The screw-down crown ensures it is water-resistant to 300m.
The dial is predominantly black, with either a grey, blue or yellow minute track. This segmented track is accompanied by a green and red regatta countdown section between 12 and 2 o’clock. Tissot is a Swatch company, so it’s just natural that it gets the Powermatic 80 automatic movement. This is Swatch Group’s go-to automatic for several brands and is essentially a heavily modified ETA 2824 which has gotten decent reviews and has an 80 hour power reserve.
The watch comes on three perforated rubber straps in yellow, red or blue, inspired by the original yellow one. Additional coloured straps are said to be available too.
Each of the watches, available now, will retail for EUR 1,075. Looks like Tissot has another hit on their hands.
2/
The New Certina DS Action Diver 43mm Is Pitch Black
Cartina has had a long stretch of being neglected by owners and undermined by the public. But boy, are they back. In the past couple of years they have regrouped and boy, are they on a bender. Vintage reissues, fantastic affordable divers… they even have a modular watch system which is… meh. However, the latest release form the Swiss watchmaker is not meh. In fact, it’s pretty bold. The new Certina DS Action Diver is super black.
It’s a big diver, there’s no denying it. 43mm wide, 51mm lug-to-lug and 13.1mm thick. It’s a stainless steel case with a matte black PVD coating, as well as a matte black ceramic insert within the coin-edge bezel. The blackness of the insert is broken up with a single bright white lume pip at 12. The NATO strap it comes on is also black and made out of recycled plastic. The one downside of the case is the fact that it has a 21mm lug width, so good luck finding a different strap.
The dial is just as black, with contrasting crisp white makers that glow like crazy. The triangles at the quarters and the arrowhead hour hand do help to lend an extra sense of aggression to the dial. There’s a date window at three o’clock. Certina, like Tissot, is owned by the Swatch group, so no surprises on what’s inside - it’s the Powermatic 80.
The Certina DS Action Diver in black is now available from all Certina authorised retailers. Price: CHF895
3/
Mido Introduces Stylish Multifort Powerwind Collection
Here’s another brand from the Swatch Group that has been kicking ass in the past few years - Mido. It might be controversial, but the Mido Ocean Star Decompression Worldtimer is one of my favorite watches of the past few years. Mido does vintage fantastically, just like they did last year when they introduced a limited edition, COSC-certified, revival of the 1954 Multifort Powerwind. Now, Mido is introducing three new variations of the Multifort Powerwind that will be part of the brand’s permanent collection.
The Multifort is Mido’s most important watch. Born in the 1930s, this automatic, anti-magnetic, water-and shock-resistant watch has become its bestseller. The concept was drastically updated in 1954 with an innovative automatic movement and renamed the Powerwind. Developed in collaboration with partner A. Schild SA, the automatic part of the movement reduced the components from the standard 16 to just seven, making it easier to build and service while enhancing durability and reliability.
The new models retain the same elegantly designed case with its thin, twisted lugs, box-shaped sapphire crystal and overall retro style as the limited edition released last year. Compared to the 1954 watch, it has grown quite a bit and is now 40mm wide and 12mm thick. What changes most regarding the design, compared to the limited edition of last year, are the dials.
The permanent collection is no longer a day-date model, but rather just a time and date watch, with reworked markers that are a combination of applied triangular indices and printed Arabic numerals. You can get it in three versions: steel with black dial, steel with blue dial, yellow gold PVD-coated steel with champagne dial.
Perhaps the biggest change happens on the inside - while the limited edition last year had a chronometer-certified ETA 2836-2 movement, the permanent collection gets, you guessed it, the Powermatic 80, here named the Caliber 80. The watch comes on a 3-link stainless steel bracelet with a folding clasp and quick-release spring bars.
You can get the watches now, priced at EUR 970 (black and blue) or EUR 1,160 (PVD gold).
4/
Rado Adds Three Ceramic Watches to their Great Gardens of the World Series
Rado is a polarizing brand. Some love it, others almost detest it. But there’s no denying that Rado has done impressive things with the use of ceramic, be it their retro sports watches in the Captain Cook line, the super minimalist watches in the Designer line or the dressier models like the True Thinline. This is Rado’s slim ceramic watch intorduced in 2011 that is now getting three new models with textured dials inspired by endangered plant species in partnership with the Great Gardens o the World organisation.
This is not the first time that Rado is working with Great Gardens of the World, a network of gardens across 20 countries. They have made seven watches prior, making these Chapters 8 through 10. All three of the new watches have the same 40mm high-tech ceramic monobloc case that’s only 9mm thick, with ceramic bracelets that have a triple-folding titanium clasp. Inside the watch is the Rado 766 movement, based on the ETA 2892.
The major differences of the three come from the looks of the watches. Chapter 8 is housed in a black polished ceramic case, with the dial recreating the pleated leaves of the Hawaiian Luolu lelo palm tree. The hands and brand name are golden coloured. Chapter 9 is dedicated to the Chilean Araucaria, or monkey puzzle tree, and comes in a glossy, white high-tech ceramic case. The sharp, scale-like leaves of the tree are replicated on the dial with a composition of engraved triangles in opalescent mother-of-pearl. Chapter 10 is dedicated to the Dragon Blood Tree in a grey ceramic case and a two layer dial. The top layer is a skeletonised plate cut out in organic shapes to evoke the thick, entangled branches of the Dragon Blood Tree, revealing the lower layer in a pink gold colour.
The trilogy – Chapters 8, 9 and 10 of the Rado True Thinline Great Gardens of the World – is available in a collector’s box, limited to 99 units. Alternatively, each model can be purchased individually for EUR 2,900.
5/
The New Edox SkyDiver 38 Date Automatic Is A Vintage Inspired Skin Diver For You If You Want A Smaller Watch
The Edox SkyDiver has an interesting story. The brand claims that a mysterious drawing was found in their archives which turned out to be “the sketch of a long-lost timepiece, the SkyDiver”. Along with the sketch, there was a scrawled note reading: 1973. Special production in strictly limited edition“ According to a retired Edox watchmaker, the SkyDiver was rumoured to be a secret project for a mysterious, wealthy Swiss colonel. The anonymous colonel wanted an exclusive timepiece for elite mountain paratroopers under his command. It had to combine the no-nonsense functionality of a dive watch with the style and aesthetics of a precision pilot’s watch.
So Edox took these sketches and remade it in modern times with a bronze version that followed. In 2021, the SkyDiver was entirely revamped with new looks and upgraded materials, yet a solid vintage touch, in a case of 42mm. To fix the biggest complaint they got, they are now releasing a new version - the 38mm SkyDiver.
It’s basically the same watch, but smaller. It’s a traditional skin-diver watch, with a straight case, unprotected oversized crown, rather slim case profile topped by a heavily domed crystal. The screw down crown gives you 300m of water resistance and the domed crystal brings the thickness to 13.7mm. You can have it with two dial colors - black or blue, with a matching ceramic insert on the bezel, and it has a glossy vintage finish with applied markers with orange highlights.
Inside is the Selita SW200-1 automatic movement with 4Hz frequency and 38h power reserve. Both colors come on a 3-link brushed and polished steel bracelet closed by a triple folding clasp.
The watch is available now and is priced at EUR 1,575 (excl. taxes).
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On hand - a selection of reviews

1/
Hands on with the Q Timex Three Time Zone Chronograph
2/
A review of the updated mint green Rolex Sky-Dweller
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Watch Worthy - A look at an offbeat, less known watch you might actually like

How time shaped the Type 20 chronograph, and the brands that keep the legend alive
Watches and military history have an unbreakable bond. You only need to think back to the very beginnings of the wristwatch as a tool. During the Anglo-Burma War and First Boer War, soldiers began to strap pocket watch cases with primitive soldered lugs to their wrists, which opened the door for a new market. Fast-forward some 70 years, and you’ll find yourself in a new world, free from the shackles of World War II. Despite it being a time of peace, the French government found itself in need of accurate, reliable timepieces, resulting in the Type 20 chronograph that took inspiration from the designs of German pilot’s chronographs of the 1930s and 1940s, and applied it to the set of regulations outlined by the French. Today, original Type 20 pieces remain highly sought-after, spawning many re-editions and homages, with one brand in particular making the most of the design.
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TLDR: I would love and appreciate any advice :)
Hello :) I am a recent graduate with a B.S. in Biology and I am currently job hunting. I decided my junior year that I didn't want to go into academia/research and I also decided a long time ago that I was not doing any pre-health profession (chemistry kicked my butt and I wanted to cry every day). I have spent the last couple months trying to figure out what to do and I feel lost overall especially given the number of avenues one could go down. I personally believe that you fully rule out something until you try it. I have gone down numerous rabbit holes trying to figure out my next steps.
Through the adventure that was my career exploration I have ruled out a few things. I have been using linked in as a way to reach out and set up informational interviews. If any of you are willing please feel free to PM me. My school's network isn't that strong because most biology, bcmb or chemistry students go into PhD/graduate programs or medical School. We don't have STEM recruiters visit our campus. I decided not to apply to graduate school because there wasn't anything I was passionate about and I didn't want to have more student debt until I knew what I wanted to study. Within my personal network no one is within the same industry, it is all finance or social work.
I completely understand that your first job is just a stepping stone to where you want to be.
What I want from my first job: The main things I am looking is mentorship and the potential for future growth (acquiring skills and experience needed for future roles). Plan: stay for 2 - 3 years.
Teamwork and collaboration is also really important/valuable to me. It's important for people to have respect for others and be mindful. I want to be around people who understand that their actions impact everyone. If they see a tasks that needs to be done, they do it instead of saying that it isn't their problem.
Something that offers variety day-to-day and challenges me.
I am someone who requires structure, good management, and going into a physical office/seeing people face-to-face.
Short term (2 - 5 years from now): Find an area I am passionate about and go to graduate school. Acquire the required experience for supervisory roles such as project or product management. Learn about the business side of the industry. Learn relevant data analytics/computer skills. Pay off current student debt.
Work at a large company that has branches abroad and transfer for a year or two.
Long term career goals: Find strong mentors. End up in a management/leadership position of some kind. Be surrounded by ambitious individuals / high achievers. This is because I believe you are who you surround yourself with and having ambitious friends push you to step out of your comfort zone and be the best you, you can be. Build a strong and reliable network.
Make enough money to afford family vacations abroad and be able to support parents after retirement.
Qualifications:
Academic Experience: ~2 years in undergraduate research (wet) lab: cell culture, PCR, DNA purification, protein stains and westerns. However, I did not actually analyze the data, it was handed off to someone else in the lab. A summer REU in the Public Health realm.
Extra Curriculars: Held several club leadership positions, basic experience with event planning, worked student office jobs throughout college, was an Residential Assistant, studied abroad for a semester.
Careers I don't feel would be the best fit:
Sales: meeting monthly quotas would give me way too much stress and I hate the idea of cold calling with the purpose of selling a product
Working in a lab: the thought of messing up weeks and months of data would give me too much anxiety.
Research Assistant: Not too keen given the jobs is basically reading a ton of research papers which the thought of gives me existential dread.
Teaching: Not for me. I believe it takes a certain individual to be a good teacher and communicator. I am also super awkward around children/adolescences. My biggest fear is that I would teach them the wrong thing and mess up their fundamental understanding or not be engaging enough.
CDC positions: Of the ones I have seen, they all seem to be about HIV. I took a microbiology and immunology class and the topic didn't intrigue me.
Thank you for reading through my super long posts: I thought providing detail would give more specific/targeted advice.
Questions:

1. Suggestions for companies with a good reputation, upward mobility and mentorship. One that invest in it's employees.
2. How do I figure out if what a company is offering is a good salary?
3. Once I get an offer, how do I leverage my experience so I don't get lowballed? I feel like I don't have anything to offer. Additionally, most positions I have seen only pay $30,000 - $40,000 which where I in the city is not livable. (I want to be able to save/start paying off my student debt and not live pay check to pay check)
4. How do you find good mentors, especially when you are unsure of what you want to do next?
5. How do you find local networking events post college?
6. Career pivots are also welcomed suggestions
7. If there is a different thread/community to ask this in please let me know. (posted in the biotech community)

Thank you for your time and suggestions. I hope you have a lovely day! :)

I hate the cold. It is something that creeps into your body down to your very core. It slows you down until you can’t move anymore. Unfortunately I found myself unable to keep going in my car and With no cell signal I had to abandon it on the side of this mountain road.I just have to head in the direction I came. Just gotta ignore the cold, ignore the snow falling, ignore the baby crying.” Wait what?! Why the hell is a baby out here?!” I shouted to myself as I did my best attempt at a run until I came across a tree stump with a crying baby on it.
The baby was cold to the touch and wrapped in a blanket.” Don’t worry I got you.” I said as I picked up the infant. Eventually making it back to my car I practically prayed that it would start. Whatever car god is out there apparently took pity on me and this small child. The relief of the heat hitting my body was incredible. The baby seemed to be asleep after letting the heat fill the car. I fell asleep. A nightmare jolted me awake. That’s when I noticed that even while asleep I hadn’t put the baby down. How could I put something so fragile and precious down? I didn’t even have my daughter’s car seat. Man, I hope someone finds us in time.
I was startled awake by someone tapping on my passenger window.it was an Asian woman with black hair and icy blue eyes.” Can you help me?” She asked. I scrambled to unlock the door without disturbing the baby. Once the woman was in she practically melted into her seat as she drank in the heat.” What are you doing out here?” I asked, giving her a worried look. She took a moment to think of how much she should tell me.” Lost” was all she said. For a second I could’ve sworn the car went cold.
“I'm Thomas. What’s your name?” I asked, looking at my fellow snow prisoner.A soft “ Yu” was the only response I got as she stared at the snow accumulating around us. Before I could do anything, cold air suddenly blasted out of the air vents.” The hell?!” I yelled like a startled puppy as I panicked to turn it off. Yu seemed unphased by the change in temperature. So did the baby. After thinking about it this baby was unusually quiet. From what I could tell it was a normal healthy baby but it was disturbing how it barely made a sound.
After several failed attempts to get the heat back on we had to make a decision.” Well we can’t stay out here like this. Especially with a baby. We’re gonna have to walk. I passed a gas station a while back. If we make it there we should be alright.” Yu wasn’t happy about the thought of walking but we had no choice with the heat in the car not working. Grabbing my spare clothes from the trunk we layered up and set out.
The snow was in that sweet spot that everyone loves. Not too packed you can’t sink and not too loose to be easy to move. Despite this Yu seemed to move just fine. It was as if none of this weather bothered her. I'm honestly jealous.
We’ve been walking for what feels like hours now. The snow is getting deeper and the baby almost feels heavier than it was. I must be more worn out than I thought. I’d ask Yu to hold it for a while but it doesn’t feel right, like Every part of me was saying “ don’t let go.” I gotta keep walking, gotta find help.
I tripped and twisted my ankle. It hurts like hell and I don’t know where I am. It’s dark and snowing heavily. I keep trying to get up but it feels like there’s a weight on my body pinning me to the spot. Yu is walking over to me. She’s reaching for me Looks like I’m not done yet.
Authorities are still baffled by the body of a young man found not too far from a gas station outside of a small mountain town. Despite appearing as if he’d been out in subzero temperatures of possibly weeks, other evidence shows he’d been alive only hours before the freak blizzard kicked into full gear. There is so far no explanation for the large stone wrapped in clothes he was found holding.

(Prompted by the_last_n00b)
"It's coming." The whisper carried on the wind chilled me to my core. I knew that voice. "Run, run, while there's still—" It choked, and the wind was silent, the tiny zephyr rising and falling as usual, but devoid of a certain spark. The fate of everything when their god was assimilated. The world was dimmer now, too many things had been stripped of their god's essence.
When you were assimilated, you ceased to exist. There was no large amalgamation of all the gods, all your power and knowledge just flowed into the god of assimilation, and you — everything that was you— vanished.
And now, the god of the breeze had fallen to the monster. None of us knew why Assimilation had decided to absorb us all. Perhaps it was simply its nature. Or perhaps it had knowledge none of us had, some reason why it had to destroy us.
As I hovered over a pond, allowing my power to dance across the surface of the wind-ruffled water, I didn't really care what Assimilation's reason was. All I wanted was to survive. I was a minor god, of no particular importance. I didn't think anyone would miss me when I was gone.
But we were all that was left now, us minor gods. Assimilation had gone after the major ones first, taking them by surprise. It seemed as if there was no way to fight, after all, how do you escape a god that can absorb you in an instant? If the major gods hadn't managed to—
A new sound reached my ears, and I winged away from the pond, heading towards the noise. I'd never heard such a sound before, and in the short time I had left, I wished to see it. Perhaps... no, that would be too much to hope for.
I settled over a babbling brook, as an afterthought sending my power leaping with the water, bouncing off the surface. The sound came again, louder this time, accompanied by another new noise. It seemed the animal on the bank of the brook was making both. It had fur, but only a little, on the top of its head, and seemed to be a quadruped, though not properly designed for such things. Perhaps, it was in an early developmental stage? It seemed to be quite small to be left on its own with no obvious defenses.
Another animal came into view, this one walking on two legs. It also made sound, though a less delightful one than the smaller version. And they were definitely related, the similarities were too much to ignore. My curiosity piqued, I hovered closer, experimentally sending a pulse of power down to the water.
Both of them made the sound, a noise I couldn't place, had no reference for, and yet I understood it, felt it in my soul. It was the feeling I had when I danced over the ocean, when the water underneath me rose and fell in little ripples seemingly made just for me. It was the feeling I had when the other gods, the gods of the wind and the water, came and we danced together.
"But what is it?" I whispered, not expecting an answer. An answer came nonetheless.
"It is joy." The voice was soft, gentle, and completely new. "I am Joy."
I spun, looking for the speaker. A large face, a giant face, smiled at me, a certain wildness to their expression. This was what I had been hoping against hope for, this occurrence. The birth of a new god. A major god.
"But you are so young..." I whispered. "Can you fight it off?"
Joy's face turned down a little, and it shook its head. My heart sank at the confirmation of my fears. Even this wouldn't be enough to save us.
"Not fight. I am not made to fight, I am made to embrace." It said, and as it spoke, there came another sound. It was the noise of Assimilation, and it was right behind us.
I fled, fear crowding out any joy I had felt. But something made me look back, something told me to witness the death of such a newborn god. The inherent tragedy of being born just to die tugged at my heart.
I looked back, and I saw Joy grow. It grew, reaching out and grabbing hold of Assimilation. And instead of being absorbed, instead of vanishing, it pulsed. Joy faded, then returned in a rush, faded, and returned. As if it couldn't disappear. And Assimilation...
Assimilation laughed. And in that laugh, I heard the voices of my friends. They were all there, all caught up in Joy. The laughter grew, spinning out in all directions, overcoming me with a rush. Then, in a quiet voice that somehow pierced the laughter, Joy spoke.
"Let them go. You have learned so much, but you have yet to learn of me. You cannot absorb me, but we can walk together for a while."
Assimilation shuddered, and all at once it shrunk. And the world started to sparkle again, the whisper in the wind shouted its freedom, the plants stretched themselves as if awakening from a nap, the frogs croaked louder, the deer and antelope bounded higher. My friends had returned, not vanished entirely as I had thought. I dived towards the brook, all caution gone, desperate to see, desperate to know if it was back.
"Hello, my old friend." A small voice burbled from the water. "I have missed you." The god of water was back, it had returned! The joy I felt sprang from me in a dazzling array of power, and the two animals that still sat on the bank made their ow noises of joy. I spun and danced, rising and falling with the water. But one question still niggled at the back of my mind, and I looked up at Joy and Assimilation.
"How?" It was all I could manage. Joy smiled, and though it held hands with Assimilation, it remained its proper giant size.
"Assimilation did not know joy. The true joy of its nature is not only absorbing knowledge, but being able to share what it has understood with others. Once it understood your friends, it had to let them go, now that it knows Joy." It said, bending down towards me. "And one day, little one, you will be assimilated, but it will not be a terrible experience. It will be a joy, and you will gain understanding. And you will be released at the appropriate time. But for now... go, and dance!" Joy laughed, as I spun away leaping and jumping over the top of the babbling brook, that could in truth speak to me now.
For I was the god of the sun glitter. The beautiful brief moment of sheer sparkle when light hits the water just right. And I was made to dance!

Throwaway bc my husband knows my acc
My (25M) husband “Harry” (26M) has been in bed with the flu for about a week now. He’s quite miserable (headache, nausea, fairly high fever) so I’ve been working from home to be able to keep an eye on his throughout the day.
It was my younger siblings’ (twins, 9) birthday on Saturday and my husband and I were invited over to my parent’s house to celebrate.
On Friday, Harry told me he wasn’t feeling up to a children’s birthday party, which is understandable. I wouldn’t necessarily want to be around rowdy children if I was sick either.
So I decided I’d go there on my own, bring over the presents, stay for an hour or two and be back home before dinner. To be honest, after spending days holed up in our flat taking care of my husband, I was quite grateful for the opportunity to get outside for a few hours.
When I told Harry as much, he didn’t comment on it but he did seem a bit grumpy afterwards.
Saturday came and I drove over to my parent’s house in the afternoon (they live about 20 minutes away). I left Harry with some painkillers, tea and tissues on the nightstand so he wouldn’t need to get up while I was gone. I told him he could call me in case something happened, though.
The party went great and I got back home after about 2 hours without any calls from Harry so I assumed everything had gone well.
However, he was frowning all evening and when I asked whether he was alright, he called me selfish for leaving him alone and accused me of not caring about his well-being. He told my I should’ve stayed home with him instead of having fun on my own while he was miserable. He has since been giving me the silent treatment whenever I tried to talk to him about it.
It’s been a few days and I thought he’d have calmed down by now but he’s still sulking and I’m starting to wonder whether his reaction is reasonable and I’m the AH here.

Back when I was married to my ex, I could never do anything right and I developed this fear and deep anxiety I’d never had before. My heart would skip beats and beat heavily, it would feel like I couldn’t breathe. We already had a child before those feelings had started and everything had went fine.
Now I’m remarried to someone, who originally, I didn’t have any of those scary feelings with. I stopped taking Prozac and felt good. But now I’m pregnant, and when I did get panicky feelings not so long ago, he, like my ex, yelled at me for it. He began to speed down a gravel road (with me and my child) and now these feelings are all back. I’ve been crying, I’m scared, my anxiety is through the roof. What if I have a panic attack during labor and birth? What if it’s too much and my heart can’t take it? I do not want to die. Please give me your experience or advice about deep anxiety and panic with birth

Hi, Stitchers!
It's June, which means we're officially halfway through 2023! This month's featured designer is one near and dear to the CrossStitch community heart: Stephanie Rohr, aka [StephXStitch]([https://stephxstitch.com)!
Stephanie has been around these parts for a long time, and her designs have become fan favorites over the years. I first came across her work with the now-iconic Barren Fields pattern, which was absolutely mind-blowing to me as a stitcher who learned from her very southern grandma. She's known for her subversive, feminist cross stitch, and has been featured in multiple magazines and news articles about our beloved craft.
To help our community celebrate Pride month, she's sharing her Pride flag pattern for free!
As an added bonus, use the code Reddit20 at checkout only on her website for 20% off any order of $10 or more! This discount can be used on any items, including patterns, kits, books and finished pieces, for the entire month of June.
Q&A
Who are you?
I'm Stephanie! I am a cross-stitch designer and author and I live in Chicago. I am the author of the books "Feminist Cross-Stitch" (2019), and "Self-Care Cross-Stitch", (2022). I have had my cross-stitch design business, stephXstitch, since 2010. My work has appeared in several cross-stitch publications, as well as on the shows "Key and Peele" and "We're Here" on HBO. I have been a guest on the Craft Industry Alliance Podcast and A Coffee With Makers. I was a speaker at Midwest Craft Convention in (early) February 2020. Thanks to this very subreddit, I was interviewed in the New York Times about my first book getting banned/destroyed by Michaels stores due to "language". Though cross-stitch is my main gig, I went to school for theatre, and I still perform in and direct shows, sing with an all-female band called The Bangers, and I teach voice lessons. Besides stitching I love: biking, dogs, reality TV, podcasts, karaoke, reading, playing piano, a good cheese board, being cozy, and hiking the the woods.
How did you get started cross stitching?
My mom was a big cross-stitcher in the 80s, and when I wanted to learn she bought me a kids' kit from the craft store. (Looking back it was more like needlepoint; it had a plastic grid and used yarn). I think I was always meant to cross-stitch, because as a child I loved to color in graph paper more than actual coloring books. I would use a thin-tipped marker and make designs using the grid. I started actually cross-stitching around 12-13 years old, using kits from the craft store. I loved how relaxing it was.
When and how did you start designing?
I gave up stitching during high school/college, partly because I was too busy, but also because I wasn't really interested in the designs that were available. I went to grad school in London and afterwards I was poor and bored. (Auditioning for shows, working in a pub, living in a very expensive city). One day I got the idea to try stitching again. I got some supplies and some graph paper, drew out a simple geometric design, and used it as my own pattern. Shortly after, a friend asked if I would be able to make a custom stitch as a gift for their family. I said sure, and designed and stitched the piece for them. It then clicked that my skill was something people were actually interested in. This was around the beginning of the subversive cross stitch movement started by Julie Jackson. I got her first book and stitched up some of those for fun, and also continued making my own patterns. I moved back to Chicago and invested in MacStitch software, and in 2010 I opened my Etsy shop so I could sell the patterns and pieces I was creating. The rest is history!
Where do you find your inspiration?
It is definitely all over the place. Stitching is such a time-consuming effort, I always say you should stitch something you love, something that is important to you, or something that amuses you. Sometimes my designs are inspired by my political/feminist rage based on current events. Sometimes it's a hilarious quote from a favorite film or TV show. Sometimes it's more visual, like my stained glass patterns, or re-creating famous images like Rosie the Riveter or Bernie and his mittens. Sometimes certain color combos inspire me, or styles of fonts I want to try.
Describe your designs using only adjectives.
Witty, vibrant, folksy, intricate, snarky, colorful
What cross stitch project did you have the most fun designing and why?
I think the most fun to design was my stained glass "It'll Pass" piece based on the show Fleabag. I worked really hard to capture the look of light coming through a stained glass window, stitched on black aida.
What is your favorite DMC floss color?
This is like asking me to choose a favorite child!! But one I always go back to is that lovely dark purple 154
Where can we find you on the internet?
Website
Etsy
Instagram
Patreon
Please give her a warm subreddit hello, and be sure to tag u/StephXStitch in your comments so she sees them!

I've been getting channeled messages that I think are from your ego. I don't know for sure if this is from your ego, as this has never happened before. I've gotten messages from your soul, but never from you as the person. ...Is this real? If so...wow.... I had no idea you saw things this way. I've only been given glimpses, so I don't know all of how you feel.
But if these messages really are from your mind...god, I was so oblivious. I wish I could tell you this.... I'm so sorry I abandoned you. I'm so sorry I walked away without a word. I didn't mean to or even choose to. I still don't even know what happened. I can only assume we ran out of time, so HS pulled me away seeing that our plan to reunite had failed. When HS awoke, I was just pulled away without any choice in the matter. I didn't know if it was just going to be for a day or even the reason for it. I wish I could've known something so I could've at least said something. But I couldn't say anything because I didn't know what was happening myself. It came so suddenly and unexpectedly out of the blue.
I also didn't really know how you felt about me or if you would've even cared then (I still honestly don't). I hoped you did care, of course, and some hints from you overtime that I wanted to believe were real. But I had no real evidence that I wasn't just deluding myself like a stalker. I still would've said something about my leaving in case you did care. But I wanted to wait until I at least had an idea what was going on. And then as time kept passing, I eventually realized the reason I was pulled away was we really had run out of time and you were going to be trapped in the nightmare.... And I couldn't possibly tell you that.
I want you to also know that in no way do I blame you at all for any of this. And I'm so so sorry for disappearing without a word. I'm so so sorry.... I wish I could tell you this...I hope I get a chance to. I love you so much. And I hope you will give me the opportunity to make it up to you a thousand fold.

So, I'm pretty new to freelancing in general and I'm only just moving off of Upwork and into the 'real world'. Please assume I'm just as naïve as I sound.
I applied for this job on Indeed a few months back. They asked for a sample and I did it. It was only about an hour's work and when I heard nothing back I thought no more of it. Then I got an email today saying they were sorry it had taken so long to get to my application and would I like a position. The advertised pay is decent (not great, but better than what I make on Upwork) so I responded that I was interested.
Now they've sent me back a questionnaire asking for some more details. It's pretty standard affair for a job application, but it feels a bit much for a freelance post. They're asking for a scan of my passport and my address. Is this normal or should I be concerned about handing out this kind of information?
I've checked reviews for the company on Indeed and Trustpilot (so employees and customers) and both sites are a mix of 80% 5* feedback saying it's the best company in the world and 20% 1* feedback saying they're hell on earth to work for.
Any information on exactly what kind of info is and isn't safe to give out would be really appreciated.

My level 10 party was on their way through a gate when a new Elder rune side railed the whole campaign, the "Knot" turned to gate to connect into a random gate. So instead of going to the Lost level they went to the 20th level. They could not use the gate to go back immediately, they battled a stone golem while the wizard solved the gate which connected to level 15th.
They are pretty much at the mercy of the gate network. The game became going through portals just line in the show Sliders till they find "home", the upper levels.
I gave them some slack and they contacted Skella with sending stones whom gave them a way out through level 18th and 6th. (long story short, Skella was heavily homebrewed and they are allied with her).
The deepest they ever were was the Lost level, they wanted to start level 7. It really turned the game upside down and I guess it pretty much needed it. As long as you are lenient a bit on lower level, and you can give them a way out, a quick, couple of session in the belly of Undermountain can be a nice and thrilling experience.
The boon pair of the Knot symbol would be that a gate opens to any level they wish for.
Did any of you make something like this in their campaign?